Is this considered emotional neglect?

[Anonymous]

I’m a single mom. I work overnights and allow myself to give my son as much of me as I can. He’s 1 and 1/2. He’ll be two in October. He has been helping me healing my inner child. I just feel like due to me working overnights and often being tired on my off days I don’t do things with him as much as I should and want to. I force myself to get up and go on walks around the block, to the park etc but I just feel like I don’t do it enough. We spend a lot of time in our home. Singing nursery rhymes, I read to him, play with him, I watch him grow into his personality, I allow him to be curious to a certain extent. If I feel like he’s doing things that will cause him harm I put a stop to it. I hug him, I tell him I love him. Every night I rock him to sleep between my legs while we watch our favorite show “Motown magic.” It’s comforting and he enjoys music and that’s what the show is all about. Once he falls to sleep, I kiss him on the cheek but I just feel like I don’t do it enough. I could be overthinking and not giving myself enough grace though. I think I’m too hard on myself. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated sometimes. I’m human but I instantly feel bad and find myself holding him and giving him a hug and apologizing.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

My roommate had emotionally neglectful parents that gave her an anxiety disorder, here’s a little bit of what that looked like:

1. When it came to her interests, they would listen but there was never enthusiasm or interaction unless it overlapped with something they liked
2. All expressions of pain were met with things like “I’ll give you something to cry about” or “It’s not that bad, you’ll laugh about this when you’re older” when emotional or an immediate jump to trying to make her laugh so she wouldn’t cry from physical pain. Now she can no longer process pain without laughing and it’s very deeply uncomfortable to see as an adult.
3. They only got “involved” at the last minute, encouraging her to take up golfing as a school athletic hobby to buff up her college resume her senior year. She had no real interest in it but it was the only sport she could do relatively well (turns out she also had muscular dystrophy and they never noticed). She’s moving out of state at the end of the month, and now they’re clamoring to find reasons to spend time with her before she leaves. She has very little interest in doing so.
4. Threatened to destroy her favorite toys as a child as a method to instill obedience. She no longer trusts her parents to know about any of her vulnerabilities unless she’s sure they can’t do anything with them.


Your son isn’t even 2, my roommate is almost 30. It sounds like you’re just experiencing the exhaustion of parenthood alongside work. At this age, your son doesn’t know anything but how he feels and he can’t really hide anything. Focus on his expressions and how he communicates, that should tell you what you need to know as a parent.

[Asker]

I hear you. You’re right. I’m just overwhelmed. I have the help of my parents and sister but ultimately all he has is me. His dad doesn’t help and I don’t attempt to force him. I’m still figuring myself out and motherhood. I’m not trying to be a perfect parent but a present one. Physically and emotionally. I’m working on myself though. I’m working on finally getting my license, fixing my credit, budgeting my money better (which has already improved) I beat myself up so much about what I didn’t or haven’t done I tend to forget the good I am doing. I also want everything to happen so fast when I know most good things take time. I have to constantly give myself grace when it comes to parenting and just me as an individual.

[CuriousHubby]

Emotional neglect to you or him? Your doing good for him but not doing things for you like breaks rest or hobbies.

Our kids can be our world but we have to live too.

Sounds like your burned out or depressed, little emotion... So focused to list feelings or touch...

You can recover and keep being a great mom.

[Asker]

When you say “Little emotion.” I get you 100% like I give so much of what I feel (my emotions) to my son that I don’t leave enough love and Grace for myself. Like you said if anything I’m emotionally neglecting me and my son is happy, full of life, fed, funny, so much personality and I’m still searching for that side of me.

[Asker]

Like as quick as I can tell him “I love him.” I find it hard to say that to myself in the mirror.

[Asker]

That’s why I said I’m healing my inner child. The side of me that had dreams of being a veterinarian and loved animals. The little girl that wasn’t being physically, mentally and emotionally abused by a man who she thought loved her and now has a child with. That little girl who didn’t let what people thought or said take her mind off what she loved and who she was. The little girl who found everything funny, was always laughing smiling and joking around. I have allowed my experiences in life to have the final say in who I am when who I am is who I was before life and adulting got to me.

[CuriousHubby]

Then take time and get to know yourself again. We often give ourself away and forget to love ourselves or stop loving ourselves!

I had to do that when I got married. It was all about her and I forgot what made me happy.

Took some time and worked doing my hobbies in our tiny apartment and had to order a comfy chair to work at the small table we were given.

Take time tell yourself your smart pretty a good mom and beautiful! Even if it feels wrong it's not! Truth is healing

[CuriousHubby]

Great heal up and are you with him or free

[Asker]

Am I still with who?

[CuriousHubby]

The abusive guy

[Asker]

Oh no. I haven’t been with him in over a year. I left while I was few months pregnant, but you know trauma bond so I went back when my son was few weeks old. I stayed around until he was like six months until a part of me was just like “Get up. Leave. Start over.” He hadn’t even done anything specifically when I did decide to leave him for good. It just after three years of that cycle of abuse, mental torment, gaslighting, his family and what I heard and what I seen, that veil that was blinding me from seeing who he really was was lifted and the moment he did the smallest thing I used that as a reason to walk away. So it seemed like I walked away for what happened in that moment but I really walked away because that was something I should have done long ago. That helped a lot with my healing but I also realized that was only a portion of my healing. Other things need to be tended to.

[CuriousHubby]

Great keep healing an find your own joy apart from your son!

[Asker]

I’m not who I use to be, I am better but I know it’s still things that need to brought to the surface and dealt with. Mentally, I’m in a better place but it’s still so much I brought with me when I left him and that’s causing me depression now. I never went to therapy for it and I know that’s a big reason why I get depressed.

[CuriousHubby]

Good you recognize that take time to heal and work on it. It's just been a year let yourself have time