1. Don't feel guilty while shopping for other people!
You know what I'm talking about. You're in the mall buying presents for your friends and relatives. You pretend that you have fun but deep inside you there is voice telling you "Keep it all for yourself!"
Dear consumer, you're not the only one! We all have been tempted like this! We all held in our hands the new Star Wars Battlefront and then with a hard heart we gave it to our little nephew. So this year do something different! Don't feel guilty! Give in to your greed! KEEP IT ALL FOR YOURSELF! COME TO THE DARK SIDE!
2. Don't give little money to homeless people!
It doesn't make sense to give 20 cent to a man freezing his ass off with a sign in his hands that has worse grammar than some uneducated anarchist trolling on Facebook. The right thing to do is to keep all the change you would give to several homeless people and then give it all to just one of them! You give the same amount of money, but since you give it all away at once you think this amount is bigger. That way you safe money, you're proud of yourself and you can show off to communist chicks if you want to get laid. Everyone wins!.....except for the homeless.
3. Don't buy expensive toys for your four year old!
Your four year old kid can't understand the difference of a cheap and an expensive toy. It's just a little kid too dumb to understand concepts like money, cheap, expensive etc. What did you expect? That your kid will respect the extra hours you had to work to earn more money so you can buy something expensive? Wether you buy the special edition of Optimus Prime or just a table tennis racket, it is the exact same thing. You can instead buy many cheap things! This year take advantage of the natural stupidity of your kid and safe some money.
4. Don't force your expectations to others!
I know that it's Christmas and that in your opinion we must all go out to party or visit stupid relatives for which we don't give a fuck the rest of the year! For once in your life take advantage of the holiday to relax and get some rest. Stay at home, play your favourite video game, watch your favourite movie, eat, drink and sleep. Screw your relatives! 
5. And lastly.......
Do not mention, read, sing or play the "Little Drummer Boy"!!!
It is the most frustrating song ever written!
pa rum pum pum pum! pa rum pum pum pum! pa rum pum pum pum!
I remember when I was a school boy and we were singing it, I always forgot the lyrics because I had to count the "pa rum pum pun pum's!"
And check what the lyrics say:
That insolent little bastard!!!! This song is supposed to be a gift!
Alright....just one more time! I double dare you!
Say "pa rum pum pun pum!" again!!!
I will kidnap the little drummer boy, take him to some dark alley and beat the shit out of him with his own sticks! Yes, I said it!
And when he will be sitting down crying I will sit next to him and say: "Come on little drummer boy. Don't cry. Sorry for beating the shit out of you. Look what I brought! It's a brand new drum just for you!"
And the moment he is ready to touch the new drum and get over his psychological trauma I will do this:
BOOM!!! WHAT'S THE MATTER LITTLE DRUMMER BOY? WHAT ARE YOU GONG TO DO?
CRY AGAIN! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Ahem... Merry Christmas!
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