A Reminder at Christmas...

[AmandaYVR]

Holidays can be a time of happiness, joy, festivities, indulgence, and relaxation. Sharing holidays can form newfound connections, long-lasting memories, and deeper relationships.

But not everyone gathers at a tree. Not everyone shares a feast. Not everyone has gifts to unwrap and pass. For some, it's a time when feelings they'd rather not feel are amplified. It brings with it the grief of things one doesn't have, which others do, or seem to, such as loved ones, a partner, a warm and cozy home, an occupation in which one is respected, or a place to go where one feels wanted. It can be a reminder of what's missing. It can become a catalyst for reflection, thinking of one's place in the world, of who we are, and who we are with, or not with. When contrasted against the celebrating of others, it can magnify one's own loneliness. It can echo disparity. It can make one feel like a have-not. These cultural touchstones can tie us together, but also cause our small worlds to feel even more distant, disconnected, disengaged, or disenfranchised. It can heal old wounds, but also open them, or create new wounds. It can make us raw, frayed, brittle, or even hanging on the abyss of despair. Sometimes things fall apart. Sometimes the bottom falls out. And for all of these, and more, this is a reminder... they need to know you care.

I'm sick of the caustic, acidic persistence of cruelty. I'm sad because of selfishness. I'm frustrated with missed connections and not-giving-the-benefit-of-the-doubt misinterpretations. I'm tired of thinking how to fix things which feel unfixable. Are you?

And this is a message is to the victims and loved ones of yet more senseless, hateful mass shootings. And pointless wars of unjustly claimed territories and misaligned ideologies. And all the many more, too many to count.

To Rob Reiner and his wife Michelle, who made us laugh, and cry, reminded us what matters, what we value, to always keep trying, and to put our hearts on sleeves. Thanks to his passion for storytelling, and happy endings, and silliness for no reason. And to his belief in democracy, the greater good, and that we are better together, united not divided. No bad deed or misstep was worth this end.

And to the person whose brother will soon be gone, having lost the battle with brain tumours, but continues to find ways to smile. Daughters will lose their father, a wife will lose her spouse, a brother and sisters will lose their sibling, and the world will lose an artist who only wanted to bring beauty and imagination.

And to the person whose family's greed and selfishness and malfeasance has made his life so much harder than it ever should have been, and has made him lose trust and faith in the goodness and kindness of others, but who was brave enough to open himself and his life and share his pain. Sometimes stoicism is not the only path. Sharing is an admirable act of trust, vulnerability, and bravery.

And to the person who's faced more than anyone's fair share of medical hardship, and used to find it too difficult to stay even-keeled and not let it affect his interactions and relationships, but who looked inside himself, made a decision, 'enough,' put political differences aside, and is now one of the kindest people I have known. You give me hope people can change.

And to the mother struggling to make ends meet, burdened unjustly by medical debt, undervalued by economics, but valued and appreciated and loved by her family and friends.

And to the mother, who was so very, very difficult, and impossible to help, and would not help herself, but is thought of every day.

And to the father who does not understand, at all, and will not, even before it's too late.

What is one life? Just one life, but a life that mattered, that matters.

These are just small pieces of countless stories which are part of life, and death, and may or may not happen at this time of year. But no matter when, or if, you have been touched by such losses this holiday, this season, this year, or in a past but have managed to mostly forget, remember that sadness and pain and loss can feel tenfold at the holidays.

Give yourself permission to be sad. And give others the same grace. It's not just about looking on the bright side. Though that is an element that needs not be forgotten. "Be grateful for what you have." Yes. But... be careful about trying to reframe a person's feelings. It can make them feel even worse. It can make them feel like they're not allowed to feel badly around you. If they feel bad, they may need for you to be okay with that and not try to change them. It may make them feel like they are too much, a burden, or not enoughd. Sometimes all a person needs is presence. Maybe, try instead, "One day you will feel better. That day is not today, and that is okay. I am here for you today, and I will be here with you then."

And maybe don't ask, "What are your plans for the holidays?" Many people don't have plans, and this question can bring more difficult. A suggestion instead: "I don't know if you have plans, but I wanted to check in with you.../invite you to.../say I'm thinking of you."

Christmas isn't about presents, or who got what. It's about goodness and hope, compassion and care, tolerance and acceptance. Unity, togetherness, generosity—these don’t die. We need to keep these values alive. They span cultures, generations, time.

And it's a reminder to reach out to the ones you love, and the ones you care about. Don't assume. Don't wait. Appreciate. Don't attack. Don't chide. Don't divide. Don't hide. Don't split hairs. Don't put on airs. Be there. Be thoughtful. It’s the time of year to be forgiven for being unabashedly, unapologetically, wholeheartedly, sincerely sentimental. You never know when something, or everything, is about to change.

Happy holidays, all. Stay warm, stay safe, and stay kind.

(And this is not about me. Please don't think that or make it that. I'm just speaking as a voice for those who will not find the words. I thought of anonymizing. I don't want it to be about me. But I guess I will stick to my beliefs, and one of those is against hiding behind anonymity.)

This song always kills me at New Year's but it's beautiful...

[Lliam]

This time of year conjures feelings that may be happy, joyful, bittersweet or tragic.

I wish everyone could be happy but my heart bleeds for the people of the Holy Land - Palestine, in particular, but also Syria, the birthplaces of Christianity - where holy sites are being destroyed and people are being sadistically slaughtered by ruthless European colonists.

There is misery in other places around the world, including in my own country, the USA. It is deliberately perpetrated by a few, many of whom are very low profile. Very few people are aware of the machinations of those powerful people who cause widespread misery for profit.

This is the season during which charity and kindness, "peace on Earth, good will to men" are practiced by many. I always wished that those sentiments could be carried in hearts throughout the entire year.

The message of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens is what I wish people would embrace.
If we could just set aside our greed, bigotry, hatred and judgement, and care for each other.

[BCRanger10]

This was a good take. It reminds me of a friend I've known for years who has a practically non-existent relationship with his family... I should message him.

And glad to see you're still around 🙌

[FenixG45]

A sober reminder of Life's fragile mortal coil