Differences between real life feedback and online feedback about our appearance, my personal experience.

[buloman]

I decided to tell my experience on this site. I'm a 30-years-old guy that suffer from body dysmorphic disorder from ten years (from when I was 20). I see sometimes (not always) my face weird, strange, strongly asymmetrical. But in all of 30 years of my life, nobody, from child years today, between the teenager years, tells me that I'm ugly or my school-friends kidding me about my face, my physique or my appearance, while a cripped, old and ugly teacher were going to be called Quasimodo, like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

Between 21 and 23 years-old I was slim and fit, in this period I've been called handsome by various people (not my parents or my best friends, they don't count) especially by women between 25 and 45 years old. I've two girlfriend in this period. After 24 years old I became to gain weight, I became fat cause stress of study and work, nobody in this period call me handsome cause my extreme overweight but also nobody tells me ugly or hideous about my face, in fact my best friend tell me that it was a shame that a good looking guy like me become so fat.

In this years my insecurities have increased, I go to three different cosmetic surgeon on last five years, they told me the same words: I only need to lose weight, my face don't have any noticeable issues or flaws, only overweight or if it's necessary, a submental liposuction after lose weight. But this was not enough to me to feel reassured so I decide to find online validation about my appearance.

I posted first time some pictures of me on an australian cosmetic surgeon forum with 95% of users are female. In this forum I was judged like a good looking guy with some overweight to lose, generally positive feedback.

I could stop here and feel satisfied, but that was not enough for me to be reassured so I published my other photos on Reddit and on this site. On Reddit some people judge me ok, average, and other people objectively ugly. On this site, on last poll that I posted yesterday majority vote me as average guy, someone below average and 2 people not (ugly), nobody above average or better. Anyway other times someone (2 or 3 presumed girls) voted me above average.

Some hours ago I see an average guy (not ugly but not so handsome) that posted a similar poll like me, he's objectival a perfect average guy, but he receive many above average and handsome votes, while nobody votes me above average or handsome. My first thinking was "REALLY I'm worse than this guy? I don't think I'm so worse..." I read some weeks ago that an obviously ugly fat girl (I don't judge her or write in her thread because I don't write nothing and I don't vote on poll to people that I find ugly or unattractive) was judged by various guys sexy, hottie and beautiful!!! And on this site I read three different girls that defined ugly, neanderthal man and a 4/10 without a beard the obviously above average/handsome brazilian model Marcello Alvarez.

This is so mad for me!! But Really? What criteria are used here to judge a person ugly or beautiful? I suffer from bdd, it's true, but in real life people tell me that I'm average or slightly below average only for fat, without fat people in real life judge me above average and someone handsome, and when I am more relaxed I think that I'm not so bad, average at worst. I don't understand criteria of this site and generally web, it's completely random? Or people enjoy taking people kidding about them appearance?

A girl on my poll answers me that people behind a PC are the most mean for these different reasons:
They have no consequences
They are bored
They enjoy making people feel miserable
They do it to get a reaction out of you
They had a bad day and try to project it on you
Etc.

What do you think about this?

Sorry for my English, isn't my primary language.

[Manolone]

I read this article now. Personally on this site I see ton of average (at best), below average and ugly girls that rated beautiful, 10/10, sexy, I see also guys that are not so handsome rated also 8 or 9/10, and in another people some people rating brazilian model Marcello Alvarez under 6/10.

It's okay not offend people about looks, but not to be hypocritical too!

Anyway, best way to know if you're hot or not is the REAL LIFE.

[lailaknaff2]

What Id suggest to get a more accurate representation is to post two pics (one of you and one of another guy) he can be hotter, uglier, whatever you want. That way you can have a comparison point. I've seen some people do that

[DDpsy]

One reason is because the 0:10 rating is actually BS when it actually comes down to attractiveness and transmitting information about it.

All people set the bell-curve on their 0-10 scale centered at a different value or they don't even realize that you need to think in terms of a distribution for that rating to mean shit. This is obviously to be expected because people are lousy at thinking statistically especially about something as complex and personal as attractiveness. Expecting them to think in standardized stats is absolutely ludicrous.

The best you can expect about that rating is that people will usually be sincere online and something above a 5-6 is not that bad /somewhat attractive for them at that moment.

When we are talking about rating celebs it becomes even more complex and I am very sincere when I say that some of today’s media’s female sex-symbols are less attractive than a lot of the women I meet every day. It's because It's damn true, the girl next door gets me going way more than some weird looking ass implant Instagram star from Hollywood. Don't expect my rating to be some reflection of reality or anything other than my true feelings at that moment.

In conclusion:

-Do not take any individual rating as a serious metric representing some objective aspect of reality.

-Do not take any individual rating as insincere either. Those people are expressing their subjective but sincere beliefs and assessments most of the time using a very non-standardized framework

-It is up to you to draw a conclusion from the info they provide. Yes, that data is useful if your goal is to get a feel for the average feelings of the population you are interviewing,

[Anonymous]

I also suffer from BDD and let me tell you that no amount of positive compliments will make you feel 100% adequate. I am a young female and my whole life I’ve been told that I’m pretty. I was popular in high school (valedictorian, class president, varsity cheerleader, prom queen etc) and most guys I knew would compliment me often, but I still felt kinda average and even ugly at times. It even got to the point where I would wonder if everyone I knew was in on some kind of elaborate joke and I was actually ugly. I would post on online forums and almost always get high scores but I still felt like it was a lie. I’ve even been scouted by modeling agencies whom I’ve turned down because I felt I was inadequate. It’s taken some time but I’m slowly getting out of that headspace. My only advice is to try to figure out why you feel the way you do about your appearance and work within to see the beauty within yourself. I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. Being a young black girl a lot of kids would say crude things like “you would be prettier if you weren’t black”. After I went to high school and moved to a more diverse community I started realizing that internal hatred and feeling a bit better about myself but at the end of the day I kinda felt the same. I hope that you are able to find the beauty within yourself and accept yourself for who you are.

[HomoFuge]

When I was depressed and suffered from low self-esteem I also posted on Reddit to see if people thought I was ugly. I got really low ratings and the reason was due to race. People actually said ‘You are Indian so that automatically puts you at a 4.’ Morbidly obese white women were getting higher rates than me.

That’s when I realised that all these online forums where you ask people to rate you is BS. Most people are trolls and aren’t serious about giving objective rates.

I know I am average looking but I don’t really care about my looks now. I have lots of other things going for me.

[lailaknaff2]

Yeah I've seen here some suuper average girls even ugly.. be told by guys that she's "beautiful" "omg perfect" "youre a 10/10"

My take is that:
these guys come from Africa/India and they like ALL western girls
guys are just being extra nice just to make the girls feel better
guys are doing it so the girls can message them

[maaaaax]

Very true. Demographics plays a key role.

[ZhiHana]

The standard of beauty is different from person to person. I know a lot of people who find Marilyn Monroe unattractive, and a lot of people who find her attractive. It depends on the people you’re asking. If you’re asking a group of girls who dislike beards to rate you, and you have a beard, they’re going to rate you lower than a group of people who like beards.

[Mr_Mystery]

I find Merlin M. ugly and Adriana Lima

[Anonymous]

Agree with the above poster. I would take any opinion on this site with a grain of salt.

Not to mention a good portion (not everyone though) of the people on this site are kind of social loners. So their answers aren't representative of the population as a whole.

[ILikeToParty]

I'd suggest plastic surgery but if you suffer from BDD then you may need to just work out and do something else with your life to get over being the desire of women. You may not be able to get all the hot latin mommies but you can still find a woman you want to spend the rest of your life with and be happy/content with your life, instead of whining about it online.

[Guanfei]

People IRL tell me i'm ugly. People here tell me I'm ugly too. I see no difference.

[Mr_Mystery]

Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.