Differences between real life feedback and online feedback about our appearance, my personal experience.

Differences between real life feedback and online feedback about our appearance, my personal experience.

I decided to tell my experience on this site. I'm a 30-years-old guy that suffer from body dysmorphic disorder from ten years (from when I was 20). I see sometimes (not always) my face weird, strange, strongly asymmetrical. But in all of 30 years of my life, nobody, from child years today, between the teenager years, tells me that I'm ugly or my school-friends kidding me about my face, my physique or my appearance, while a cripped, old and ugly teacher were going to be called Quasimodo, like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

Between 21 and 23 years-old I was slim and fit, in this period I've been called handsome by various people (not my parents or my best friends, they don't count) especially by women between 25 and 45 years old. I've two girlfriend in this period. After 24 years old I became to gain weight, I became fat cause stress of study and work, nobody in this period call me handsome cause my extreme overweight but also nobody tells me ugly or hideous about my face, in fact my best friend tell me that it was a shame that a good looking guy like me become so fat.

In this years my insecurities have increased, I go to three different cosmetic surgeon on last five years, they told me the same words: I only need to lose weight, my face don't have any noticeable issues or flaws, only overweight or if it's necessary, a submental liposuction after lose weight. But this was not enough to me to feel reassured so I decide to find online validation about my appearance.

I posted first time some pictures of me on an australian cosmetic surgeon forum with 95% of users are female. In this forum I was judged like a good looking guy with some overweight to lose, generally positive feedback.

I could stop here and feel satisfied, but that was not enough for me to be reassured so I published my other photos on Reddit and on this site. On Reddit some people judge me ok, average, and other people objectively ugly. On this site, on last poll that I posted yesterday majority vote me as average guy, someone below average and 2 people not (ugly), nobody above average or better. Anyway other times someone (2 or 3 presumed girls) voted me above average.

Some hours ago I see an average guy (not ugly but not so handsome) that posted a similar poll like me, he's objectival a perfect average guy, but he receive many above average and handsome votes, while nobody votes me above average or handsome. My first thinking was "REALLY I'm worse than this guy? I don't think I'm so worse..." I read some weeks ago that an obviously ugly fat girl (I don't judge her or write in her thread because I don't write nothing and I don't vote on poll to people that I find ugly or unattractive) was judged by various guys sexy, hottie and beautiful!!! And on this site I read three different girls that defined ugly, neanderthal man and a 4/10 without a beard the obviously above average/handsome brazilian model Marcello Alvarez.

This is so mad for me!! But Really? What criteria are used here to judge a person ugly or beautiful? I suffer from bdd, it's true, but in real life people tell me that I'm average or slightly below average only for fat, without fat people in real life judge me above average and someone handsome, and when I am more relaxed I think that I'm not so bad, average at worst. I don't understand criteria of this site and generally web, it's completely random? Or people enjoy taking people kidding about them appearance?

A girl on my poll answers me that people behind a PC are the most mean for these different reasons:
They have no consequences
They are bored
They enjoy making people feel miserable
They do it to get a reaction out of you
They had a bad day and try to project it on you

What do you think about this?

Sorry for my English, isn't my primary language.

Differences between real life feedback and online feedback about our appearance, my personal experience.
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