Sure there are successful marriage there and no one is saying men don't get benefits on marriage but the risk is still way higher than the benefit and it doesn't make much difference to be in a relationship without the government involved in your life. Showing examples of successful marriage is like cherry picked and a survivorship bias.
For what reason then? Perhaps it's true? It's not always the case that just because media said so, it's always a lie. Maybe marriage would really be a thing if the government and the family court would really treat men and women equally and people wouldn't mind marriage but in reality, that's not really the case. Even statistics shows that the divorce rate is really high www.google.com/search and yes 50% is already considered high due to the risk outweighing the benefits and filed by women most of the time. I get that it can be men's fault but what about if it's really her fault? If you just wanna generalize people who don't want to get married are "selfish, not willing to take responsibility, potential cheater or whatever" tell me, how is it even impossible to be loyal and responsible without marriage? If it's selfish, what would be their selfish reason to say marriage is a "must" in their relationship?
Your argument is that marriage is bad because we must plan for it to fail and then it would be bad. It's not an indictment of marriage but an indictment of divorce laws, right?
Just like how you say marriage is good. In the end, marriage is just marriage but it always depends on how anyone make use of it. Also there's something called "in theory" vs "in practice" notice how communism doesn't sound so bad in theory? But in practice, it's what made people hate it that it became toxic also because of the way government used it.
Thanks. It's rare to see anyone support marriage nowadays. I've been married for a long time and to someone I knew previously for a long time. When marriage and relationships work, they are great. But below is probably my fears talking. You can do everything right, marry the right girl, treat the marriage and her seriously yet potentially you and she can grow apart over time as you enter new phases of your life. You continue to find out and learn new things about one another. Potentially things you may find difficult to suggest. Or you may have misinterpreted their behaviour in the first place. Your life circumstances may change. You come into money, lose money, get a kick ass job. If you're lucky, you can work around differences and mold one another in time but nothing is ever a given and sometimes you find yourself in an untenable position.
From what I have heard you say on here cumulatively, I believe you are a serial matrimonialist. I don’t think you ever went deep into a marriage and dug the holes as deep as some men have so that your exit strategy was cleaner and you are a lawyer to boot so therefore you would make choices in the marriage that kept you out of the deep holes. I suspect that you always were partially packed, at least figuratively, with a legally planned out, back in your mind. There is something that you enjoy about marriage, obviously, and maybe it was simply your upbringing, but I never sensed that you are deep into it and it is more of a superficial marriage with you. I would say that you do lease marriages vs. buy.
I agree it is the best way to structure the commitment of a man and a woman to sharing their lives. I'd want to give the mother of my child all the certainty possible - it is not a joke to be a girl with a child out there depending on a smile - for me it looks entirely normal/warranted she feels protected/can rely on my commitment. I also believe, except for fraudsters, that the feelings of safety (and love given that way) essentially develop the feeling of loyalty (which I hope to give completely but also to be receiving) To me, that is the 'waking up on a Sunday with no obligations with a person you love and thinking 'my God life is good'' Whether I get there - remains to be seen (relatively small community that seems a bit concerned about whether they can trust me, for reasons not entirely clear to me)
I still stand my point that you should avoid government involvement in your relationship. If you need a peace of paper to commit to build a relationship there is something wrong with you. You can have a agreement with your partner and do everything in a traditional marriage without a government paper.
This may have once been the case, but in the culture today, it sadly no longer is. We want marriages to thrive again, we have to detoxify the current culture:
Marriage has no merit. At the end of the day when you sign that dotted line in your Marriage certificate you have risked e erything including both your freedom and potentially your life. And you have gained nothing. Your partner is not bound to fulfill her side of the bargain. at any point she can just say fuck it im out and your stuck with the bill. I've on my life seen 3 freinds lose thier homes and thier children to divorce. I've also watched 2 out of those 3 eat a bullet sandwich. Stop telling men to get married you are literally killing them
There are many men who are quite happy being married. I'm sorry that it didn't work for you and I'm sorry that you had two friends suicide after a divorce but I am sure that divorced did not cause them to suicide. Very few people do that after a divorce and there is always much more that explains the suicide.
No it wasn't the divorce it was losing custody if thier kids. And statistically 95% of marriages fail before thec10xyear anniversary. You aren't just wrong your 180 degrees from right
For a man, any form of relationship with a female is all liability and no benefit. Women, as a collective, have made themselves too legally and financially dangerous to be around.
I would disagree, there are numerous benefits for the Male to be in a relationship with the Female. Please try not to generalize, all women are not the same.
@NEOTUNIA2U "all women are not the same." However, they *can be* that way if they wish. And the fact that they can be that way, at any time, is like the proverbial Sword of Damocles hanging over any marriage: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damocles
No matter what I say, it isn't going to change your mind and views about women. This is pointless debate when it's already set in stone of how you guys view women in a negative light.
@NEOTUNIA2U and again, I am not saying you are like that, only that the way the laws are set up today, any woman *can be* like that. Which gives any thoughtful person pause...
@NEOTUNIA2U You are right that not every woman is the same. My girlfriend is living proof of that. We have a wonderful relationship as we both add to each other's lives. At the same time, girls like my girlfriend happen to be rare in western society. So I also am waiting for your views on what a woman can add to a man's life. But judging from your responses, I doubt you even know it yourself.
What are the benefits have you experienced with her in your life? Tell it to your fellow men, they are stubborn in their hearts. Nothing a woman would say would help them, perhaps you can be of help to them since you're a guy they will listen to you more.
@NEOTUNIA2U The burden of proof lies with you. You act like you know what you're talking about, and when asked for elaboration, you tend to resort to ad hominems, blaming those who are asking you for elaboration and then proceed to back away. It is not my job to prove your words, that's yours. With that said, if you continue to shove blame to the other side and refuse to give arguments to your claims, then your comments are hereby dismissed.
And when it comes to me "helping" them, I cannot be of help to them since western society is full of women who are a liability to a man's life due to years of feminist indoctrination and the amount of vice there is that cause women not eligible to be relaitonship material, let alone marriage. I simply happen to be lucky in meeting my current girlfriend. The majority of men out there today don't seem to be so lucky.
marriage isn't evil. it is an institution made to protect women from men just leaving them so they are stuck with their children alone, which historically meant, they'll probably die, if they don't live in a tibal or more modern societal arrangement.
though with todays emancipation, marriage really has no benefit for anyone involved anymore. it just feeds an expensive, predatory industry that sells overpriced services and goods for no reason.
A nice written take. I myself believe in marriage, but many people marry for the wrong reasons and the people. Instead of looking at it as a government contract, we to acknowledge that the marriage became possible because someone wanted to become one with the other.
That's why we must be very selective on who we choose to marry. We must consider their mental stability, their health and habits, how they communicate and interact with you, the relationship with their parents, etc.
I think it’s apparent the government should stay out of the “marriage game” completely. It’s not fair to hetero or homosexuals. That’s personal choice out of mutual love. The only thing the government ever “loved" out of me is still my tax money.
I am asking because a marital relationship is something that is developed and worked by husband and wife; you don't have the government telling you that you MUST live together or you must have a joint checking account or anything else like that. It is what you make it and when it fails, it fails because you failed, not government or society.
Blaming government or society is just playing the blame game to which I referred in the post.
The political Left has ruined marriage, and has waged a war to undermine it for the last several decades. They have corrupted the laws, corrupted the legal system, and have made the popular culture virulently anti-marriage, anti-Husband, anti-Father, and anti-male in general. Why are you surprised that men are walking away from marriage? The once nurturing wellspring has been *poisoned*.
Agreed. Relationships/marriage is a commitment. I think couples should grow together, and I'm not just talking about age. Marriage is overhyped for many reasons.
Yes, the number is not automatically lower because fewer people are getting married. The number is a rate, so it is adjusted for the population size. The number is lower because people are waiting later to get married, they are more mature and more aware of what they want, so their marriages are more likely to survive.
I am 45. Technically I was engaged 2x. 1st one was a pathological liar, 2nd one was just a narcissist. At my age, I thought I would be married with kids. They say we can have kids whenever or some of our "swimmers" dont work. I do hope so in my case so I dont have to pay for the "V".
Id like to be married. But I dont see it in my cards
@OlderAndWiser In this day and age, with the medical advancements that we have achieved, 42 years should be the bare minimum. Sorry, but I'm not impressed.
Even if a couple doesn't marry until they're both 30 years old, a 42 year marriage will mean that they either got divorced at 72 or one of them died at 72. That's still quite a young age to die...
If they got divorced at 72, that is an astronomical failure. In my estimation, that probably means that they were living in a toxic relationship for all those years until one of them stood up and finally said "I've had enough."
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Sure there are successful marriage there and no one is saying men don't get benefits on marriage but the risk is still way higher than the benefit and it doesn't make much difference to be in a relationship without the government involved in your life. Showing examples of successful marriage is like cherry picked and a survivorship bias.
That is a common attitude that has been successfully promoted by the media.
For what reason then? Perhaps it's true? It's not always the case that just because media said so, it's always a lie. Maybe marriage would really be a thing if the government and the family court would really treat men and women equally and people wouldn't mind marriage but in reality, that's not really the case. Even statistics shows that the divorce rate is really high www.google.com/search and yes 50% is already considered high due to the risk outweighing the benefits and filed by women most of the time. I get that it can be men's fault but what about if it's really her fault? If you just wanna generalize people who don't want to get married are "selfish, not willing to take responsibility, potential cheater or whatever" tell me, how is it even impossible to be loyal and responsible without marriage? If it's selfish, what would be their selfish reason to say marriage is a "must" in their relationship?
Your argument is that marriage is bad because we must plan for it to fail and then it would be bad. It's not an indictment of marriage but an indictment of divorce laws, right?
Just like how you say marriage is good. In the end, marriage is just marriage but it always depends on how anyone make use of it. Also there's something called "in theory" vs "in practice" notice how communism doesn't sound so bad in theory? But in practice, it's what made people hate it that it became toxic also because of the way government used it.
Thanks. It's rare to see anyone support marriage nowadays.
I've been married for a long time and to someone I knew previously for a long time.
When marriage and relationships work, they are great. But below is probably my fears talking.
You can do everything right, marry the right girl, treat the marriage and her seriously yet potentially you and she can grow apart over time as you enter new phases of your life.
You continue to find out and learn new things about one another. Potentially things you may find difficult to suggest.
Or you may have misinterpreted their behaviour in the first place.
Your life circumstances may change. You come into money, lose money, get a kick ass job.
If you're lucky, you can work around differences and mold one another in time but nothing is ever a given and sometimes you find yourself in an untenable position.
From what I have heard you say on here cumulatively, I believe you are a serial matrimonialist. I don’t think you ever went deep into a marriage and dug the holes as deep as some men have so that your exit strategy was cleaner and you are a lawyer to boot so therefore you would make choices in the marriage that kept you out of the deep holes. I suspect that you always were partially packed, at least figuratively, with a legally planned out, back in your mind. There is something that you enjoy about marriage, obviously, and maybe it was simply your upbringing, but I never sensed that you are deep into it and it is more of a superficial marriage with you. I would say that you do lease marriages vs. buy.
I agree it is the best way to structure the commitment of a man and a woman to sharing their lives.
I'd want to give the mother of my child all the certainty possible - it is not a joke to be a girl with a child out there depending on a smile - for me it looks entirely normal/warranted she feels protected/can rely on my commitment.
I also believe, except for fraudsters, that the feelings of safety (and love given that way) essentially develop the feeling of loyalty (which I hope to give completely but also to be receiving)
To me, that is the 'waking up on a Sunday with no obligations with a person you love and thinking 'my God life is good''
Whether I get there - remains to be seen (relatively small community that seems a bit concerned about whether they can trust me, for reasons not entirely clear to me)
I still stand my point that you should avoid government involvement in your relationship. If you need a peace of paper to commit to build a relationship there is something wrong with you. You can have a agreement with your partner and do everything in a traditional marriage without a government paper.
This may have once been the case, but in the culture today, it sadly no longer is. We want marriages to thrive again, we have to detoxify the current culture:
https://www.youtube.com/embed/Afu1Rwlggf8Marriage has no merit. At the end of the day when you sign that dotted line in your Marriage certificate you have risked e erything including both your freedom and potentially your life. And you have gained nothing. Your partner is not bound to fulfill her side of the bargain. at any point she can just say fuck it im out and your stuck with the bill.
I've on my life seen 3 freinds lose thier homes and thier children to divorce.
I've also watched 2 out of those 3 eat a bullet sandwich.
Stop telling men to get married you are literally killing them
There are many men who are quite happy being married. I'm sorry that it didn't work for you and I'm sorry that you had two friends suicide after a divorce but I am sure that divorced did not cause them to suicide. Very few people do that after a divorce and there is always much more that explains the suicide.
No it wasn't the divorce it was losing custody if thier kids. And statistically 95% of marriages fail before thec10xyear anniversary. You aren't just wrong your 180 degrees from right
I am a lawyer and I handle divorce cases every day. Before law school, I was a mental health counselor.
For a man, any form of relationship with a female is all liability and no benefit.
Women, as a collective, have made themselves too legally and financially dangerous to be around.
I would disagree, there are numerous benefits for the Male to be in a relationship with the Female. Please try not to generalize, all women are not the same.
@neotunia2u
What are the benefits?
I cannot think of any.
@NEOTUNIA2U "all women are not the same." However, they *can be* that way if they wish. And the fact that they can be that way, at any time, is like the proverbial Sword of Damocles hanging over any marriage:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damocles
No matter what I say, it isn't going to change your mind and views about women. This is pointless debate when it's already set in stone of how you guys view women in a negative light.
@neotunia2u
You refused to list any positives for men, which was a de facto admission that you did not have any.
@NEOTUNIA2U and again, I am not saying you are like that, only that the way the laws are set up today, any woman *can be* like that. Which gives any thoughtful person pause...
Believe what you will. Have a wonderful day.
@NEOTUNIA2U You are right that not every woman is the same. My girlfriend is living proof of that. We have a wonderful relationship as we both add to each other's lives. At the same time, girls like my girlfriend happen to be rare in western society. So I also am waiting for your views on what a woman can add to a man's life. But judging from your responses, I doubt you even know it yourself.
What are the benefits have you experienced with her in your life? Tell it to your fellow men, they are stubborn in their hearts. Nothing a woman would say would help them, perhaps you can be of help to them since you're a guy they will listen to you more.
@NEOTUNIA2U The burden of proof lies with you. You act like you know what you're talking about, and when asked for elaboration, you tend to resort to ad hominems, blaming those who are asking you for elaboration and then proceed to back away. It is not my job to prove your words, that's yours. With that said, if you continue to shove blame to the other side and refuse to give arguments to your claims, then your comments are hereby dismissed.
And when it comes to me "helping" them, I cannot be of help to them since western society is full of women who are a liability to a man's life due to years of feminist indoctrination and the amount of vice there is that cause women not eligible to be relaitonship material, let alone marriage. I simply happen to be lucky in meeting my current girlfriend. The majority of men out there today don't seem to be so lucky.
🤔🤔
marriage isn't evil. it is an institution made to protect women from men just leaving them so they are stuck with their children alone, which historically meant, they'll probably die, if they don't live in a tibal or more modern societal arrangement.
though with todays emancipation, marriage really has no benefit for anyone involved anymore. it just feeds an expensive, predatory industry that sells overpriced services and goods for no reason.
A nice written take. I myself believe in marriage, but many people marry for the wrong reasons and the people. Instead of looking at it as a government contract, we to acknowledge that the marriage became possible because someone wanted to become one with the other.
That's why we must be very selective on who we choose to marry. We must consider their mental stability, their health and habits, how they communicate and interact with you, the relationship with their parents, etc.
I think it’s apparent the government should stay out of the “marriage game” completely. It’s not fair to hetero or homosexuals. That’s personal choice out of mutual love. The only thing the government ever “loved" out of me is still my tax money.
Don't get me wrong here, marriage is good on paper but collectively modern society and governments failed marriage as an institution.
Bingo!
Not bingo.
Please explain how government failed marriage.
Please explain how society failed marriage.
I am asking because a marital relationship is something that is developed and worked by husband and wife; you don't have the government telling you that you MUST live together or you must have a joint checking account or anything else like that. It is what you make it and when it fails, it fails because you failed, not government or society.
Blaming government or society is just playing the blame game to which I referred in the post.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2bCgunLEB4
@Curmudgeon I don't spend ten or twenty minutes watching a video. If you have a point to make, please state it.
OK, in a nutshell:
The political Left has ruined marriage, and has waged a war to undermine it for the last several decades. They have corrupted the laws, corrupted the legal system, and have made the popular culture virulently anti-marriage, anti-Husband, anti-Father, and anti-male in general. Why are you surprised that men are walking away from marriage? The once nurturing wellspring has been *poisoned*.
@Curmudgeon I am part of the resistance, the underground, the dedicated populace determined to overcome the oppression of the MSM and far left.
@OlderAndWiser Then you should agree with what @Curmudgeon mentioned.
Yes, I agree with much of what he has said.
Agreed. Relationships/marriage is a commitment. I think couples should grow together, and I'm not just talking about age. Marriage is overhyped for many reasons.
I can see where you are going with this but I disagree with the use of the divorce stat.
It’s possible that this could be because less people are getting married overall especially within the last decade.
Yes, the number is not automatically lower because fewer people are getting married. The number is a rate, so it is adjusted for the population size. The number is lower because people are waiting later to get married, they are more mature and more aware of what they want, so their marriages are more likely to survive.
Ah ok thank you.
I am 45. Technically I was engaged 2x. 1st one was a pathological liar, 2nd one was just a narcissist. At my age, I thought I would be married with kids. They say we can have kids whenever or some of our "swimmers" dont work. I do hope so in my case so I dont have to pay for the "V".
Id like to be married. But I dont see it in my cards
Having a marriage last only 20 years is still pretty abysmal.
It's pretty freaking sad that 19.8 years is the MEDIAN!
Yes, but for every marriage that ended after 2 years there is a marriage which has been going for 42 years!
@OlderAndWiser In this day and age, with the medical advancements that we have achieved, 42 years should be the bare minimum. Sorry, but I'm not impressed.
Even if a couple doesn't marry until they're both 30 years old, a 42 year marriage will mean that they either got divorced at 72 or one of them died at 72. That's still quite a young age to die...
If they got divorced at 72, that is an astronomical failure. In my estimation, that probably means that they were living in a toxic relationship for all those years until one of them stood up and finally said "I've had enough."
Well, 42 years was just an arbitrary example. My aunt and uncle recently celebrated their 64th anniversary.
@OlderAndWiser Now THAT is how it's done! 👍🥂. Congrats to them!! :)
Excellent MyTake. Thank you for the time and effort you put into writing it 😀
Agreed. Been married for over 47 years, not saying it's always been happily, but it's been a commitment through good and bad.
You always show up in my feeds whenever I am reborn on this site. Can never remember all my passwords. 😁
I love being married.