In Defense of Arranged Marriage

[Schrodingerscat]

I see a lot of questions where people ask things like, "would you consider an arranged marriage?" And most people reply "no! Its violation of my freedom!" This myTake is to dispel all misunderstandings about the arranged marriage.

Arranged Marriage is NOT

- Forced marriage
- Marrying someone you don't like
- Marrying someone without getting to know their background even a little
- You not having say in the kind of partner you want

Arranged Marriage IS

- A union where background of potential partner is scrutinized to great details. There are even some detective agencies propping up to run a background check on family of potential suitors!
- You having choice/say in the kind of partner you want
- Getting to know them SOMEWHAT
- When you can look for another partner if you don't click with potential partner you spoke with

Process of a Typical Arranged Marriage

1. Parents set up your profile on matrimonial site.They shortlist some matches for you.

2. If you don't find them interesting, you can reject them there. If you like someone among them (initially) then you go further and contact them.

3.You meet them 3-4 times on a sort of date
If you seem to click with them, you go ahead. If not, you repeat process from step 2.

4. If you click with them, you get engaged which is the time where you court your potential partner. Usually sex isn't involved in all this process. You can break your engagement if you want to.

5.Marriage

In Defence of Arranged Marriage

In traditional Western dating culture, immense value is put on looks. The compatibility in terms of educational, social background is rarely matched. These things may matter in long run in most marriages.

Arranged marriages on the other hand, a lot of value is also placed on educational background. You rarely see completely mismatched marriages like Ivy league grad+ bartender here because of the same.

It creates a fair levelled field for girls who are unattractive, if they're educated enough and have amicable personality.

Same goes for guys. In traditional Western dating, a guy is supposed to make a move, he is supposed to be funny, chatty and such to get dates. Now, we all know that not all guys can be like that. Its unfair. There are a lot of guys who can't date because of problems they have, which causes a lot of frustration in them. This bottled up frustration comes out in form incel forums, MGTOW etc. Then you have red pilled folks who say that you have to be jacked and all to increase your "SMV" and shiz. Its insane to think that all guys will be able to get jacked to increase their SMV.

Arranged marriage can be a good option for men who are extremely shy and can't seem to get dates for reasons like that. Again, like for unattractive women, arranged marriage creates levelled playing field for such men.

But... What about love? Can you really know a person after few dates?

Listen up. Yes, love is important. But you can fall in love you're gonna marry in arranged marriage. The whole period between engagement and marriage is for that. If not, there are many many people around me who fell in love with their SO after marriage.

You can't know a person despite of knowing them for years. When you make up your mind to compromise on small things for greater good, you can make it through.

In dating, one tries to seek perfect compatibility in each and every aspect, which can cause conflicts. In an arranged marriage, one is prepared their mind to not having compatibility in some few aspects. It is really okay if your partner doesn't like same food as you. Its okay if your preference in entertainment don't match.

When you date someone for years, there's risk of knowing the partner too much and expecting them to have a pattern of behaviour. Since after marriage the relationship dynamics change a bit, the behaviour of your partner may seem out of the pattern and thus annoying. How many times we see people who 'change after marriage' and were completely different while dating? In an arranged setting, you're more open to these things.

I see people who date for years and years yet still can't make decision to get married because of really small reasons.

Some Cons of Arranged Marriages

- You can't really check sexual compatibility as you can't have sex with them before marriage according to tradition. However I think, there are some modern couples in arranged setting who do that.

- There's slight stigma attached to calling off the engagement (refer to steps)

- SOME people may feel the process to be bit hasty.

People who got married by dating for 10 years get divorced.

People who had arranged marriages remain together in love till death.

In the end, it really boils down to how two people involved in this are. How mature and responsible they are.

It doesn't matter how they got married, through arranged marriage or through dating.

Dating and arranged marriage both have their pros and cons and it is entirely up to an individual choose how they want to tie the knot (or don't want to tie knot at all)

I hope this myTake dispelled some common misconceptions about arranged marriages. Feel free to ask if you wanna know more!

[Shezadi]

Nice. I agree with you and I proud of you. Ignore negativity. I support both arranged marriages and love marriages. There is nothing wrong with arranged marriage if two people are happy without any pressure.

My parents had an arranged marriage and almost everybody in my family had arranged marriage.

Divorce is rare in my family.

At least, we have values and don't treat relationship like a joke and we don't have broken families.

I am British Pakistani. I am proud of Indian and Pakistani culture in some aspects even though it is not perfect.

However, I like how it is not all about lust. I like how marriage and commitment are valued. The way two people don't live together before marriage in a conservative culture. It is the respect for women. It makes sure they are not treated like toys and their life is not treated like a joke or years of their life are not wasted. A lot of women say no to good guys for their boyfriends who refuse to marry them in the end. If a guy can't marry a woman then he doesn't love or respect her. He just wants her for time pass.

Arranged marriages are much better western culture and hook-up culture.

In western culture, relationships are a joke.

They live together for 5 years without marriage and then break up. They try to understand each other by sleeping with each other for 5 years then one of them catches feelings, the other one decides to break up.

Western culture is all about lust and time pass. They don't value marriage or commitment.

They spend years with women without being serious about them, without any intention of marriage and without any intention of living with them till death.

Western culture is only good for men but it is not good for women. Western culture doesn't respect women. It pressurizes women to not be strong about their dignity in the name of modern culture. Western culture leaves women broken, depressed and suicidal and causes a lot of abortions when a guy refuses to accept the baby.

One guy spent 6 years with his girlfriend, still he doesn't want to marry her and people accused the girl of manipulation on this app just because she wants marriage.

Women who want marriage are called jail baits.

Western culture is all about use and dump, lust, time pass and fun.

"Women are not a garment that can be worn and taken off anytime you want."

In western culture, a man can come and go whenever he wants. A lot of them are just friends with benefits. A lot of divorced parents have girlfriends and boyfriends. Some are in open relationships. Why will a man marry a woman if he can sleep with her for years without marriage?

Just look at Zayn Malik, Arianda Grande, Selena Gomez.

Prince Harry himself has 14 ex-girlfriends. Clearly, Meghan Markle is in a better position that those 14 ex-girlfriends. He even invited his one ex-girlfriend for his wedding who was in a relationship with him for 6 years. Prince Harry was never serious about those 14 girls. It was just time pass or look at Ranbir, he also spent 6 years with Katrina.

Meghan Markle became a duchess after marriage. She got the crown after marriage. She became pregnant after marriage. If she was still just a girlfriend, she would not have been taken seriously. A lot of people don't even know the names of 14 ex-girlfriends. She got those expensive rings after engagement and marriage.

Those 14 ex-girlfriend saw Harry's worth as a Prince but forgot their worth and forgot to respect themselves.

In the old days, there were words like adultery, mistress and relationship without marriage was called an affair. A wife is always in a better position than a girlfriend. Marriage can never be degraded. Marriage empowers women. Cowardly and weak men are scared of marriage. A strong man who truly loves a woman will ask his parents to ask for her hand and he will marry her. He will give her an identity, rights, honour, emotional security, commitment and loyalty.

[AndreasD]

Lol "cowardly and weak men are scared of marriage". Thanks for the laugh. :D

A lot of what you wrote is ignorance.

[CubsterShura]

I will never understand people who are salty about arranged marriage. If that's not your thing and you don't prefer it, fine. Stop making is laugh saying dumb things like it's outdated or worst or whatever.

Also, arranged marriage lasts longer.

[thegirlfromthething]

Does staying married longer have anything to do with societal pressure? I’ve never been to any countries where arranged marriages are common, so I’m just curious.

[CubsterShura]

@thegirlfromthething In arranged marriages you are ready to love your partner for who he or she is but with love marriage it doesn't always happen that way.

[thegirlfromthething]

But are they more accepting of their spouse’s whole personality because they’re just very accepting people or is there some pressure to tolerate unattractive traits? If people are raised in communities where consensual arranged marriages like the ones described above are popular or encouraged, the instinct to be part of the group might drive some people to stay in unhappy marriages because they feel like they should be fulfilled by such a carefully selected, theoretically suitable match.

[CubsterShura]

@thegirlfromthething Absolutely not. If you are not aware, then know it now that no human being on this Earth is perfect and even if you found someone perfect they can change. This is why you learn to make compromises and sacrifices I'm a relationship. Because if you keep divorcing people for their unattractive traits none of your marriages would ever last.

That's not a social pressure, that's what you should be doing as a human being and especially as a spouse. That's what makes you a keeper.

And divorce does happen when there are serious relationship problems.

[thegirlfromthething]

So are you saying that accepting unattractive traits has nothing to do with social pressure I these situations? How can that be true? Social pressure exists in every culture and impacts every relationship. If the spouses are raised to believe they will be a good match because of this process and their families tell them they’re right for each other, there is pressure to believe they belong together and should stay together.

[CubsterShura]

@thegirlfromthething it's your choice to give in to the social pressure.

[thegirlfromthething]

Sure, but there shouldn’t be pressure at all. If an arranged marriage lasts longer than a love marriage it should be because the spouses are genuinely happy with the arrangement and each other, enough that they accept some faults. The success or length of the marriage shouldn’t be affected by unnecessary pressure from people outside of it.

[CubsterShura]

@thegirlfromthething how much pressure can you stop? No matter where you live there is always one kind of social pressure or the other. Yes there should be no social pressure, no crimes, no rudeness, no hate, no racism, no discrimination, no poverty. Can you stop all of that? You can't. You learn to live with these things instead of whining. We all know there shouldn't be any of these existing.

[iceEverestere]

@thegirlfromthething
(Not being politically correct) Yes there are social pressures to be with your partner. A divorce in South Asian countries is looked down on far worse than in Western countries.
Anything bad pertaining to a marriage- bond is often questioned on the persons character ( directly or indirectly)

[iceEverestere]

@CubsterShura
I understand your point but the mob doest act based on your philosophy. Its your morals (which is great by the way) , which helps you to be in relationship without external societal pressure.
A common person doest stay loyal in our culture because they understood the thesis of human flaws and art of accepting them. They stay loyal because they fear societal taunts. (not entirely but effectively enough)

[CubsterShura]

@iceEverestere maybe that's true where you live, not where I live.

[iceEverestere]

I am from West Bengal (India) and i know Bangladeshi culture like the back of my hand.
(not entirely but effectively enough) <--------- this was the main part of the paragraph.

Ato deeply bhabiyo na , the conditions I stated above is when the person has already made up their mind to break up but doest do so because of societal taunts.
I am not talking about why they can't stay loyal.
I perfectly understand where you are coming from , and amader culture khub beshi different na

[CubsterShura]

@iceEverestere Ta thik, kintu manush mone kore je publicly show na korle kono prem bhalobasha nai. Eita bhul kotha.

Social pressure thake kintu divorce korar dorkar hole manush jor kore kauke thamay rakhe na. Amar family teo divorce hoyeche ami dekhechi.

People overthink stuff about arranged marriage. Taking relationships seriously is never a bad thing.

[thegirlfromthething]

There will always be at least some pressure or discrimination in every society but the very least we can do is try to reduce it. We shouldn’t accept something just because we’re used to it and it’s hard to change. That’s the easy way out.

[CubsterShura]

@thegirlfromthething that's why you choose to not give in to it

[thegirlfromthething]

It’s not enough to ignore people who are being pushy though. We have to get to the root of it and have real, honest conversations with them about respecting others’ choices and not being prejudiced. It’s not okay to be pressured into something you’re not comfortable with and it’s not okay to be the one pressuring. That kind of thinking isn’t good for anyone involved.

[CubsterShura]

@thegirlfromthething it doesn't always work. Actually live in an environment like this so you understand that things are easier said than done. You can't change the society overnight but what you can do is be the change that you wanna see in the society.

[thegirlfromthething]

Obviously, I know that but even in underdeveloped, socially conservative countries having conversations like that and negotiating with people can have positive effects over time. It doesn’t get any better when you “learn to live with these things instead of whining”.

[CubsterShura]

@thegirlfromthething That's why you actually do something about it and you show people the change you want by changing your own self as an example. If you sit there and complain and about social pressure while you can't be strong enough to not give in to it yourself, you can't expect any improvement.

Have a realistic approach towards things.

[thegirlfromthething]

Being an example helps, but in some places it’s not an option. Outright defiance can be punished while slow, subtle persuasion is tolerated.

[CubsterShura]

@thegirlfromthething That is literally what keeps women in society from progressing. Fear of consequences. It is only women who dared to challenge society that could make an impact.

[thegirlfromthething]

It’s possible to challenge society in ways that aren’t too shocking for people who need to change though. If you want to persuade someone to adopt a perspective very different from their own, ease them into it slowly. Subtlety goes a long way. And once the cultured has shifted and there are enough people on your side, then it’s safer and more effective to be an obvious example.

[Q-tipBoy]

dating culture involves being *picky* while choosing a partner. this creates mentally harmful social pressure on other people. it becomes unfair as people are not ready to accept some about other people. People usually keep waiting and end up with a life without marriage. Arranged marriage involves accepting someone as it is.
It's a nice platform for shy, unattractive and people who are not confident. The main focus is acceptance. You can't get everything that you desire. Just accept what comes to you rather than wasting your time waiting for a perfect partner..

my parents ask me if I have a girl of my choice. but I ditch this opportunity. i want to have an arranged marriage. I'll just accept the person, keeping my dreams and expectations aside.

unless she Starts harassing me, I wouldn't "need" a divorce.

[Q-tipBoy]

There are social pressures but people usually don't give into it.

@thegirlfromthething people have brains and they know what's the best for them. You don't need to teach a sparrow (chidiya) how to fly, do you?
People understand that they shouldn't give up in social pressures and they work on it according to the situations they're facing.

Again, we are telling you, don't be so insecure about your freedom. You have freedom. You just need to learn how to use it properly.
If someone is asking you not to do a particular thing. if he is asking you to do it in a different way,.

Then you don't have to make it an issue of freedom. Try to understand why he is asking you to do it the other way and understand his concern.

Learn to adopt according to situations rather than trying to change the situation.

[Bluemax]

Fascinating.

I once dated a girl from Punjab. We fell into the discussion about arranged marriage. Her own parents actually met on their wedding day! They were supposed to meet before, but they couldn't for whatever reason, so they just kinda shrugged and said, "It's OK, we'll meet when we get married." She did tell me that was unusual. And her parents didn't actually have sex until a few weeks after the wedding. She also told me that her parents had an arrangement for her as a sort of "backup plan." (last I heard she's living in San Francisco and is still single, but that was about a decade ago)

When her own parents were married, it was a different day. There was no internet, there was a greater push to marry younger, and caste still mattered, even though caste wasn't legally recognized (it retained its importance to families and even companies... there were private detectives who would investigate caste!).

She told me that in her parents' day, as now, 99.9999999% of parents loved their sons and daughters so they wouldn't *want* to marry them off to someone who would make them miserable. They *want* for their children's happiness, so they work hard to try to make a good and loving match for them. She told me that in our time, most children approach their parents with a request for a match with someone.

My only problem is the undue haste. I'm curious if things seem to be changing. Is there a greater push towards getting to know one another as the century progresses?

P. S., Indian brides positively *SLAY* the competition when it comes to being the most beautifully dressed! They're the most beautiful in the world, in my opinion!

[Shezadi]

Pakistani girls are also pretty

[Bluemax]

@Shezadi

To me, girls with straight dark hair and dark eyes are pretty.

[Juxtapose]

Marriage is a mistake to begin with. Why on earth would anyone get the government involved in their relationship?

[Schrodingerscat]

Lol 🤣 I see a libertarian there🤔

[Juxtapose]

On the political compass test, I score as a libertarian liberal quite consistently.

I do appreciate that arranged marriages aren't forced in India and the individual ultimately has self-determination inthat regard. If the marriages had no legalality behind them it would be an interesting concept to me.. as an autistic person, finding like-minded individuals for dating while also preferring to not make the first move (or be the dominant) is rather difficult.

I do much better in finding one night stands than anything meaningful.

[Guy13]

Arranged marriages are about the only thing that will save the marriage institution in its current state. The shame and guilt felt by the Family if the contract is not honored should force people to work their issues out rather than run away. I love the idea !!!

[YourFutureEx]

Contemporary arranged marriages are more like "arranged-love marriages". So, it has the best of the both worlds.

Pro-Love marriage peeps say that in love marriage, the sheer advantage of actually knowing the person you are marrying well makes it a better option.
Pro-arranged marriage peeps say that arranged marriages have better success rate and they have stats to back their claims.
But I believe both of them are wrong. You can never really know someone completely. Heck, you cannot even know yourself completely (hyperbolism yes, but true). And arranged marriages last better because it's not the contract of two people, but two families.

On a piece of paper, reading this sounds like an impeccable deal. It's not the love marriages that fail, it's not even the arranged marriages that fail, but it's the whole complex process of living the married life which tests you big.

I don't think arranged marriages will work in the west because they don't have that connection with their families we have here. They haven't seen the success or even an arranged marriage in the first place. All of the living organisms fear unconventional alternative and the incertitude just keeps on growing. It's either pass or fail, but never an alternative. Maybe that's why you have seen the criticism of arranged marriages.

Nonetheless, I must say, you're spot on. You did a very nice job highlighting each and every detail. I really hope people don't fear this alternative as there is always uncertainty in any kind of contract, not just marriages.

Personally, I'll try searching for a best suited partner because if my marriage failed, I don't want to unfairly blame my parents for it. But I'll always keep an option of arranged marriage open because it'll be nice to take suggestions and recommendations from the people I love and trust, the people who have experienced it and are more experienced than I am. After all, choosing her will be MY choice in the end. I must say, I'm privileged because I can easily do an arranged marriage and focus on my other goals in life.

[IlyaTheImpaler]

An ultimate effort to give a structure to this random process, you can still have the freedom of choice, but your future is more influenced by external knowledge (from your parents or detective agency instead of doing the background check yourself which many people do anyway lol). It's similar but more rigorous than when your friend sets you up with another friend. This is good for people who want to quickly settle down and spend their mid 20s onward chasing something different from the opposite sex.

Of course there are side effects:
- Incompatibility issues (not just about sex) popping up years later
- You and your partner didn't develop sufficient skills in dating (how to approach, how to court, how to deal with competitions) which is bad in case you're divorced and had to get back on the market again at like mid 30s lol
- There's also a huge sense of responsibility pushed on you in your relationship (I'm not sure if this is good or bad) you will have to learn to be a good boyfriend while you are also a husband. If things go wrong and it's just someone you date then breaking up is what a lot of young people opt for, ez, onto the next relationship, learning curve is shallow. In a marriage you are bound by other things (like children 😱) you are forced to do your best to make it work, some people prefer to learn all of these without the huge constraint (but a lot fail to learn anyway that's just how some humans are lol give them to much freedom and they like to be self indulgent and destroy themselves)

[ObscuredBeyond]

This comes on the heels of PJW releasing a new video "The Truth About Chads."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5h43t1AQ4I

He even sites GaG statistics on some of this stuff! We're really messed up in the head when it comes to societal values. And therefore, many in this generation don't have a clue what love is. And worse: refuse to be corrected when they get it wrong!

And that same incorrigible attitude then dooms their marriages - if they even bother with marriage anymore!

Defying the soy-ification of modern males by cultural Marxist lunatics who've crept into literally every corner of civilization only makes you a target. And I've been attacked many times, until there are days I'd rather be a vol-cel than risk further harassment from third parties devoted to making sure I can never keep a girl around. My patience with these drama llama busybodies only goes so far, and I get tired of defending myself from BS.

Other men now jeopardize their masculine integrity to seek approval from increasingly non-feminine women, just to avoid the affliction while still trying to score. And PJW is right: it comes off as pathetic and thirsty.

It's not surprising that depression runs rampant - which only makes matters worse, as it slowly rots the brain.

However, if arrangers have messed-up priorities, they'll make bad matches, leading to just as many failures at marriage as when clueless singles make shots in the dark to find a mate.

[Historylover18]

The reason I disagree with arranged marriages is not simply due to my culture alone, but the history behind it in the West. In the West, the third party that arranged it often had an ulterior motive especially if they were aristocrats. It was used to gain money or forge alliances. This is especially shown with the marriage of Marie Antoinette of Austria to King Louis XVI, where there was almost no affection at all. This of course caused problems not just for the couple, but for France among many other things. There was also the influence of the Habsburg Dynasty which was largely determined by arranged marriage.

It started declining in Europe around the 1700s, which I assume was a result of the Enlightenment due to its wanting to empower women more in a society where arranged marriages were also placing more decision making power on males, as well as it might have in France been a remnant of the Ancien Regime. That's just my speculation though I have to look more into it.

I'm not saying we have had it better with the more individualistic marriage but it's now more characteristic and suitable to Western society than arranged marriages because of our emphasis on individualist values.

[animelover14]

The problem is that the perception of it is forced commitment by many people from the west. My parents had an arranged marriage along with almost everyone else in my family and it has been successful. As for me, I wouldn't want to have an arranged marriage because I place a lot of emphasis on the act and rather choose to marry someone when I know that they are someone I want to spend the rest of my life with.

There's nothing wrong with having an arranged marriage. They were common around the world until the 18th century. In China, it was considered the norm until the mid-20th century.

[George4love]

If you respect eachother emotions then your arrange marriage life is like heaven.. I mean not every time husband and wife views same at specific matter so some time say YES instead of saying NO it's called respect of each other not ego or down yourself against someone will and last thing a women body is not a toy for physical joy at bed or entertain a male.. Treat a woman like queen she treat you like a prince and loyal with each other specially in case of sexual relations, extra martial affairs always distroy a good marriage no matter it's love marriage or it's arrange marriage

[JimRSmith]

Whilst I wouldn't do it myself, I'm neither for nor against it for other people. I think it works better in cultures that have a tradition of it, obviously. It's not something that could easily be exported to places that don't have it.

The only part where I'd disagree is "You rarely see completely mismatched marriages like Ivy league grad+ bartender here". You don't really see that here, either. Not saying it never ever happens, but it's pretty rare.

[Kiran04]

Given that arranged marriages and free choice marriages have roughly the same divorce rate, who even cares which method you chose? What makes a marriage a marriage is your personal ability to be a good spouse. The biggest failure of all marriages is that people think it's their husband/wife's job to make them happy. No, you are in the driver's seat of your own happiness. That's not your husband's job or your wife's job. It's your job. If you marriage lacks fire, inject some fire into it. It's your job to make it work. Yes, your partner share's an obligation in the marriage, but you only control yourself. You do your part, period.

[Anonymous]

I know of instances where adult children were coerced into it because their parents insisted on it. Aside from coercion or emotional blackmail, I guess it could work out if it were done under more civil circumstances and both parties were in agreement. I have heard of it working.

[SpiderManFan2002]

This is great.

Also, arranged marriages are not religious, but more of a cultural thing.☺

[Schrodingerscat]

True. Christians here also have arranged marriages lol

[ragequeen]

To be honest, parents should never be involved in their children's marriages or even choices. They can give their opinion but anything to do with arranging or forcing is not good because the children are still influenced by them. I understand that in arranged marriages you have more freedom, but you might as well just do everything yourself.

[Benedek38]

inb4 in defense of slavery

Arranged Marriage is disgusting. I am not the pet of my parents, I do whatever the fuck I want with my life. I date whever the fuck I want (and whoever they want to date of course). If I want to take intelligence, financial status, or education into perspective, I can do that.
You are dressing this up as if this was essentially a modern dating strategy - except it fucking isn't.
Do not pretend like people aren't forced by their parents into certain marriages. That is a blatant lie.

God I am fucking disgusted by India.

[Schrodingerscat]

Not even gonna debate you. I have seen lots of arranged marriages around me than you have and while SOME marriages may be forced, lot of them aren't and dating has its own problems.

You have made up your mind to look at anything not western as to be backwards and shit. Just FYI, even your Europe had tradition of arranged marriages and things were fine then. Then you now have absolute degenerate hookup culture there so families are literally destroyed and kids are raised in broken homes. Even Jordan Peterson, which you alt righties worship thinks that there should be enforced monogamy. That's what arranged marriages do.

At least we don't have lot of incels and MGTOWs in as high numbers as West

[Schrodingerscat]

PS- I haven't seen a single arranged marriage around me that was forced

[Schrodingerscat]

I could say stuff like "I'm disgusted by degeneracy in Europe" but then I'm not a racist supremacist liek you.

You all love to blame your problems on immigrants but your overall cultural degeneracy is what is destroying you and not immigrants. You all would still be like "Muh Europeans besssst" "Muh Europe most civilised" because you all are high on drug of supremacy and how you all spread your culture through force in other countries which also look up to you thinking that you all are superior culture (you all aren't) and refuse to look into problems of your culture

At least India and countries like us are looking into our problems and trying to improve ourselves.

Your media is also same, which keeps you high on the drug of supremacy by showing ALL non Western countries in unnecessarily negative light.

[Benedek38]

1) You labeled me as "alt right" and "white supremacist", none of which are even close to being true.
2) I am actually really critical of my own country and culture, I even wrote a myTake about it.
3) Arranged marriages were horrible back in the day, in Europe too, and they are horrible now.
4) There are degrees of difference between arranged marriage, hookup culture. Both are horrible.
5) Jordan Peterson has never in his entire career advocated for enforced monogamy, as far as I know. And enforced monogamy is not nearly the same as arranged marriage. It is the banning of polygamy, not forcing people into monogamous relationships.
6) Are you joking? Indian incels are literally the most numerous out there. They call themselves "currycels".
7) Speaking of India, I don't have a problem with indian people - I have a problem with Indian culture, more precisely, how backwards and oppressive it is.

[Benedek38]

8) You admit that you have seen a lot of arraged marriages, and some were forced - but then you say that you don't know anyone who was forced into an arranged marriage. I call bullshit.
9) Speaking of people being forced - does "stockholm syndrome" mean anything to you? Ihave read accounts of countess women who were forced, even beaten into arranged marriages - and then went on to advocate for it, saying how wonderful their husbands are.
10) When the GDP of India will approach that of developed countries, we will talk about who has better culture.
11) "At least India and countries like us are looking into our problems and trying to improve ourselves."
Don't make me laugh. What problems? The closest I have heard is public urinals.
12) Finally, here's the account of an Indian man on arranged marriages. I agree with it.
www.reddit.com/.../

[Schrodingerscat]

I phrased it differently, I have seen lot of arranged marriages, none of the arranged marriages I've seen in my whole fucking life are forced. I just acknowledged that there are SOME arranged marriages that are forced. I also said that I haven't seen any arranged marriage that was forced, later on because I realised that it was written bit ambiguously. It does happen with me sometimes.

Indian incels are numerous and also they are half Indians living in West or 2/3rd generation Indians in West. There are way too few Indian incels living in India. Even those who are, they are in it just for sake of it because they know they can get arranged marriage.

You believe an account posted by a stranger on reddit, who is likely to be an Indian who lives in West, they are notorious for being self haters and you call bullshit on my account. Way to go. Let me tell you something, most Indians you find on reddit are likely to be from West or with strong lefty tendencies. Even official subreddit of India, r/India gets its 75% traffic from outside of India. Those who remain are liberals who worship West and find anything non-Western to be shitty.

Jordan Peterson has criticised hookup culture and how having too much freedom and polygamy causes chaos. He has said that monogamy should be culturally enforced AFAIK.

[Schrodingerscat]

Yes, we have our problems and such and we are working on it. Public urinals that you and other Westerners bring up is also being worked on. Open defecation has reduced sharply with 89% people having access to urinals.

Infant mortality rates are drastically reduced

And all other stuff like that.

But I won't blame you if your news sources are restricted to BBC, Economist and r/worldnews which have inherent bias towards non Western countries.

[N192K001]

Exactly!

Marriage by romantic love is a recent invention in human history and high/rising divorce rates & frustrated singles across the globe seem to indicate it may not necessarily be the better than its arranged predecessor, which has a long track-record of success.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Arrangement has to take a LOT of factors into consideration. If the arrangers have the wrong life priorities, the marriage will be just as doomed as if developed by the current system.

[N192K001]

@ObscuredBeyond True.

Like all things in life, it's a matter of the contingencies that form the parameters for success… and what the actual operating conditions are.

[Anonymous]

I highly doubt involvement of matrimonial site in the process. Also, internet is not trustworthy. Success of a marriage doesn't depend on the way of getting married.

Arranged marriage emphasises more on accepting a person rather than just being picky.

The one difference is that in arranged marriage you get to know little about the person and in love marriages they get to know a little more.

The fate of marriage doesn't depend on whether it is an arranged marriage or love marriage. it depends on one's ability to accept their flaws and act responsibly.

I support arranged marriages.

[HaveNoName]

SPOT ON !!!

[lucasnabizada]

This doesn't change the fact that in many many many MANY cases, arranged marriage IS precisely forced marriage... it's the whole concept if you think of it... If you truly had a say or choice in who you were marrying it wouldn't be called an arranged marriage it would just be a marriage wouldn't it?

[Adrianna7868]

In my opinion, I think finding love with someone is a natural process that must happen naturally, instead of your parents shoving you in a room with another person and saying "Marry them!". You don't go around meeting people already expecting to marry them as you would an arranged marriage, but you let it gradually build up over time.

[nirvana99]

you're from the subcontinent, ain't you?

as to the success rate of arrange marriage, my idea is, if you didn't have the guts to marry the one want in the first place, how would you manage the courage to leave the person that your parents chose? lol. so you sacrifice, and go on living. it's not only the parents, it's the society, the pre imposed "family value", "divorce is bad" blah blah are some of the concerns that keep an "unhappy" couple stay together. it can happen in all types of marriages. none is worth defending but in most cases arranged ones are forced by the parents whether you agree or not.

[Bella117]

Even if it’s not forced, I still don’t condone the act. You should find someone on your own time. I know someone who’s parents were arranged and says that they hate each other. And even if you don’t, I still think that it’s wrong. No one should have power over who you want or don’t want to be with.

[Scarecrow13]

I do think arranged marriage done in certain ways can be good and in many ways preferable to how our culture now does it., The way proposed here seems like a good way to go about it. Parents should get together, set their kids up, the kids get to know each other, if they do not look like they will work out, then they can be try something different.