I think I ruined my marriage

[Anonymous]

I am the sole provider for my husband, toddler, and I. I work 60hr weeks, i donate plasma twice weekly, and now recently i have taken on an online sugar daddy. I have never had financial stability until now. When both my husband and i would work, it was stressful because he was confrontational and never seemed to keep a job for so many reasons whether it was being fired, getting injured, having snaky bosses, etc. So i told him I'll just work and he can stay home. Now i dont have to worry about my fellow provider losing his job that day or going home early or whatnot.

Anyways, he said he was ok with the sugar daddy but i could tell he was jealous so i decided to let him have his online fun too where he could roleplay in IMVU. This has been a thing he's done since he was a kid and didn't seem like he'd grown out of it. We had issues in the beginning of our relationship where he'd be on it and lie about it and to this day he swears he never roleplayed while together, just talked to his friends. And he told me he wanted me on there so i could see him in his natural habitat with other women (i mentioned i wanted to see him dominate someone else) and so we could roleplay.

Id been asking for years to roleplay or sext with him and he always so no that wasn't his thing. He lets me watch him roleplay and talk to people, he doesn't hide it. Then last night after he had been chatting with 2 different people while also playing his xbox, i asked if he wanted to roleplay with me and he said sure. I tried and i pretended i didn't know him and was trying to make conversation just like i was the other people and he barely made conversation and then told me later it was because he was gaming and busy. But he was gaming and busy with the others and he had no trouble reaponding to them.

I then asked did he really want me on there to explore a different side of our sexuality and he then said no i just wanted you to make friends because you always say you want friends. (Is true, but I've also been telling him lately i dont want online friends.) Im so exhausted because something always has to happen for him to reveal his true feelings and sometimes even when he does, he'll contradict that later again.

I told him will keep allowing him to to talk to these dumb people just because i dont want to give up this opportunity with the sguar daddy. I have been wired to fight to survive and im in a mode where i cannot stop reaching for more money so we can get out of this shitty house with no AC or food. But I've been crying myself to sleep every night now because i keep thinking that all i want is my son and i honestly dont even want to exist. Im so tired of living, im attention seeking, jealous, obsessive. I love my husband so much but i feel like I've now ruined our marriage. He still treats me the same but i dont know how this will affect the future.

#lost

Random pic of cats

#marriage

[Ohshee1]

No this is just a moment in time, and how you handle it either make you stronger or weaker you need to find the positives out of it you need to be 100% honest about it. What I don't understand it's why he won't stand up put away the Xbox go go get a job and take care of his wife and his child that's all he has to do is very simple it kind of looks like both of you want to take the easy way out there is no easy way out ever an easy way always is the hardest way no matter what it is. In a roundabout way you both have the best of both worlds you get to explore something that will either give you fulfillment or more knowledge if you have that trust and respect their that's an added bonus you have to look at everything but if you want things to work out what did he have to stand up and make a change I don't know what you do with the sugar daddy I don't know how that works I would like to know if you don't mind telling me I would love to know also I would like to know about the place that you will play I love to role-play that I can never find a good role play partner and that's what I'm looking for how many people do you role-play with this would be a good role play right here somebody to pretend that he is your husband you play you and try to play it out that way try to figure it out that way that's something I would be interested in trying because that way you get another point of view you get to see it a couple different ways could one of you have to snap out of it snap into it remember it's just a moment in time and you saying that you don't want to live anymore I'll be around. Just well to be honest it pisses me off if you ever want to talk please send me a message one way or another I can help you figure this out you just have to look at everything and you have to have good feedback please if you ever feel like the last part of your message on the last part of your question please please please get a hold of me one way or another you can be figured out

[FilmGuy93]

It doesn't sound like you ruined your marriage, it seems like the marriage was just a bad fit. Your husband straight up does not know how to communicate and he's immature. You shouldn't have to be working 60 hours a week. You shouldn't need to wait until things get intolerable for your husband to communicate. You shouldn't need to deal with someone who is constantly flip flopping.

It's not like this is unreasonable stuff to ask for. Having a stay at home husband is fine for some people, I won't knock on that, but you have a child, not a husband.

[Anonymous]

Okey... I will never allow a stay at home husband. We both will work.

[Anonymous]

Lmaooooooo wtf

[OlderAndWiser]

You have lost your way because you have no established moral compass, no unquestioned set of morals, no guiding light.

[Guy13]

This is a tragic story.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so I obviously your situation is some what unusual but there is nothing wrong with that so long as everyone involved is an informed and consenting adult etc.

You are clearly burnt out because you have so much on your plate and you need more support from your husband which you aren't getting because he has trouble functioning in the real world.

The IMVU environment is a safe and familiar space for him but its not healthy, he needs to leave that place behind and learn to function in the real world but that isn't going to happen on its own and he has to want to leave, no one can choose that for him.

I would imagine that he is actually keenly aware, when he allows himself to think about the real world that he needs to participate in it and not just be in that space but its very scary outside of that space and he doesn't like who he is in the real world, can't hold down a job, another man is paying for his wife etc, these things are devasting to confidence and self esteem etc.

I suggest that you reach out to friends and or family if you have access to that sort of support and mostly talk to your husband about whats going on.

The step has to be that he acknowledges and accepts the situation and for him to want to not want to be in that situation, then with time, work and help and counselling etc it is possible that he could escape this prison which he has built for himself and start to function and contribute to your lives in the real world.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read all this. But why did you marry your husband to begin with? Sounds like he didn’t have ambitions for a promising career. Now he’s got to tolerate you being whored out to grandpa to make ends meet. This is all screwed up all the way around.

Its shitty because my parents drilled it into my skull the very first day i learned the word “college”, “good job”, “security”, “invest” was the ONLY way to find meaning in this world.

I reluctantly went to college and even more reluctantly graduated. Then I “rebelled” in my 20s and traveled abroad and trained/competed in pro mma. I was always near broke but I found way to make it work. I had a lot easier time scoring woman then and some of them had strong feelings for me. But I felt ashamed of always being broke and dreamed of being financially secure.

Then at 33 my career took off and at 35 I bought my first house. However I had to give up some of my full time passions to accomplish that (training mma full time is no “hobby”). However I still got dated but ironically it got tougher and tougher despite keeping myself in good shape and having my shit together. I’m “boring” now.

Then at 37 I noticed 3 out of 4 women i dated were looking for “saviors” and/or financially security. Most were much younger but I tried dating women in their 30s and around 80% of them were damaged goods. Some of the worst dates I ever been on in my life were with grown ass women my age. I remember a grown ass 38 year old woman was 100% confident i was okay with the friendzone. She was a selfish moron. Society complains about “Peter Pans” but I swear there are just many if not more “Wendys” out there.

So what did all my hard work and devotion land me? If I want to get sex and/or a steady date with an attractive woman I’m now the fucking sugar daddy at 40.

[myTake Owner]

I dont really know what you're getting at unlessnyoure just trying to rant about your experiences.

[boombastik]

You must either really love this cat or he is hung like a donkey (hee-haw). Somehow i don't think it's you that has ruined anything. Could you please state what IMVU is? This guy sounds immature and kinda delusional. Who agrees to his ol lady finding a job and then going out to find a sugar daddy because he refuses to be responsible. On top of that, who buys xbox when you can buy a window unit for $50-$75 used or maybe even new. No man should be comfortable with having his lady in those living conditions.

[Miristheiss]

So you are screwing other people then your mates? Your are both unfaithful whores.
Of course your marriage is ruined. You aren't "married"... I don't know what to call you both.

A blight against a loving, normal marriage and society.

[Lara_Croft]

Repent and believe in the Gospel-God loves you otherwise it'll be a very steep and downward spiral. It's no longer a marriage when the two that became one flesh Ephesians 5 vs 31start inviting strangers-sugar daddies, online friends etc. Rememeber too many broken homes exist, no money is worth breaking up the family. Communicate regarding your living standards and maybe a need for frugality

[bulletbob555]

Wow. I see your situation and empathize. If you're ok with the sugar daddy thing go with it till it doesn't work. A husband that doesn't work is always A strain and a drag on the relationship. When you get out of the shifty house with no food will you still want to be with him

[myTake Owner]

Of course. I just wish someone could help financially so i didn't have to kill. myself working

[bulletbob555]

He could always kill himself working

[Staximus]

Sounds like you married a fucking bum that doesn't want to grow up. Tell him to put down the video games and go get a job like an adult

[SalvatoreCordileone]

Sorry im in the middle of reading this and I came to this. What does IMVU mean?

[SalvatoreCordileone]

I think your marriage was on the down swing, once he quit working and to be honest. Sounds like he is kinda lazy.

Your busting ass and he sitting there. I see this realationship one sided.

Does he take care of the house, child and so on?

But on the other hand, I understand why your working so hard. But that to is killing your marriage.

[myTake Owner]

He is too depressed and i s a recovering alcoholic and constantly fights the urge. Its a struggle becadue he does not clean at all, sometimes i go pn 2hrd of sleep for 10hr shifts 6days a week because i clean, he doesn't feed or water our 4 animals and i only see my kid 3 hours every days but its so hard to be a good mom because im. so emotionall spent

[OddBeMe]

sounds like you're better off.

How do I get me a sugar daddy?

[Anonymous]

Are you trolling? GET THAT POS OFF HIS FUCKING XBOX AND INTO A JOB FOR FUCKS SAKE

[Celtero]

Seems like you just chose a bum for a husband.

[TurkishDİxon3419]

How long has begging become sugar daddy?

[Anonymous]

he sounds like a loser. no offense

[Joker_]

I think so too

[Anonymous]

Is this for real?

[Diya010]

Good for you