I am the sole provider for my husband, toddler, and I. I work 60hr weeks, i donate plasma twice weekly, and now recently i have taken on an online sugar daddy. I have never had financial stability until now. When both my husband and i would work, it was stressful because he was confrontational and never seemed to keep a job for so many reasons whether it was being fired, getting injured, having snaky bosses, etc. So i told him I'll just work and he can stay home. Now i dont have to worry about my fellow provider losing his job that day or going home early or whatnot.
Anyways, he said he was ok with the sugar daddy but i could tell he was jealous so i decided to let him have his online fun too where he could roleplay in IMVU. This has been a thing he's done since he was a kid and didn't seem like he'd grown out of it. We had issues in the beginning of our relationship where he'd be on it and lie about it and to this day he swears he never roleplayed while together, just talked to his friends. And he told me he wanted me on there so i could see him in his natural habitat with other women (i mentioned i wanted to see him dominate someone else) and so we could roleplay.
Id been asking for years to roleplay or sext with him and he always so no that wasn't his thing. He lets me watch him roleplay and talk to people, he doesn't hide it. Then last night after he had been chatting with 2 different people while also playing his xbox, i asked if he wanted to roleplay with me and he said sure. I tried and i pretended i didn't know him and was trying to make conversation just like i was the other people and he barely made conversation and then told me later it was because he was gaming and busy. But he was gaming and busy with the others and he had no trouble reaponding to them.
I then asked did he really want me on there to explore a different side of our sexuality and he then said no i just wanted you to make friends because you always say you want friends. (Is true, but I've also been telling him lately i dont want online friends.) Im so exhausted because something always has to happen for him to reveal his true feelings and sometimes even when he does, he'll contradict that later again.
I told him will keep allowing him to to talk to these dumb people just because i dont want to give up this opportunity with the sguar daddy. I have been wired to fight to survive and im in a mode where i cannot stop reaching for more money so we can get out of this shitty house with no AC or food. But I've been crying myself to sleep every night now because i keep thinking that all i want is my son and i honestly dont even want to exist. Im so tired of living, im attention seeking, jealous, obsessive. I love my husband so much but i feel like I've now ruined our marriage. He still treats me the same but i dont know how this will affect the future.