Is He Really Marriage Material?

Is He Really Marriage Material?

It’s 3am and I have been listening to my friend debate the lifelong question:

Am I really going to settle down with one person for my entire life?

It started out as a little joke, what about when he is bald and um “things” sag. Then the real questions started flowing. What if he won’t keep a job? What if he is bad parent? What if I get tired of him? And on and on and on it goes. I tried to reassure her that he would be everything she dreams he will be but after my 15th time of saying “He’s great” I wonder…”Is he?”

So now I am curious. What makes someone a good husband? What red alerts do we look for before walking down the aisle?

So here is my take on what should make you run away and the one thing that say you should stay.

He has an obsession

If he spends most of his time holed up in a room playing video games, watching sports, shining his gun, you get the picture. I’m not saying he can’t have a hobby but when it is ALL he wants to spend his time on, he is not going to have time to be a husband to you.

He is secretive

So you have been dating a year and he still takes his phone with him WHEREVER he goes and he refuses to open up about his past. I take these as signs that he is not ready to commit. Part of commitment is sharing and being open.

He is willing to change

You talk to your soon-to-be spouse, airing your concerns and problems, waiting to hear his response. If he is willing to change, then you know he is in it for you!

Happy Wedding Day!!


Most Helpful Guy

  • He is willing to change? for real?

    Thats HORRIBLE advice. I'd never want a woman to ever CHANGE me nor do I want to have a woman who I get to CHANGE.

    Either I accept her for who she is and me for who I am... or it's over. Changing for someone makes them happy not always you. I was miserable when my ex tried to change me, get me to dress with expensive suits, eat a certain way, walk and talk a certain way.

    I never got to be... well me. I rather wear a nice pair of jeans than a $1000 suit. I rather chow down on a burger than be at a fancy restaurant eating a burger with a fork and knife... (really they do that in some high class places).

    Sorry, but guys don't change for a woman. But don't expect the woman to change for you either. Accept each other as you each are and you will be a lot more Happy!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I would definitely not like a guy who constantly games... i went on a couple of dates with a guy like that... and even on one of our dates he wanted to make a trip to Toys R Us to get the Guitar Hero kit... i didn't hear much from him again for at least 4 days... because he cooped himself up... and when we did talk on cam (because we met online), he would eventually start playing Guitar Hero while talking to me and kept saying "I will be back in a bit" :\ yeh... not pleased lol feel like i was just being ignored... the moral of the story is don't commit if you love your gaming too much.


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What Guys Said 13

  • and what about you? Are you marriage material?

    "and what about when he is bald" ; And what about when you get old and your beauty fade? A man can still be sexy when he older, but for women it pretty much downhill after age 25.

    Nobody should be willing to change for anybody, they gotta want the change for THEMSELVES.

    • Mate, look at this ratio of votes haha :")

    • some women peak in their 40's honestly I've had crushes on guys and then been told "you look 12, I only go for older women" and brushed aside for a 30 year old :( because she's "sexy" while I\m just "cute.

    • @Markyy Battle of the sexes! Yo!

      I admit the snide comment about how women beauty fade after 25 is pretty dumb, some girl I know look like they are 18 when they are 27!

  • A few points,

    1 trying to change someone is like buying a new car with the intention of having it lowered, new paint job, etc. Why not buy the car that's already lowered with the paint job you want.

    2 Hobbies and obsessions can often be made into profitable business's think about a geek working on computers in his moms garage, dropped out of college and can't put his computer down Yah that Mr. Bill Gates is a real looser, he'll never make anything out of himself

    3 There are legitimate reasons to be secretive about your past, abusive relationships or family life springs immediately to mind, some types of military work (Military Intelligence or even a horrible tour in the Middle East that you just want to put BEHIND you also could create a secretive attitude), and simple embarrassment about your family (Mother was a piece-nick in a commune, dad was a junkie, etc.) could all make a person guarded. As far as phones, my phone is fingerprint locked and encrypted with a high end Antivirus / anti-theft protection, why? Because I handle proprietary information for a laser development company, So no, you don't get to go through my phone until we actually have exchanged rings. Sorry if you feel that it's unfair.

    So these may be warning signs, but don't take them as an end all be all list

    • I think she meant you trusting your partner not to go through your phone in case you leave it behind or unattended? Even though my phone isn't locked, I certainly don't expect my partner to check my email while I go to the restroom... So if you can't trust the person and they don't trust you, end of story.
      As for mr Bill Gates, isn't he the exception and not the rule?

    • Show All
    • @kobito when I taught small business development, one of the first questions I asked of new students was "what hobbies do you have that could be made into a profitable business? " Most people who are new to entrepreneurial thought have no idea what kind of business that they want to go into. Therefore we look at what they know, their skills and experience to help build an idea for their new business. And hobbies certainly play a role in that.

    • @dipta good point about trust, as for Gates yes he's the exception. Success in general is the exception 90% of all startup businesses fail within their first year. But success is available to thase who push a little, have a little luck and plan well.

  • Not one single person in the world is the exact same as another.

    Humans obsess over things. It doesn't mean they won't make time for you.

    Humans are secretive. There are things in our lives we want to keep to ourselves, even from our most loved ones. Without those secrets, we feel completely exposed and that makes us become nervous. If the secrets are harmful to your relationship, then of course they are bad. You have to be able to trust your significant other in order to believe they aren't keeping secrets that are of wrongful doings.

    Changing a person is one of the most difficult things to do. A person isn't a machine you can simply tweak to your liking. There will be things they don't like about you, and that you don't like about them. If you try to change the person to your liking, you are simply not meant for that person to begin with. Everyone has traits that are unique. Nobody should have to change for another person, unless they want to change.

    Whether or not they are "the one" is irrelevant if you yourself have doubts about them. The moment you start doubting your significant other, your relationship is no longer yours. Of course, everybody has doubts. That's just how we cope with our own self conscious feelings. If you can turn that doubt into trust, that's the difference between being the right one, and being the wrong one.

  • When a man loves a woman and he's willing to change things, he's willing to change the BAD things, and not all of them as some of them makes him the guy he is now, some bad behaviors maybe that are changeable and at that would make him rather a better person, so if a guy says he's willing to change some of his bad behavior for you, then he's the one for you.

  • "what about when he is bald " - Stopped reading. You're not marriage material, and I hope no man bothers with you.

  • lol, women. if a man plays videogames, he's awful. if a woman is a slut with 10 past partners, how dare you judge her!

    • You should judge her... Because she's a slut...

      A grown man playing video games to the point of obsession (as she clearly stated) [and I've know men like this] - are clearly never getting a real life.

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    • hell, if we could teach all women 'have long hair and stay fit' that alone would be massively great.

    • I agree with all of that... Of course being loose and obsessed in every sense of the word is BAD.

      I don't like people who don't take care of themselves (physically and emotionally)...

      I don't have double standards (as opposed to what you'd like to think). If a guy is a slut, he's a slut. If a girl is a slut, she's a slut.
      If a guy is an obsessive gamer (literally works and then plays games for ad least 5 hours a day), he's not dating (or anything more serious than dating) material. Same goes for the girl in that same position...

  • This is a trick question, the answer is never get married, especially if your a man.

  • Chose wisely!

  • I disagree on the last point, good take otherwise.

  • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting she will never change, she does...

    • So you don't like the change?

    • Not when it means 40 extra pounds, no. And I'm not talking pregnancy weight.

  • This made me realize all the fun I'm missing by not dating... NOT!

  • "and what about when he is bald"

    "If he is willing to change, then you know he is in it for you!"

    How typically female of you. I am appalled at how shallow and entitled women are today. It's no wonder men are saying no to marriage in record numbers today while women are increasingly interested in marriage.

    No thanks!

    • Yeah, and women never sag or gain weight, or get wrinkled.

  • i would definitely not marry your crazy bipolar secular ass for once...


What Girls Said 5

  • Agree about the obsession part and being secretive.

  • A guy who makes you laugh. Someone who doesn't fit neatly into 'your world' but sets it on fire :)

    • You Called ;)
      you need to stop making it to easy for me to do this ;P

  • I could see myself marrying my boyfriend one day (in the future after Uni) which is scary because I'm only 19! He brought it up one day just like "I could see myself with you forever, I hope that's not weird" and I agreed with him. I'm in the mindset where I think it's reasonable to admit that we may end up being together forever, and even if that didn't happen I'd never regret being with him. All he does is improve my life and encourage me to do things that are good for me. We've had little bumps but we never argue, we just talk it through openly and work it out, then we end up snuggling haha. I might be a bit naive because he's my first boyfriend, but even my parents have commented on how healthy our relationship is. It does still freak me out when he posts things about marriage on his blog because I'm more like education first then we can think about that!

  • i'm willing to accommodate. a lot.
    if he's my type.

  • in fact, all men are monkeys

    • b-but they are dogs and monkeys? monkeydogs?

    • Show All
    • I mean.. monkey could pretend any animal. they mimic. Humans are fish at one point especially when they are inside of their mother, and evolve into higher animal but then the highest is monkey. they are all monkeys. some website told that women should understand why all men are monkey. that's the answer.

    • monkey would mimic any animal in order to survive in jungle.

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