So I am 24 and I have dated divorced guys before. I am single, never been married or engaged, and I don't have a kid. People thought I was crazy.
Maybe I am. My divorced relationships did not work out...but I still don't think that a divorced guy would necessarily be trouble, and I would probably date divorcees in the future.
Personally I always liked older men. I think if you are a woman who likes her men a little older you will probably be more likely to like divorced men. I don't like them for the money, I just always found older men charming, sexy, felt attracted to them.
Here is my take on dating divorced men as a younger single woman.
I am not saying that these things do not apply at all to single men. Both bachelors and divorced men can be great partners or be terrible partners. This is just from my experiences dealing with several divorced men, compared to bachelors.
Pros of dating a divorced man:
1. They seem to understand women well. Their experience living with a woman shows. For example they seemed to understand emotions, how women work, how to make a woman feel comfortable and cared for. They could read my moods well, know why I want and like certain things, how I am thinking and feeling. They just seemed more in tune with me emotionally than other men did.
2. More sexual experience. They know what they are doing in bed. One of my exes really enjoyed giving pleasure to the woman, and he once spent hours trying to make me orgasm through oral and he loved it. To me knowing he had sexual experience and definitely a lot because it wasn't just one night stands with different women, but pleasing one woman, long term...was a real turn-on.
3. Maturity. They've been in real adult situations. They aren't acting like little boys anymore. The bachelors in their 30s are different than the divorcees from what I have experienced. Even though their marriages didn't last, being married made them grow up.
4. Caring. They have taken care of a wife, and maybe pets and/or children. They have a certain comfort to them, they took care of me more in certain ways, were chivalrous and protective. I did not experience certain crap with them that I did with bachelors.
5. They want a partner. They tend to like at least having a girlfriend, or having a special someone and not just many dates-they are used to monogamy and enjoy having a lady and not just hooking up with random grls.
6. They probably have a job/some stability. They had a household and probably have a steady job and care about keeping one. It does not mean RICH by any means but more likely to be stable and at least have a career.
7. They are more direct about what they want. They will admit if they want a relationship with you most likely, and not play games about it. They talk about the future and what they want it in life. They've already planned a future once, thought seriously about life. Things are less shocking to them.
8. They are realistic about people and their flaws. They know that every person comes with flaws, that a partner will never be perfect, that everyone has a past or baggage. Especially after being married, and having some themselves.
9. They aren't so freaked out by romance and intimacy. They've done the mushy gushy and they aren't as freaked out by talking about things like romance, marriage, relationships. They don't get freaked out by lovey scenes in movies or talking about these things, to them it is a part of life and one they often want.
10. You make them feel alive again. Especially if you are younger, they are proud and happy to have a new girl in their life, to feel those new feelings of attraction and passion again.
Cons of dating a divorced man
1. They may not be healed from their marriage and looking to fill a void. You have to be very careful. If he was divorced less than a year and you are the first relationship/date I would be very wary. They may just be looking to fill a void and not ready for true emotional intimacy. You really need to find out when the marriage ended, when the divorce was FINAL and why it didn't work out, as well as his dating history since the divorce. I would be hesitant to date someone who was not LEGALLY divorced for at least a year. Separation is not the same thing. And you want him to have been out of the marriage for a long time either way. If he isn't over the marriage or ready for a relationship, it may be hard to tell at first. He may still be very attentive and even extra clingy because he is lonely. But if he is not really ready for a relationship you will end up being his nurse and sex toy and even if you are his girlfriend, he will probably either realize he wants to play the field more first or maybe that you aren't really what he is looking for. It is very easy for a divorced man to find some pretty younger woman and latch onto her by giving her a lot of attention and dates, because he is lonely and desperate for affection, yet not really ready to become a real partner, because he is not over his wife yet. Watch out if he keeps talking about his ex or his marriage, it probably mean he is not over it if he brings it up a lot, especially if he sounds upset or angry about it. MAJOR red flag if he compares you to his ex in any way, shape or form. Honestly he probably will compare in his mind, we all do, but to verbalize it is a whole new issue.
2. He could have serious problems in relationships, I am not denying that. He could have been a horrible husband. He could have been controlling, abusive, mentally ill. But not always, at all. It's easy to marry the wrong person or get married for the wrong reasons and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with the person or that the person won't be a good partner. But like anyone else, you want to be very careful and aware of negative behavior patterns, especially controlling or abusive ones. You never know what really happened. Abusive men often place a lot of blame on their exes so if you see he has a temper, run, especially if he blames his ex.
3. If he is full of too much anger and resentment you will be the one to suffer. This goes back to Number 1 on the negative list. Sometimes the man is not over his marriage and therefore is looking to fill a void with a new girlfriend. If that's the case it means you should break up or not date him, have space, and if time passes and you cross paths again when he is more stable then maybe it's meant to be. But other times he could just be permanently scarred from the marriage. His marriage may have made him bitter and you may be the one to suffer. If he has trust issues he may take them out on you. If something went very wrong in his marriage he may be paranoid about it happening again, and this fear or these negative emotions may surface with a new woman.
4. Someone was there first, in a very big way. The ex wife is the elephant in the room. She was still his WIFE and that's a big deal. As the girlfriend you will always feel in a sense threatened by her. Maybe he is comparing her to you. If he ended bitterly with her you always have to be better than her. If he loved her a lot and she hurt him you may worry he will never like you as much or that he really wants her and not you. Really, she was there first, and most likely he WILL weigh other women against her in his mind. But if he is a good man, and emotionally healthy, ready for something new, he will realize that this is a new woman, that you aren't his ex, and he can't treat you in relation to her because you are a new woman with no relation to her, this is a new part of his life where is is starting fresh, past to the side.
5. He may be scared or unwilling to marry again. The statistics are split here. Some say divorced men are likely to remarry, and statistically speaking, more divorcees who remarry are men, compared to women. However, he may have a fear of marriage, or be dragging his feet about marriage. In some cases he may not want to. If he says he does not want to get married again, don't think you will change his mind, no matter how wonderful you are. On the other hand he may like being married and want to be married again. It really depends on the guy, but some divorcees really are scared, or if they want to marry again they are "scarred" and fearful that another marriage will have problems. On the other hand there are happy married couples where one or both has been divorced before. This is another area to be careful. Keep your eyes open. He will definitely have some feelings of marriage.
6. If he has kids they are number one. If he has kids, there is a much bigger bond with the first wife that can never be forgotten. If he isn't close with his kids, it is a big red flag though. You want a guy who talks to his kids a lot, really seems to love them, and has a good relationship with them. His kids should be very important to him. But because you are not the mother of the children, it will make you feel small or like you are less important. Even if you get close with them, you aren't the mom and will probably always feel like an outsider. When I met the kids I got scared.
7. Divorce is expensive. Especially if he has to pay child support. But even divorce alone really can drain a person financially. It could take years to recover fully from a divorce, financially speaking. And that may mean he is stressed out about money, or has less to spend. He may be living more frugally, or may even feel he is not ready to get married yet because he is struggling financially or has too much debt.
8. His marriage ended and that isn't nothing. Don't fool yourself a marriage is a big deal. It is the closest type of intimate relationship two adults can have. It definitely has impacted him in many ways, both in good ones and bad ones. The trick is to know when the good is outweighed by the bad. There are two sides to every story and usually a marriage breaks up because they BOTH could not make it work. It is usually not 100% one person's fault. A guy who just blames his ex all the time is probably not emotionally mature. It is much different when a man can say why the marriage did not work out and recognize his role in that. If he can say what he did wrong without any blame or hostility, that says a lot about his character and ability to grow and mature from experience. Because the reason many divorcees fail in later relationships is that they haven't learned from their past, about what THEY need to change about themselves, between who to choose as a partner and how to make a relationship work. If they don't learn this, they can make the same mistakes over and over again. You want a mature partner who can learn from the past to make a better future without getting too jaded or full of blame.