Could my fiance become less possessive after marriage?

[Anonymous]

I have a very possessive and controlling fiance. He is also a very jealous person too. I want to know if he will be less possessive and controlling of me after we get married? I am thinking that maybe after we get married that he will be all like, "well, we are married now and she is mine so therefore I will not lose her." But is that how you guys think? Also I would like some input from girls too on how you think guys think! How could he get worse after we get married? He said that he is afraid to lose me because I am 24 and he is 39. I have never given him any reason for him to not trust me and I keep telling him over and over again that I love him and will never leave him.

[madmisskelly]

I think it will get worse. Why are you with someone so controlling? I couldn't handle someone telling me who I can or can't hang out with. I couldn't handle some guy on my ass all the time asking me what I'm doing or who I'm talking to. I need a man to respect my privacy.

A man who is possessive is a dangerous thing. Many of the abusive relationships I've heard about and seen start off with the guy being possessive. They all say how he wouldn't hit them or anything, but he always did and they always took him back.

The other day I saw a guy yelling in his gfs face, and he walked over and punched a hole in the fence. The next time that happens- that fence could be the girls face.

Controling and possessive men only become more controlling and possessive. That's how control freaks are. They control everything they feel that they can. And obviously since youve been together long enough he has succeeded in having more than a little control over you and its beyond compromise. He's going to keep seeing what he's gonna get away with.

Just think, when was the last time you stood up for yourself and you both did it your way? When was the last time he didn't whine or moan or complain until he got his way, or whine and complain after you got your way? When was the last time you were able to go out and do something no questions asked? How is his temper?

Never forget what a man does or says when he's angry.

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your answer as well! I think he is very much a control freak! I have so many "rules" that I have to obey! The last questions that you asked has happened like,"never!" And he has a bad temper! Not directed towards me but he's known for people being scared of him because he's not afraid and he will fight with anyone! He doesn't even let his mom tell him what to do!

[madmisskelly]

Do be careful with that anger because its only a matter of time before its directed at you. I think you need to get out of there. If you get out now, you can make it. You will be okay. All you gotta do is decide to not take it anymore.

[wildfire5288]

I think it'll probably get worse after you're married because then he'll probably get the impression that you belong to him and he can tell you to do whatever he wants. Guys like that just have issues, they're probably insecure about something (in his case he's probably worried that you'll find a younger, more attractive guy). I had a boyfriend who was really controlling and wanted to know where I was and who I was with all the time and would call a ridiculous amount of times and leave me really nasty messages when I didn't answer my phone because I was busy doing something else so I broke up with him. I don't have time to deal with that and I never gave him any reason not to trust me but as far as he was concerned I was sleeping with every guy I knew.

Guys like that only get worse, not better, and when you give them a reason to think that you belong to them they'll just start treating you more like something they can control. When a guy says you belong to him he should mean it as, "You're mine and I love you and I'm never going to let anything happen to you and I'm going to do everything I can to protect you and take care of you," not, "You're mine so I get to decide where you go, who you can see, what you can wear and I want to know everyone you're talking because I can't trust you with you anyone and you're mine and only mine and no one else can have you."

[Asker]

Thanks! So you see where I am coming from & how guys like that are "supposed 2 think," He wants us to get married so bad. I don't know y! I guess I'm just hoping that he will change & do the You're mine & I love you thing that you said first of all. I love him so much. I do everything for him. We live together and I cook homemade everything for him, keep the house clean, and spoil him. Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough for him but everyone else says I do to much for him but because I love him!

[ALWAYSclassy]

He probably wants to get married so badly so he can control you better. This doesn't sound good at all. I hope you realize that you are a person with autonomy, not just a possession to be controlled. If you do everything like you say then why does he still feel the need to treat you like that?

[kmhco]

He will not get better. If you think he is too possessive and controlling get out while you still can. Why would you want to be with someone that refuses to trust you even if you have proven time and again that you are?

[Asker]

Thankyou! I can't go anywhere for more than an hour (family only lives 10 mins away and store). I am not allowed to hang out with my female friends! Guy friends haha that's out of the question! I don't mind him being a bit possessive & controlling of me but he is going very extreme! I can't even wear my hair down because he gets to jealous because he thinks that I attract other men! He gave me the silent treatment for that & told me that better not happen again!

[ALWAYSclassy]

Are you serious!? You can't go anywhere for 1 hour and you can't have friends and you are okay with that? You can't even do your hair a certain way? You really need to take a step back and not let yourself be controlled like this. You are a grown woman and you can't even wear your hair down? That's a problem. That is way past normal jealousy I can't believe you put up with that. I hope the best for you but if you get married the situation will only get worse.

[Enickols12]

It is an alpha male thing he wants to control what happens to " hope this does not offend you, but this was caused by evolution" his property. It no longer is as good of a trait, but none the less it is still there. It more than likely will not change with maraige, but it does show that he cares about you very much and I think that should be what you try to see it as.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer and no you didn't offend me! It just helps a lot to know how you guys think!

[Enickols12]

Something I should add is that based on what you have described you should leave if there are problems forming or you feel like he is getting very angry often because males like how you have described your finance can often become violent.

BE CAREFUL DO NOT LET HIM ABUSE YOU

[intra]

A leapord won't change its spots, its in his nature he won't wake up a totaly new person.

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer too!

[Anonymous]

no usually things get worse after marriage. like whatever problems you had before you got married will just get worse or stay the same

if he is that jealous he has an internal insecurity problem. its not you and don't think you can fix him

[Asker]

Thanks for your answer too! I think he has a lot of insecurity issues!

[Anonymous]

Controlling men easily become men who are emotionally or physically abusive. He won't change.

[Asker]

Thanks!