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My boyfriend asked me to marry him and changed his mind and took it back, what should I do? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(18-24) 
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I don't understand how you are talking about kids and living together but not ready for marriage. It is possible that he isn't ready for any of it and you neither.
If you guys other wise have a good relationship and want to stay together consider getting married before living together and especially before having children.
I have a friend that did the same thing but he proposed retracted and then proposed again and is currently engaged to someone that none of the boys know she just came from nowere so without getting into the reasons I believe he's been acting like that I will just say he is sad within and is trying to fill a empty space with grand statements that force people to notice him but also keeps him occupied... So maybe u need to asks yourself if he's had anything tragic happen to him and weather it could make him act out of character and do such things your talking about?
No doubt it’s a shock... and it hurts.
And it’s embarrassing... and traumatic.
Look at the bright side... what if you DID get married? You’d live a lifetime of regret.. he’d probably cheat - and you’d get divorced- probably have kids..
So this isn’t such a bad option. He sounds immature anyway...,
Maybe he just realized that marriage is a contract in which only the man pledges to give away his life without getting any advantage while the woman can walk away anytime with the kids, house, money and receive monthly money till the end of her days.
Damn! I can't help myself describing reality as it is.
She said both of them have good career type jobs & income. I took ‘we talked about buying a house together’ to mean they both would contribute cash.
2 people buy a house.
Upon separation one is kicked out and one keeps the house because you wouldn't want to destabilize the kids' environment.
Marriage contracts can do that for you.
He has something on his mind preventing him from moving forward. Maybe he wanted to ask your parents permission first, maybe he loves another person, maybe he isn't sure you love him. Ask him if he needs space or if he has something bothering so he should tell you or have a one time session with a shrink.
You should probably slow down on all the plans. Getting caught up in live sometimes gets the best of us. Take your time. You’re 20 or under 18, either way, there’s plenty of time to make babies and get married. You don’t want to make a mistake that ruins your lives for ever.
Marriage can be spoken lightly nowadays, and maybe it was the feeling in the moment when it was asked. Maybe he thought it wad the right choice; there is a lot of experiances and things to do before settling down and he might have realized that. I wouldn't be too taken off by it; he didn't break it off - id just keep the levels low and let the flow happen.
Better he realized it now than later at the ceremony or worse after the marriage has begun. He is not ready and you don't want to push him. He told you he regretted it, stop pressing him on it. People get caught up in the moment or moments that's more than likely what happened. Be thankful he came to his senses. You're twenty, you are young no rush to marry or have kids.
As dumb a move on his part is, think about this: Would you rather marry a man who doesn't want to get married, or would you rather him back out before time the knot? Don't get me wrong; either scenario is messed up, at least a bit, but think about it.
Just talk to him. Is he completely opposed to marriage, or does he have a problem with timing only?
Just carry on as you have been. Don't bring the subject up again, and try to act as though it didn't happen. It may be hard, but it may well be that, in time, and when he gets over his embarrassment, he will propose again, and with rather more commitment. Give it time, though.
Yikes, sad story.
How do you feel?
Were you happy he proposed and now saddened that he's retracted the offer?
Were you feeling rushed and unsure about all of this and now you are relieved that he isn't pushing marriage?
If situation 1 I'm sorry, that's got to hurt.
If situation 2, whew! You dodged a bullet.
He probably has commitment issues. It's probably not you. It's not uncommon for many people to have doubts about marriage, it's one of the biggest commitments we as humans make. Try finding a couples or even marriage counselor. Or talk to his mom if you're on her good side 😅
This is a big commitment, give him time, and don't try punishing him, because your behaviour may change and you may react in certain way since he took it back. Try to be cool about it. And hope he overcome his fear, look for red flags. But don't poke them try to make it work.
Your profile says you're under 18. If that's true then he's right, at this age you might feel the need to rush into things when you're not ready. He realised how big of a commitment this is and decided to take a step back. The only way to know for sure is to ask him why he changed his mind and where he sees your relationship in the future honestly. If you guys want the same things then good, if not go your separate ways.
He shouldn't have done that if a man ask to marry a woman they need to make sure 1. It the right one 2. They are ready for this commitment 3. They truly want this and not a I guess or I'll do it for her or I'll just want this or that... etc
My advice is this : open up and tell him how u feel if u can't do it face to face write him a note letter... and put it where he sees it... etc
Well if your profile is true and you’re not even 18 yet he’s doing the right thing. You may be physically able to have a kids and be married but I highly doubt you’re ready for a mortgage, your kids medical bills, insurance, car payments, and everything else that comes with full adulthood. Just wait a few years if you both want to be together you will be.
Well seems like the thing to do is to sit down and talk to him about what he wishes for a future for you two
Does he still want to get married just not right now? Does he want to continue your relationship as is? Or does he have second thoughts about the relationship in general?
Have a conversation find out where you stand
Dont b in 2 much of a rush 2 settle down , life will come past faster than you'll notice. get out there , travel , have an amazing holiday romance , learn a bit more of life so , in time you'll have some life lessons 2 pass onto ur kids when they come. BE SAFE. Enjoy.
I'm sorry but I dumped that dude after that that's not something you do to a woman that's really messed up I wouldn't wait he obviously doesn't know what he wants I do want in my life and find somebody that really wants to be with me. You can't waste your youth on one guy and then later on here wake up in the side he don't want to be with you I'm not good with that
Yeah, i don't know his or your age, but getting married and/or having children when you're children yourselfs is not a good idea. You may think you are all mature and stuff, but when you are 25 you will probably look back and think how silly and immature you where. Not far from if you think how you where at 10 now.
Still think 20 is way to early for kids/marriage, what's the rush? Do it and you will most likely regret it at some point, in 1 year or 10 years whatever. If your going to spend the rest of your lifes togheter, what's the rush? Focus on having fun/traveling while you are young and can.