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Dating for three years and still nothing, no ring? Any advice? (Page 2)
Anonymous
(36-45) 
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Three years sounds like long enough to know someone and decide if you want to marry them. You've already made it clear that YOU want to marry him. Perhaps if things aren't progressing as you want them, you need to sit down with him and ask him why. He's the only one who can tell you. Good luck.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six years, are both catholic, and no ring so I’m kinda in the same boat.
That said, I guess I can just share with you my thoughts and advice I’ve gathered from friends. Like.. you have to be super clear about not only what you want, but by when. Almost to the point that you pull him aside to remind him firmly about your biological clock and how you want to be engaged by.. June 2020 (or whenever).
Pre-engagement counseling is an option. You're Christians... You probably have people at church who know good counselors. Anyway, communication is the key. He probably wants to propose but is worried that it will change the relationship for the worse. You both have kids from previous relationships... so he probably has some baggage from his experience and is trying to NOT repeat similar mistakes. He sounds like a good guy.. just give him a chance to open up to you about his feelings too. Realize that your feelings and desires are not the only ones involved. You love each other, and that's beautiful.. you will make this work!
Are there any goals that you want to accomplish either as individuals or as a couple in the next five years that would require you two to be married? I understand you want more kids but that can still happen after you turn 30. What else is a goal that requires a marriage right now?
How about starting with moving in together first? You say that you both have children from previous relationships. Have your children met? Do they get along with each other? Do your kid (s) get along with him? Are you on good terms with his? Children are a crucial part of both your lifes and can be the deciding factor of your relationship and if it will lead to marriage.
So maybe you should start by living together like a big family and then talk about marriage...
It doesn't seem that there was any intent at all to hurt you. However, his lack of action toward marriage is hurting you. Have you actually sat down with him when alone, and talked to him about being together three years, and you feeling that you need to move to the next step, marriage? Three years is plenty of time to get to the point of marriage. Has he told you why he's not moving toward marriage? After three years, he owes you some clear, honest answers.
Relationship is not always what we expect even we are both happy together for many years... Expect the unexpected and remember expectations hurt us not the person... wait if you think he deserves you and he is deserving to wait even it well take long... Enjoy the happiness you and be the woman he want...
Either wait, sit down and talk about it or propose. I know it's probably not how you want it to go but if you want something sometimes you have to go get it yourself instead of waiting around. Make your priorities known. If he's worth it he'll respect your honesty.
I fully understand your frustration here but there is no substitute for a frank and open discussion with him.
My sister is your same age but she's been dating her man for 5.
Trust me, dump him now and move on with your life. My sister wasted a lot of time, and wanted a house and kids and nothings changed or ever will. If you didn't train them early, old habits will never die.
I think you're wanting marriage so badly you're letting it cloud things and you can have kids without being married
I'm a prominent leader where I live... having a child out of wedlock thisnpont in my life is not a good look. Just not going to happen with me.
And have you spoken to him, because he might not want the commitment especially because of his previous marriage which would have scared him
Let me ask you a serious question. Why would he ever marry you when he's getting everything he wants form you without being married to you. We have a saying where I come from. It goes like this why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. I'm no attacking you just giving you a little food for thought that's all
I think he should marry me because he is NOT getting the cow for free. We do not live like married people.
I'd guess he's quite happy, he's not messing with you, he has plenty of time.
You want to move on? Take control. Discuss with him. Set a date. Make it happen.
The question is what's more important to you. Remaining a submissive traditional "good Christian" or getting what you want. If after three years you feel as you've described - time to take the initiative.
And also, if you can't handle basic criticism without becoming offended, don't post your life story online. The world doesn't revolve around your preferences and sometimes people will have things to say that you won't absolutely love. Get over it.
Maybe he isn't in to marriage and you are obsessed about it.
Maybe he isn't ready for marriage yet or sees thing's in you that makes him wait to grow past like obsession about marriage and why you want to get married.
Ask yourself why you really want to marry and cut out all the stereotypical alternative reasons and justification to get married.
Maybe when he’s ready or waiting until you least expect it.
Well if at anytime he does it now, I will definitely be surprised no matter what.
Good Luck.
You should probably bring this up to him and make it known that you're serious about this situation. Let him know and be clear to him that you want to marry him, have more kids, and share your life with him. My OPINION is that if he isn't willing don't waste your time because those time wasted could've been spent with the man that is the one. That should to told to him too and make sure that punt gets across too. Worst case scenario is he's cheating or something.
Sooooo... you think she should give him an ultimatum?
Maybe it's time to discuss with him how you're really feeling in the inside. And then ask him how he's feeling as well so you guys can be both on the same page on a future together. I know plenty of people who have kids together and have been together for 7 years and still no ring and their fine being that way.
Take him to a mall or somewhere where there’s jewelry stores, but that you can go to in a low-key way and tell him “oh let’s go look at rings” try some on, and say jokingly, “are you paying attention to which ring sizes I’m getting? it come up on the test” and just laugh it off. if that ain’t a hint I don’t know what is.
Let me see if I understand. You love him. He loves you. The love is shown regularly. Similar mindsets. You're committed to each other. My opinion is this: That's what marriage is; everything else is paperwork.
Apparently God wants to see the paperwork first 😂 im sorry but not really
Look I totally understand. I hate this whole paperwork crap honestly. Marriage is far more than that to me, the vows and. When it comes to certain things in life, especially medical events that may come out of nowhere (and has happened before that cause great issues with his care), a loved one has no say in helping you if you are not immediate blood or married. Marriage is much more than just sex and playing house. At least in my eyes.
Sure there are legal things to be gained but those are kind of immaterial when it comes to not having any sex can't you just have sex and deal with those paperwork issues down the road? Have a mini marriage service to get the glands working again?
Lol u are a trip. Its obvious we want sex if I want more kids. Just not willing to compromise my values for satisfied glands. That how I have children now... not trying to go down that road again.
Marriage is the commitment. The wedding, the celebration. The legal status protects you and the kids financially.