How long is it too long to wait to get engaged? Ladies? Gents?

[Anonymous]

How long is it too long to wait to get engaged? How do you feel about waiting 7+ years before your S. O proposes?

[Shizunk]

At my age, I expect to give it a single year pretty much exactly and then press the issue. I I were ten years younger, that time would go up dramatically. I stayed with a girl for 7 years because there was no rush to be serious. As soon as I did get serious, it lead to a break up before anyone could even propose. So it really depends on your situation. I would simply want to check if the other person still wants to. get there eventually, but I don't think putting a definitive cap on it is automatically the right choice.

[markayd]

At some point in life, you will hit a moment where you don't have time to date another 7 more years to finally get married and start a family. You're gonna have to settle at some point in life otherwise, it will likely never happen for you. Your chances of getting married doesn't increase as you get older.

[Pillarofhell]

@markayd not everyone wants to get married. My parents got divorced in their 50s. Waste of time to ever be married for them.

[markayd]

@pillarofhell

marriage is what you make of it. Marrying the wrong person is an option. Divorce is also an option. You chose to get divorced rather than to work on things. But the reality of dying alone is very difficult. A lot of the elderly spend the last years of hteir lives feeling very lonely, abandoned, and neglected. Kids often move away, relocate and dont bother to check up on their parents. Loneliness is a very common problem amongst the elderly.

[NathanDavis]

I would never "wait" I would talk things through about these matters with my partner to make sure we're both on the same page... so there is no waiting per se, there's mutual planning and agreement

[lilyanony1]

If you have been together a steady 2 years I don't see why you really need to delay in asking. Most people stay engaged for a year which gives them. Time to save for the wedding and stuff. The heightened stress will really test you and you'll get to see whether you're able to stick it out.

Some might say 2 years is too soon.
But think you kind of know. The rest of time is basically just making a life together... getting a place to live etc etc.

[bubbles328]

Never. I’m not too bothered about getting married but what I’ve said is if he produces a ring he better already have some serious plans in place for a big wedding and not just turn up with one without even saving
I’ve already been married but was never bothered about it. Last time we’d been together 5 years and had 2 kids I only did it because I wanted the same name as my kids

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Sit down and talk to him... when you think of your future whats most important the proposal itself or the man putting the ring on your finger... he might be still trying to get in the position to be able to do that or their might be fears stopping him or you both might have two different beliefs meaning you dreamed of your wedding for years and he just thinks its just an expensive piece of paper.. talk to him see where his heads at and go from there!

Dont get in your head thinking whats wrong or what to do... just talk to him... Ask him where he sees you guys going can he see you as his wife? He might say you already are meaning he's happy comfortable with the way things are why have a wedding when its just a huge expense? Or thinking whats the point of marriage since no one lasts these days anyway... then you can express how much a wedding means to you.. then give him some space to think about it cause he had his mind made up.. can force a change of thought in a blink of an eye.. in a weeks time you could say have you given a wedding more thought cause thats something I am not willing to compromise on and if you dont want to get married in the next 3 years than please understand I love you but I can't stay in this relationship because I value the commitment of marriage its a day for us.. not just me! Make him involved in every part of the planning except the wedding dress!

Or you guys could split and he could come back after he sees how other women are these days. Or you could find the man better than your wildest dreams.. look at whatever happens as an advancement towards what you want. Just explain to him you can't stay friends because you still love him and thats a dangerous place to be you have to have your full attention ready for the man you will marry! Wish him good luck and part ways if it comes to that even still its not final but dont take him back unless he agrees to a wedding or your desire to have a wedding changes.

Take care of yourself! Remember its all in your approach on the topic! Good luck!

[Dragonpurple]

It really depends on the couple. I know people who dated for 3 months, engaged for 3 more and now have been married for 30+ years.

I also know with the case of my ex, we dated for 2 years, engaged for 2 years and things still didn't work out.

Any notion that amount of time before getting engaged or for how long you should be engaged means success seems totally random.

With my current spouse, we dated for six months, engaged for six months been married almost 14 years.

I would never wait 7+ years, heck I think 1 year is too long.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Righg. A co worker told me his friend was dating this chick for 10 years, got married and didn't last a year in their marriages. Time means nothing.

[Dragonpurple]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy In my state ten years of living together is common law marriage, not sure if they were living together but that would essentially make them married here, like it or not. Assuming they were living together.

[Browneye57]

Your HAS or HAS NOT proposed?
Are you 25? Or 29? It makes a difference.
And are you saying the subject has not been discussed between you two?

Some peeps have no intention of EVER getting married. Are you giving him regular sex? Cuz that can either work FOR you or AGAINST you.

On the one hand, lack of sexual engagement means you've never properly bound him to you. He may feel you'll withhold, so it's a dealbreaker.
OTOH if he's getting free sex then there's no impetus to further engage you. The free milk and cow thing.

[Prettyapathetic]

What do you mean work with you or against you? How would it work against you , if you give your boyfriend regular sex?

[Browneye57]

@Prettyapathetic - If you give sex to a guy without his commitment, it's difficult to get him to commit to you - he's getting free sex, so what's the impetus to lock himself in?

Women are keepers of sex.
Guys are keepers of commitment.
Don't be giving up yours till you get at least a little of his.

[snowgirl123]

he's got to go, stop wasting time, he has no love for you. he's trash. one thing is if he could not marry you for some reason, now not to propose? lit happens, sometimes people are prevented from marrying each other, it happens. but look, most times it does not take much to marry a person, there are many ways, you can just Pray and pronounce yourselves married and go live together, so I mean, send this rotten trash to bottom of the trash bin for no recycling. check if legally you can get anything from him, I mean 7 years is a very long time, in some places if you can prove a stable union, you have legal rights, take care of yourself.

[godfatherfan]

I met my ex wife on Jan 10, 1989. I went into the Air Force on 2/14/1989. I came home for a 3 day weekend May 25 and proposed. We lasted 25 years.
How long or quick doesn't matter if it is right. That said, If there is no proposal by either by the 2 yr mark, there probably won't be. So better to move on if marriage is important to you. It was to me.

[hahahmm]

I really think 4-6 years range is good because by then you're definitely out of all the pure lust stuff and everybody has had time to think clearly and meet some relatives. But that said, from my male POV: you gotta prove that you're top shelf wife material. It's not that you're entitled to get asked just because of the length of time. If you were too slow/dumb to prove it... well that's going to cause delays.

[hahahmm]

Also you need to put in a request/hint that you want to get married. Most guys are not going to think of it first unless he's desperate to get married. So the timer doesn't even start till he knows you want to get married.

[hahahmm]

But the timer I mean in my last message isn't the full 4-6. More like 2-3 years at that point.

[markayd]

people do not propose because she is wife material. people propose to those who they have strong romantic feelings for. the stronger it is, the more likely he will propose.

[hahahmm]

@markayd Maybe fools propose to women who aren't wife material. Obviously it's not JUST because she's wife material. It's a given that he's into her too.

[markayd]

people will care more about passion than whether or not she is wife material. usually he will take her as long as she hits the minimum passing score for a "good wife" such as a 65%.

[markayd]

nowadays, marriage is more about enjoyment, passion and excitement than about stability, being a good wife / taking care of each other. once your spouse finds you boring, its only a matter of time before he hires a divorce lawyer.

[hahahmm]

@markayd I realize that women change their minds and do things based more on how they feel at the time. Although if she believes you're a "good catch" then she's slower to make a final decision because the stakes are high. Also, I'd say only people who get married during the initial lust/honeymoon period of a relationship are getting married just for passion. Hence my original post!

[markayd]

@hahahmm

you all blame women for doing things according to how they feel. Men are the same way. No man will marry you because you're an excellent wife who has dinner ready on time everyday, or is able to juggle three jobs and also keep the house clean. A man will only marry a woman if he feels strongly and very passionately towards her. I have seen a lot of men marry dumb women, bad mothers, just because he loves her.

People like to say they put logic over emotion. But in real life, we rarely ever see any of that.

[hahahmm]

@markayd It's not my fault if you pick guys who bought into the feminist line that men need to show more emotion, be more emotional and such. Real men don't change their minds based on their mood and random whims. Men are biologically wired to be able to handle stress better (if they bother to tap into that strength). This is scientific fact. Probably one of the reasons why women are usually the ones filing for divorce too. But I will give you this.. you women are consistent. Consistently dodging responsibility. Everything is somebody else's fault. A man has to own not only his mistakes but yours (if you're in a relationship with him). We know this whether you can admit it or not. Next.

[markayd]

@hahahmm

Women are the ones filing for divorce because they know men like to marry down so they would have much to gain from divorce. You can’t just marry someone who never worked a day in her life then cry about it when she takes half your assets upon divorce. She never worked for anything and yet she takes half.

Men don’t file for divorce cus he knows he has much to lose. When you like to marry poor women, nobody feels bad for you losing half to her

[hahahmm]

@markayd So you're basically telling us how you personally operate, on a level below street hookers since street hookers don't have to lie to men to get ahead in life.

[markayd]

@hahahmm

What’s wrong with street hookers If you want to marry a street hooker?

[hahahmm]

@markayd hookers are honest so they get more respect than whoring non hookers

[markayd]

@hahahmm

Well if you like to marry poor hookers then don’t complain when she takes half. You love poor hookers who marry for money. Financially stable women scare you off

[hahahmm]

@markayd It's pretty much rule #1 among men not to marry a hooker. A lot just do it without knowing they're doing it.

[hahahmm]

@markayd men are biologically wired to be providers & protectors... saying a man is scared of financially well off women is like saying a woman is afraid of broke men since the vast majority of women wouldn't marry such a guy. Next.

[SkyCastle90]

Play it by ear. Due to the change in culture, marriage can induce anxiety. Plus with covid, it's perfectly fine to get married in the courthouse and have a wedding later. My advice would be to plan a court date that's comfortable for both involved and have an honest talk about.

When that date is approaching and your partner is making excuses, then you know where you stand and you might have to make a difficult choice to stay and wait or leave and find someone marriage minded.

[HayleyMarie]

Honestly I think everyone has their own timeline. My two good friends got engaged after 8 years together. My parents weren’t even dating a year before they got engaged and they’ve been happily married for 32 years. It’s up to you as a couple to gauge how soon is too soon etc.

[GaGirls]

I think within 2 years you should know. Maybe 18 months. Maybe 12 months. If you don't know by that time, it is because marriage isn't on your mind and you are not looking for it. Someone who seriously wants it, is looking and analyzing. Anyone who waits 7 years better have a kid with them already.

[lovedejj_xo]

2 1/2 years max at this age. My best friend complains about her boyfriend that’s she’s been with for 6 years and they’ve had the conversation. I didn’t want to say leave him (that’s what I’d do) but I mean This man is not going to marry her she settled and at 29 that’s the worst thing to do.

[Adam1978]

I would wait an eternity. Since I don't believe in the need of marriage. I it doesn't do anything for a guy in modern times but place a time bomb in his relationship. Like there isn't enough of those already.

[markayd]

anywhere over 4/5 years is too long. And if you're with a guy who took 10 years to propose to you, he's just settling for you. Because any guy who is desperately head over heels in love with you would jump to propose as soon as possible.

[VanillaSalt]

Just the same as a woman in their late 30s is settling for the provider man…

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

Unless your man has a really legitimate reason to take 10 years to propose , there is a high chance he is settling for you. Couples who are head over heels in love can’t wait to get married

[VanillaSalt]

I don’t trust people easy. And I don’t believe in love. I refuse to marry with less than 1-3 years of prior deep understanding and at all I’d I don’t trust you. As a matter of fact I argue that marriage is a mistake for men period. Not every women WILL take a a man for all he’s worth after cheating but any woman can without consequences, that alone makes massage a bad deal for men.

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

You don’t truly know someone until after marriage. People are on their best behaviors until you marry them. And reality is , at some point in life you will run out of time “dating”. Marriage prime is in late 20s-30s. You don’t have until your 40s-50s to find “the one”. At some point in life you will lose your physical attractiveness and find all your friends are married with kids. You’re the only one who is single in your social circle.

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

There are still many guys who want to get married. Most men want marriage eventually:

[VanillaSalt]

Why do you think I advise against it? Men gain no benefit through marriage. Only women benefit but the most benefit they stand to gain from it is divorce.

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

I’m willing to bet you don’t even have any assets. What do you really have to lose from marriage?

Marry a poor woman, you will lose everything

Marry a rich woman, you will get half of her money

[VanillaSalt]

Do women generally want s a man that makes more or less then they have. They want taller men. Stronger men. Men with money. Men with higher status. Men that can raise them up. Their general expectations are higher than the average man in today’s society. If you want proof look at alimony. Generally the higher earners pays alimony and 90% of alimony payments are made by men.

[VanillaSalt]

As for what I have… I went from being homeless to 2 vehicles an apartment and 50k a year with covid hours… do you think a woman would be happy keeping an apartment? Na after marriage I’ll be expected to buy a house or I’m not being a man. I’m new to my job but I’m about5 years I’ll be in the 6 figure range which is more than about 60% of men in the states…

Also what hurts more the guy paying 25k in alimony when he makes 50k or the hit paying 100k who makes 200k? Pretty easy to live on 100k Lol.

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

You don’t even have any assets. Losing a car is really nothing compared to a man with a net worth of 300k, two houses , a car , Various rental property , A business.

Men like to marry poor women. The poorer, the better. And at the end of the day, you pay THe price for having your preferences.

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

50k a year is not rich at all. That’s a poor mans salary.

By the time I hit my early 30s, I would be bringing 100k a year , have a rental property, A house , car, possibly starting a business.

[markayd]

It’s funny how poor men are complaining about losing half their assets when they barely have any assets

[VanillaSalt]

It’s funny how some bitch online can talk down to me telling me I don’t make enough for losing half what I got to be important…

[VanillaSalt]

Also… www.google.com/.../...n-men-earn-at-every-age.html

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

you're 34 years old. The average man around your age makes wayy more than 50k per year.

[VanillaSalt]

I bet your in a big city. I’m out here in the boonies. If you judge my income of the big cities you’ll find it to be far less… but while a New Yorker probably makes 300k/year their also forming it no less than $1500 a month for a studio apartment.

Also you keep talking down to me. I went from homeless to making 50k during covid with a significant cut to hours. That 50k is a low estimate depending on the jobs we’re running and it don’t include bonuses which are about 30% of my annual income.

But why am I explaining my accomplishment to some woman who thinks she can shame me lol. I’m quite proud of where I’m at and fuck you

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

50k is nothing in the overwhelming majority of large modern cities in the US. Its not only New York. The only place where 50k is considered "well off" is the country side where everyone is broke as hell, no educated professionals, everyone is married and with 5 kids before turning 30.

On average, the typical 34 yr old should be making way more than 50k.

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

when we are talking about assets, we are talking about hefty savings accounts, property, hefty investments. Having two cheap cars, an apartment is really ridiculously modest. I wouldn't say you're someone with a lot of assets.

The typical new yorker has a home worth close to a million dollar worth, makes an average of 80-150k annually, a car, a lot of investments, or even a property. Now this is someone with sufficient assets.

[markayd]

and if you had so much money, wouldn't you already be married by your age? From what I know about the places you come from, the women are typically desperate, uneducated, poor and have no way to improve their standard of living. A lot of them need to marry for money. You should never have a problem finding a wife in your location.

[VanillaSalt]

Well I’m sorry I don’t measure up to your standards lol. That don’t mean I’m willing to give up half what I’ve earned either.

We’re done here. Once a woman’s gotten to the point of insulting you and repeating the same insults you can’t have a conversation with them.

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

dude, don't blame me for saying you're aren't a rich man. Not everyone is gonna lie to kiss your ass like that.

[markayd]

@VanillaSalt

[We’re done here. Once a woman’s gotten to the point of insulting you and repeating the same insults you can’t have a conversation with them.]

I never insulted you hun. I'm just telling you the truth. You're just offended by the truth.

[Rachel794]

Not trying to tell you and your partner what to do, but the longer the engagement the better. Marriage is good but people rush into it and it takes so much planning and responsibility.

[Razp_Sorbet]

There isn't such thing as too long. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. I don't care that he hasn't proposed, I know it will happen one day when he is ready and when we can actually afford it.

[Whatthefluff]

@Travis_Skyles hurry up!! Jk
I'd say whenever you're ready. Preferably when in a stable situation (ie no $ worries, stable living situation and willingness to endure wedding planning and costs).

[just_a_potato]

If my boyfriend asked me in 2 years, and things would still be going as good as they are, I would say yes.

[dustybiker]

7+ years is a really long time to wait.
Depending on where you are in life 2yrs? Should have a solid idea by then.

[Anonymous]

Longer than 1-2 years in my opinion. Unless you’re both really young then longer than that makes sense. I don’t see the point in being with someone if you’re not at least talking about or working towards marriage early on.

[VanillaSalt]

Lol I wouldn’t marry a woman. Your all dangerous and shouldn’t be trusted. That’s not to say all women are untrustworthy just that if they want all women can stab you in the back and you literally can’t do shit.

[openthedoornhavefun]

2 years tou putting high risk investment you getting older and he may never proposed he already had you for that long and get tired if he wanted he would have done it already.