How do you feel when a husband or a wife borrows money from each other?

[kitty71]

Is that normal in a relationship or is not good?

In my personal opinion, Im not married but I think it is normal if a wife for example, ran out of her own money or her own salary to buy something personal of her own personal expenses, to ask her husband to lend her money or viceversa. Besides the money borrowed stays between them not that the money is going to be given to a friend or a third party. And also they can coordinate or manage how one of them will pay them back, I mean as a couple in the long run they will find a way a manner how to organize and recover that borrowed money from each other.

What do you think of those wives or husbands who do not like to ask for money to their own SO because they feel embarrased to do it?

I mean they are married, they are a couple they can help each other right?

My sister is like that. Her husband for sure earns more money than her in his salary but she does not like to ask her husband for money for her personal stuff.

My sister receives her whole salary once each month so for the whole month she has to manage well that money so at the end of the month at least she still has money before getting paid again, between groceries, a maid who goes to her house to clean the house, house utilities, entertaining (going out to dine with her husband or friends), personal stuff, gasoline for her car, local trips if she wants to take with her husband for some time off. I dont know how much my sister earns anyway. My sister husband is a family judge and for sure he earns more money than her and he has to divide his salary im sure the same way as my sister, but as a couple I bet they both divide the house expenses of who pays what and also that each other still have money to buy their own personal and respective stuff (clothes, something for the cars, in my sister case, make up, shoes, body creams, jewerly, going out with her own friends, etc ). Also my sister and her husband likes to travel so im sure they know how to..

Updates

+1 y

manage the money between them. Also I dont know how much my sister husband earns and if he also gets paid monthly or each 15 days.

Anyway there is an upcoming family local trip where my sister and her hubbie is going and so does my my mom bro and myself and other family relatives. For this trip all the family has to pitch in and cooperate to buy the groceries and pay other stuff. The method will be that one relative will buy all the groceries before leaving and once at the trip place the rest

Updates

+1 y

of the relatives will reimburse her that money. In this case it is my turn to buy the groceries (it is not a lof of groceries) with my sister. Well my sister complain that she does not know if she will have spare money to help with me beacuse she has her own personal expenses still and her salary is paid after the trip begins not before and her credit limit on her card is just $300 and she only has $76 in cash until she gets paid again and she does not like to borrow money to her hubbie

[Lliam]

My wife and I both have income but it all goes to our mutual expenses.

We both have ATM cards for my checking acct. My income goes directly to that account and she contributes to it monthly when she can. I pay the mortgage, utilities, insurance and other bills from that account.

She has a separate business account because she is self employed. It would be a nightmare to combine her business expenses with our household expenses.

I have a very low (1.9%) interest rate credit card that I use for on-line purchases and we both use it on occasion. She has a CostCo card that we both use to pay for gas, groceries and sometimes restaurants or other expenses. She pays that off every month with her income so as not to incur interest charges. She also pays for our phones.

We don't look at it like "her" money and "my" money. We don't "borrow" from each other. We share and share alike. Everything goes to paying out bills and building our lives together. We're a team. If we want or need something, we talk about it and decide what method to use for payment. That goes for vacations.

I can't imagine the kind of marriage you described in which one person has much greater income and makes their partner feel like a leech, "borrow" money, and have to pay it back. That's a person who doesn't care about their partner. Everything is transactional. A person like that probably keeps a ledger of everything else in their lives to keep track of who "benefits" more from the relationship. That's not a marriage.

I'll bet your sister has no idea how money her husband has stashed away or what he spends it money on. Yet, if she runs out of money by the end of the month, he knows exactly how much money she has in the bank. Zero. And I'll bet he knows what she spends her money on, too. I actually hate people like that.

The only way if would make sense is if your sister is a piece of arm candy who pursues a lavish lifestyle and loves to shop for expensive clothing and jewelry or spend money on other glitzy stuff. In that case, he would have to keep a leash on her. And in that case, I would find her disgusting.

[Adam1978]

No you share economy if one can't afford something they need the other can get it for them. No money should be borrowed by a partner ever. They should simply live without it or use what the partner provides. That said you can't demand your partner money just because you are married. So you need to respect that whatever you want is against your partners wishes, otherwise they would have provided it without a loan.

[kitty71]

When I say borrow money is just to ask your SO to lend the money and but the otehr SO will pay her or him back for that beause that SO feels if she ask for money it is wise to pay the person who owns you that money back even if it is your husband or wife

[Adam1978]

It's a give and get, it should even out in the long run. There shouldn't be a tab. So still no borrowing.

[kitty71]

my sister feels taht if she ask her hubby for some money she will feel bad if she does not pay him at some point

[kitty71]

For instance for this trip that is a family trip whre the groceries bought will be for everyone, (us, them, other relatives) adn then other relatives will reimburse me the money I spent due to I bough the all groceries first, with my money, she does not have the money to buy the whole groceries list with me now so she feels asking money to h er husband to buy the groceries she does nto want cause she will have to ask moeny to her hubby and she does not like it. She wants to buy the groceries with her own money but now she does not ahve the money yet with her until she gets paid again at her job. Im sure her hubby will collaborate with other stuff for the trip but the groceries no.

[Adam1978]

Food should be bought from a common account for shared expenses. She should not need to ask for money. The account should contain a fair share of each months expenses added from each earning family member. That way it doesn't matter who makes the grocery shopping.

[kitty71]

The groceries are special groceries for a trip not for the house and the groceries will be shared with all the relatives who will go on the trip as well, Everyone is collaborating in something

[Apple1996]

Husband and wife shouldn't be borrowing from each other like that, they're not friends they're freaking married. They should be sharing all their money

[kitty71]

Indeed they are married it is a couple why not borrowing from their SO. I rather lend money to my SO than a friend beacuse a friend comes and goes and if he goes the friend will never retrun but the partner is with you

[kitty71]

Well if each one works and earn their own respective salaries not all the money is to share from each other. I mean depending on the expenses the moeny can be shared. Each one may have personal stuff to buy for their own, but other things can be shared too with both earnings.

[shaysh87]

In my opinion, if spouses don't trust each other enough to share both their incomes, the marriage isn't strong and eventually will not last forever.

[Guy13]

Frankly, a man should make enough so that the wife can be given an allowance or she can keep her check... if she wants to help with her own money, then fine.
What I enjoy about a woman is that free-spirit, kind heart, and a little spoiled thing that makes them appealing.-Invaluable and one person slaving in the Marketplace is enough...

[silkjames]

I never been married but been with her so long peeps thought we were and I never let her borrow anything I just let take whatever aslong she asked me first then all was well... it's only paper in my minds family is all that matters if they happy I'm happy always been my motto lol!

[krin_m]

When I was married, we managed our finances together so there really was not any borrowing. It also made it easy for reason to go our separate ways when we divorced because there was no debt to settle either way, we just split our possessions and moved on.

[UniquelyBasic]

I feel you should both pick eachother up when the other can't contribute but dont start to expect to get money all the time without giving back. Thats when resentment starts to happen.

[kitty71]

Im not saying to borrow all the time just from time to time when one of them maybe rans out of their moeny and need the money to buy something important but not all the time of course

[UniquelyBasic]

Yeah, I was speaking more of in general.

[kitty71]

Also my sister told me "Im not millionaire" and I have my personal expenses and at this mometn her credit on her card limit is $300 and she won't ask her hubbie to give he rmoney to buy the groceries as she wants to buy them with her own money not to ask for help to her hubby that is being a bit selfish. At the end those groceries will be consumed by all in the family anyway. And also the grocery list is not that big either are just basic groceries anyway for 3 days trip but the thing is that in this trip they have to also spend money on lodging, collaborate on the cook the family will hire to cook for all of us. But all of those expenses each family member taht will go on this trip will have to collaborate as well it is not just my sister and her husband.

[kitty71]

My sister says "im not millionaire" sure she is not but she spends more money on chic stuff thatn me my broter on myself and we are not complaining. My sister and her hubby likes to travel abroad often if they can when they have time off from their jobs, they remodelate last year her kitchen and that cost a lof of money, they have a maid to clean her house 3 days a week, They both have godo cars. And she compalisn she is not millionaire or have enough money to buy soem groceries? Gimme me a break. I mean she is n ot millionaire I do agree but she and her hubbie have enough moeny to spend on abroad trips or local trips, to dine out often, etc etc

[AviatorTom]

Relatives don't borrow money from each other. The lender can just assume they'll will never see it paid back. That's fine for a married couple because they share everything, right?

[OneNineZero]

I gave my wife a lot of money and never asked it back coz I never expected to get it back
Now I am getting divorce and I won't throw a dime at her dear body

[bamesjond0069]

This is retarded. Its ALL the mans money and he just gives her what he feels is appropriate. Its much easier and women are much more pleasant when they dont have the responsibility of bills and savings over their pretty little heads.

[kitty71]

Let me clarify both work and both share im sure the house expenses, the husband is not paying ALL. The money my sister earns at her work is hers not her husband. Of course llike I st aed above with the money my sister earns she also helps at the house with the expenses, is a shared collaboration of both salaries, understand?

[kitty71]

But of course Im sure taht even if both of them work and earn their respective salary for their respective jobs Imsure that besoides helping the house and sharing costs, im sure each one have somne perks to indulge themsleves in buying things for their own and not shared, like my sister buying her own clothes with her own money not the husband money, or her own jewerly, not her husband money, so there are shared exoenses and personal expenses they have on their own as well.

[bamesjond0069]

So they are just in a casual relationship then. Id just break up if it caused issues.

[kitty71]

THEHY ARE MARRIED

[bamesjond0069]

They behave as if its a casual relationship. So they can be married but it seems about as serious as marrying a stripper on a trip to vegas by an elvis impersonator at a drive through chapel.

[kitty71]

SO THE WOMAN can't work as she has to depend on her husband money`s is that what you are saying?

[bamesjond0069]

They need to put their money together. Its not his money and her money. Smh.

[kitty71]

But for personal and private expenses of each one no

[bamesjond0069]

No! I don't know why so many people do this. It makes no sense. Its like how two room mates would live.

All income goes into husbands account (could be wife if husband is not capable of budgeting but then there are bigger issues lol) the husband then pays ALL the bills including her cell phone and car etc. Then he puts a certain amount to savings retirement etc. Then he gives the woman an affordable yet minimal allowance. He gets more. She just needs some for minimal stuff. With the extra he gets he is also responsible for paying for everything when they are together ie out to eat, shopping at the mall.

[kitty71]

That sounds sexist to me that the woman has to depend only the husband money

[bamesjond0069]

Yes. It is sexist so is marriage... your point? If they were concerned about sexism they should not have gotten married.

[alice55]

In my country husband and wife share a bank account so nobody borrow money from anybody since the money belong to them both.

[kitty71]

even for personal stuff of each?

[alice55]

There's no personal stuff anymore since they're married, everything belong to them both.

[kitty71]

i tend to disagree,

[kitty71]

So if I earn my own money at my own job all the money has to go for the house and I can't buy my own clothes, my own personal stuff?

[alice55]

If you're in a relationship then all spending should go to the relationship first (like house, grocery shopping, electricity, etc...) and only after everything is paid you can buy personal stuff but if you only think about your want of wanting to buy useless personal stuff then you're not ready to get married.

[shaysh87]

@kitty71

married couples usually have joint bank accounts. this means it is one bank account for two people to deposit and withdraw money. when you get married, husband and wife makes up one net worth. once you get married, everything is shared.

its unbelievable how you're 50 years old and its the first time you're hearing about this.

[alice55]

If you're married but your first concern is buying clothes it's gonna be a rocky relationship..

[kitty71]

@shaysh87 I have a different opinions about finances in a relationship not everything had to be so darn strict,

[shaysh87]

@kitty71

But legally any money that a wife makes also contributes to the net worth of the husband. That’s why upon divorce , couples assets are split in half equally amongst husband Ans wife. Doesn’t matter if the wife didn’t work a single day of her life

[alice55]

Marriage is like this if you don't agree with this then don't get married, that's easy.

[Waldoe]

In a family... all earnings of Husband and Wife go into a "common" account to provide for the family needs. In a good relationship both are responsible and do not waste that money on foolish purchases

[kitty71]

This case is differnt because it t is a family trip and each person has to collaborate. For example everyone will eat from the same food,

[Mahmoud_Madyan]

What borrowing... I'm not married but after I did, I will give my wife how much money she wants (just if I can) and I will not ask her to give me them back!!

[kitty71]

When I meant borrow I meant that just my sister ask moeny to her husband because the she lacks soem money to buy some of her own things so she neds a bit more to cmplete what she needs.

[Mahmoud_Madyan]

And what she need?
In middle east, the man have buy everything his wife want if he can (even if she wants silly things), even she's working

[Sunny183]

Married couples dont borrow... they share money. But yes for some investment purpose they can borrow but no need to repay.

[kitty71]

What is wrong to borrow money and pay them back because the person wants to pay them back. I dotn see anythoing wrong or innapprpriate

[Sunny183]

Nothing wrong just they dont usually...

[humanearth]

I give my wife money when ever she needs it. I work and she takes care of the house

[Iron_Man]

I’ve learned to accept that’s part of the marriage my money is your money her money is my money

[kitty71]

Depends I mean if the wife works and she earns her own income besides sharing the cost of the houses with the husband, if she has some spare money she can't buy things for hrself right?

[Iron_Man]

I’m talking about if you need $100 for something special once in a while

[one1wild00]

I've seen it work as a direct loan and borrow or adding in a mutual acct that both contribute to and have access to.

[grega239]

Borrow?

isn't the money theirs if its a marriage?

[SignedAutographs]

And what? And they don't pay it back.. or. I mean what's the ACTUAL question

[Leko14]

My money is her money and her money is her money 😉

[kitty71]

But lets say in my sister case she does n ot like asking her hubby for money she likes to use her money not her husbands

[Leko14]

then that's fine, but her husband's money should be for her aswell

[rayanderson]

It's normal to borrow money from your husband or wife

[kitty71]

I also agree but read most of the coments here they say it is not right to borrow money and then pay each otehr back, I dotn see why is wrong to ask moeny for your SO if you lack of it for a certain expense

[berwise13]

I feel if we are all in we are all in. I think they should combine all assets

[Anonymous]

TMDR: Isn't it their money? They are married.

[kitty71]

I mean each one earns their own salary sure but they are married some people say it is nto appropriate to borrow moeny frome ach otehr and I dont see it wrong I mean of coruse that wotn happen all the time

[Opinion Owner]

I see. I don't think it is right or wrong. I think everyone has a culture for their marriage. One marriage will be different than another. Personally I wouldn't care unless she was spending it unwisely and at unwisely amounts according to my chosen financial advisors. But if it is my money and I am about to spend it unwisely... I think I should converse with my wife. After all it will affect her as well and it would be a lack of courtesy to not converse with her over the matter. It would be selfish.