What stops men from proposing to their girlfriends even after years of dating?

[Anonymous]

Are they waiting for a new prospect to come along? Is it accurate to say "if they wanted to marry you, they would"?

[Anonymous]

First of all, sorry for the nastiness of some of the male responses here. There's no need for it.

It's hard to say why a particular guy might not want to commit. He may be comfortable and not want to change anything. He may be fearful of commitment. He may think he's not be emotionally ready to take that big leap, or his career/income may not be what he hoped it would be before getting married.

I will also say that men these days are pretty cynical about marriage in general. It's not what it used to be. It doesn't offer the same benefits for men as marriage of the past. There are exceptions, but that is generally true.

It is also much more risky for men now. Half of marriages end in divorce, women file 80% of them and men generally get a raw deal in divorce court and child custody arrangements. Basically, women have a lot of financial and other incentives to divorce, the opposite is true for men, and we are acutely aware of that fact when we consider the pros and cons of marriage. No one goes into marriage thinking they will get divorced, but people change and it still happens... a lot!

Add to that the fact that casual sex is now the norm so those needs can be met for most guys outside of marriage.

I think guys are a little tired of being blamed for all the problems leading to divorce, too.

All of those reasons combined have resulted in very different attitudes toward marriage among men these days compared to the past.

Hope that helps. Best of luck to you.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHO

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Potentially waiting to find someone better. Word of advice to women out there never let a man string you along as a girlfriend for more than 1 year to be his wife.

As the years go by, you would begin to lose your physical beauty and the time invested would've of been a complete waste of time.

[bobby_bush_eater]

For more than 1 year lol that's awful advice. It's usually over a year especially if the marriage actually lasts

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

@bobby_bush_eater: No. It doesn't take more than a year to find if you want to marry someone.

[Jamie05rhs]

I think the "string along" is the key word here. Otherwise I 100% agree with Bobby.

[Pinay_ako]

Why fix what’s not broken? I knew some people who were living together and they were great. After 5 years, they decided to get married. Two years later, they divorced. Was an expensive one, no kids. Sometimes, it works out for some people without the contract.

[Guy13]

Comfort and life without rule of law enforced commitment

[musicbrain5]

Maybe neither of them want to get married.

[JessicaEarl]

A society that detests marriage secretly and sometimes not so secretly. There isn’t an emphasis on family and settling down anymore. Everything is sexual freedom and female actualization. Anything manly (fatherhood, providing for a spouse and family) is now discouraged. Men don’t know what to aspire to anymore.

also if you’re living together, that kills marriage potential quite often. Living together statistically has more breakups and less marriage than waiting until after marriage to move in. If you live together without the commitment of marriage, it gives the person time to see all the things that bother them while still having a way out to call it quits.

[VanillaSalt]

Marriage needs to be permanent. Sometimes to be our best we have to be forced to try. Take away the possibility of divorce and you’ll see fewer men and women rushing to get married and more effort put into marriages that have these issues.

Why try when you can just leave?

[JessicaEarl]

@VanillaSalt lol are you married?

[VanillaSalt]

No I won't get married. Wouldn’t mind finding a woman that can convince me marriages a good idea though I probably wouldn’t still.

[JessicaEarl]

@VanillaSalt I can tell that you’re not haha. Let’s just put it this way. No. Legally trapping people in marriage is a bad idea. There are plenty of reasons to get a divorce outside of “we stopped putting effort in and fell out of love”

[VanillaSalt]

@JessicaEarl I want you to think about your answer before you answer me. What’s your first thought when a man who’s dated you for years but refuses to purpose? I’ve asked this question before and women, on here at least, believe the man’s not fully invested…

Apply the same thought to divorce. It’s not supposed to be easy to back out and any attempt to defend an easy out isn’t gonna look like she’s fully invested…

When we’re FORCED into a situation, we as humans are extraordinarily adaptable. We have survived as slaves and as the top 1%. We survived the extremes like war time martial law and the Great Depression… Things may not be ideal but we survive. I don’t wish suffering on others but I believe when people have no choice but to do something they do it and better then if they had an easy out. Making marriage permanent will promote better choices and make marriages more worth the risk.

I know your going to point our abuse and other such nonsense… Women stay in abusive relationships now and they can easily leave. Besides it’s fairly easy to put specific exceptions in marriage to allow for divorce. But a woman nor a man should be able to leave because they found better or don’t love each other anymore…

Current laws allow a woman to cheat on a man, then divorce him and take his kids and 50% AND get alimony on top of all that shit! The tax breaks don’t mean shit next to the risk. Marriage solely benefits women and that needs to change if we are going to make marriage important.

[JessicaEarl]

@VanillaSalt you really want the government deciding what we do about our relationships? Give me a break. Just because something is immoral doesn’t mean it should be illegal. And the fact that you said there should be exceptions blows up the whole case.

[VanillaSalt]

Something can have a finality to it and be reversible. Marriage today can be described as anything BUT final.

And no, ideally Ide rather give everyone the choice and freedom to do whatever they want period and trust them to make the right choices… but that’s not the kind of world we live in. Do you think the government don’t already decide? Divorce rates are over 50%! And they make a huge profit off divorce!

The greatest lie Americans have been fed is their free. The fact they call them rights and say you can is proof we’re not free. Rights arnt freedom, their slavery poised as freedom. In this world the government has all the power until the people decide they won’t accept a decision they make. That’s why they’ve gotten really fucking good at posing stupid ideas as good ones.

I agree morality shouldn’t be legislated… But by the same regard neither should immortality. If we cannot demand permanent marriage we cannot demand the opposite. To give you a reason to think murder is legislating morality. Child support, alimony, stealing, speeding, assault… Were legislating our own version of morality with laws against these right? The only difference is a majority agree with most of these. If we really cannot legislate morality it shouldn’t be a court system that handles or benefits from something like divorce. Yet here we are in a world where a woman can cheat, leave the man, take his children, and demand more money for years to come all in the same night.

[JessicaEarl]

@VanillaSalt all of that could be true and doesn’t discount the fact that marriage shouldn’t be legally forced. Two wrongs don’t make a right. If something is wrong we should stop it or avoid it, not add new improper legislations because of a cynical and unhappy perspective we may hold

[VanillaSalt]

@JessicaEarl if divorce isn’t going anywhere then child support and alimony need to disappear. It’s not possible to be married Without the state being involved…

[JessicaEarl]

@VanillaSalt as much as I love having a discussion with someone who wants to control other peoples situations that he doesn’t have any intention on getting involved in, this bores me.

Simply stated, making a bad situation worse out of spite is immature and regressive. I agree that there’s plenty of ways the legal situation should be looked at and improved, so let’s do that. Of course money bagging cheaters shouldn’t be able to do that (prenup?), but deadbeats shouldn’t bail on a mom of 3 with no consequences either.

Im done. Peace out, Girl Scout

[VanillaSalt]

You want marriage but marriages a bad deal for men. Only women have any meaningful benefit in marriage. Fathers and husbands by your own words are not valued.

So without a solid reason to commit what reasons do we have NOT to commit? The one sided laws? The ease of which once side can fuck the other over? The rate of which it happens?

Marriage is literally asking a man to take responsibility for something that can and will likely one day backfire taking the most important things from him. There’s little benefit but many reasons not to…

My point is you need balance. Incentivize men to commit. You do that either by making marriage mean something or by making divorce worthless. You think I’m just being a dick I’m completely serious. Really think about what a good man has to give for his wife to be a good man. Now imagine that man being cheated on then she can walk out taking the kids, 50%, alimony, and child support.

Here in Texas we have a law called title 4 D. It provides financial incentives to judges for preventing 50/50 custody.

Here’s just child support in Texas.
Title 4. D provides matching funds for the collection of child support.
$.066/$1 is provided.
It’s assumed the father will get custody 24% of the time in split custody by default.
94% of the time fathers get possession of the kids 24%… Texas cutoff is 25% for maximum title 4. D payment. (This means 94% of the time the father will possess the children 24% of the child’s life up till age 26. This also means if courts grant the father custody 25% of the time they lose money from title 4 D)
Judges retirement in family court is based off title 4. D.

That’s JUST child support law. I haven’t done in-depth looking into alimony yet but it’s nearly as bad. It’s not even possible to get married by God and not include the state. That state automatically involves itself when both sides CLAIM marriage.

[Pyrofox]

Well in the southern US marriage is kinda a scam. When the marriage courts just blindly go in the wifes favor.

Kinda kills the main financial pro of having a marriage tax break if you also have to lose that tax break if a divorce happens. AND lose like 80 to 90% of your gross/overall value as a couple. Its like bruh it wasn't bad enough your taking the kids now I gotta also give you all my money and or assets so you can have a kingdom and I gotta live like some homeless bum on the street. Yeah hell nah to that.

[VanillaSalt]

Look… marriages in a bad state right now. It’s completely unbalanced for men. Men get almost nothing from marriage they don’t get from dating. Sex, companionship, kids, roommates… Why would a man wanna change the status quo of something that works?


Besides. Marriage means divorce and alimony. Very very high chances of this these days. I wouldn’t marry a woman. It’s a mistake as far as I’m concerned. It’s easier to work an extra few hours a week to makeup for the tax breaks I lose by filing as single then to make back 50%.

[U4ea0]

The fact that women file for 80% of divorces. And of those 80%, 65% are for frivolous reasons such as "communication", "unhappy", and "doesn't do enough house work". Marriage has become a joke. Even if they do everything right, she can divorce and take his children from him, reduce him to slavery by insane child support many times what it costs to support the children and take half of his property.

Until no fault divorce is declared unconditional, men shouldn't get married.

[U4ea0]

Unconstitutional* God damn autocorrect.

[Moose304]

Actually, I see nothing wrong with no fault PROVIDED that adultery is still an option that allows a partner to walk away without losing everything they have worked for.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHvIcHbEHSU

[U4ea0]

@Moose304

When women file for divorce, it doesn't matter whether or not her husband is blameless. He is being forced into a situation where his livelihood will be severely affected, his children will be taken from him, and he will have an open child support case against him automatically. He didn't agree to any of these things. He had it imposed upon him. Since his rights are being infringed, it simply is not acceptable to allow unilateral divorce.

Women are not entitled to their husbands future earnings if they file for a divorce for anything but the most egregious reasons. They don't want to be married anymore, fine. But they can't be allowed to reap the benefits of being married as a single woman.

[Moose304]

Hang on. I am with you on that part. What happened is no fault removed all grounds and exposes the primary breadwinner to horrible situations. My point was you can have both. I know several people that did the no-fault route and it worked great for them. I am just saying even in the face of no-fault KEEP unfaithfulness/adultery as valid grounds to shield a person from being screwed over.

[U4ea0]

@Moose304 I tend to agree. It is outrageous that a wife tends to be the only one not inconvenienced as a result of her behavior.

[hyperben]

theyre not waiting for a better prospect, they know they have a good thing going on and dont want to ruin it by involving the government!

there is an old saying about getting married that sums things up pretty well "men get married expecting the woman not to change but get disappointed when she does, women get married expecting the man will change then get disappointed when he doesn't" if its a good relationship, a certificate from the government won't make it any better.

[TacticalLizard]

Girls just aren’t Worth marrying
they ask for shit because girls know I got money. And I’m fine with Buying Girls things but Always asking for Shit is a no go.
I’m not a Girls rich dad I’m rich but I’m not her dad and I’m not going act like a father figure to a girl if she wants something she can Consult me and Give me reasons why she needs help And why she can’t Help herself If she cannot Give Reasons that Are sensible And make sense then it’s a no Go.
I will Buy her a Tv clothes To keep Warm and if she doesn’t own a vehicle I will Buy her A Moped or electric Scooter or Bike to make her life easier but when it comes to Things that Aren’t Sensible
Like pay to get my nails done
When she Can do her own nails I don’t pay for things that She can do herself.

[slatyb]

Yes, they are waiting for an imaginary woman they haven't met yet.

And yes, that's accurate. Don't waste years of your life waiting for a proposal that may never come. If you want to be married, then a year, eighteen months should be enough for a man to make decision.

[BlueScorpio]

Cause they want the benefits of marriage and a wife without actually having to fully commit. They want to play wife and husband without actually being one. If you want real commitment and marriage, then let it be known that's what you're looking for and if he has no intentions of ever getting married, then he just needs to be upfront about it. If you fine with never getting married, then it won't be an issue for either one.

[HighValue]

They either ant some laws changed to be more fair to men legally, or she needs to tell him that she will sign a prenuptial agreement. If the guy proposes and she doesn't want a prenuptial agreement, that is the end of the relationship because then he would know for sure she wants to steal from him.

[HighValue]

Marriage would be better if they enforced the "Until DEATH do us part" part of the vows. If she cheats or files for divorce, he gets to behead her. That sounds fair.

[hahahmm]

Because they don't think you are wife material. You haven't proven it. Getting a ring is like winning an olympic gold medal. If it was easy then every woman would have a ring.

Being wife material is a much higher level than being a girlfriend or even being a good mom.

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol. A ring doesn't mean anything. A lot of women get rings that don't deserve them.

[hahahmm]

@Jamie05rhs If the dude is quality then a ring means something, otherwise not. Like I know of women who married convicted cons who were in prison & the day the guy gets out of prison he divorces her. So yeah... but there's a reason why you have a bunch of women whining about not being able to get a man: they can't get the quality dudes to take them seriously or get that ring. A guy who doesn't have any value also has a valueless ring.

[hahahmm]

@Jamie05rhs So you're right. I should have clarified.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, man.

But even if the dude is quality, he could still be a gullible chump.

[hahahmm]

@Jamie05rhs That's totally true too. Things were simpler in the old day because the stakes were higher for women so they had less room to play games.

[Moose304]

I suggest that you walk a mile in a man's shoes before you even think about judging or speaking for him. Yes, this same statement can be said of women, but the subject is men. I will NEVER marry. I make sure all my lady friends know this. I also am not stringing her along either. If she chooses to hang around me that is her choice. However, for you ladies looking for a man to commit there is nothing wrong with simply asking him about it.

[Asker]

Sounds like i hit a nerve. Calm down, im just trying to get people's perspectives.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Divorce rape. From the male side of things, thanks to no-fault divorce, and all courts being stacked against you as a man, you gain nothing from marriage. She gains a whole lot and it puts her in a position of power for plenty to gain.

That's why I'd avoid marriage. I can give commitment and an oath to her on my own. Making it legal so the state can do what they want if things don't workout is just not in my best interest.

[77five]

I feel like no ones asking the tight questions. Is it a relationship where you guys both agreed that you wanna get married one day? Or is it one where he said he doesn't wanna get married. Id only be suspicious or concerned if I knew he believed in marriage. It means the problem is that he doesn't think Im the one for him. And this is just a hypothetical situation since I personally dont believe in marriage.

[AviatorTom]

If the couple has been together for many years without marrying, then the guy already has what he wants... a committed woman... and the possibility of being single and free if he ever wanted that, with no strings. In short, there's no reason to get married, so why should he?

[FilmGuy93]

Proposing is something that a lot of guys want to be in as strong a position as possible before they do. So they usually wait until they have a major job promotion or whatever. It could also be that the guy simply doesn’t feel ready, or the woman isn’t the person he wants to marry.

[Vanidal]

So, I assume that you think the proposal of marriage is the supposed continuation of dating.
What stops men, you asked.
The state is from a progress towards marriage and then stopped for some reason, and what you are asking is the reason?
What does the man say to stop the progress?
Maybe that man never commit to marry you?
Have you ever discuss about marriage with him?

[itsalyssaagain]

You'd be surprised how many women give an ultimatum after years of dating and a man let's them walk away... I always say if marriage is what you want you've gotta make it clear from the get-go.

[Jamie05rhs]

MHO- worthy comment right here!

[itsalyssaagain]

@Jamie05rhs Thanks!!

[Jamie05rhs]

YW! 👍