My husband wants a divorce and has been in the guest bedroom for over 3 weeeks, should I file first?

[Anonymous]

Husband made it clear he didn’t want our marriage to work and he didn’t want to try. I still

love him and am so sad about it. Been together for 10 years and married for 4. He has been in guest bedroom not acknowledging me for over 2.5 weeks. Should I go file for divorce first? He hasn’t filed yet I don't know what he’s waiting for

[Mollynotgemma]

Do it! If he really wanted to a divorcee he would have done it already. To me it seems he’s playing games and potentially pushing to see what you’d do. So I’d do exactly what he least expected.

[Anonymous]

If you still love him and are interested in making it work, why would you want to file first? Just to beat him to it? What would you gain from that?

Why not continue trying to mend things and see if you can change his mind and salvage your marriage?

[misfittoy]

its not her its him who refuses

[Opinion Owner]

@misfittoy Yes, I understand that. Please reread what I wrote. Let me know if you still need more clarification.

[misfittoy]

you seem to be confused after what she's written, how can one person mend things when another does not even wanna communicate. you do not even grasp what you yourself typed. you're telling her to continue to try try try, they guy won't even speak with her, he's ignored her attempts

[Opinion Owner]

@misfittoy I understand exactly what she said, and what you suggested she do, which is childishly preempt him filing. The marriage is not over until they are divorced, so it's possible it can be saved. If she wants to save it she should try, not engage in some petty race to file for divorce. We're talking about a marriage here, not a game. Your advice to her is horrible. Women today file 80% of divorces, and you are a great example of why that is.

[Asker]

I’m also 4 weeks pregnant. I don’t know if I should be keeping this baby or not. I already have a 1 year old and am living in Florida. No family to help me. I do have a good job but still don’t know what to fo

[misfittoy]

thats not what i said, i said file first, its a game to him, pull the trigger and do it instead of beating a dead horse, dont misconstrue what i said, you are assuming. he's the one playing games, ignoring her, giving her no communication, not even willing to do anything. if he is not speaking to her what else can she do, you are ridiculous, clinging to something he said and clearly showed is over. she's attempted as she stated. live together hating each other but stay married? your part of the problem. if there is no communication he won't speak with her or go to counseling what else can you do but take friggin control of the situation and file, getting yourself out of it

[misfittoy]

you lack common sense and the grasp of what was written go crack open a book before you advise anyone on anything, when you clearly can't read what the gal wrote in the first place, seek an actual education

[Opinion Owner]

@misfittoy Go back and reread her initial question, and then read your initial advice to her, which was: "based off what he said to you, file first." What kind of childish, irresponsible moron advises someone to file DIVORCE based on those few words, and doesn't realize that there is obviously sooooo much more to the story here than what she shared? We only have her side of the story, and only in a dozen words or so. Are you seriously defending the fact that you advocated for her filing for divorce when you literally know NOTHING of significance about the circumstances?

We are talking about a MARRIAGE here, a 10 year relationship. I seriously can't imagine a more irresponsible and childish response than yours. Reading through what you wrote in response to her you sound like a 16 year old girl. I seriously hope you're not actually 34.

It's disgusting how women like you today are so trigger happy when it comes to divorcing at the drop of a hat. Truly disgusting. Half of marriages end in divorce, 80% of them are filed by women, and lack of commitment is the #1 reason behind divorce. Women like you are exactly why the institution of marriage is in the toilet today. Well done.

[Opinion Owner]

@Asker I'm sorry you are going through this. What else can you share about how things have gotten to this point, why he might be feeling the way he is? There is obviously much more to the story here than what you have been able to share in a few words here. It's hard for anyone to give you meaningful advice with so little information about something so important as your marriage and years together.

You mentioned you don't know why he hasn't filed yet. It may be because he doesn't actually want to, and he's waiting for something. Is there something hurtful that has happened in your relationship that maybe he expects you to address? Could he be waiting for a response or action from you about something? What would happen if you set aside your pride for a moment, and asked him to do the same, and you told him how much you love and value him and that you want to make your marriage with him work?

The best advice I can give, no matter what happens and how thigs work out, is for you to do whatever it takes to not have any regrets. Filing first, as some immature assholes have suggested, would be the worst thing you could do because you would always wonder whether you could have saved your marriage with your partner of 10 years and the father of your children if you had not listened to ignorant people who give horrible advice, and had done everything you could have done to save your marriage. If you don't take the high road and genuinely try to do everything in your power to save your marriage, I promise you will regret it and question your choice the rest of your life.

I am married and have been through some difficult times in my marriage. I am so glad we worked things out and didn't throw away what we had built in the heat of the moment during difficult times. We are in a much better place today than we were just a little more than a year ago, and we are stronger than we would have been without our struggles. I wish you the best of luck.

[Asker]

We have been married for 5 years but prior dated for 5 years. Went through some very difficult times. He had cheated and disrespected me multiple times. I also had my faults because I was terrible with communication and interrogated a lot as he did as well. Whenever he would go out I would always blow his phone up”harass/nag” in his eyes. Claims I was bullying him. But in my eyes I was always walking on egg shells because he would threaten divorce all the time. Or control me. Made me cut out all my friends. Anyways after we got married the same things continued. I always harassed and yelled when I dealt with situations. When he would get mad and walk away from me I would follow and force him to talk. I feel like I did all those things because he made me feel so insecure and unloved in our marriage. The love came sometimes. Everyday was different. He would look at other women in front of me and deny it. I always felt insecure. Walking on egg shells. And as if he would be gone any second. So I always acted out and I know I was wrong. But he never use to give me assurance that I needed. I don't know. Now I feel like everything is my fault and he acts like he hates me. It’s driving me insane and I’m heartbroken.

[Anonymous]

at this point it doesn't really matter , i guess you could file for divorce as it seems to be over

[misfittoy]

based off what he said to you, file first. not to even wanna work on it just that cut and dry? he may have someone else to be honest or something else going on. you will get through this, file

[Asker]

We have been going through a rough patch for a while now. Trust. Communication and respect isn’t there anymore. And every time we try and fix we fail and he won’t agree to counseling. We went to Cancun last month and I thought things were better but when we came back he brought up divorce again for the millionth time and now actually moved out of our bedroom and hardly talks to acknowledge me

[misfittoy]

he chose to go to Cancun yet won't go to counseling? his priorities are way out of whack. i gathered that and he is a down right fool you seem like a nice lady, dont tolerate this treatment you offered everything to try to save this, he refuses to even attempt anything. he will not even give you respect enough to tell you why he wants a divorce

[Asker]

He claims I nag/harass and yell to much anytime he goes out or doesn anything. Because we have no trust and he won’t attempt to fix it or assure me or make me feel like I’m not walking on eggshells. So that’s why I’m that way

[misfittoy]

you tried you know? it can't be one sided you didn't marry yourself and since he won't even so much as work with you and acting like a fool i would file

[jimmy2]

Oh honey God bless you I hope things work out