Should I divorce my Husband?

[Anonymous]

Lately, I don't feel prioritized. He's, parents, both have their own properties and dealing with abatements. He has been footing the bill for them, spending so much of his time, focusing on them, I feel neglected and alone. He lives with me, we've. Been together for four years. I pay 65% of the bills sometimes more. My car recently broke down, and he had one of his trucks stolen so his insurance gave him a rent for a month. He had been letting me use it, but when I ask if he can help me get a new car he won't give me a straight answer. I don't feel loved, he doesn't give enough affection, he never wants intimacy any of any kind. We have three kids also so that's challenging navigating rather or not to get a divorce. I'm exhausted, overweight, overwhelmed and not happy with this situation what so ever. My self esteem is at my lowest it's ever been and I'm miserable.

[Anonymous]

Ok well sounds like he has a lot he needs to work on. But you also forgot to mention you need to work on a lot as well. This isn’t. Shirley, it’s a we problem. I’m sure over time you’ve both changed. Maybe a counselor would help. Sounds like your priority is you, not us. Chances are if this was happening to your parents you’d help them too.

[Asker]

He's parents weren't there for him when he was a kid. His mom was abusive and neglectful they were starving so him and his brothers would have to go dig through trash and were caught several times by police cutting up roadkill. His parents were separated and his dad didn't care he's too busy getting laid and partying. So no I don't feel the same way about his parents they can go to hell. This is where I'm also confused why he would prioritize his parents over his family. I'll give you that one I do need counseling for my communication style but it can't just be me making the effort is also the problem. Without making it seem like I am completely blaming him I have been putting in effort from the very beginning and now I'm starting to feel like doris to doormat

[Asker]

I don't talk to my dad, he left he's family when I was teenager, and my mom is there for me. She wouldn't ever except me to put her over my family or my husband.

[Fanfare690]

First of all your partner isn't supposed to make you happy. You are. He adds to it. Right now you guys are in a tough spot. He's stressed because of his parents. You may need to talk to him about what you guys are going to continue or not. Also, work on your happiness and weight girl. There's no intimacy cause he's probably stressed. What can you do to get a new car?

[Asker]

I'm not happy with my relationship with him. Which makes me unhappy in general. I'm aware I'm responsible for my own emotions, just difficult to be happy when you have three kids , and a husband that isn't doing enough for his family or his wife and making my life harder. I have a new income coming but it's going to take a few months in the mean time it will just be difficult to manage, as two my of children are in school and I needs car for just everyday life. I don't have good enough credit to get a loan until my new income comes so I'm in quite a predicament. I honestly feel like I could lose weight and be happier if you broke up at this point.

[Asker]

I have been talking to him but he's basically just proving to me that I'm not a priority and it's been avoiding even talking about the difficult conversations.

[Fanfare690]

I dont think a lot of people will not not help their parents out. It kind of sounds like a make or break situation.. but your situation with the car and income seems to be coming along you just have to be a little patient... you sound like you've been taken care of your whole marriage. Your husband is taking care of his parents. He'd might like it if you have his back... talk to him kindly.
. don't nag and whine... just a reminder
I think your situation can get better you just need your own income but if he's neglecting your needs it really does sound like a make or break situation.

[Asker]

I have been taking care of myself my whole marriage. And it's been getting worse where I pay more bills and excepted to take care of the house as well, cook and clean so I' have footing the expenses since day one and all the domestic labor. You're right about here pretty soon, even though I could actually do it without him now if I had a car, I will be 100 independent once I get another car. He used also want to mention and wouldn't help me maintain it so this resentment is coming from years of me doing basically everything so I was not being taken care of. I was taking care of him. Which essentia that's still my fault for accepting this kind of relationship but not anymore. Also we've had other issues besides this is just been building up over the past 4 years and he has never had my back. So I made a terrible choice and marrying him in the first place

[Asker]

I just wanted to clarify all that I had my own income when he moved into my house that's in my name so when we divorce I get everything because it was all mine. We also had a prenuptial agreement because I was the one that had everything not him and I wanted to protect my assets.

[Asker]

Another important detail is he's always been the parent to his parents which isn't fair. He was abused and severely neglected as a child so if it was me I wouldn't help my parents out if that's how my childhood was. He lived with his mom mostly, she never fed her three boys, they would be found cutting up road kill on the side of the road because they were so hungry. They were taken away by child welfare several times, but the dad was too busy partying to give a shit. So I have no sympathy for his pos parents. Just to put things in even more perspective

[Fanfare690]

I'm sorry I didn't understand your side... I see it clearer now. So I do think you should start thinking of divorce. He can't help you with shit. Let him drown with his parents. He should be well off to take care of them since you've been carrying the load. You deserve so much better than someone who can't even talk to you or help you. Lesson learned. Don't settle next time

[Asker]

Thank you. Definitely lesson learned. Never settling again.

[andreasderjuengere]

Leave out the materialistic and consumerist stuff - it isn't worth it.

What's left: probably can be re-built or salvaged.

And... talk! ... don't only speak.

[Asker]

I have been trying to talk to him productively, he just avoids the conversation won't talk to me at all. That only works if both people are willing to work at it. I'm exhausted.

[Asker]

It's not just about the material shit also like I mentioned he doesn't spend any time with me anymore or want sex. But, to help your family out financially is pretty important though

[andreasderjuengere]

You have no guarantee that the next man is better.
Pragmatically - and I've been there myself - it could be a better idea to leave things as they are... and in relative peace. For what's lacking, one can compensate ''outside'' - discretely, of course, and without hurting anybody's feelings.

[Asker]

Probably. I settled from the beginning. There's so much of our relationship that was red flags I ignored. I am down with cheating. I want my person to be my everything. It isn't peaceful for me, or convenient. It is for him though.

[Asker]

I mean not down with cheating

[andreasderjuengere]

I will of course respect your views. Anyhow - I define the term ''cheating'' not based on mainstream propaganda. ... What works for some, will not work for some others.
In which case we are back to the beginning of the question - a divorce will be hinged on numerous factors, and not all of them are known to us. It is one option, certainly. But is it the best on the long run?

[Asker]

It might be. I have been trying to make more effort to communicate in a productive manner, but he is still dumping so many resources on his especially his mom, I love him and know he loves me but relationship need more than that. Also, being unfaithful isn't propaganda, that sounds a lot like the bogus red pill rhetoric.

[StevenMcGarrett]

It sounds like you two could use a marriage counselor if you want to try and get your marriage back on track.

[Asker]

I think it's beyond that to be honest he won't put any effort into our relationship I drained carry the burden of it

[StevenMcGarrett]

Sorry to hear that. Good luck on your divorce.

[jahaims]

You sound like an awful partner

[Asker]

Fuck you prick. I literally doing most of the work in our relationship. Your probably a terrible person and partner for even saying this. He lives at my house I pay most of the bills and so all the domestic shit so go fuck yourself.

[Asker]

You're probably single if not I feel sorry for your partner. Hopefully he leaves you.

[jahaims]

Good one.

[Asker]

You're not