Why do women dream of marriage despite how much work marriage actually is?

[Bethany22]

While men tend to pay close attention to the signs of how difficult marriage actually is, and therefore get discouraged by it and want to post-pone it until as long as possible, women tend to cling to the Disney princess ideal of marriage, no matter how much evidence they see in real life that contradict that ideal (i. e., their parents' marriages, their friends' marriages, etc.). And you would think that the statistic of 80% of divorces are initiated by women would be just as scary to women as it is to men, as it's a sign they eventually will not like the guy as much as they did in the beginning. Yes, they will be 'rewarded' with divorce money, but that shouldn't be enough of a reason to maintain their positive attitude on marriage.

[Rosexøxø]

I think this is the manipulation at play and that paired with some women who let their guard down (mental alertness and practicality).

Women truly don’t think as guys do and don’t always learn about it from friends or family. The most said is “be careful of boys/ they’ll try to get in your pants.” And they don’t actually see how that can happen when they get caught in a conversation with a seemingly polite guy.

Women may very well be aware but they have this issue where not only they think they’re the exception: they’re nicer/ prettier. They think the guy they’re talking with is the exception.

Some women may see red flags but be lost in denial because of their true feelings or attachments developed as they didn’t focus on themselves enough, and some women may see red flags and think they’re well aware so they can handle anything that goes south.

Women are optimistic because of the fun romance the possibility of exceptions and them not being clueless is enough to weather any storms, but it’s not about storms. Reality says: it will either work, or it won’t work. He either loves her or he will never love her. She will either love him as well, or (she’ll say she falls out of love and all), but she never loved the true him.

Clouded judgement, not enough info, impulses, overly optimistic outlooks about themselves, the relationship, and him.

The relationships that don’t work, they just end up learning from it, and those who never matured enough of themselves, and learned to be independent/ self sustained, will be attached, develop a bad fetish/ coping mechanism and repeat those accidents.

Men don’t get clouded by judgment. If any clouds occur it will be when the pants are off and they’re about to. Sometimes they can get impulsive if she’s attractive to him enough or other, but most men don’t dream of having kids or building a whole life with a female. They usually just see if she’s enjoyable to be around or will be in the bedroom and if she’s willing or if he just has a pretty easy chance.

Men usually look at tangible facts and follow that or directly oppose it. The previous is usually the go-to.
Of course they like to modify/ filter.

I just think guys are more likely to follow statistics and they just desire family life and a life with an individual female a lot less than females desire it. Females may desire the connections and affection/romance, but males just desire her in a room and see how that goes, maybe some extra flirting or banter as stimulating mental foreplay- MAYBE.

I just think overall females will forget and not know entirely what guys are like, and get a bit delusional or so of the reality of things. That’s clearly it. They could be just as they say, “hopeless romantics.”

In this case, they’re hopeful romantics. Hoping things will just work out well.

[Crimsyjo]

Relationships are hard work. Marriage makes no difference to that. Except to make break up that much more complicated, or painful in terms of dividing up property etc.

I think women like the idea of a wedding (as opposed to marriage. Which in reality, is no different the day before the wedding as the day after relationship wise)...

Women like the idea of being able to say "Look at me. Successful in love!"

Maybe this does come from cultural upbringing and stereotypes?

Men I think... have a wedding because they want to make their woman happy. And again, it becomes an expected norm.

For me, I wanted to be married before having children so we all would have the same surname. Otherwise they would have his and I would be "odd" one out with my maiden name. As the mother of his children that would be completely unacceptable. Yes I could just change my name. But marriage is the traditional and expected as well as more fun way of doing it. So why not?

Didn't stop my marriage ending! But I do still carry his surname as my own and match that of my kids.

[Finchie40]

Because most women were raised by parents that told her to find herself a loving caring man and to settle down and get married especially if her family was religious , So most women want marriage , thinking it’s the right thing to do to honor her family and continue the family tradition of having a family. Sadly in today’s world things have changed , I blame social media for a lot of it , most people today have selfish mindsets that only think about what is best for themselves without really caring about anyone else feelings , thinking grass is greener on the other side , thinking they deserve better than what they already have in front of them , So many people today sadly have this selfish mindset and that’s why so many marriages and relationships don’t make it the long haul , because most people have a hard time admitting they were wrong , it’s always someone else’s fault , Sadly having that kind of mindset those people will never experience true love , because they only care about themselves

[Purpleronnie]

Personally , marriage is not for me but I think it’s still largely recognized as the single biggest commitment a man can make to a woman. I think to many women THAT is at the centre of why they want. For some the big day is also really appealing , they are the at the centre of everything with all the planning and prep gone in to make that day really special. At the heart of it though at least in spirit I believe it’s the life commitment, the security , the union , the foreverness. I’m sure many may under estimate how much work could be involved but but it’s assumed that they face forever together and all its challenges.. that’s in the vows. Nothing worth having should come easy ?

[OlderAndWiser]

Women just don't want to let go of their fairy tale notions and dreams and all the plans they have made since they were five years old. I think many of them would be happy just having a wedding and wearing the wedding dress without having the actual marriage.

[AviatorTom]

Historically, the main goal of marriage is to have a family, and women desire the security of marriage, where their husband takes care of them.

A more modern definition definition of marriage is a male-female partnership with or without children, and that does require a lot of work.

[PetLover24]

I wasn't raised in a dysfunctional family - seems a trend with GAG posters given responses & questions that indicate no real understanding of how proper relationships work. Rather my father & mother love and respect each other and work well as a team.

When I dream of marriage I see that. A partnership.

I mean why would I lower myself to the status of a welfare tramp / slut / prostitute by having children with whatever man happens to show me attention? And not seek marriage to have a partner, husband and more important decent man as a father?

[Roxilicious]

when I was younger, I was honestly completely against getting married and I thought it was gonna be like the end of the world if I did but now that I’m older, and I actually want to get married the reason I would like to get married is because I would like a partner, a lifelong somebody to share everything with because I’m no longer a child. I feel like I’ve grown enough and done enough mental work and figure it out enough of who I am to know it would be best for myself to get married, and I would actually be happy.

[andreasderjuengere]

That sounds a little as if for a man it's NOT
"much work" :)
As I (now) successfully avoid marriage, I noticed that a number of Ex's were interested - perhaps to "secure" a partner for themselves.
Well - I had been open for a final and lasting relationship. But the Ex's in question had fucked up on their own side. No hard feelings though.
The wish to be (or to get) married perhaps comes from social/cultural expectations... that are not questioned for validity in these "new" days.
The 'dream' may also be generated by cheesy movies, poetry, music, marketing campaigns.
As I' m a man, obviously, my answer about a woman's motivation only can be a speculation.

[lightbulb27]

i doubt many think about effort and work, but about they are getting something... security, building nest, making offspring... trumping their girlfriends. how they will be loved?

it has a lot of meaning in terms of being secure. the trouble is so many are self centered. not all personalities and training are the same.

[DJB72]

Same reason we're inherently aware of right and wrong. A "natural order" for our species that has stayed relevant for thousands of years until the mid 20th Century.

Whether you want to say it's an evolved behaviour or something God designed into our psychology makeup is irrelevant. By evolution or design, humans have an inherent need to pair-bond with another individual.

And guys dream of marriage as much as girls do...

[sheikalana]

They like the idea of being married because for lots of women that means they made it in life. But once they get married and realize what their duties as a wife and the sacrifices they need to make in order to be a good wife re they hate the idea. Relationships are nothing like what you see on TV or instagram.

[DextroShade]

The truth is most of these women want to be brides but not wives: they want the big fancy wedding, the pretty white dress, and the sparkly ring but they don't want to support and cooperative with their husband. Instead they just want him to give money and certain lifestyle without expecting anything in return and once the man realizes this a shit deal and demands compliance, she divorces him and takes half his shit. Most modern women are bad bets for marriage.

[KrakenAttackin]

@DextroShade. He doesn't even demand compliance. She marries the guy because she wants kids and a secure source of resources. Many women don't even like the man they are marrying much less love him. These women are so damaged by the cock carousel that they will never be able to bond to a man or even their own children. So what do they do? This marriage lasts an average of eight years and two kids, where upon she divorces Mr. Simp and rapes him ferociously in court. Now with a free house, car, custody of kids, alimony, child support, and half+ of assets; she gets back on the cock carousel.

Not an attractive deal for men.

[KrakenAttackin]

As Kevin Samuels said, Men are just better people.

[shortster]

Marriage isn't that much work if you choose your partner well. Unfortunately most people choose partners for shared interests and not shared values. When your values align you may not be together all the time, but you're still pulling in the same direction. Whereas, if your values don't align you can spend all your time together, but you are pulling in opposite directions.

[aceleon]

female sexual nature.

body built for monogamous relationship, physically can only have 1 guy's child at a year wants the best guy's child she could find.

[Demonatrix]

I believe it's because society still continues to condition girls that that's what they should want and that it's wrong for them to not want it.

[Nikki1989]

I never dreamed of marriage, it just seemed like the logical next step, and marriage is not much work if you truly love each other. Our life together is easy.

[NathanDavis]

this is a whole lot of generalizations and stereotypes...

[worldscolide]

They live in a fairy tale world where marriage is easy, and prince charming actually exists. When in reality marriage is work, hard work some times. Plus a lot of women these days expect marriages where it's all receive and no give.

[BCRanger10]

I would hope that it's at least in part that some of them are aware of how much work it is and want to do.

[ProbablyClueless]

I think marriage is a status thing for a lot of women. It's seen as a sort of flex. Like "see how good I am that I can get men to invest so much to have me?"

[Account]

I dont dream of marriage.
Never have, probably never will.
I dread it.
It is not for me.

[exitseven]

Everyone thinks about the magical wedding and the happily ever after. There is some happily ever after in it but it is not all fun and games.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

The main goal in marriage is putting a lot of effort into it.

[KrakenAttackin]

No, modern women dream of a WEDDING, but they have zero interest in being a wife.

[andreasderjuengere]

That's perhaps not all of 'them', but certainly is valid for many.
Modern (sic!) days are about entertainment and "rights"... but the obligations often are explained away.
Or " movemented" away.

[Anonymous]

The prize money from divorce gives enough comfort to live in delusion. If they had to pay I’m sure they would give more attention. Imagine if we both had to pay out to the government if we got divorced? We would be real careful

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Its human nature to desire to get married and start a family.

And marriage is family, not work.

[gorydetails]

Marriage isn’t really that hard if you pick a good partner.

[Slapmynuts]

I believe that's just society projecting its so-called "norms!"😁

[SolitarySolace]

Marriage gives women more power and money.

[Jennz6]

Great question

[JayBones]

Do women dream of marriage?

[jahaims]

It's a societal safety net

[war_daddy]

because women are stupider compared to men