Why do women seek marriage?

[SweedyPie]

Generally speaking.

Updates

+1 y

Has anyone ever looked up the history of marriage?

[Seinna]

My parents are still married and I want the same for myself and my future children. But I'm also a patriot and I recognise that a strong family is the foundation of a strong society to which I want to contribute. A stable marriage is also the best way of accumulating wealth and keeping it in the family so our children could benefit from it in the future.

Most of my friends come from broken up families and despite knowing how much it messed them up, they still don't put value on marriage and stable family... maybe because of that. So while I matured into those decisions, some of them still think like teenagers.

Also, a big one for me is religion. Prior to being a Christian I valued marriage for all the reasons described but I didn't think it was strictly necessary. I believe that marriage is truly the best way to live for most of people and certainly for me.

Also - I didn't care for marriage untill I fell in love at 24. That itself made me want to get married to him and since then I perceive every man I date as a potential husband and if they don't seem a good match in that regard then I move on.

That's of course speaking of marriage itself and not of just being with another person/having a partner. Being partnered with a man simply makes me happier, makes my life easier and more complete and gives me a best friend who literary feels like my other half. A desire to marry them comes as a result of this.

[SweedyPie]

I like your response, and I understand that logical explanation of your thinking and seeking it. I respect that too, as it is what you have grown, experienced and seen and therefore believed to be a good thing. I find it difficult to understand how people... specifically women (generally) put so much value in marriage itself, not the actual bond. For example you would hear people say things like I'm getting older I need to get married, which I think winds up leading them to actions that would support finding someone to marry versus ensuring that they are deeply connected and rooted with someone before getting that legal representation of their relationship. In other words it seems like in society the marriage is more important than the relationship, is a symbol of stature, is something to be coveted. Do you understand what I mean? Getting married should only matter for the sake of taking legal responsibility for the person amd having them be legally responsible for you. The hopes and dreams that are associated with marriage itself are misdirected and exactly what lead to so many divorces when the facade drops and reality hits.

[Seinna]

I agree with you to a large extent. A good connection and compatibility are required for a successful marriage and that's the only kind of marriage we should be getting ourselves into. After all, it should be forever. That being said, while marriage is a contract, I don't want to see it just as a transaction done for the sole purpose to securing assets or taking on a legal responsibility. I still think it's romantic to get married to someone and be only theirs forever (and for them to be yours). As for why marriages are falling apart, I don't necessarily think it's because people are idealistic about the institution of marriage or because they focus on marriage more than on the connection with their partner. If you look at arranged marriages, they tend to be pretty successful even when people didn't know each other before. And these are actually very common among wealthy people of any nationality. I think that is partly because they focus on the marriage rather than on fleeting emotions. No matter how you feel about your partner today, it won't be the same 5 years later. And I think it's this immaturity that makes people divorce, because marriage is not the same thing as love, it's a contract between two people who oath to be together till death separates them. Getting into it you must be prepared to make it work 25+ years ahead. You're marrying a life partner who you must be compatible with regardless of how your feelings change. Yes you will love them, but you might not be in love with them. It's media that sell us this illusion of romantic love that conquers all... but what if you're married and you catch feelings for someone else? To me it's obvious, my family and respect for my spouse conquers all. Of course I'm excluding cases in which one spouse is abusive, an addict of some kind or a cheater - I'm not saying in this case the other person should stay married for the sake of it. But I don't believe that's the basis for divorce for the majority of people.

[CelineBV]

To raise a family and from a biological reason, it's a loss for us if we can't find a man (suitable partner) that will provide for us and the child. We can work but two incomes are better than one still.

Once again from pure biology... a woman having several dead-end relationships (just cohabitation) or pure sex that end up in break-ups without any children is essentially wasting resources, time and years. That's not in her favor. She gains NOTHING out of that. She losses. So yeah, marriage is one of the few ways she can secure herself.

[CelineBV]

Also if we only have a boyfriend and get pregnant by him... he can leave us any time so from a biological point of view... that's a loss for us since he left us a mother single. With a child, that reduces our dating options of men available.

[CelineBV]

So if you're smart you know your biological value and use it wisely.

[SweedyPie]

This opinion is a little scary for me. The marriage is not the thing to gain, it's the love and trust of the person. Marriage wasn't meant to be a trap. Gettig married also doesn't mean you'd gain anything since people can also and nowadays also easily get divorced. Maybe because they sre getring married withough focusing on the most important thingnwhich is the relationship and the bond.

[SweedyPie]

I think that people, womennin particular, face a false sense of security in the concept of marriage, whereby they believe once married all is generally well. It's sad to watch.

[CelineBV]

You can blame it on biology. If we didn't have a limited time to reproduce, I think there wouldn't be that feeling of rushing to marriage.

[SweedyPie]

Nope I blame society. Movies, music, children's shows, billboards, every everything features "falling in love", marriage and weddings. From children to adulthood we all know of the find the one and fall in love and get married narratives.

[Summeroflove]

A lot of narcissistic people want the best of both worlds. They want to be able to fuck around with one type of man but marry another. Not because of a genuine connection or love.

Just wanting a family. Wanting money. Wanting security. Wanting the appearances. Social status. Etc. plenty of men do the same.

It’s why most marriages fail in the end.

[Summeroflove]

Wanting to fuck one type of woman and marry another. Same difference they want to sleep with sluts and hoes. But marry a virgin who loves God and family.

The woman equivalent is fucking deadbeats. Fuckboys. Players. Because they’re fun in bed but wanting to marry a upstanding guy.

It’s double standards. You have to accept that narcissistic man or woman for the choices they made. But they expect you to be perfect and have your life together even if they’re not

[DaveJord]

Probably because we have been socially engineered to believe in the concept that marriage = love and commitment even though there is plenty of evidence to the contrary that proves that is not true. It is a fact that you can have love and commitment outside of marriage that is equally as strong if not stronger because they do not require the bondage of marriage to remain in healthy, emotionally for fulling relationship.

So the history of marriage... the original concept of marriage was to create strong economic or pollical bonds between families.

So in todays world, as I have advocated several times before... you have greater protections over you property and assets outside of marriage then you do within a marriage. Getting married comes with greater financial liabilities vs. being in loving committed relationship that equally or arguable better outside of it.

Simple fact is you have greater legal protection over your assets and property outside of marriage. So the whole concept of marriage in the modern world has been turned on its head, and it comes at greater risk. SO DON"T DO IT!!!

Marriage is the only legal contract you can enter where the other party does not have to fulfill the terms of the contract and still get paid in full.

[SweedyPie]

I could almost tear up. Well it's good too se that someone gets it. Yes and yes. And yessssss. Lol. Thank you for gracing my question with your presence. *curtseys*

I would still probably maybe get married though. Only reason why is actually because I do want the stuff that I own and assets and investments and everything to go to my partner in the case of anything happening to me. He would carry on my legacy, help the people I wanted to help, ensure that the children are well, etc etc. I want to be legally responsible for himamd have him legally responsible for me. If someone had to decode whether to keep me on life support only as being married would he be next of kin otherwise it would be family. My family is good yes but I want it to be him. However I know that the trust and bond between us is not something regular or common so in this exception I would do it.

[DaveJord]

@SweedyPie I wish I never married at 20 years old, because at that time I had no assets and did comprehend the ramifications of that choice at that time... over the course of the next 22 years. I got bullied into staying the marriage because my ex made it clear she would make it painful. My mistake should bailed on it 10 to 14 years in when all started turning bad.

Now I hear you I would do it again... because I am much smarter on how prenups work and I can protect my assets prior to marriage, because I actually have assets that I acquired prior to the marriage. I would do that because I am retired and finically secure, I am no longer a millionaire because of them ex... but I have guaranteed money. But I want to travel and I would marry someone again just to get them on my medical insurance so they could travel with me.

But everything else you laid out can be done through a Will it does not require marriage.

[SweedyPie]

I'm sorry you had to go through that man. True, most can be sorted with a will. However there's a small grey area between if the person doesn't die and who will make decisions on their behalf. Over here medical insurance exists but as far as I know without marriage the next of kin would still be in charge. I have seen some shaaaady things happen, getting a power of attorney over an ill person is too easy so everything in the will can still be messed with.

[Avt9560]

Omg this baffles me too! I think social conditioning or biology might be two of the reasons. But some people seek marriage like crazy! It's won't be even good like half of the time! There is so much more to do in life. So much that women can do in sports, business, music, and literally every other area (except being like a waiter or actor instead of actress and waitress haha). But seriously maybe I am too much anti-marriage (which I'm not, I think it's great for people who are into that) but I think part of the reason there are not more successful business women, CEOs, politicians and alike, might be just that. Still, I'm just a stupid man who hasn't ever married so what do I know haha. Just figured to give my two cents.

[SweedyPie]

Yes it's some societal mob thinking. Let's get them! It's deeper than biology its more about the way marriage is pushed as the ultimate height of a relationship vs the actual enjoyment of the relationship itself being the focus. You have to be soooooo careful these days. Sad.

[Summeroflove]

Well this just depends on the woman for people who are genuine number one because they love someone, they have built a genuine connection, they are compatible wanting the same things as well as agree on certain boundaries, and things like that. As well as they’re wanting to have a family (for a lot of people not all) among things like that.

Just be aware not everyone’s seeking marriage for those reasons. There can be a woman who genuinely loves a man who pretends like he wants the same thing. There are women too who pretend to be someone they’re not I would be careful of people wanting to jump into marriage too fast or on the other extreme future faking.

Some people simply are in it for financial gain, security, a bailout, social status, they’re just desperate for kids, and the list goes on. Sometimes they even want power and control over someone. So just be cautious not everyone is who they seem be especially careful of those who are just all about getting married right off the bat before you build that connection. Some people want you to sign the dotted line before you catch onto them. As for others theh strint someone along because they think they can find better but want someone to fall back on if all else fails.

So people who want marriage for the right reasons. Men and women keep your hearts safe and try not to fall too fast for someone until you really know them.

[jennifer_bloom]

A lot of Christians marry early cause they can’t have sex until they are married, I think that’s also why Muslims and Orthodox Jews get married so early.

[Anonymous]

Love and Romance. Both of which don't require one to be married, which can only mean women are brain washed. I think legal marriage is dumb although there are benefits. I think it totally unnecessary. One can be in love and committed without the government.

[SweedyPie]

I agree. It's the idea that that the love and romance will somehow be magnified with marriage. People misunderstand that marriage was not created for the sake of either. Those things have become more of the focus in the past few decades. But the origin of marriage had nothing to do with love at all.

[Anonymous]

The only reason men and women are attracted to each other at all is to have children. Women would rather raise children with a partner than to be a single mom... so they find a suitable partner and lock him into a lifetime contract by marrying him. At least that's the idea.

[SweedyPie]

Lol I was now gonna say marriage has nothing to do with a guaranteed life lockdown. It is an idea, I agree, one that companies and corporations thrive on. After all, to them love is the most easily exploitable emotion out there. Otherwise there would be no need for mothers and father's day celebrations, Christmas etc etc. All are exploited and marketed becof the fact that humans can and do love other humans.

[SweedyPie]

I know I digressed but it was a point I felt worth noting.

[Anonymous]

Security. Once a woman is married she is almost guaranteed to be able to milk a man for everything he's got. Divorce and custody proceedings favor women heavily. Yes, her credit may take a hit (divorce does hurt your credit regardless of gender) but she will gain so much that her credit will recover quickly. ALL the benefits of marriage go to the woman.

[SweedyPie]

I know that the justice system in the US favors women very heavily with divorces, and I know it's a jungle out there. Guessing you're from there. People don't understand how serious and real of an issue this is in the US until they either experience it first hand or witness it happening to someone they know. As the saying goes, who feels it knows it.

[Opinion Owner]

@SweedyPie Where are you from? In your culture are the courts more fair?

[SweedyPie]

I am from the Caribbean. In my country it is still widely known that it is unfair in favor of wmoen... but not crazyyyyyyyy like the US level. I've seen some frineds dragged through the mud with divorce in the US and man... some of the nicest guys too. Really upsetting. If a mam goes to court here with a good case he stands an equal chance of winning. Of the woman takes a man to court chances are 60/40 he'd lose

[Opinion Owner]

@SweedyPie I'd love 60/40 odds, even if still in a woman's favor. Here in the US it is more like 90/10

[SweedyPie]

Yeah man I know that it really sucks. I feel like in the US men have to be SO CAREFUL of even thinking about marrying someone. It could literally mess you up for life. One of my frineds has lost millions. Millions. And he works so hard. I feel bad for him, my heart aches.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol if I ever get a divorce we are moving out of the US lol jk but maybe...

[SweedyPie]

Lolll sigh

[Mrsposh]

I find it crazy how man act like women is to be blamed for EVERYTHING!. That narrative needs to change.. im reading the comments and its marriage is terrible
... BECAUSE OF WOMEN... are you kidding me 🙄

[libsaretards]

When you consider that women initiate 70% of divorces in the U. S. and win a better outcome than the man in most of them, you see that marriage IS terrible for a man should it fail. A woman loses almost nothing in a divorce. A man has EVERYTHING to lose.

[SweedyPie]

Lmao that is not what the comments said at all. Read it again please. Also, I am not a man. I am a woman and I also have a partner who means more than the universe to me, however that doesn't change the facts of what has been happening. It's sad that brainwashing has occurred to the extent that you cannot objectively see the point I am making. I mean no offense at all, just telling you in case you read my response wrongly

[libsaretards]

@mrsposh I see your point. I'm just pointing out what scares men about marriage. I'm happy you love and are loyal to your partner. I believe good women exist, but they are in the minority and often not available.

[Mrsposh]

@libsaretards yes, it's not that I don't agree with you... I do. I just feel like men also play apart as well. And I am a married woman with children aswell. can i ask you a question? Aside from men losing their money, aren't men concerned with losing their family, their kids, their wife? Just asking as ii rarely ever see men show concern about them. It's always about them losing their money or material things

[libsaretards]

@mrsposh Most definitely. Not saying men are blameless. It's just that the stakes are higher for us

[Mrsposh]

I Can Agree with you there. 🤝🏾

[Mrsposh]

@libsaretards

[Berethor]

Because they are the ones who care a baby for nine months.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MyGirlIsNotASlut

[SweedyPie]

What about those who seek marriage and don't want babies

[Berethor]

What the point in a marriage like that? anyway not all pregnancies are planned. :)

tvtropes.org/.../NotWantingKidsIsWeird

[SweetFyter]

OK, I know I'll take hits because I'm young, but I'm thinking security and a sense of family and it's what I'm called to do by God.

[Rudon00]

Maybe its is to achieve that oneness with another among other things that associates with life securities as oppose of being half of a whole.

Just my thought to be exact

[SweedyPie]

But the point of oneness is not that two halves come together as one, the point is that two wholes, perfectly imperfect, fuse together into a way that makes them stronger together, yes?

[Rudon00]

Rightfully so Sweedypie Because after all you cannot married half of a whole. Both individuals must be equally whole.

[SweedyPie]

Yes. And hiiiiii. Long time no see

[Rudon00]

Yeah Girl !! 😁😁

You have been gone for a very looooong time.

Its good seeing you again my friend

[SweedyPie]

Yes, it's nice meeting you up again. I've been so busyyyyyy. And then recently, randomly I logged in to see how gag was going after remembering some odd gag memory late at night. Lol I don't know how long I'll be here either. Lots on my plate as usual. How have you been man?

[Rudon00]

Yes I can see that with you,. It good to know you had them late Old memories to so I can can see you again.
I must say I missed having you around Sweedypie. 😟
Nothing much as happened to me. I'm just trying to take life one day at a time. To be good to myself as well as others.😃😃😃

There are so much things happening in our world today. Boy oh boy !

[SweedyPie]

For real, sooo much happening, even my mom got covid snd almost died but with God's grace she is still alive. Couldn't walk for a while but she's a real fighter, now she's back to driving and business as usual. She's about 85% better. Will rake her some more months to really recover fully.

How's your dad been!

[Rudon00]

Well I haven't look into close details of the history marriages except for its Statistic in divorce rates as it relates to Christian marriages to that other non denominational marriages.

[Helotome]

Female body is complex. I believe they want marriage because because secure sensation that you have a commitment to each other. And also to have babies too.

[ChrisMaster69]

It’s a sign of commitment or being committed …

As an institution it’s really old and is a mark of two people being together.

(or more in some times of history).

[Anonymous]

Women seek marriage more than men do because it benefits them more than it does men.

Once married, many women seek divorce because it benefits them more than marriage.

[SweedyPie]

I'm guessing you live in the US? If so... that's a sad reality that I've come to learn of. Sad sad sad

[Opinion Owner]

Hi, thanks for your response. Yes I live in the US. I don't want to make it sound like marriage is always a bad idea for men or that it never benefits men. But it's not as appealing to men today as it was in the past for a lot of reasons. Some of those reasons are because of the legal system in the US today, and some are because of what American women are like today. It's a shame because of what it's doing to marriage in general. I don't think marriage is going to last.

[Sour-rose]

Same reason a man will seek a woman.

Not to be alone for the rest of their life if they think that's their fate. A fate they don't want.

[Anonymous]

Because women live in a fantasy world and they grow up spending their entire life watching things that are all about getting married and having the big day and how great that supposed to be for them

[SweedyPie]

Yep. Society is to blame for that. Plus some other stuff

[Gaibriel]

They want commitment, security, and to satisfy social expectations.

Also to have kids and raise a family

[Cowboy6666]

Because they want commitment, kids, best and closest friend in shape of hubby etc.

[SweedyPie]

But are these things exclusive to marriage?

[Cowboy6666]

@SweedyPie I was saying that for society where hook ups aren't common

[SweedyPie]

Okay understood

[cth2188]

At some point I wanted a committed relationship and to build a family at this rate I may have to consider going overseas or stay single.

[cth2188]

I would never date anyone in America

[KatherineJ]

To commit to the man I fell in love with and want to live my life with.

[CuriousMufuxka]

The wedding! The ceremony! The control! The half when he finally gives up! It's not really like that, but there are truths in that can be divulged.

[Anonymous]

Watching too many Disney movies when they are young girls.

[SweedyPie]

Or any Disney show at all. The whole disney channel hahaha. Or any movie nowadays. Easy to find everywhere tbh. Crazy how this concept is blatantly pushed and pulled

[Opinion Owner]

It's a fairy tale, some people do experience it, maybe only very wealthy people or real princesses.

[Anonymous]

Because when they divorce its like winning the lottery for them. With child support and alimony, its literally free money for multiple years after its over.

[DiegoO]

I see no sense to marriage. Can't help you with an answer.

[England4eva]

Ditto

[spiralshape]

These days, women do not want to be persuaded by "bad boys" except for ratchet ghetto trash and gold diggers. Today's society is actually better than it was in the 1990s and 2000s.

[spiralshape]

And to a lesser degree, the 2010s as well.

[SweedyPie]

Wait what? 0lease elaborate how that affects my question

[SweedyPie]

Please * I don't understand the correlation

[spiralshape]

Blocked. I don't want to see your crappy question

[IveGotNoName]

Security. A guarantee that the relationship won't just fall apart. A person can't just leave a marriage.

[SignedAutographs]

Cheaper. It, by definition, is cheaper, to live as a married couple

[Anonymous]

Money and kids. Companies that do flowers and clothes need to make money so they advertise that marriage is their main goal despite how much damage it causes

[cookiecrusher]

Financial stability, childhood dreams and peer pressure.

[boggboss]

They get sold from young its the pinical of love

[SweedyPie]

Ding ding ding

[LadiesFavoriteToy]

Women seek marriage to ruin men if it does not work out because divorce courts always clean out the hard working men.

[Jltakk]

There's a lot for them to gain from marriage, strictly from their end.

[Anonymous]

https://youtu.be/-0kcet4aPpQ

[alice55]

To feel loved

[SweedyPie]

Valid opinion, but is a bit disheartening. I really sighed and frowned and felt sad seeing that. Do you truly believe a marriage is needed as a testament of love?

[alice55]

Yes, because too many men treat their girlfriend and wife differently, they cheat on their girlfriend and don't respect them and only really marry those they feel is worth it, if they refuse to marry you it's cause they're not serious about it. Lots of men are saying they don't want to marry, stay many years with a woman then some years after they go and marry another woman.
Men don't want to get married except to the good one so it's definitely a prove of love and respect.

[Wise4myage]

Security and companionship.

[Iron_Man]

They want to have a organized set life

[Shamalien]

Because it benefits them

[michael1469]

For the money... its all about the money.

[Agape93]

No idea.

[Zygum]

To raise family

[SweedyPie]

But some want marriage and no children

[Zygum]

Generally considered to raise family but not essential

[gabby100]

Security...

[Anonymous]

Why do men?

[SweedyPie]

Do you think men are generally the aggressors in seeking marriage?

[Opinion Owner]

Some of them are

[SweedyPie]

I said generally, so by you saying some, that means no. By generally, I meant the majority, which does not mean there are not exceptions to the rule. This applies for both the original question I posted as well as the one I asked you. Let's be honest and not sugarcoat stuff. Women are generally the aggressors when it comes to seeking marriage.

[bamesjond0069]

Security.