He has been divorced from a bad marriage and has no interest in marrying again, how can I change his mind?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has expressed he doesn't want to marry again after his last marriage ended. I love him and I would absolutely love to share my life with him. I've been in love with him for the better part of 8 years. I know that in today's society marriage is a piece of paper. I'd do anything for this man.

Updates

1 y

I need to set this straight. I have not even hinted at the idea of wanting to be married to my boyfriend. We just had a casual conversation about it... It was just simply my curiosity if a man could change his mind about something like that.

[TonyMetal___86]

All women starts in a relationship saying what you have mentioned, later on she will just dump him out of the blue!
Don't blame your boyfriend for his decision, i mean i'm worst than him but i don't have a relationship, why would i want a girl to believe in me if i'm not going to marry her!
It's always very easy to say i love you and i'll do this and that for you, we fell in this trap before and it hurts like hell, everytime someone tells us that they love us and that they are different, all our past will hunt us down to warn us to never fall in the same trap again...

Look i'm not saying that all women are like that, but in this generation raised without morals, values and faith, the worst is expected!

I saw women staying with their men forever, i saw women who were loyal to their men till the last day of their lives, but i don't believe that such women were meant for me and i feel that it's hard for me to ever trust a woman again...

UNLESS, i know that it sounds crazy, if there's a legal paper which says that if she dumps me without a harsh reason which cannot be fixed than i can torture her so badly without getting arrested!

I hope that things will work out for you but if your boyfriend feels like me, just don't blame him!

It's not always men who makes women hate them till death but i believe that a woman is a lot stronger than men when it comes to makes us hate them till death!

[JacobJordan]

Why do you want to marry him? You can be his life partner without the government intervention. Hell you can have the entire ass wedding without getting government intervention. So if you would do "anything" for him. Why won't you respect his choice to never marry again and just be a fantastic girlfriend, life partner and wife.

[CalmUntilAbused]

There's always the option of the true, traditional, purely Catholic marriage. However, after a horribly failed marriage, even this option must sound like a deadly trap.

[JacobJordan]

@CalmUntilAbused more the fact she claims she would do anything. Evidently anything doesn't include respecting his choice to not marry again

[CalmUntilAbused]

@jacobjordan Well... This might be for the best. His mind is clouded by strong emotions, so You can't really take His choice at face value. She's perfectly fine to hope for them getting married... It's just a bad idea to pressure Him to agree to this.

[Vesuvius87]

He has laid out to you that he's against remarrying and wants to keep you as just a girlfriend. Are you happy with just a man's girlfriend for another 8 years until he dumps you whenever he wants to?

If not, then it's time to figure out that just being in love isn't enough if you want marriage and he's against remarrying. You only have two options; either accept never getting married to him and getting dumped eventually or move on and find someone that wants marriage.

[Vesuvius87]

You've been wasting your time for 8 years. Are you going to be accept settling for just girlfriend status?

[Anonymous]

Honey, you can't force someone to get married. A bad divorce can leave scars, and if he's happy being single, respect that. Focus on building a strong, fulfilling relationship together. Open communication is key – talk about what you both want for the future. Maybe you can find a happy medium, like living together or a long-term commitment without marriage. The most important thing is that you're both on the same page and happy!

[CalmUntilAbused]

First of all... Pray. Seriously, pray. There is no silver bullet here, no single action of Yours will convince Him. A divorce is a true nightmare for men in the Western world these days, a humiliation and a trauma so powerful some will never recover from it. Other than that... The problem here was the divorce. Thus, the only way He could ever trust a marriage again is a marriage without the possibility of a divorce. Namely, the true, traditional, purely Catholic marriage. You can suggest this idea to Him once He gets over the worst part of His trauma.

On the other hand... You said You'd do anything for Him. That's actually believeable given that this love lasts for as much as 8 years. Then... Do You have the guts to avenge Him, even if that put Your life or freedom on the line? After the terrible ordeal of the divorce it's likely His own sense of dignity is at its extreme low, so much so that He does not believe He deserves to be avenged. However, the fact is that He absolutely deserves to be avenged. The most extreme and trustworthy proof of love is to sacrifice Your life for the one You love. If You can take that gamble, He might actually trust You enough to marry You.

[Asker]

Will I fight for him? Yes. Will I I keep him out of harms way? Absolutely. Because he worries about me for the same reasons. I feel safe, loved, and protected with him and I will never let this man go. He's my rock, my home. If marriage isn't what he wants I'll be okay with that as long as we'll still be in each other's lives.

[CalmUntilAbused]

Well... That's a good basis for anything more. Now... Contrary to some other people, I think marriage (just the true marriage, with no easy bail-out) is an adviceable option here. However, it should not be forced and full mental recovery should be the first priority. If You are true to Your word that You'd do anything for Him, He will definitely take notice. If You can have each other's back, You will inevitably grow even closer together, so Your wish might come true naturally.

[Asker]

They say the best relationships come from being friends first and I've got that with him. I have known him for the better part of 25 years. I didn't really start to have anything romantic with him until 2016 so I'm staying positive.

[IslaTheWitch]

just don't... you can't force people to think the way you do... I assume you tried to talk to him and presented your perspective, but he didn't change his mind. It's a kind of situation you can't negotiate or require a compromise. You can accept it or break up and look for a man who will fulfill your need for marriage

[dustybiker2]

You cannot force your views on anyone. Men are pretty clear with what they want. The only thing you can do is make him feel safe enough with you to want to stay. If you aren't happy with his choices that he has shared with you then he isn't for you. 8 years is a long time for you to not see this as pretty permanant.

[sheikalana]

Well, you can't. You can be the best partner he ever had and he still wouldn't change his mind. You can tell him how marriage is important to you but you can't force him or expect him change his mind. He probably experienced bad things in his previous marriage and it was bad enough for him not to want to be in that situation again.

[MrDaveAPSI]

Then he's not right for you

If you think you can "change someone", you're with the wrong person

I don't want marriage, or kids. I don't think they're necessary. Religion and the state make you think you do, but, you really don't. Why do i need someone ELSE telling me whether I'm "in love" or not

[molonski2]

You said " You'd do anything for him " ..

Then dont try to change him , allow him his wish - DONT marry , its pretty dam simple.

If that changes in a decade , then consider it.

[molonski2]

On your update = Of course its possible over time , maybe a decade.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is never just a piece of paper and he found that out at divorce. I imagine you have to accept he doesn't want marriage, men tend to tell you how it is and not change their minds. Doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you long term. Does probably mean he doesn't want the government involved again.

[poshspice123]

Maybe compromise with promise ceremony or rings…
In todays world a live in relationship is also looked as common law marriage and has same rights as divorce. (Research it though)

[poshspice123]

Commitment ceremony*

[WhitneySnow]

You probably can’t. He’s been traumatized. My parents have a marriage that gets pretty bad sometimes and sometimes it makes me question whether I ever want to get married.

[TommyMountainFigure]

If you REALLY would do anything for him, let him decide if or when he's ready to marry without trying to influence him!

[LazerBean]

You don't change his mind. You either accept that he's never going to marry you, or you find a man who will marry you.

[laly520]

u don't
its about him being prepared to try again after bad experience or not
if marriage is important n is an ultimate goal for u then u may need to move on

[Nikki1989]

Most men are stubborn and childish at the best of times, so good luck changing his mind.

[OtterMan68]

He sounds like me. Not sure what it would take to change my mind. Maybe if a woman was independently wealthy, and I could retire, and we could travel the world!

[LiamJHayden]

That can be tough especially if he got fleeced in the divorce. All you can do is be as loving and as patient as you can be, but be aware that his choice might be set in stone.

[slatyb]

Why is marriage so important to you? It's just a legal status.

[Vesuvius87]

Why should we be happy by just a verbal status?

[slatyb]

@Vesuvius87 why not? Are you planning children? Marriage is just a legal condition. It doesn't make people faithful and doesn't pregnant them from leaving.

[Vesuvius87]

Yes I would like at least one child and want to be trusted in every single way not just for the romance and sex (during dating and just words) but also publically. I would happily sign a prenup if he's so distrusful and thinks I'm a golddigger that wants to take over his money. If anything, I got scammed myself, gave an ex boyfriend money and never got it back. I still haven't given up on what I want though. So no I would feel incomplete to just have a verbal agreement. For me it's really a symbol of appreciation, respect and trust. If he can't give me that then he's it means he doesn't trust me and if he doesn't trust me, then obviously I'm not going to be happy.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm sorry the concept has gotten so messed up and you men think all of us want to drain you financially. That's the only reason you men are opting for cohabitation which is basically an extended friends with benefits, extended dating. Remove that reason and lets say there were no monetary incentive... if that was taken away, then would you still be against getting marrying?

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like you. What are u comprehending? He's giving you am excuse. If his dream girl came along his type he'd marry her on a heart beat. He doesn't see you as pretty enough

[Vesuvius87]

Pretty much. A forever girlfriend is already an extended friends with benefits type of arrangement without them saying they want a casual relationship with unlimited access to sex, just going under the disguise of ''the girlfriend''. Any excuse a man were to give me by now ''Oh the government, oh an engagement ring is too expensive (I can go for a very cheap one or help him out with money if it's too much), oh but I had a bad experience, oh my foot has fungus, oh but it's just a piece of paper, etc'' will fall on deaf ears and I'll take it that he doesn't trust, respect nor value me. I don't care for the reasons. For me it's an all or nothing, he wants me or he doesn't.

[DreamLife7]

Exactly!!!

[Anonymous]

If you’d do anything for him than honor his wishes.

[handsomelad70]

Prove to him that you're better than his ex-wife.

[jahaims]

You don't. Accept it or find someone who wants the same thing as you

[msc545]

You can't. Be grateful you have a partner you love, and leave it at that.

[Lara_Croft]

you can't change his mind-pray is all i can say

[HighValue]

Offer to sign a prenuptial agreement.

[JayBones2469]

You are wasting your time. Move on.