I told him about my plans (to study more, get better job and wanting to move abroad). After that he broke things off because of incompatibility.
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He has been divorced from a bad marriage and has no interest in marrying again, how can I change his mind?
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The misogynistic little boys don't like women being educated and having a career. They live in the year 1794 and just want you to sit at home cleaning and cooking until he's ready to impregnate you. You absolutely dodged a bullet. Let him go and find a man who has evolved beyond the caveman mentality. There are plenty of decent men and men like him will go extinct soon when we stop allowing them to reproduce.
Well that's a silly reason to leave someone. You dodge a bullet.
He didn’t say exactly if those were the reasons altough I suspect it it he said our life goals don’t align ”in general level”
During our date he even asked me if I would like to work or stay at home if I had kids
I think I remember you asking this before. If you don't want to approach him then there's not much you can do about it. It's out of your control.
He just doesn't want to waste your time. It sounds like he's respectfully leaving you.
Waste my time in what way?
Like in some cultures they don't like to approach you with small talk because they don't want to waste your time talking to them.
He just didn't want you to feel like he's wasting your time. He just wants someone to enjoy the little things in life with and you are making things over complicated than what they need to be. You want to study and he doesn't want to hold you back from that.
” He just wants someone to enjoy the little things in life with and you are making things over complicated than what they need to be. ”
Cab you please elaborate this more
Like for example I take a woman out on a coffee date and we both have the time of our lives over a simple coffee. We have coffee dates every week and it's always fun.
Now another guy takes a woman out on a date and pays $250 on beer and wears a fancy suit and tries his hardest to impress her and the date is boring.
Now it isn't like the second guy wasn't trying it's just he was trying to hard to make the date meaningful and showing off rather than just enjoying the simple things.
Chopping wood your brother might sound really boring, but during the time you get to bond with you brother. In retrospect the little things in life are the big things.
A father taking his son out to the places every week to impress doesn't make the father-son relationship any better.
I don't feel like rambling, but you get the idea. You trying to go to college and waiting for the perfect moment when he just wants a simple relationship.
I’m already graduated. I meant maybe getting my masters later down the road
Why would that bother him?
I don't know. I am not sure hot to answer this. I tried.
Is the age in your profile accurate?
I’m in my late 20’s
Why does your profile say otherwise?
Regardless, it seems clear your priorities are inconsistent with his. Most men your age are ready, or almost ready, to settle down and start a family with a woman. You are obviously not that woman. You won't serve the purpose in his life that he needs a woman for.
At your age, making the decision to study more, get a better job and move abroad sends the clear message family is not important to you. Let him go so he can find a woman who has value to him.
That’s what I’m worried him that he got thr wrong idea. I do want kids and he knows that. He told me he wants big family. I did told him I want several kids too. When I told him I want to move abroad I meant like I want to move after 10 years
So, you want to study and have a nice job, then settle down and have a family, and then move abroad when your kids are about 4 years old? How's that going to work?
I could study while having kids. Also why can’t a mom work?
There it is. You want to have kids and pay someone else to raise them for you. That is certainly not appealing to me, and probably not to him either.
Maybe that’s why he asked me if I had kids would I want to work or stay at home
Yup.
I said that I’m used to working and would like to have my money but I would stay at home when they’re little. Was it still deal breaker to him?
You can choose to do what you want with your life, but you need to understand there are consequences to your choices. Men and women want different things from each other. It seem most of today's women have forgotten what men want from a wife, or they just expect men to accept them as something else. Some men are not willing to make that compromise.
If I'm going to have children, I'm not going to pay someone else to raise them, someone who doesn't know or love them the way their mother can, and can't teach them and develop heir minds during the most critically important years in their development. That's what a real mother does. I don't need a mother for my kids who won't do that. I won't bring kids into this world just to give them that low quality childhood, and compromise their ability to be happy and well adjusted adults.
I suspect your guy sees it the same way.
I said to him I would stay at home when they’re little
Ok, but you also said you want to to study more, get better job and move abroad, which is not consistent with that.
What did he say were the reasons he broke it off with you? Maybe that would help clarify things for me?
He said different life goals
Nothing more specific than that?
No. When I told him what plans didn’t align. He said ” just in general level they don’t align”
OK, well then I can only assume he broke it off for the same reasons I would have.
What could be the reason whe didn’g want to go into details?
I don't know, maybe he was confident enough in his understanding of what you want in life to know it wouldn't work out, and he didn't want to hurt your feelings any more than necessary. But I really don't know, just have to guess.
It’s been weeks now since we last talled and wished well each other. I do miss him. Should I reach out to him?
That's up to you, but if it were me I probably would. It seems you may think he misunderstood your intentions, so maybe you can clear up those misunderstandings and then see if he still isn't interested. You'll never know if you don't try. Good luck.
What would I say to him?
Just tell him you didn't understand what he meant when he said your priorities just in general level they don’t align, and ask him if he can clarify.
When he said our future plans don’t align. I said I want to know what plans don’t align. He then said just in general level they don’h align. I then didn’t pressure him. I took it as he’s lying about the whole thing and was making excuse..
Well I don't know, maybe you're right. It's impossible to know without getting into his head.
Would it be desperate if I reach out to him?
Last time we talked was 6 weeks ago
? :))