Does my Gamer husband actuallu want me. Spends life playing computer games?

[Melissa84]

I am finding it very difficult to overcome the insecurities I have with my relationship, and these are now affecting my own mental health.

I have a gut feeling that something isn't right and I dnt no what it is. Here is some background; I work full time/he works part time and spends all day and night in the playing games on his computer, and he enjoys watching other women playing video games - these women are 🔥. He also looks at these girls only fans accounts aswell.

He left his computer on & I seen messages on his screen he sent to someone about fucking them over a table and doing 69 (ironically these were sent on valentines day) where I got no 69 or sex, 🙄or anything at all actually not even a happy valentines day. I assume there are other similar messages but I can't even bare to look as I dont no what i will find. I used his computer recently to watch yt and he went in the huff because I ruined stuff on his PC.

IIt all makes me feel so insecure and he knows it does but he always says that he is just joking they are just his friends. I really want to look through his phone or computer but I am genuinely scared for what I might find. He asks a women for a photo of her tits on twitter and also likes photos of girls new hair selfies (never acknowledges me when I get my hair done).

In addition to the above, he makes no effort with me, he not spontaneous or considerate or romantic: no dinner dates, never EVER get flowers or any small romantic gestures, even though he nos i would love all of these things.

we hardly ever have sex as he just sits in the he just sits gaming most of the day/night. We have been together for 13 years and at the start of the relationship he was on chat roulette website (which i have never mentioned)

I just want some advice, I want to be a better person and not insecure, how do I approach this AGAIN without appearing like the crazy wife. How do help myself by becoming less insecure with myself and my relationship? Does want me

[CuriousHubby]

Sorry this is a very hard thing. As a gamer this is not just gaming behavior! My wife and I play together a lot it's great and fun. If you can try to join him and be fun together not just roommates who have the same bed.

This is he is replacing you staring at other girls and lusting over them! Returning to old habits with what you said of

the start of the relationship he was on chat roulette website

This behavior is no different! Over time you two became roommates and he wants excitement but is being so dumb and finding it else where!

This happens in many old relationships he is emotionally and physically cheating online with girls. Getting excited over them not you!

He either fixed this and desires you lists for you and you alone or this will be a divorce. Right now he is comfy and happy. Working part time and being lazy!

Imagine his withdrawal of the internet got turned off!

If he won't do counciling or talk with you and desire you. Then he has decided he wants other girls. Since you say he knows this makes you insecure. Yet does it any ways wanting some excitement online.

Id hate putting my wife thought this! If you want to talk more id be happy to let you vent! Also can ask my wife her advice for this

[lightbulb27]

before I read all that... you could substitute "our teenage son". Those damn games... cause a lot of problems.

This is awful situation for you. With our kid, we can throw him out of the house and beat him with a stick. But he doesn't get that and keeps playing and getting distracted.

Husband is totally in lala land. he's playing around and having fun and it feels good. Sadly, he's excluding you while living an alter life.

this is more than a gut feeling... he's checked out emotionally and emotionally cheating, at minimum.

Whatever you'd do with a cheating drug addict husband, that's what need to do. Probably hard work to bring him back. He has to want to engage, make it better and new again and turn down/off the distractions.

I'd start by thanking God for whatever is good. That is better than focusing on what you don't have. Then make a plan as to what you want to do. It may require turning off the games... but that is his drug, plan on a huge fight. So, i'd start with arranging things for you two (his job). But with games going on, he won't ever focus... our kid doesn't either.

I'm sure somewhere in the world women take a sledge hammer to the game systems... I understand why.

[sawno]

Alright so, first things first. Is it normal for a gamer husband to spend a lot of time behind a computer? Yes, that's normal and quite common. But everything else in your post isn't. I would enjoy my own hobbies and then after a while when I had done that for a bit i'd be eager to spend some quality time with my girl.

The fact he's apparently very sexually minded with the whole onlyfans crap yet doesn't pay attention to you at all is an extreme red flag. I don't think this is you at all, I don't see any sign in your post that he cares about you. If he did you'd at minimum expect him to have sex with you and spend time with you aside from a potential porn addiction, the fact its only porn and never you shows a big sign of disinterest.

I think its time for you to face the facts and begin evaluating your options because this one isn't you being insecure, this one is you being completely neglected in the relationship if I can even call it that.

[Melissa84]

Amd I genuinely don't mind that gaming is his hobby... I dont mind him. playing it, getting the crack with his mates/having a laugh etc. He does the 24 hour raid things on destiny and whatever else and I dont mind... Its something he enjoys.
But all these little odds & ends bits that keep happening is just pushing me further & further inside myself & eating away at my confidence. I brought up about the twitter photo comments he made to female streamer but he said its people he knows & its just a bit of a laugh... Then I thought perhaps I am over reacting. I told him I dont find it funny... Its public humiliation as it wasn't done via dm or anything.

I mean he isn't a bad guy deep down (I probably painted the worst picture of him as I have said all the things I am unhappy with). If i said to him i want him to watch a film with me then he would... He just wouldn't ever suggest it... If i say lets go for dinner then we will. I try to spice things up by sending him pics when he's at work (in the hope he will want me when he's home). I needed somewhere to vent and let everything out.

[Melissa84]

And on top of this... He's wiped all notion of me from his social media accounts, he says its so people he plays destiny with dont try to engage with me as there are some creeps... So I wonder if that is the reason or not

[sawno]

Of course I account for the fact that its more nuanced than your post. But even in the most charitable interpretation its a guy spending more times sending sexually charged messages to other women than he is initiating with you. That's not the kind of guy who is fulfilling you in your relationship and you know that. At best this is an addiction and he's just not really aware what he's doing, at worst he is full on gaslighting you and doing it on purpose. Either way is not good.

If I compare it to how I am in relationships, if she some day decided not to initiate because she's always the one to initiate she'd probably find that not that much later I initiate on my own when I miss her. I'd actively want to have sex, and while porn depends on what we agreed upon in the relationship (Perhaps we both enjoy watching it and incorporating it in our sex lives, perhaps she doesn't want me to watch it and I don't) I certainly wouldn't be sexting onlyfans girls.

You deserve more than your getting from him right now, and I don't think this is on you. So don't let it get to you on a personal level if your denying him being at fault, he's at fault here and you have to take the necessary steps because of that. You will have to find a way forward either with his behavior or with someone else, because he surely isn't going to take any initiative.

[sawno]

And no, gamers don't do this to protect their girls from creeps. You are perfectly capable of blocking them on your own. My ex was always publicly visible on my friends lists, while I usually didn't say I had a girlfriend since it can be a frustrating topic or seen as a brag by others I never said I was single either and if there was a girl wanting to get close to me i'd let her know I am taken.

Your boyfriend is behind dishonest with you, because if he has a girlfriend online he's obviously not going to get the attention from other women that he wants.

[strateguy632]

That is fantasy sexting he wouldn't actually do it.

But are you available when he is interested? Do you tell him when you are interested? What argument do you have during the day?

[Melissa84]

He is fantasty sexting... i Have even tried to sext with him but he says he's a vanilla guy and isn't into it" I wouldn't even say I am unattractive... i mean I am not picture perfect but I do look after myself, shower regularly, get my hair done, slim build...
I go to bed pretty much everynight by myself... I told him before when I am interested and its a quick fumble then he goes back to his PC afterwards... Hardly romantic and doesn't fill me with confidence. I work during the day... And again if he's not at work he's on the PC.

Pretty much the only time he comes to bed at the same time as me he tries it on... So then I know the only reason he's came to bed is to fuck me... Then its roll over and onto his phone...

Its knocking my confidence and its eating me up inside

[molonski2]

Sorry the guys a male disgrace if what you say is true , get rid of him , what an absolute F wit , most gamers dont live a real world , they adore fantasy , this is his sexual release.

[torturedgirlypoet]

What a fucking loser, he’s probably cheating - leave his ass. You deserve so much more