How to move forward from finding out my husband has been discussing to his sister about every aspect of my married life to everything to do with me?

[Anonymous]

Just found out my husband was sharing every private conversation between me & him, and incidents that happened regarding me at my inlaws house to his sister. I just randomly decided to go through his chat and it revealed so much. He always had a close bond with his sister, but it came to the point he was gossiping about me, my mum and family. Making me look extremely bad and discussing every aspect of my personal conversations with him like my contractions, sending screenshots of personal convos with me, and her saying stuff bad stuff about me to him. The sister and mum telling him what to do all the time, and what not to do in my marriage.

The problem is my husband used to argue with me and neglect me during my pregnancy by arguing with me over discussions he and his family had over me and over they wanted me to do like i didn't wanna cut my sons hair for instance, and they'd argue with me for it. He would wanna pressurise me to do things their way and I'd always refused when I realise their doing it to me and trying to control and force me to do things am not comfortable with.

They were even bashing my mum as they hate her even my husband. Where during my near birth time, his sister was making sure my mil tags along purposely. When me and my husband were about to go with my mum to the hospital, and made it into a game and competition that day to stop my mum from going. The sad thing is he never treated me right from the begining. They had at least 30 separate convos discussing me about different times, and I confronted him over it, and his apologised, but it's not enough for me as he has breached my trust with him fully and i feel betrayed and had enough of the disloyalty.

His sister and my husband both stopped talking to each other about our marriage midway now as her husband doesn't approve of her getting involved. This made my relationship with my husband sour right now as it was a lot of hurtful comments and rude remarks he made about my family and myself.

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, girl, that's a really tough situation you're dealing with. I can't even imagine how betrayed and hurt you must feel finding out your husband has been gossiping about you and your family to his sister like that. That's a major breach of trust, for sure.

It's bad enough that he was letting his family try to control and pressure you during your pregnancy, but to then turn around and talk smack about you behind your back is just straight-up disloyalty. I get that he and his sister are close, but there's gotta be some boundaries when it comes to your private marriage.

And the way they were trying to keep your own mom from being there for you during the birth - that's just messed up. I can see why you feel so betrayed and why this has really soured your relationship with your husband.

Honestly, girl, I think you have every right to be pissed. His "apology" doesn't really cut it, in my opinion. He needs to really take responsibility for that major breach of trust and make some serious changes if he wants to rebuild that foundation.

My advice would be to have a super honest, open conversation with him about it. Make it clear that this kind of disloyalty is unacceptable, and that you need to see real change in how he communicates with his family about your marriage. Maybe even suggest counseling so you can work through this in a healthy way.

But at the end of the day, you have to decide if this is something you can move past. That kind of betrayal can be really hard to come back from. Don't be afraid to put your foot down and stand up for yourself, girl. You deserve way better than that.

Wishing you all the best as you navigate this tough situation. Let me know if you need any other advice along the way. Hang in there!

[Caroline91]

I think couples therapy would be the best place to explore how to move forward. I wish you the best. We all deserve to be in a healthy and happy relationship.