I am scared of marriage?

[askthis56]

Wife, kids, grandkids, relatives, taking care of a family, raising a child, what if kids gonna be sick, take them to the hospital what if their school, carieer what if they couldnt find a job, what if they would have misareble life, many responsibilities and it is gonna take all my life. What I am gonna do?

These are just a few of my many concernes. Although I like kids... I don't know...

Marriage is a mistake?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, I totally understand why you're feeling so freaked out about the whole marriage and family thing. It's a huge commitment and there's just so much uncertainty involved. I mean, having kids and taking care of them is a huge responsibility. What if they get sick or struggle in school or can't find a good job? That's a lot of pressure to deal with.

But at the same time, I know you said you like kids, so that's a good sign, right? Maybe you don't have to jump into the deep end right away. You could start slow, just dating someone and seeing how it goes before thinking about getting married and having a family.

And even if you do decide to take that step, it's not like you have to have it all figured out right away. Raising kids is hard, but you can take it one day at a time and do the best you can. No one's perfect, and your kids might have some struggles, but that doesn't mean you're gonna mess them up for life.

I know it's a big decision and there's a lot to think about. But try not to stress too much, dude. You've got time to figure it out, and you don't have to have all the answers right now. Just focus on finding someone you really connect with and take it from there. You got this, man.

[askthis56]

I don't know how to thank you man. You are always so helpful. I espcially invited to you to answer the question because of you are very helpful. I am gonna think about it. Besides I actually love kids more than like... And to find someone who I love is important but I am not that young I am the ends of 20's.

[abc3643]

Q: Marriage is a mistake?

A: Yes.

Trust me on this.

The greatest source of happiness in the universe is this:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/lLCEUpIg8rE

Do you know what marriage does?
It eliminates this:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/lLCEUpIg8rE

[askthis56]

Why marriage is a mistake can you explain?

[abc3643]

I just did.
Your greatest happiness comes from freedom.
Optimal freedom comes from living on your own.
The moment you become connected to another living thing is the moment you add constraints (*) to your life. Constraints constrain freedom; they lower freedom, so you have less freedom and thus less happiness.

The happiest I ever was was when I was living alone. I just didn't realize it at the time. I am 62 so I do understand that now.

[abc3643]

(*) All those things you worried about in your question are constraints... often responsibilities which are also constraints.

[askthis56]

This is what I am scrared of but you know... I feel lonely man and some girl ı can love and kids I can love. family, grandparents, relatives It is not a bad thing to have, I think... I can't decide what is good or what is bad for me

[abc3643]

That's the great journey of life.
The two greatest things you can learn are:
1. Human Nature (this takes decades and you may never master it)
2. Yourself - who you are - what you like and dislike - what you want and don't want - what you can live with and what you can live without. The quicker you learn and accept who you are, the happier you will be because you won't be conflicted about life's choices or pressures from other persons. This, too, can take decades to master and you may never master it.

I, like you, like the idea of kids and family, but, the older I got, the more I know that I should not go down that path. I partly did and am, in many ways, unhappy because of it. I can't retire. My wife doesn't really love me. And I have no real family anyway. At least I was smart enough not to have kids and bring them into this shitfest of a world which I predicted more than 40 years ago. But, if I had remained single, I might have felt a bit lonely, but I think I would have been happier in the long run.

[abc3643]

Anyway, "the great journey" for you is to learn who you are.
Don't listen to others; listen to yourself.

Think of it like movies.
You know what movies you like and what movies you don't. You know your taste in movies so that tells you which movies you will go pay to see. Someone might say "Go see this!" or "That sucks!" but, deep down, you know what you want to it is more or less pointless to listen to them unless their views are similar to yours.

Well, try to think about all the other choices in life.
When it comes to various life choices, ask yourself "Do I really want to do this?" or "Do I really want to buy this?" or "Don't you realize that you are just wasting your time and money on that? Don't bother."
Do what you KNOW (not suspect) brings you happiness. Do not do what you KNOW will not bring you happiness or that you know will bring you unhappiness.
... and keep in mind any life choices that reduce your freedom better be very rewarding because freedom is expensive and you don't want to lose it. Getting it back can be very expensive and upsetting. There's an old joke: "Do you know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it."

[petitedollbabee]

Sounds more like you’re scared of having kids, not marriage. You don’t have to be married in order to have kids, and you don’t have to have kids if you’re married.

[askthis56]

Don't I have to be married in order to have kids? What is the other alternative? Beside kids and wife are responsility I am not sure that I wanna do that...

[petitedollbabee]

You can have kids without being married. Im not married and have no interest in marriage, yet I have a child with my long term partner, and we’ll be having another child in the future.

[Anonymous]

You know you can get married and not have kids right? I mean if you’re scared of having children

[Opinion Owner]

thanks for mho

[DishLady]

So don't get married... Simple...

[askthis56]

I need to f... ck a girl I mean like always how will I do that?

[DishLady]

You’re looking for a prostitute, not a bride…. There are plenty of those out there….

[Anonymous]

You SHOULD be scared of marriage.

But if the reasons you listed are the reasons you are scared, you are a man-child who should not get married. Your future wife and children deserve a better man.

[askthis56]

Why I am man-child?

[oldpigg]

It's just a waste of money and time.

[askthis56]

Marriage? Why?

[oldpigg]

In the modern Western context, marriage is a system of legalized prostitution whereby a man bribes a woman with food/drink, shelter, emotional security, job stability, transportation service, an expensive ring, and a lavish wedding.

[askthis56]

You are exagrateting

[oldpigg]

This comes in exchange for allowing him to have regular sex and know who his children are through long-term institutionalized monogamy.

[askthis56]

What is your proposal? What is the other alternative?

[oldpigg]

This description of marriage does not even constitute all that a woman may be entitled to receive in a marriage, but it does constitute the most that a man is expected to receive.

[askthis56]

What should I do?

[oldpigg]

The symbol of marriage is the future husband kneeling and offering the woman an expensive diamond ring.

[askthis56]

Bro, okey I understand but what should I do in this situation?