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If your partner is right in all the ways you feel a partner should be, but the only thing is they don't want marriage, is it worth it to stay in the relationship or are people who stay knowing what they want only hanging around with fools hope that it will work out and they'll change their mind?
That's a major incompatibility so it contradicts what you're saying about your partner is right in all the ways. It means neither of you are right for each other. He should find a like-minded woman that would be ok with permanent cohabitation and you should seek a marriage-minded man. If you want marriage as a goal in life then you shouldn't ever compromise that base on what your partner says. He doesn't represent every single other men out there that will gladly make you his wife.
The last time a former partner ever told me ''you're not ready for marriage'', he got blocked on every single social medias, never spoke to him ever again. I've found better and have been married since Sept 20, 2024. I'm now currently slightly over 7 months pregnant.
What you should give up on is marrying this particular guy but not on marriage as a whole if that's what you really want in life.
No one can make that decision but you. I'm in your same boat. I got into this relationship 16 years ago with him being upfront that he never would get married again. I thought the longer we were together that I could possibly change his mind. There have been several instances where we were really close, but something had to happen and that got ruined. I secretly have wished all this time to be a wife and still do. But now that such stuff has happened, I could care less about ever being married to him. Just know it can go on forever. Be true to yourself not to him in this decision.
You should be with someone who wants what you want. Don't stick around in a relationship that is not resulting in the marriage that you desire. He may have his reasons for not wanting to get married (yet) - and which may be understandable reasons, or he doesn't want to get married ever. That's not good for you.
There are a lot of women in relationships with men who are not marrying them - some have even been engaged to these women for years but still haven't gone the full mile of marriage. And these women stay with them hoping he finally will, when they really feel like they're being put on the back burner. Don't stick around for that.
Move on from them and find someone that’s on the same page as you that wants to be on the same page as you , Just because you love and care about someone , it doesn’t mean you have to stay with that someone. If they aren’t willing to compromise with you , then it’s best for you to accept it for what it is and move on. Don’t expect someone to change, just to appease you. Staying in a relationship like that , will just make you miserable in the long run. Relationships only survive when both partners’ are on the same page as things or willing to compromise with each other. If not? It’s best to move on
Opinion
27Opinion
No, he won't change his mind. If that's how he feels, its not going to change. That doesn't mean he isn't looking for something that is a marriage just without the title or ceremony (I don't know that he is. He could be against marriage as an institution. Or he could be against the idea of spending his life in Love with one person.)
You should definitely give up on marrying this guy. It won't ever happen. You may want to find out why exactly he definitely doesn't ever want to get married. It does make a difference.
Sorry.
Are you religious? Do you believe that God commands couples to marry before they have sex and bring children?
If not, why do you care? If it isn't broke, don't fix it.
Marriage is just a legal contract that makes the man give you half his stuff and pay you alimony when you get bored in 7 years and say you've fallen out of love.
Religiously, marriage is for life and cannot be broken unless adultery or physical abuse. Modern marriage isn't shit. You can divorce for any reason WITHOUT PENALTY. You can actually cheat but there is not penalty for cheating. You STILL get his stuff. You can unilaterally end the marriage against his will but have ZERO penalty for walking out on the contract. You get alimony and half his stuff.
No reason to marry unless you are of faith. Just keep dating.
If there was a god, wouldn't things be about harmony, peace and whatever people decide as long as they're happy. If a god were to command, order you to praise it, to blindly believe it no matter what and dictate how people's sex lives should be like, that sounds like some authoritorian leader; a bad one. This so called superbeing has always been about how people interpret it as.
authoritarian
@Vesuvius87
Being "happy"?
You think THAT is the ultimate standard for the goodness and badness of all things? Wow, you are naive. You think being "happy" 24/7 is the purpose of life and that humans can always be happy?
Oh, I don't feel happy today so I'll walk out of every promise and commitment I made.
Why did you break up your family and take your children away from the other parent for 50% of the time and break up the home and walk out on your vow?
Well, I' had noticed my levels of "happiness" had been dropping.
I am supposed to "FEEL" happy all the time.
LOL!!!
What is goodness and badness to you might be different towards someone else. That's subjective, not objective. You don't have to feel happy 24/7 days but satisfied in your life whether that's being married with kids, being single and traveling on your own, being locked in your room during scientific experiments, etc.
I don't know what women you've gotten involved with to make such a overgeneralized statement about a whole gender. I think people that walk out of their public vows (whether it's religious or non -religious... yes public vows are made among atheist couples too) just because of not feeling the butterflies in the stomach every single day aka infautation stage are indeed delusional. I think someone made a bad vetting process when selecting a partner.
I think one of the major reasons for some marriages to fall isn't because of the level of religious someone is but rather selection a relationship purely base on feelings and passion, instead of analyzing if both of you even have common goals, if there is mutual respect, know other traits in the person, how do they solve disagreements, etc. If you just get married because you're highly infatuated (that gets confused for love) and no other reason, you don't know the person at all and you've failed your vetting process.
Hmmm a difficult one.
Peaking from on experience i got married quite young to a guy who never wanted to get married but did it to make me happy (or so he said) he ened up cheating in the first year so I asked for a divorce and we parted ways, he's now engaged to a women he has a baby with (she has 1 older son from a previous relationship) and last I heard they are getting married.
Not sure if it helps but that my experience make of that what you will but I would speak to him and see if there's any specific reason for him not wanting to.
Hope this helps good luck x
I'm not sure what the law is where you are, but in Australia if you genuinely live together as a couple for 2 or more years then you are de facto married with all of the legal upsides and downsides of a certified marriage. Having a child together will do the trick, but otherwise the court will take into account factors such as whether you mingled finances, shared expenses informally, etc.
So as Hellraiser1984 says, marriage is just a certificate... that and potentially a very expensive party.
If your intention is to get married, and your partner doesn’t have any intention for it. Just change your partner, replace him with someone who has the same interest with you.
Never sacrifice your dreams for a man, follow your dreams. Not a man, there are over than 4 billion men in the world. Love yourself, be a selfish person.
Nope, if they’re good on everything but marriage and marriage is what you want, move on. Sucks to know it got that far but I’ve seen too many women waste their lives and bodies on men who could never make them completely happy. Fuck that, men ain’t shit, get another one.
It depends on what you want out of life and whether marriage is important to you or not. When I was dating in high school and college, if a guy said the word marriage to me, I was out the door. Later, when I was ready for a life commitment, if someone I was serious about had said he wasn't interested in marriage, I would have been out the door.
How strongly do you feel about marriage? Some couples stay together unmarried for many years. If you are in the United States, you may find it financially advantageous to get married late in life so that you will have survivorship rights to each other's assets and pensions.
I mean... how important is it to you to have that formal marriage title? Because if it's important to you, you should get out of that relationship.
If you could kind of take it or leave it, and the person otherwise checks the boxes you need them to check; that would be fine.
Why do you want marriage? Whey doesn’t he? Anyway, it can be done but you may jot find it fulfilling. Gene Simmons of Kiss dared a woman for many years and 2 kids before getting married.
If marriage is what you want, then sticking around in spite of his many good attributes will still leave a growing resentment towards him. He isn’t going to change his mind about marriage. Bring it up enough to him and it may even be him who ends things instead. Plenty of men are just checking out of the marriage option even if fully emotionally invested in the woman they are with. Just how it goes these days. So it depends on what you want and can live with at this point.
A woman willing to sacrifice is usually the one who gets what she desires.
I understand you want the security of marriage, but marriage doesn't equate to security for a man. A man wants loyalty, and marriage doesn't equate to loyalty either. Most women are better served by being loyal.
I was unwilling to ever sacrifice having a child out of wedlock. Two of my ex bfs wouldn't give me marriage. I got it from the 3rd man in my life. The 3rd time is the charm applied to me in this case.
It's up to you if you really need to get married find a new partner. If you are fine with the situation stay.. but know he would probably marry a girl he thought was perfect.. so..
He doesn't like you. So you might aswell walk away. Because I guarantee you when the woman he wants enters the picture he will marry her immediately. You're just not who he wants
Men don't respect women with no back bone and you my friend are weak
That kind of sounds like a no brainer. You just about answered your own question. Of course there will always be those who won't give up and keep trying, while hoping they will change their minds.
If the partner straight up tells them they don't want to get married, then they'd be fools if they stayed with them in the hope that the partner would just change.
You should never give up if you want to get married & if you want to get married & your partner doesn’t go find someone else to get married too.
Personally , I would say that only a fool would break up with a person because they don’t want to marry , but that maybe is because I don’t place any value in marriage and never have.
By logic, the OP's boyfriend should be with a woman that doesn't place value in marriage and is compatible with him. The OP should be with a marriage-minded man. Then there would be no issue about someone wanting marriage and someone not wanting it at all.
I understand that logic , but everyone has a right to change their mind on the marriage stance and it doesn’t or shouldn’t need to mean the end of the relationship. Relationships can and regularly take compromise and life has a way of throwing crap at you for you to dodge. Marriage CAN be about protection and security and there CAN be reasons to seek it and that generally comes from the female side otherwise it’s about commitment , love and union. Personally I have never and will likely never want marriage but open to the idea if my lady ever changes her stance on it.
That can happen and it's important for both to come to an agreement and be on the same page, whether is getting married or staying as partners. It wouldn't be good if the OP is only agreeing with her boyfriend just to please him but then there accumulates resentment and then during an argument throws the ''you never wanted marriage, I only agreed with you just to please you'' in his face or vice-versa when he says ''I only married you because you wanted it, I never wanted it''.
Personally, I found it very important to have a child within a marriage. Even as an atheist, I like that tradition; of a child growing up with married parents. I didn't want children out of wedlock.
You should give up on your partner on the spot.
The question is what aee you trying to get out of a marriage with this partner? Second is why is he hesitant?
If marriage is what you want and not the relationship with them then quit otherwise the official step of legalising is unnecessary. What is it about the legality that makes it essential?
You should find another one, if he don't want to get married then he's obviously not right in evert ways...
You should be on the same page with those details very early on.
Always accept what your partner is telling you about themselves. Do not assume it will change
u No, you should break up with that person and find someone who does want to get married.
Not necessarily, but you should give up marriage with them in particular.
It’s worth staying if marriage isn’t the most vital thing in the relationship to you
You're wasting your time nobody's changing their mind
Nope, it that is important to you move on and find someone that wants the same things in life.
If you’re ok with it sure. If not then no cause you be miserable.
It's hard enough making things work in the long run even when both want it to start with. So if one them doesn't then I think it's a bad idea.
Marriage is just a certificate. Being with someone doesn't mean you have to legally marry.
Then the OP's boyfriend needs to find a woman that thinks marriage is just a certificate instead of being with a woman that wants marriage.
Well, I think you're fool and deserve what happens if you think you're going to change thier mind.
I've never had interest in dating, sex, marriage or kids
Yep pretty much. Can't force shit onto someone.
Just stay the course
Eventually they will give in
And what's wrong just being partners?
Depends on how much you value marriage
Find a new partner
find another partner?
No, you shouldn't give up.
i don't think you should not get married
Yes.
yes.
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