What's the point of proposing after the woman breaks up, why do some propose when it's too late?

[Shelly2002]

I've heard of this scenerio happening. It happened with one of my best friends. He proposed 2 months after she left him. Needless to say, she had already emotionally checked-out months before making the decision to leave him and her answer was a definite no. She wanted a romantic setting. She didn't care about the ring's price. It could've been even a very cheap one but at least coming from the heart, while in the relationship and his own free will, not after getting her bored after 4 years and her having to leave to get it.

Honestly if the boyfriend proposes while the relationship is steady and she's happy, there is a 95-99% chance the answer will be a yes vs if he proposes when she leaves him; that reduces it to a 50/50. She might be too hurt or not in the mood by then and there is a chance she isn't going to accept it. So what's the deal with proposing after she breaks up instead of during the relationship when you had the chance to and a bigger chance of approval?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Usually what I believe happens is that he’s content where she isn’t. She’s in the relationship, silently grieving the fact that she spent so long with this man only to see that she was wrong and he’s never going to change and he’s just happy that she finally stopped nagging him about all those things he was/wasn’t doing. He’s hit completely unaware by her breaking it off, and when it happens initially he thinks “Fine! I’ll be good on my own, who needs her?” And then he realizes in the following months that he needs her, he needed her to do all of the labor he wasn’t willing to do both material and emotional and so he rushes to fix his mistake, and he may genuinely believe she’s the love of his life and tries to prove it but, as you said, she’s already moved on by that point. Men like this don’t see how much work they actually have to do on themselves, they take the first step towards self-improvement and believe that’s enough. They don’t want to bother with the rest because they’re convinced they’ve already done it all.

[Shelly2002]

I heard a saying that goes along the lines that when the woman doesn't even get upset anymore, isn't nagging nor even expressing her feelings and instead silently walks away, that's the point of no return. The man really lost her, really got to her boiling point. She's already disappointed in her and no longer trust him nor fights for the relationship anymore. She stops caring by then and even if he finally does proposes marriage, it's already too late by then.

[Shelly2002]

If the woman isn't even excited about a proposal and wedding, he really screwed up big time.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, seems like it

[Anonymous]

it's a petty proposal to try to keep the girl in place so they can continue their empty promises. they want to keep things the way they are and have no goals, it's working for the guy so why would they want to change it, but in reality the girl is getting sick of being someones mother and being stuck. she feels single so might as well be.

[Shelly2002]

Then even if he had followed through with a wedding, I'm willing to bet that years down the road during an engagement, the guy would've thrown the ''you pressured me into marriage, I never wanted marriage'' in her face. Or imagine how would my friend tell the story of their kids if they asked how they got married.

[Opinion Owner]

agreed

[Cormac995]

When this happens it's usually a case of not realizing and appreciating what you had when you had it. Then it's gone and you realized you fucked up big time. This was a last ditch hail marry on his end to try and fix things because he realized he loves her and messed up.

[Shelly2002]

Yeah for a woman no to be excited about geting proposed and not be in the mood for a wedding, he really messed up big time. Then I've heard that sometimes, the guy that got rejected then might propose earlier to the next woman in his life but might be settling too because he couldn't get the one he wanted in that last moment.

[Cormac995]

yea its a vicious cycle born of poor decisions. Actions have consequences and people don't remember that.

[Shiprex]

If a woman wants marriage she can ask to get married now as well.

[Shelly2002]

True but she wanted a romantic proposal coming from him.

[Shiprex]

Why does it fall on men to be romantic? Aren't women able to make decisions and put themselves on the vulnerability line?
Isn't all that Patriarchy thing so backward toxic masculinity too? It's men still making the first moves unless it's divorce as the topic.

[Anonymous]

Seen it where he didn't want to change or make adjustments, but can't handle the loss, so in reflection, goes back. May or may not have really made the changes required.

Have to know more of the scenario to confirm changes were made and accepting reality vs simply avoiding pain of a loss. Might be helpful to know some people are not that experienced or mature at that age and still learning... will for many years.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"... however, it may not be thinking right dealing with reality.

Either way, there were problems to be resolved, who knows if they were.

[Shelly2002]

yeah there were definitely issues in their relationships and my friend had emotionally checked out even before the break-up.

[alice55]

They want to save the relationship, my sister wanted to leave her boyfriend but then he proposed to move to a bigger house better isolation (becuase the last one was super cold inside and dangerous becasue of high humidity). So I think they believe changing giving something the girl want will make the relationship last, it worked with my sister.

[Shelly2002]

If it worked for her and he changed for the better, good to hear that. Hopefully he learnt from his mistakes. I think it's when the woman really checks out emotionally that it's really too late and there is nothing he can do.

[alice55]

Well she's rather the one being troublesome not him, she's freeloading off him while flirting with other men online and she don't even clean the house neither cook (just buy prepared meals).

[Gwendoline]

It's a way to win her back by throwing her a bone while keeping marraige on the long finger. He's showing her he can committ. Like anyone can get engaged it's easy

[Shelly2002]

If anyone can get engaged and it's easy, he could've done it any time while they were in the relationship. My friend was very upset and hurt that it took leaving (she didn't trust him anymore by then and had already given up a while back) for him to propose.

[Gwendoline]

Again. Stringing it out. Women waste years on men like this only for the relationship to end and then she hurt when she see him marrying a younger woman and having kids.

[EmmaMary]

@Shelly2002

The old saying "shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted" comes to mind.

[Shelly2002]

yeah when it's too late by then. My friend wasn't in the mood for a wedding by then. For a woman to get to that point, that not even him showing with a ring goes the work... he really messed up.

[Nikki1989]

Some men are delusional and don't know how to move on.

[Shelly2002]

He really messed up big time. My friend is no single and looking for a marriage-minded man that will value her.

[Vegasrunner]

Just means he was lv and couldn't replace her w/ someone better

[Shelly2002]

Sometimes I hear they then propose earlier to the next woman and at times even settles by then

[Vegasrunner]

@Shelly2002 Maybe. Guys that have success with women don't really need to go back to one of their old flings.

[MannMitAntworten]

I never heard of this happening. Seems like a bizarre thing to do.

[WhitneySnow]

I’m not sure. I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

I've never heard of that happening.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆