If you've been married and divorced/widowed, would you ever consider remarying?

[DishLady]

Meeting up with a gal who for some reason is remarrying her first hubby... after he cycled through a bunch of women and she's cycled through 6 husbands... (yes... 6). Apparently they now "know" that the best they can have is each other. Not sure why they never bothered figuring that out 20+ years ago... but I'm happy for them... Lucky 7 I guess.

Ofc. since I have known them both for such a long time they asked me to be a witness to their upcoming nuptials... and with that comes ONE recurring question:

Would you ever consider remarrying?

[Alex_Bright]

I would be very, very hesitant.
Divorced once, got legal claims many years later for money. I'm a high earner, she makes even more, she still presses on. Very heartbreaking when children get included in it.

I love the idea of marrying and being together for life, but I'm having PTSD on that subject. Would only do so with full split of assets at this point and my age. And she'd have to prove herself for a long time first.

[DishLady]

Agreed. It tries one’s patience to the point that future relationships are a bit distasteful, but one tries again with the right person.

Yes, PTSD is the perfect term for it. I hit a point where I just had to walk away from all of it bc he was just going to keep making my life a misery. I lost much more than I can put into words with that guy, but I’m still v positive about the value of marriage.

[Alex_Bright]

Indeed. I hope you'll find someone who makes you forget part of that history.

[aaron13547]

My grandma did this... married 6 times to 5 men. the first man she divorced she re married. They spent the last 10 years of their lives together... I dont understand it either. I think its an attempt to heal family karma before death.

All I know for sure is my grandma died happy and thats all that i think matters...

[DishLady]

I get it. That does sort of make sense.

[aaron13547]

Thank you for the mho! Also another thought, my dad came from the 3rd husband. So I would not be here had grandma got back with the first husband sooner.

[DishLady]

Lol. God works in mysterious ways.

[HawkPerception]

Yeah, definitely. Just because things didn't work out in one marriage, doesn't mean it can't work out in another. That goes for anything in life. Jobs or an attempt at anything in general.

I can understand if someone's marriage doesn't work out the first time, then it might deter them from putting in the same effort it took to establish the previous marriage. That applies to every relationship you have in life. People like the idea of going through the same steps of getting to know someone and starting to trust them, with a chance of it failing each time. We want guarantees, but the truth is, nothing in life is guaranteed.

My honest opinion is to always dive into things with your full effort and learn to enjoy the moment. If you feel like you can marry the person, just do it. Don't overthink things too much.

[DishLady]

Dude you’ve never been married or divorced… you don’t know what that does to a person….

[HawkPerception]

Being married or divorced is a title given to a human relationship, with the only real difference being a contract and maybe shared financial assets. I've experienced relationships where I was deeply invested and know a thing or two about the dynamics of them. I don't claim to know everyone's personal experience, but I think you can have a pretty good idea of it if you have enough emotional experience. But if you didn't want opinions from people who were never married, you should have specifically stated you only want opinions from those who have been married. Your question was phrased somewhat ambiguously, and I was invited to answer, so I thought my 2 cents might be appreciated.

[HawkPerception]

have enough emotional intelligence***

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes. I did, and I'm happy as a pig in slop!

[spartan55]

A true success story. Your relationship arc gives me hope.

[ryanrhino]

I have remarried, so, of course, I considered it. During my divorce, I took a deep look at what I truly needed and wanted. That included another partner to spend the rest of my life with and possibly have more children, as I had a daughter from my first married partner, now divorced for over 16 years.

I have been married to my wife for over 11 years now and we have a daughter together. My wife was also going through a divorce when we met, which definitely taught us both about ourselves and how to treat our future partners.

[DishLady]

You’re def one of the lucky few. Here as soon as my ring came off the vultures started circling. And I actually kept the ring on till the divorce was final (not removing it during the separation as some people do) bc I didn’t want anyone making “suggestions” about my morality.

I considered remarrying once with the guy I stayed dating, but was treated as “ridiculous” for expecting a good man to be with a divorced single mom. So I never entertained the thought again… and stopped dating completely bc there’s no point dating someone who doesn’t see a woman of quality as girlfriend/wife material.

My ex, by contrast, had a string of gfs throughout our marriage and no judgement or stigma. He was even allowed to be a total deadbeat while I carried the full weight of parenthood on my shoulders.

Oh well.

[ryanrhino]

Interesting that a divorced single mom is different than a divorced single dad. A gentleman would definitely see a divorced mother as a woman of quality, especially one that is nearly fully devoted to her kids (there has to be some left for her own self worth). If one truly wants their life to be enhanced by a partner, it's worth whatever effort comes of it as I truly believe there is absolutely multiple worthy fulfilling candidates for each of us.

[DishLady]

Nothing is definite (and not all women really SHOULD be married bc some are mean af, just as some guys are mean af).

But a gentleman of good quality and nature would look past the divorced status and just look at the woman herself. Period.

[ryanrhino]

As a lady would look past the divorced status for her partner. Hope and effort returns the desired reward.

[DishLady]

Meh. I was always a v optimistic person and it didn’t yield much. Women are much more easily scores by society. There’s no two ways about it. Your lady got lucky, as did you.

[BCRanger10]

My wife and I had this discussion after a young family at our parish lost their husband and father in a work accident when he wasn't even 30 yet. We have each said that should either of us die prematurely, the other should marry again. Marriage has been good for each of us. We would each also need the support and help in the formation of our children.

It would be hard to begin again, and we would take whatever necessary time we needed to mourn, adjust, and straighten out the other's legal affairs, but we've agreed that it would be a good move for either of us.

[DishLady]

That's what my great-grandparents (on both sides) agreed to do bc each of them had five kids, HOWEVER while the guys stuck to the promise, when the guys passed the stepmoms never remarried bc they loved their step kids and maintained their widow status for life.

[worldscolide]

If I ever lost my wife. I'm not sure I could handle rebuilding my life with someone else. Losing my wife would be like losing a piece of my soul.

[DishLady]

My gosh, don't even say it. Wishing you lovebirds a very long happy life together. You two re a "real" couple the way my gandparents were. VERY rare. God bless.

[worldscolide]

Thank you

[Ironco]

No, no way I ever would...

If she can't just be in the moment with me.. so be it...

I'm too old for the marriage thing, nor would I do it again...

[DishLady]

Too old? Chat with @OlderAndWiser…

But I get it. There’s something to the “be happy now” thing.

[spartan55]

Is your friend Elizabeth Taylor's long lost cousin?

[DishLady]

No, just a girl from the neighborhood, silly.

[spartan55]

You didn't get my joke?

[DishLady]

I did…

[spartan55]

Okay, just making sure my stand up comedy has an audience. 😂

[Staximus]

I have not been married or divorced, but people are stupid and make mistakes

[linka_pat307]

Definitely would have

[DishLady]

Have you been married already and split with your person?

[dudeinohio]

I did.