My boyfriend didn't invite me to a wedding....

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has a friend's wedding to attend this Saturday...he hasn't asked me to go with him even though I will.know most everyone there. We've been together about 3 months now. It hurts my feelings that he wouldn't want me to go...actually more like it makes me insecure that something is wrong. What is your opinion?

Updates

+1 y

I should be more clear...we both got invitations. I just would have assumed he would want to go together.

Updates

+1 y

Sooo...he told me he wasn't going to go to the wedding so I didn't go either. I just hung out at home with my kids. Talked to him Sunday and everything was fine. Just found out he went to the wedding after all and never mentioned it. What do you make of that?

[PinkAcid]

3 months is way to early to be asking someone to attend a huge event where theyd be meeting his family and all his friends and watching his friends special day, he might be in wedding photos and won't want a date he potentially may not end up with long to be forever in those pictures along with his friend (groom).

Also weddings invites from a boyfriend/girlfriend can give off the wrong idea and send them running for the hills thinking oh this is way to fast bringing me to important events when we've barely been together long enough, it may also encourage a few girls (not saying this is you) who will then drop hints all through the wedding about how she can't wait to get married, does he ever want marriage, could he see it with her? etc etc and make the guy feel really uncomfortable

Also he may not even be allowed to invite a guest, the bride and groom or their parents have to order the meals so will only have a set number unless they make huge buffets so won't invite 201 people when they have 200 meals ordered. if the invitations went out months ago they won't have known youd date him and won't have invited you

[MaskofInsanity]

If you only got together three months ago, he probably hadn't stated a +1 on the RSVP...

Just ask him. It's kinda awkward, but you can just say, "hey, how come you're not taking me as a date?" and just be chilled out about his answer.

[MaskofInsanity]

@update: hmm, that is strange

[PinkAcid]

wow at your update, he REALLY didn't want you to go with him :(

how did you find out he went when he told you he wasn't going? have you asked him why he lied to you and avoided you?

[Asker]

One of my friends that was there told me she saw him and asked me why I didn't go. I haven't mentioned it yet to him. Idk...all I can think is that we've only been together 3 months and although we do things with our close friends and with my kids...maybe he wasn't ready for such a huge event together. Just makes me sad.

[toyblot]

3 months only, it means you two aren't that close yet, and it probably is, since its just 3 months. the fact that he didn't ask you to go isn't on you, he might not like the wedding and would be leaving asap for drinks or something, and doesn't want you to be all dressed up for that, or he's not ready to show you to his friends yet, either way, take it as experience that you two still have work to be done, not sulk about how he doesn't want you going to a single wedding, when there could potentially be 100s of them in the future for the two of you when you both are ready.

[Asker]

Well...we live in a tiny town. So his friends are my friends too mostly. So we do things with friends and family all the time. We were in the same class so we've known each other since Jr high...23 years lol

[madhatters4]

especially considering that you two both got invitations it seems like that absolves him of a responsibility to invite you. As far as I know when two people get invitations then the whole +1 becomes irrelevant.

did you ever talk to him about it?

I highly doubt there is anything wrong. try not to read more into than a simple miscomunication between you two and like you said to someone else an unfamiliarity with the whole wedding in vite stuff

[madhatters4]

re: update

sounds like you have trust issues and guy who has problems being honest. I mean in this situation he must have known he was going to get caught in this lie, so a psychologist would suggest that he actually wanted to get caught. seems like the two of you need to have a serious conversation. you need to ask him about his dishonesty and try very hard to get an honest answer out of him

[Asker]

Good point!

[madhatters4]

the questions I'd ask are...

why did you lie about going to the wedding?

did you think I wouldn't hear that you were there?

did you simply not want me to go? (because at this point it seems apparent he didn't)

how should I feel like you want to be with me if you're going to do something so transparent?

or you just say this isn't worth it and break up with him

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice! And for being nice about it! I'm not a confrontational person so this is a bit out of my comfort zone!

[Anonymous]

He probably doesn't realize it's important to you.

Most guys don't see the big deal. I don't see the big deal. I probably wouldn't invite my girlfriend if I didn't know it was important to her. Events like that are boring.

[Asker]

Maybe you're right...I never thought of it like that. And thank you for not being rude.

[Anonymous]

He proved his point. You didn't want to go because you knew most people there. You wanted to go because he was going. Once he said he wasn't you had no problem f***ing over your friends and wasting a dinner.

He went. Had a good time. People know you cancelled at the last minute for no reason.

Lovely.

[Asker]

The actual reason I didn't go without him wasn't because he wasn't going it was because my son had a fever. If that makes me a crappy friend then oh well. And no my guy didn't kn my son was sick.

[Opinion Owner]

Ha ha ha! Yeah, right, sure it was. And you just forgot to mention that...

You're full of sh*t.

[Asker]

I stated I had stayed home with my kids...didn't think it was necessary to say why. There is really no need to be cruel.

[Anonymous]

You are only together 3 months! When did the invitations go out? If he didn't get an invite for himself plus one, he can't just come along on the day with an extra person!

Don't you know anything about how weddings operate?

You can't just sit yourself down somewhere and order a dinner.

Don't be so stupid and insecure.

[Asker]

I received my own invitation...I do know how wedding operate. However I'm not stupid and you shouldn't put down a person or their insecurities having no idea what they have been through.

[Opinion Owner]

Well first, your question definitely implied you didn't have an invite : "It hurts my feelings that he wouldn't want me to go". So this reads like one of those "I just want to complain about men" questions where you didn't think it through.

But if you actually got an invitation and you're just whining because he hasn't said you'll go *together* ?

Holy sh*tstick Batman, this woman is crazier than I thought.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he had an invite plus one? Because he may not have. That's really the call of the people throwing the wedding.

Now if he HAD a guest and took someone else. . .

[Asker]

We live in a very small town...the invitations weren't formal...just a photo invite with the date place and time...everybody is bringing their spouses and significant others.

[Opinion Owner]

So you're both going but sitting at different tables? Or are you going to sit together, dance, etc.? If the first, that's weird. If the second, that would meet my definition of "going together."

[Asker]

Exactly! The thing is...I know he's going because he told me. But he knows I was invited but he hasn't asked if I'm going or if I'd like to go together

[Opinion Owner]

So are you seated at the same table or no? He knows you're going, he knows he's going, There's actually not much need to ask you to go with him. It's pretty much expected.

It'd be like him asking you to go the movies with you AFTER it was already know you were both going to the movies.

[Asker]

He just knows I was invited...he didn't ask if I was going to go. And there is no seating arrangements

[Opinion Owner]

He probably assumes you are going. How long have you been going out and how often do you see each other?

[Asker]

We've been together 3 months...I stay at his place about 3 days a week

[Opinion Owner]

Oh! Well what are you worried about then? You're STAYING with the guy for half of the week? If it were me and I knew we were both invited to the same wedding, I wouldn't bother asking because I'd assume we're both going to be there and that you'd be coming home with me after. Have fun! ;-)

[Opinion Owner]

Well, it sounds llike he straight-up lied to you. How do you normally handle that?

[Asker]

I don't know...its never happened with him

[Opinion Owner]

Did he take anyone else? Did he come back to your place and spend the night after?

[Asker]

No he didn't take anybody else or spend the night after. We don't usually spend Saturday night's together because he works at 3am on Sundays.

[dunndunndunn]

He's a liar. Congratulations on knowing it now. Ditch him and don't waste another moment.

[Anonymous]

well, if you both got invitations then he obviously knew you'd be going too...?

[dunndunndunn]

Ask him. Be honest, don't assume and stay calm.