My boyfriend and I are having our 6 month anniversary on New Year's, so we've been together a while. My birthday was last month, and he didn't give me a present, but he took me out to dinner so I was happy. For Christmas, though, I bought the two of us tickets to a concert by his favorite band and gave them to him over a week ago. I actually wrapped them and said, "this is your Christmas present from me." Tomorrow I leave for my parents' house for the holidays, though, and I still haven't received anything from him. He hasn't even mentioned gifts.boyfriend's Christmas giftI'm not usually materialistic, but I spent around $50 on those tickets and put a lot of thought and effort into getting them. We've been having trouble lately, too, but I thought we had agreed to work through it. This, though, makes me feel unappreciated and hurt. How should I bring this up so that he doesn't think I'm being crazy?
My boyfriend didn't get me a Christmas gift, how should I handle this?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I wouldn't too much worry about Christmas gifts because Valentines day is in February. Maybe he is giving it time to see if this is going to be serious or a short term relationship. months isn't a really big deal until you spent years with that person. Many men will wait further in the relationship to feel secure. He is in this relationship taking things slowly, but not expecting much from anyone. when you do too much, or expect too much, it could lead to disappointment. Another possibility is him waiting until he know for sure that this relationship will be the relationship his heart will open up too. Don't sweat it but let him feel secure and safe from a heartbreak by taking things by level at a time. if it's meant to be then he will show you love. communicate with him about how he feels and if he understands you then he will make up for it, or at least apologize. men don't think the way women do. however, this is why we communicate our feelings to those that are worth opening up to.
I relate to this too much lol. The fact that you're not materialistic probably gave him the vibe that you don't mind if he doesn't spend a lot or if he can't; which in his mind it may translate that he doesn't have to. Which obviously is never the case. You need to just have a discussion with him and be open, tell him how it made you feel not to get anything from him, how happy you would be to get a gift, and how you don't need something necessarily expensive just something that its obvious he put thought into. Sometimes guys are dumb about stuff like this, they'll take a woman's word to face value and not handle it correctly. While I get you're trying to be polite and not seem like a gold digger, he'll just see it as an opportunity to have a cheap girlfriend he doesn't have to splurge for. Which isn't great mindset on his part, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care. He probably just thinks you honestly don't care one way or another.
Well it's not like your an old couple who have been married for 50 years and have 10 grandchildren to take care of. It's the beginning of a relationship and if you bought him something, at least he could do is go to the store and buy you a gift in return.
It's not always about the gift, its the thought that counts. I would want a gift, a card or even a nice note from my partner for Christmas just to know that I am valued and appreciated. So unless he is literally broke or has a lot of expensive bills to pay off, he can at least have the decency to get you SOMETHING for Christmas.
hmm if your boyfriend didn't give you a Christmas gift, it sounds to me like he's doesn't care? or t least doesn't know how to show it..
i would suggest talking to him but I know it would be weird asking him why didn't he get you a present.. I say wait maybe he's waiting for the last minutes to give it to u
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2 Reply
Asker
+1 y
Yeah, I think if I do bring it up at all, it will be through asking him if he bought gifts for anyone this year, not just me. I was thinking before that maybe he's waiting, but I'm not even going to see him again until way after Christmas, so that would be an awfully long time to wait. If he didn't buy me anything, I guess I can't force him to. It's just disappointing after all we've been through lately.
$50 is not a lot these days, unless you spent 2 x $50 = $100.
Let it go. Just see if he gets you a gift. If it were me, I would want a boyfriend who makes himself more available and a boyfriend who thinks about me and a boyfriend who buys me Christmas gift.
3
1 Reply
Asker
+1 y
For me, $50 is the difference between having groceries for the next two weeks and buying a Christmas gift. He knows that I'm barely scraping by, which is why it was such a big deal for me to spend that much on him. But I probably should just let it go.
Did you talk about it beforehand? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I don't know why that would happen. Personally, if I was involved with someone over the holidays, even not being able to afford a whole lot, I would make something, or find a decent deal. I'd probably ask and then put a dollar limit amount on it if we agreed, but she'd be getting SOMETHING, especially with six months of dating, but that's just what I learned growing up, and my personality. But even with "friends" a lot of them are kinda crappy about "the return" as far as level of stuff we put in.
Mostly the fact that he's awful about keeping in contact with me whenever we don't see each other (we see each other one night a week, maybe). Even though I've told him a million times that the only thing I ask in a relationship is to at least get a text every day, he still disappears on me a lot. He's been doing a better job since our last fight, though, which was about a week ago, when I told him I didn't feel appreciated.
I wouldn't mention the Christmas gift then if he's been doing better on the communication. Yes, it hurts. Still, if he's headed on the right track elsewhere, right now you want to prevent another fight, not start one. If his communication stays better and he gets in touch more often, then you might talk about how much you'd like to go Christmas shopping NEXT year. ;)
Okay, thanks. :) I'm just hurt, that's all, and I'm afraid that if I don't say something soon, then it will build up until I freak out on him. I mean, we talked about getting each other birthday and Christmas gifts when we were pretty early in the relationship, so I assumed we were doing it. Otherwise I never would have spent so much time and money on something for him. Especially because I'm broke and working 2 jobs, and he lives with his parents and has a lot of extra money to do these things.
Well, you don't want to explode later, but at the same time, if things are headed back in the right direction, you don't want to rock the boat do you? At the end of the day, isn't his better communication more important than some sweater he could have got you that you ended up returning or not wearing? In the end, relationships are so much more than about the gifts.
That's very true. The last thing I want to do is make things go bad again, all for the sake of finding out why I didn't get a gift. I honestly wouldn't have cared about it if he had told me that he wasn't getting me anything, but my tendency to sabotage anything great is making me take this hard, of course. What you said makes so much sense, though. Thank you!
That’s a little shady that he didn’t get you a gift for Christmas , and shady that you both didn’t even talk about it , so by him just blowing you off is a bad sign that something is off , that he isn’t telling you. I don’t know your relationship exactly with him but 6 months is still a Néw relationship that shouldn’t be having issues like this , If you both were together for 10 years then that would be a different story. So the fact that he didn’t even consider getting you a gift for Christmas is definitely a red flag that he is probably up to no Good especially since you both didn’t talk about gifts. So my advice to you is to find out what is going on as to why he chose not to get you a gift. Me personally doesn’t really care about gifts , but when I am in a relationship with a girl that I value and want by my side , I don’t hesitate to get her a gift even if she tells me not to , I still give her a gift to let her know I still appreciate and love her even if we been arguing and butting heads I still give her a gift to let her know I still value her , if I chose not to get her a gift then the only reason that would be , is because I no longer valued her. So that’s something you should really consider if he really values you or not or is he just string you along while weighing his options. The only way a couple should not give gifts to each other is if they both agreed not to give gifts to each other , and had a conversation about it. I would never assume my partner didn’t want a gift from me
We had some troubles during Covid and my SO didn't get me anything for birthday or Christmas or valentines for almost 2 full years - not cause he did not want to, but cause we simply couldnt.
I got him nothing too - but you know what the greatest gift was? That we proved we could see past prententious short term gratification and use what little resources we had to save up and build something, something we are living off now.
Not saying thats what you should do, but know whats important to you.
I don’t think you’re being crazy. Gifts are important because it shows you that they think about you when you’re not around. A gift should be something that has meaning to both of you and by giving it to them shows how you feel. Your gift of tickets is perfect because it something he likes, his favorite band, and you can do it together. I afraid if he didn’t get you a gift for your birthday and didn’t do one for Christmas you shouldn’t expect anything for your anniversary. Unfortunately people can’t learn to be romantic and thoughtful if they aren’t already. That’s just my opinion of course.
One of the best things I've ever learned is The 5 love languages. Maybe he sees spending time with you as a gift versus giving u a material one. It's not a bad thing to like material things. If you want gifts, you're going to have to let him know. Sometimes its money issues or he thinks you don't really care about it because you've said nothing. Dont turn it into an argument just have a casual conversation OUTSIDE of your emotions. Talk to a girlfriend first to get all those crying and anger emotions out. Then when u can talk logically about what hurt you he is very likely to hear you and to do something about it.
I understand you cause for concern. The point of giving gifts is not how much money was spent, but it is an indication of how much your partner cares. It is reassuring to receive a gift that they obviously spent time carefully selecting.
"You know, we recently talked about working through some problems and trying to make our relationship better, and that includes communicating our concerns in a constructive way. You didn't give me anything at Christmas and I am trying to understand what that means. I don't know if it is a sign that you don't care, don't have any money, or just don't believe in exchanging gifts. Can you address that for me?"
That's extremely hurtful, selfish and insensitive on his part. I would talk to him more about this and don't stop until you are satisfied with his response and are able to move on, if you can.
You should never be a forgotten recipient or after thought of a simple gift at special times, even if it's just a heartfelt card, unless previously agreed upon together.
I would be extremely hurt if I was you and it would make me question my relationship, gifts aren't everything but nothing is nothing and after 6 month together, it's especially hurtful.
6 months isn't that long. And it depends on how he grew up. If he only got 1 present or zero at Christmas, and only from his parents he's not going to think the same way as someone who got 40 presents from every relative and some friends each Christmas.
" I spent around $50 on those tickets and put a lot of thought and effort into getting them." -- Women often think that a man has to think/act the same way she does. Guys don't think the same way you do. We aren't going to spend 3-5 hours a day in 20 different stores over 3-5 weeks looking for a present. If we spend 2 hours it's high praise because it's more than we'd spend looking for a tool at Home Depot.
I would say he is truly heartless. Any man that wouldn't give his girlfriend at Christmas a gift. Well that should tell u right then. He only thinks of himself. Reason I say in the spirit of gift giving. The thought of giving never crossed his mind. Shame on him. All he had 2 do was come up with something 2 give. A gift card would be simple. Along with the thought of caring. Last time I am going 2 say anything else. Just think if the 2 of u was married. Who would he think of first. OK I got one for u. Who starts the foreplay of sex.
My dad was like that w my mom when they were dating. she would go all out for his birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas and he never even gave her a rose. they still fell for each other and got married and he slowly started changing that side of him. but it is something that Lowkey traumatized my mom in the long run. maybe you’re hurt yes, but just don’t say anything about it. Hopefully he will realize that’s kind of a bitch thing to do and next time give you something to make it up. Just send him little signs here and there, maybe like asking him what he wants for a certain holiday and then later he’ll start doing the same for you.
At face value obviously it seems like this guy kind of sucks, but I’m wondering if you could provide more information?
If you guys are both young and just getting into your careers or not even there yet, I think you should consider how much he spends taking you out on a weekly basis. It’s possible he just doesn’t have the money in that moment and planned poorly.
He should be getting you a rose or card at least though. I would consider talking to him about it and making sure he understands that it hurt your feelings. Make it clear you don’t expect a present, but do expect a card or something small so that you don’t feel neglected.
I can understand why you feel hurt. I personally don't think much about presents or want them really, but if my partner go out of their way to give me something I at the very least make sure to let them know how much I appreciate it, and if I cannot get them anything back, I'll take them to dinner or similar! I think you should try to discuss this with him if he haven't gotten you anything. I think it's very reasonable you feel this way, you actually said beforehand that it's a Christmas gift for him.
Reading your responses to other people it sounds like he isn't "gifting" of his time either. It isn't the fact he didn't give you a gift but that he isn't attentive every day or week and the fact everyone else got Christmas gifts.
It would be different if he was giving of his time and attention all the day and maybe just didn't have the money for gifts but it seems that is not the case. At the 6 month mark you have to decide if the relationship is working for you.
I watch the you tube dating coach Mark Rosenfeld and one thing he mentioned in one of his videos is looking at how as your partner treated you in the last month or two. Now how well he or she did at the beginning but recently.
I do think he could have at least spent $25 on a small gift like bath products or a candle or even a homemade gift.
You shouldn't bring it up, nor should you "give a gift" to "get a gift". If you have a problem with your boyfriend not remembering your birthday, OR thinking he should give you a gift for Christmas, then you best talk to him about that... specifically. IF … and I say "IF", it's indicative of other behaviors, i. e. selfishness, self-centeredness, no appreciation of you, etc, then you should be prepared to accept this about him and live with it, or move on. I vote for ……… dump his ass. After 6 months, if these are his true colors, you need a better man.
Usually when you bring a gift you shouldn't expect smthng in return but I understand your point and how you would unappreciated. I have read in the comments that the fights were due to miscommunication or lack of it even. It is really important that when you are stating your point or want to complain about smthng to not soung aggressive because he will feel attacked. So if receiving a Christmas gift is smthng you would expect in a relationship then of course voice it to him but in a peaceful way. How are his finances? Did he just get out of a bad relationship?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
It could be that he's unsure about the relationship.. but if he loved you enough he'd look past that and get you a present. He'd put some effort in it because it doesn't look like he's putting enough effort , else you wouldn't feel so insecure. Like wth aren't you guys acually dating. Another case is that he's just not used to gifting Christmas presents or not good at gifting.. You can bring it up in a casual manner.. like ask him if he doesn't celebrate Christmas in his family. Or if he thinks that chrir gifts are unnecessary. And see what he'll respond..
Dont feel bad my wife didn't get me anything either nor a anniversary gift which our anniversary is Christmas eve but she made a big deal that i got her something. i always get you didn't give me any ideas so i didn't know what you wanted. really your fucking married to me stop buying me this cheap shit from walmart that has no thought and actually put some damn thought into. im not that hard to buy for or wait hears an idea actually LISTEN to what i want. but this goes for anyone dont expect something from your boyfriend girlfriend or spouse when you havnt got them anything. all it shows that your selfish and could careless all it does is make hard feelings or pisses the other person off.
Guys at the beginning of a relationship put forth much more effort if they are crazy about a girl. If you're only 6 months in and he already doesn't spend much time with you and doesn't make you a card or do ANYTHING for the holidays. I'm afraid this is what your future will continue to look like. Sounds like you already know and feel you deserve better. He sounds lazy and obviously doesn't realize he's lucky to have a girlfriend.
My boyfriend didn’t get me an Anniversary, Birthday and Christmas Gift and I really feel heartbroken. Just this morning he asked me if I received any Christmas gifts and I said no I didn’t and I don’t wanna expect anything in return
and he replied, I’m sorry I didn’t get you anything
In my mind I already expected that, that’s why I said to him, It’s okay, don’t worry about it.
He replied, thank you baby.
He said, thank you 🙁
P. S. He bought gifts for his family and relatives but I didn’t get anything 💔
I think something is really wrong if you don't talk to each other about hard stuff.
Don't you think he is your contact point to solve this matter? Talk to him. Tell him how you feel, and ask him how he sees it in the future. Maybe he doesn't want to exchange presents and you just made your own decision buying those tickets. No one here knows what he thinks and you have the best access to this knowledge.
Talk to him, listen to him and you both make an agreement for the future
Bottom line: did you give the gift just so you could get something back? Or did you give the gift because you knew he'd love it and it would make him happy? Your gift had strings attached, and it sounds like you would, in fact, judge the depths of his feelings by the gift he would give. This is wrong. Give gifts and love freely, no matter what the receiver does. Give because that's who YOU are: a thoughtful giver. But do not expect that your giving will make him a giver.
You should never give a gift just to expect one back. Just like by helping someone, doesn't make that person obligated to you. Gift giving should be selfless. Christmas/anniversary/birthday should be about more than just gifts. It was nice you bought tickets, it's nice if he wants to get you something, but it shouldn't be obligation. I mean, he didn't ask you to buy them, right?
It should have been talked about before hand. Who is getting who what and how much to spend , that way you have an idea of what to give as an idea and a guideline. I raise my kids up with gifts but as an adult I don't do gifts other then stocking stuffers.. there is not point we are adults now we don't need gifts. But for a still new relationship he should have known better !!!
A gift is not a gift if you expect something in return. Other than that you said you were leaving the next day so you didn't give him much notice. Still, you would think that he would give you something as I assume he also gets sex. I would let it pass, but there is still a chance you will get something on your return home.
if you two live together then you are seeing to much of each other ! if you two date every week end though , then you need a breather from each other ! it reads like you two need to miss each other so that you will be together , understand why you each do what you two do to each other and see if the relationship you two have will lead to a commitment later ! Thanks
Ignore it guys been together for six months if it’s after a year yeah you might wanna say something but it’s not worth breaking up over somebody just because they didn’t get you a gift for Christmas. My mom and dad never by each other gifts and they’ve been married in 81? 82? I don't know sometime in the 80s lol
So let me get it straight. You haven't seen him since a week before Christmas, yet you expect a gift. You do realize most guys wait tell the last minute to by Christmas gifts? He likely is just waiting tell you meet again in person. And if you were having problems he was probably being smart, by waiting tell you new he wasn't going to waste money on someone just to have them break up with you before giving you the gift.
"I was disappointed you didn't get me a Christmas gift". That's not crazy, that's how you felt. What does he do to make you feel cared for? If you can't think of anything, then it's time to end this.
I know this is hard on you, most especially when you're not getting what is expected, but I'll tell you this, diverse opinions and suggestions you seek for will only complicates how you feel about your relationship with him, I'd advice if you observe he's somehow switching up, sit him down without making him feel you're in control by having a deep mutual conversation with him so you can fix what's bent before it's totally broken.
So you are so entitled you think you deserve a gift. You considering breaking up because you did not get your gift. You are a entitled princess with no value. I hope you break up with him because you are worthless as a girlfriend and materialistic as fuck. He took you out for dinner but nothing is good enough.. Guys leaving the dating scène because of shitty women like you. Goodluck with your princess syndrome it will make you unhappy as fuck in the long run
Doesn’t sound like a real relationship. Maybe he’s just not that into you or only wants sex at this point in life. No one should have to fight for communication or gifts during holidays, birthdays, anniversary’s. Tell him what you want if he still bs then find someone better. You’re not asking for too much. Remember this is your life. You deserve the best.
Be a little patient. He might not hold the same value of gift giving. He also may have a surprise for new year's. I will give it until then if I were you. Then the next day bring it up. He also may have been in relationships where, they did not give gifts. Or they talked about it before hand. And he was expecting the same from you. Not an excuse. He just might not be use to just up an giving gifts with out talking about it.
deal with it by breaking up with his ass. I mean Jesus Christ he could at least one to the fucking Dollar Store I mean it's not that hard to buy somebody a gift I mean it does the guy at least have a job what the fuck is the matter with people I can't even get a fucking girl and then you fucking girls date people like that what the fuc
Stop being greedy and spoiled. You dont need gifts. I myself am single and always have been and hate it. Just be thankful you aren't still single and 37 like me or older even.
Never EXPECT a gift , that is not what the spirit of Christmas is about , and make a vow between the two of you to never exchange , an utterly ludicrous part of the entire deal.
Do you know if he is religous? Maybe he just doesn't have the money. Maybe he doesn't commemorate Christmas and accepted your gift not to be disrespectfull. Or maybe is just that he didn't buy it yet. If not that, the fact that you have been having problems can be the motive. Anyway comunication is always key. Just ask him if he celebrates Christmas. Deoending on the awser ask him if bought one for you. And if he says no. Ask why. But do not demand anything.
First thing's first, 6 month anniversaries don't exist. Anniversary is literally annual, which is yearly. Second, have you hinted at something you wanted? Maybe you guys haven't been together long enough for him personally. 6 months isn't as long as you think. I would wait and if it persists through an actual anniversary then show concern.
He might still have something ready that you'll get later, or maybe he just didn't have any idea... Happens to me all the time 😂 probably the first tho
Cut him off of sex until Valentine's day. If he doesn't do something extra special for you then, it's time to ditch him and find someone else to treat you like a princess.
He sounds either lazy about it or thinks the relationship is more casual than you think it is. Talking to him about how you feel should help. If he's dismissive then you at least have an answer to how he feels about it.
It may be that he is planning on one large gift for both Christmas and the anniversary and he has yet to spring it on you. Or it might be that he's a neglectful twit. Flip a coin.
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