Girlfriend demanding more gifts and flowers?...Is this accepatable?

My girlfriend recently stated she is frustrated with me becuase I'm not giving her enough flowers, chocolates, and surprise gifts. Now of course I give her flowers and things on V-day, b days, special occasions, etc. But apparently that's not good enough. Is this acceptable to say? Should I take offense?

Ok, so I ask her again what she "specifically" is referring to. She tells me it is about the gifts and that's how she feels loved. She stated she wants a micheal kors watch, or purse, or shoes, or dress. Flat out. I asked well geez you want me to pay for your car too? In which she replies yes if you have the money to pay for it yes. She says after 3 months this should be happening and asked me what is she doing with a boyfriend then?


Most Helpful Girl

  • No, it's not! She shouldn't be demanding for you to do anything besides respect her and honor the relationship boundaries you established. I have had few boyfriends who did nice things for me like that, and the last thing I would do is demand more of it. She's not good for you, and her demands will probably get larger in time. Dump her.

    HOWEVER, once, I had a boyfriend who was really cheap and bragged about how he bought his ex a $150 dress and his other ex "made" him pay for everything (dinner, etc.). Mind you, I took special precautions not to make him spend money (free movie tickets, etc.) and it hurt that he treated his exes better than me, so I told him this and said "well, what about me?" Then he gave a HUGE guilt trip and later complained about giving Christmas and birthday gifts (as I did for him). This is part of the reason why I don't want a guy spending money on me; he likely thinks I'm not worth it, and I look like a huge beeyotch for wanting to be treated as well as his exes (after he brags about how much he spent on them unsolicited).


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What Girls Said 45

  • Dude, honestly she's asking too much. All I ask of my boyfriend is to spend time with me when he can, call me when he can, and if he surprises me great if he doesn't oh well at least I get to spend time with him. I don't expect flowers from my boyfriend when I see him yet he always gets me white roses. I tell him flat out I don't expect you to spend a lot of money on me. I made him an Easter basket with dj style headphones that cost five bucks, a homemade cd, a classical cd, a gag gift of a lego flashlight because I thought it was cute and funny, and finally his favorite candy. he told me I didn't need to get him anything because the best thing he could have was spending time with me. He spoiled me for Valentine's day and I wanted to spoil him back. It should be a give and take not a give give give. If she is doing that to you, you have to ask yourself is this the kind of relationship I want? Do I want to be shelling out money constantly for a girl who doesn't appreciate it? hope this helps.

  • Depends on if she's in it for the materialism or the sentiment. If you went to her house and left a post-it note on her mirror that said "I love you", would that be an exciting surprise for her when she finds it? If so, then she probably isn't into gifts just for materialistic reasons.

    Google and read about the 5 "love languages". The theory is that there are 5 general "love languages" - ways people show or feel love - and most people have one or 2 dominant languages. The love languages are 1) physical touch; 2) quality time; 3) words of affirmation; 4) acts of service; and 5) gifts. What's funny is I just listed those in the order in which they are dominant to ME without even realizing it.

    So to use myself as an example, when I took the love language quiz, I scored high on both physical touch and quality time. Gifts almost didn't even register. Bringing me flowers does NOT make me feel loved. But snuggling with me absolutely does. Acts of service were pretty low on my list, too.

    Most people tend to show love in one of the same ways they feel it. People just assume some its a loving gesture to them that it'll be interpreted as such by the other person.

    So if I were in a relationship with someone whose love languages were exactly opposite of mine, I might try to show love by snuggling, but since physical touch doesn't make him feel loved he might just be annoyed that I'm all up in his space - especially if he doesn't realize it's intended to be a loving act. Conversely, he might spend an afternoon washing my car far me, which I might insecurely feel meant he didn't want to spend time with me.

    See how good intentions get misinterpreted or completely missed altogether? If you figure out wah others "love languages" it'll help in 2 ways:

    1) you can make an effort to do more things to show love in the other persons language

    2) you can recognize when they are doing something they feel is loving for you, even if its not in your dominant language - just knowing the intent can help you feel it anyway.

    Seriously. Google it, both of you take the quizzes, and enjoy the newfound understanding.

    IN THE ALTERNATIVE... If the "I love you" post-it note WOULDN'T be an exciting surprise for her, then to hell with her. Unless you WANT to be a sugar daddy - time to jump ship.

  • My guess is that this isn't about what you think it's about.

    Lots of times relationships start out with a lot of expressions of affection, then one or both parties get lazy and stop trying. If this happens, it's easy to feel like your man just doesn't value you as much anymore. It really is the thought that counts. Instead of spending lots of cash at the florist and the chocolatier, try writing her a cute note. Draw pictures for her. Pick wildflowers for her. Tell her she's beautiful, unprovoked, or take the time to smell her hair and tell her how great it smells. Do the lovey-dovey sh*t you probably stopped doing.

    If she just wants the expression of your affection for her, this will make her happy and won't cost you anything. I'd bet you a dollar that if you let her know in small ways that you think about her when she is not there, this becomes a non-issue. In the unlikely event that she still wants orchid arrangements instead of wild violets for her hair, the poster who called her high-maintenance is probably right.

    • I'm convinced that this particular girl is a gold digger, but otherwise this is great advice. By the way I love your username. XD

  • She's telling you what she wants and your move is to either accept it or challenge her. If you don't want to give her any more gifts, draw the line and see how she reacts. If you don't mind indulging her, maybe do so. People express and receive love in different ways and she may be the type of person to feel love most strongly through gifts.

  • Surprise gifts are always nice, but should never be demanded or expected. Niether should they be on birthdays or vday. If you show you love or appreciate her that should be enough, it will earn you brownie points if not more if you surprise her with flowers instead of doing it when she expects it.

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What Guys Said 15

  • It is evident she doesn't appreciate your spontaneity and feels that she should be drowning in gifts as a sign of affection. The truth is anyone can drop gifts of affection on someone but if it's not heart felt, then it kind of defeats the purpose. If she has to clue you in to when she feels she needs a gift, then perhaps her true feelings are either displaced or she is totally clueless as to what the gesture means.

    You do shopping lists to get groceries, school supplies, items to do projects around the house. The only time it's acceptable to make a list is during Christmas, where the person would say I really would like this or it would be nice if I got that.

    If she's so adamant about getting gifts on a regular basis, perhaps she needs some form of gainful employment that will entitle her to gift herself, or maybe you just need a new girlfriend who values and appreciates you, her relationship with you over material things.

    I'm not saying that you should only gift her on special occasions or holidays, but what I am saying is that she should be happy whenever you feel like gifting her. It's terrible when someone does that (man or woman) because the fact that you genuinely love her should really be gift enough.

  • She's using you. A girlfriend like that is in it for the money. You need to be with someone who loves you the way you are, and doesn't measure love based on material wealth, or measure love based on how much you give her.

  • It seems that it's not the flowers or chocolates that she really wants.

    She wants you to spend more time with her. Be with her in her daily going.

    Girls cannot really be happy with all of those material things.

  • Based on your update...dump her, now.

    Right after she told you what she wanted, specifically, she stated that that's the reason she has a boyfriend; to buy her stuff.

    You're her boyfriend, not her daddy.

  • Ask her if it's really the lack of gifts that is bothering her.

    If she says yes...your reply should be something along the lines of, "get out."

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