The tart crust stuff 'n' shit:
- 3 ounces/ 6 tablespoons butter
- 1 tablespoon vegetable oil
- 3 tablespoons water
- 1 tablespoon sugar
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup of all purpose flour
Pre-heat that oven mess to 410* F before doing anything.
Steps for crust:
1) Cut the butter into small pieces, and place them along with the oil, water, sugar, and salt in an oven proof bowl.
2) Place the bowl into the oven to melt until it's bubbling and starts to brown.
3) Remove bowl and let it cool down just a little on a cooling pat. Add flour imediately after, then mix with a heat proof spatula, spoon, or w/e the fuck it is you have. that's heat proof until a balll is formed. When the dough is cool enough you can mix with your hands.
4) Lightly flour a flat surface then roll out the dough until it's about 10 inches in diameter, and place it in a pie/tart tin about 8-9 inches in diameter.
5) Poke the dough with a fork at the bottom, add beans or weights all over (so the dough doesn't rise and crack), and place it in the oven for 15 minutes or until that junk's a nice golden brown.
6) Take it out of the oven, let it cool, then remove the weights once it's cool enough. Put the tart back in for 5 more minutes, and then take it out to cool again.
7) Take it out of the tin and place it on a plate.
That milky creamy stuff baby ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) :
- 1 1/4 cups whole milk
- 1/2 vanilla bean
- 1/4 cups white sugar
- 3 large egg yolks
- 2 tablespoons of all purpose flour
- 2 tablespoons corn starch
Steps for that milky creamy stuff baby ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) :
1) Get your egg yolks, and sugar together in a heat proof bowl (don't over mix). Sift the flour and corn starch and add it to the mixture.
2) While all this shit is happening. In a sauce pan pour in the milk and vanilla bean and heat until it begins to boil. Remove it from the heat, and slowly pour in the egg mixture through a strainer.
(Constantly whisk the mixture to prevent curdling.)
3) Remove the vanilla bean and scrape the seeds into the mixture. Pour the mixture into a medium sauce pan and cook on medium heat until boiling while whisking constantly.
4) When the mixture boils you should whisk that fucker for another 30-60 seconds until it's thick 'n' creamy. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) LIKE A BAWS! u3u
5) Remove the pot from the heat, pour the mixture into a clean bowl, and cover with plastic wrap so it doesn't get crusty like a dirty person's face.
6) Let it set at room temperature, and if you're not using it right away you need to put that creamy goodness in the fridge, mate.
(Whisk/stir it to get rid of any lumps before adding it to the tart.
Finally it's time for the god damned tart building.
Here go the building steps you screw balls:
1) Cut evenly shaped strawberries into 3-4 slices after cutting the top off, and set them aside. Cut more strawberries only in half for the topping, and set this aside.
(OPTIONAL): Leave some strawberries with just the tops cut off and don't slice them. Set these aside too.
2) Get your tart and fill it half of it with your creamy goodness. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Add strawberries in a circular formation starting from the outside.
3) add a 2nd layer of that cramy goodness, and then add more strawberries on top (they could be more sliced ones or un sliced ones.)
4) For a glossy finish melt red current jelly in the microwave and spread it on top of the tart using a pastry brush. Awe yis, we're gettin' real glossy now. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
And now we're done you bunch of future chef's you~
Your tarts will look like this:
or this when it's all over:
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