How To Not Become An Annoying Texter

[Stacyzee]

If you choose texting as your preferred method of contact, there are rules that you have to play by. I know, I know...many of you would love to live in a world where there are no inhibitions, but the truth of it is, that is an unrealistic view provided that we live in a world filled with billions of people. You have to find a safe boundary for texting, or else you're risking losing that person altogether. I know for one, I've been scared off by those who seem way more into me than I am to them. Texts hold way more power than we give them credit for. The messages that you send has the ability to reel someone into the field, or have them put on their track shoes and run away! There are ways to make sure, that you aren't the source of scaring someone away through text message.

Rule 1: Allow the person to miss you.

If you're constantly the initiator of text, it's possible you can cause this person to grow tired of you. Imagine, eating the same meal every single day! The first few times the food is delicious, but then after sometime it begins to taste bland. What happens at that point? You want to throw it out! You no longer have interest in consuming the same meal over and over again.

This is a very important rule.

It's okay to initiate text the first few times, but then there has to come a point where you pull back. Allow this person to have you on their mind. If someone always texts me first, how can I possibly ever miss them if I always know what they're up to? If I haven't heard from this person in a few days, I'm going to think, "I wonder what this person is up to, let me send them a text." However, if this person is always texting me first, I'll never have that thought. In fact, I may even grow tired of them, or even take longer to respond to their messages. They are making themselves way too available.

Rule 2: Appear busy.

Don't always answer right away, in fact let thirty minutes to a few hours pass by. Appear to have a life. If you're always available at the convenience of someone else this looks as if you have nothing else going on for you. So, allow some "mystery" of why you happen to not always answer right away.

When they do reply to your texts, it's okay to keep the conversation going without disappearing.

Now, they most certainly have your attention and they know it.

Please keep in mind not to do this extremely often or else the person may think you lack interest in them.

Rule 3: Don't bombard the person with texts.

Give the person the opportunity to text you back, just because they didn't answer right away does not mean you have to send message after message. Calm down, no one died. This isn't an emergency. Playing it cool, and not desperate always comes off as sexy.

Rule 4: Don't be so lovey dovey!

This only gets a pass when you're a couple with the person, or if you are married. If you're just getting to know someone and barely even know them well, don't send messages saying, "I love you", "You're the one for me.", "I've been thinking about you non-stop today." This can feel like way too much, way too soon.

Remember that plate of food I was talking about? When someone puts too much on my plate, I definitely want to scrape some of it off. In fact, having way too much way too soon may even ruin my appetite. I may not even want the plate at all. Don't let that happen to you! Whatever feelings of infatuation that you may have, keep it to yourself. Someone that is calm, cool, and collected always gets a pass!

Rule 5: Use clear language.

One of the joys of reading text messages, is having the ability to understand them. If you're a person using constant abbreviations, internet slang, improper word usage, or you find yourself making constant errors, you may want to rethink your preferred method of contact. Try a phone call instead. Let the person know, calling is the best way to keep contact with you.

If you play all of your cards right, you may have success with the person of your interest. Even if you did everything possible in your power to not become an "annoying texter", and the person of interest still seems as if they aren't into you, then place your time and effort into someone else. Investing your time in someone who clearly has no interest in you, allows yourself to come across as desperate! As stated previously, that is grounds for coming across as annoying.

Don't miss the point!

Move on!

#StacyTellsAll

[Chief16]

But sometimes you can go crazy with it.
lh3.googleusercontent.com/.../...3-08-18-49-26.png
The main problem is people would rather develop a relationship over texting than face to face. Its hard enough to understand a person who's sitting right in front of you, but over text, not really a good idea. If people could connect and spend time with each other, and understand instead of having other understand them, I don't think all these rules would be deemed necessary, but to the mordern world, who has time these days? Hence the rules.

[Stacyzee]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a25523-technology-isn-t-the-only-thing-being-programmed-people-are
Agreed.
Unfortunately, people adapt to their society instead of making a change in things that tend to go far beyond control.

[Chief16]

I agree! You should synchronize these takes, they really give the bigger picture.

[Stacyzee]

Yes, they do but they are so different topic wise from each other.

[Chief16]

True, but I hope you'll build this thread. Social engineering, it won't make sense till it does. And that's what you're doing.

[Stacyzee]

You have a point. Perhaps I may do another take along the lies of people's lack of responses through texting or computers and state why, the link I gave you would fit perfectly then if synchronized.

Of course , I can only provide insight to the issue but the world will continue to do as they please until technology complete absorbs them if it hasn't already.

[Stacyzee]

*lines

[Chief16]

All the more reason write it then. No?

[Chief16]

*to write

[Stacyzee]

Yes :)

[Chief16]

Besides, you've a comrade in arms right here.

[Stacyzee]

<3 Yes.

Looking forward to reading one of ur up and coming takes soon.

[lumos]

"Don't always answer right away, in fact let thirty minutes to a few hours pass by. Appear to have a life."
Or... have an actual life? Lol. I respond whenever I have the time, I don't wait around for no reason. Playing games like that is literally a waste of time haha.

[Bluemax]

My thoughts exactly.

[Prof_Don]

It is very much sucky that us men have to play these fucking games in order to keep a woman's interest in the beginning stages, instead of being ourselves.

But I systematically play by these rules because I want the end result, a means to an end. It's so phony, so in-genuine... but whatever. I'll continue to play.

Although I will admit I was frustrated in this dating and lost my shit a few weeks ago by sending a very VERY aggressive message to several women in my phone who weren't texting back, I purged that frustration out and learned a valuable lesson thanks to you GaGers' advice.

I know that women really don't want to hear a guy like me say this; dating is very much a systematic game plan for us guys, similar to sports team having a situation-based system to achieve wins that is constantly adhered to in all situations.

Play the system, gentleman. This Take is pretty much enforcing that, and remember this was written by a WOMAN, not a man. So play by these rules that women have made, and ignore their complaints. Watch what fellow men have done to get women, and emulate that in your own personal dating system.

#TrustTheSystem

[Stacyzee]

Literally all first impressions are phony , even first dates. People only put forth what they want you to see or the traits they think are appealing. Games usually stop being played when you become very well acquainted with each other. Sad , but true.

[Prof_Don]

My biggest issue in dating is that I am too straight, blunt and direct, I don't like to play these wack ass facade games.

Also I have little patience in terms of people "warming up" to me; I'm a social and an emotional microwave, I open up to, warm up to and comfortable opening up to people quickly, and my interest fades fast because most people in general are so damn emotionally guarded that it is irritating.

[Blonde401]

You're not alone. I too dislike the game playing and want people to just be real with me :( I think we're a rare breed

[WingsLikeEagles]

I'm glad you brought up how dating/getting someone interested in you + keeping their interest is a systematic, strategic game. I'm a female and I feel like sometimes I have no choice but to play by the rules of this game too. It's frustrating when I know who I am, and I have self confidence, and I don't even want to play games. So I wonder why can't two people just BE THEMSELVES if they like each other?

I'm starting to think that these strategies come out of a place of fear. If you're concerned about something not working, you make moves and countermeasures to fix it. moves if people just be themselves and NOT worry about it? Does anyone do that anymore? I personally would like to see how that works out

[Prof_Don]

@WingsLikeEagles I truly, sincerely believe... that most people don't like themselves. :-/

[Anonymous]

What if it's over distance (different time zones) between two social circle people. Should one person always be initiating or it be mutual? And if the number of times you text each other tend to be more spaced out say, 2 weeks, 4 weeks, etc?

So someone texts, then you have a texting exchange over a few minutes, hours etc. Then another 2 weeks or 4 weeks later.

1. How would you recommend texting in this case?
2. What if it was between a guy who meets a girl in this situation. At uni, he meets this cute girl, but she has a boyfriend. He can't avoid her given it's uni, and besides they click whilst working together. To her, he is driven, passionate, fun to be around. To him as well as being cute, she is nice, and tbh he enjoys her company. After uni she keeps in touch with him by text. She finds his texts uplifting and she enjoys meeting up with him to catch up etc. To her, he is really fun and sweet. He can't help but have a teensy crush on her, but nevertheless doesn't overtly hit on her given she is taken. Later on in life she becomes single. Now at this point or later on in the next months etc, would this guy be an option? Is it his fault meeting her at the earlier taken stage? Or can only a new guy be seen as a sexual guy by her?
3. In situation 2, how should the guy text, if he texts so often, isn't it just friendly? Is more texting or less texting better? So spaced out to like a month or so?

[Stacyzee]

1. No matter the time zones both people should equally initiate text. Both people initiating allow the people involved to see that there is an equal interest in each other. If one person is doing all of the texting, with no reciprocation on the other person's part then there is a high possibility this person isn't as into you as you think. Also, although the person may answer your texts it's possible they may be doing so to be polite, not because they are interested. You can easily weed out those who are un-interested by those who never initiate text with you.
2. Whether this guy becomes an option or not depends on how this woman views this guy. Whether he met her earlier or later in life, doesn't make a difference. If she has romantic feelings towards him, she will act on them whether she met him years before or a few months ago.
3. I really wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket with this girl. Nothing is guaranteed. Never wait on someone, because it's possible they may never be

[Stacyzee]

ready for you. Although

[Stacyzee]

(sorry it submitted when I wasn't finished),... Although, I would still keep contact (texting every now and then) a couple of times a week...(with hopefully some initiating on her part), I'd look to other people that are pursuing the same thing I am with no delays.

[Opinion Owner]

Great answer! Ok
1. I agree. I think mutuality is important and polite right? Though how and when do women start to initiate? I partly feel like this girl did it more when she was taken than when single now? And if so how to weed out genuine interest versus validation seeking from women?
2. Nice, so there is hope lol! Ok, in this specific case though, does it matter that she met him when she had a bf? And does it matter that although they had a fun fond vibe going on, he didn't overtly hit on her out of respect earlier? How should he act now? And can she perceive him as lover/sexy guy? She really enjoys his company and texts and makes that clear.
3. Yah good point. But isn't that too much texting? Even earler, it was more every 2 weeks and then maybe once a week. Now more like a month? Where is the line between too friendly and texting buddy to flirty guy who she gets excited when her phone buzzes? Or is it better to always be on radar in terms of the chase?

[ranma187]

This take sucks... Every girl already does the busy thing, or holding back... it's unoriginal and extremely counter productive. Look, If i text trying to arrange a meet or something, just comply no questions asked. If a girl is too busy, or whatever excuse she have I'll enforce a deadline, and or just move on. You play hard to get with me I will play impossible to get and find someone who gets it and doesn't have to resort to stupid games over text. I absolutely refuse to play by these rules, it isn't attractive to me PERIOD.

[Stacyzee]

I think your logic in general sucks. So you believe in having no rules or boundaries when it comes to texting? This means i should text u at all hours , send frequent messages non stop without giving you a chance to answer, constantly keep hitting you up? Look, you can say whatever you want but with anything in life there needs to be rules and regulations or many people will be out of order.
This isn't playing a game , it's playing sensible so you don't make yourself look like a desperate freak.

[dragonlance5]

I do not like rule 2 because this is the same logic as playing hard to get. It totally depends on the other person personality whether it will work positively or negatively, for me at least playing hard to get shows me you're not interested so I give up. A better alternative is to have a specific schedule of when you text them (ex: only text them in the evening after you've had dinner or something.) What this does is simultaneously shows that you have other things going on in your life and it gives them a predictable time for when you can talk. It's the perfect combination of showing interest and independence.

[Stacyzee]

The keyword in number two is "always" this isn't something you do every single time the person sends you a message. This is something you do every now and then. Nothing wrong with looking as if you have other things going on.
On the other hand , If someone were to appear busy all of the time I'd probably think they had no interest. Then this could be compared to playing hard to get. I'd understand your logic then.

[Seneya]

Thanks for the take. You have helped me a lot. I was one of those bad clingy texters. I used to initiate texts to a friend of mine. Used to write long messages and in return I got one word answer, how cool was that -_- Gonna apply every point you made.

[Psi_Unknown]

One, three, and five are more important in my eyes. I hate saying this because it people power to annoy me, but what I find more annoying about texts is that people expect online at the certain times they are. (This functions like instant messengers of that by-gone era, right?) I guess by the same token, emails are terrible when they turn into back and forth tagging.

[DianeDuffus]

And the most important rule to follow:
unless your rules come straight out of the Encyclopaedia Britannica and then you need acknowledge that fact, don't make up rules claiming they are absolute because you made them up. It is great to be original but do not claim universality like they are God-given. That is the problem with being a so-called editor. It goes to one's head.

[Stacyzee]

What jibberish are you talking? Calm the hell down and get a tampon.

[DianeDuffus]

I read your other take about how great you are and how centered you are. You tell me to calm down? What brand of amphetamine are you on

[Words_and_Wisdom]

Forgot 2 important things: TEXT BACK, and 1 WORD REPLIES.
The most annoying thing above all else is when someone doesn't even acknowledge your existence or puts zero effort into conversing with you.

[Stacyzee]

I wouldn't really consider that annoying but more so, someone who lacks interest.
People that do, you simply have to move on from them.
Also, it's very possible those people aren't much of a texter to begin with.
I'm guilty of that myself.
I prefer over the phone contact if anything.
Texts to me, are really meant for short exchanges.
Some people try to have hours of conversation with you.
Sometimes it feels way too much, and its so impersonal.

[Anonymous]

Great take.. this happend to me with my best friend ( ex girlfriend ) a couple of weeks ago.. i think i wasn't completly over her so i was an overtexter and she was like oh u text a lot and bla bla.. at the end i applied the first 2 rules u said and she started to really show more attention.. i think everyone needs a spank in the ass once a while pmsl :p great take again..

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

why do girls do that "appear busy" shit? that shit's so annoying. if i'm busy, i'm busy. if i'm not, i'm not. i might not respond right away, but wait a half and hour to prove a point? c'mon man :|

also, never double text and always be aware of poe's law

[Spiorad_Aisce]

I like that take - Could be an age thing like @douride2 but If I send a text a week I would be surprised.

[douride2]

Thanks for the mention.

[timeversestears]

Such a good take! I have made the mistake of being too overly keen in my texts and still regret it now. You give good advice!

[Scrambledagain]

Was the first thing a pick up artist book taught me. Don't text too soon etc (basically everything you said). This one little tweak helped me with women.

[legalboxers]

if I dont text back they get nasty. I was driving and this person is like "why you texting one word answers" Im like Im driving and I won't get a ticket or be in a coffin for your ass.

[douride2]

All good points. Or you could be like myself & never text. Ok rarely do I text& when I do it's short & to the point..

[mlts70]

In my opinion, one should never send a text when an email would do. It's just rude to expect someone to interrupt what they are doing to handle your unimportant message.

From talking with my daughter, I understand this is an unpopular opinion.

[Stacyzee]

Texts are a more direct route. Some people hardly ever check their email. Often times it gets lost in spam mail or the piles of junk mail being sent.

[Bluemax]

"Appear to have a life."

You know what's better than appearing to have a life? Actually having one.

[kitty71]

Wow this article got straight to the point in my case. Im seeing myself in this article.

[YourFutureEx]

Wait... didn't you share a myTake on this topic last year?

[Stacyzee]

The only text related topics I've ever written were this one and why titled "What kind of phone texter are you?" Feel free to scroll through my mytake list. Each and every one is different. I try to stay away from being repetitive.

[Stacyzee]

*one titled "What kind of phone texter are you?"

[Stacyzee]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a25740-what-kind-of-phone-texter-are-you

You are remembering that take.
Totally different than this one, although both about texting.

[YourFutureEx]

OMG! Why so serious 😱 cool down.

[Stacyzee]

What? Just answering ur question :/

[YourFutureEx]

Ohk the way you replied in three different replies, I thought something isn't alright.

[YourFutureEx]

⬆ another rule for texting 😅

[Stacyzee]

Actually , one of the replies was an error correction , so really that makes two replies.
And even so, why does the number of replies equal an automatic offense? Ahhh, the Internet is so impersonal it drives me nuts.
Never draw that conclusion about me , me and u are cool.

[Stacyzee]

Lol :P

[YourFutureEx]

Of course we are :D

You know what, when a person is anxious, he/she is likely to post several short messages/replies instead of a single normal lengthened one.

One short message - Either not interested or too comfortable
Several short messages - Anxious
One medium message - Normal
Several medium message - Debating
One long message - Polite or too boring person
Several long messages - Insane or ADHD

This is the etiquette of texting.

[Stacyzee]

Jeez, I feel like I need to take a class on this lol.

[Anonymous]

When I want to text him I text him, I don't play oh I'm too busy to even send you a text. I think that bitchy