The Worst Advice I Ever Got Was To Be Myself

[Anonymous]

Why? Because who I am is not what others want. TBH even my best friends don't label me correctly. However I can pretty easily label them. An easy way to describe me is a selfless old fashioned nice Christian. There are two sides to that one that hates from one view point and the other that can't understand my view point.

A lot of people just don't get why I'm nice to them and the girls, well they just don't like that I'm really being nice to them until they usually come to see me as their gay freind. And you guessed it, it is murder to find a date. I don't mind helping out, in fact I usually enjoy it until I almost always notice that I'm being used. Sure I'll help my co-work out with that. A short time latter, hey why am I the only one working on this? Where did everyone go? My boss loves me cause I'm her little pawn. I'll help out where ever and when ever I can. Why cause that was how I was raised. Bad day well try this... Great now she is just using me in that way also. I would not mind if it was actual work instead of just busy work.

It often seems this whole world wants you to be you until you're for something or you're not against something. Case in point, abortion. Morally I'm against it but in actuality I could care less because it is just not worth the hassle of arguing with people who will never change their minds. I'd just rather not talk about it or bring it up because there is no point and it is just a pain when people start "debating" about it. Same thing with many other causes I can care less but they just won't let me. I have to pick a side cause everyone has a "for me" or "against me" mentality.

I'm happy just making things or doing my school work participate in a group project for English? With English I'm going to be doing most of the work anyways because every one else is unmotivated or will just procrastinate so why not do it all myself? I wish that I would be in a functioning group but it just won't happen. Funny thing is my psychology professor called me paranoid when I asked to just do it alone. Turns out that I was literally the only one to do any work on it and I'm the only one who turned in my project. I tried to bring it up in a free discussion but no one will ever admit that the system is broken or they were wrong. So my free question was ignored and passed over.

In this world unless you're completely breaking the rules and social norms you had better be normal because the un-normal ones who should be getting help and need to be in a mental ward will make sure that you stay normal and without a voice. My advice is to just let them mold you to an extent but stay different in some parts. Maybe one day someone will notice a subtle difference in you and cherish you for it. Trusting you enough to reveal their unique differences. Until then every one will exploit your weaknesses that is just how this world works.

[btbc92]

If you're a Christian then God should be the one molding you. Let him. Not this world. Being yourself is not the worse advice. It's a weak excuse to say that it's the worse advice. What it is, is that you are not strong in your faith or you have low self-esteem. The world doesn't care about you. Don't be friends with the world. Be with like-minded people. I'm myself and never did I change for anybody but the Lord. People either respect me or they don't. I hang around those who WANT me, not those who doesn't. The Bible say's be careful who you call your friend. You can't please everybody so don't worry about it.

[DiogoRibeiro]

I think there should be some middle ground there. As with most things in life, balance is the key.

[RJGraveyTrain]

There's a saying:

"Being yourself doesn't work if you're an asshole" - not saying you're an asshole FYI, it's the concept you have to look at. Being "yourself" doesn't work if you have negative, self debilitating traits, essentially. When people say be yourself, they mean to not abandon the core traits or values that give you sense of self, but all human beings have to change in some regard. Think of what you believed as a child and what you believe now: different, right? Because we naturally progress, our ways change and so do our views, this goes along with our traits and who we are. We collectively change for the better as it's a natural part of progressing through life.

If something is holding you back or causing negativity in your life yes, you should absolutely change it. Digging your heels into the ground and refusing to do anything to improve will never bear you fruit. But that doesn't translate to trying to be somebody you're not, essentially faking a personality that isn't yours. It simply boils down to self improvement.

[RolandCuthbert]

Man, I am responding to a lot of questions today. You sound kind of young. I remember being young. You seem to want to express very complex situations in very simple terms. I would suggest to stop doing that.

I don't actually know the nature of your complaint. It seems to be that you feel a little bit alone or left out because you are "you".

Nothing is wrong with being authentic, if that is what you are actually trying to do. But you can't then complain about the consequences of being authentic. It is actually kind of odd that you blame the people who are simply reacting to what you are saying or doing.

You said you feel like you are being used a lot of times. That is a "you" problem, not a "they" problem. I am sure you know how to tell good-hearted people from those who are not. If you like to help people, then help those who are worthy of your attention and time. So don't just get up on the cross and whine about being persecuted. Also when and if, we do try to do "good" things for others, it is silly to then think somehow you will be rewarded or recognized. That is not supposed to serve as the reason for your actions. You do "good" things for people because it is right and it helps you to feel better. It helps them to feel better. It makes the world a better place.

I admire Mother Teresa. But I am not her. I wish I could love the way she did and effect the world the way she could. But I am just me. I try to do good things. I try to be kind to others. I fail an awful lot of the time. I understand being frustrated and feeling that people got the better of you. But I am learning to let it go. It isn't a competition. I am just trying to be my authentic self. I can't let the world keep me from that goal.

[Unit1]

Nah. I don't take shit from anyone. I'll keep being myself. Whether I am accepted or not is not really my problem. If people cannot handle me, then they can simply get lost.

But I see some valid points such as your example about abortion.
Or our inability to be truly ourselves. I am still trying to get a grip on my own life. It isn't easy at all.
I am also yet just another drone right now doing what my parents want me to do because I cannot do what I like to do. But once I get a grip I will start doing what I want. My problem has always been the low finances.

I want to finally be my true self. I am waiting for the day to come.

[Anonymous]

It is really not terrible advice. Who else could you be? Would being something you are not to be accepted by others make you feel better?

Of course your employer is going to rely on you to be the person they need. That could either be your authentic self, or your temporary self. Get out of there if it makes you feel used. That has nothing to do with your authentic self.

Being your true self, understanding your needs and values, and living them is challenging. It will sometimes be lonely, and you can forget about status, at least for a while. Still, it's worthwhile.

First thing is to figure out what those needs and values are; second challenge is to find a place where others share them. It is a big, diverse world out there. Find your home.

[dipta]

I think you're taking the words too literally.
Be yourself is a great advice because that's zen.
If I understood correctly, what you're saying is that you find yourself in the position of a doormat by being yourself; does that mean you're a doormat? Only if you wear the hat.

One thing is being naive, the other is letting people take advantage of that. The same way is good being honest, but being too honest is a flaw and leads to awkward moments.

I doubt someone told you to be yourself at work - most people play roles at their job every day of the week, being it agreeing with a creepy customer or working on a project you don't believe or like in the least.
If you can just be yourself, why not go in your pjs? Same thing.

As for a relationship, good luck to us all.
Finding someone who truly likes us doesn't come by easily but, again, better be yourself when you actually meet them.
Unless you want 'just someone' as many people do.

[Anonymous]

This is so true though expecally if you're a teenager. Strangers; "be your self so that I can call you a loser and make you they butt of my jokes." group says "be you self so that I can judge if you're good enough to hang out with us." Friends say "be yourself share your thoughts and feelings so that I can have hot gossip for the lunch table" Dates/crushes; "I'm going to be myself and you have to tell me how great I am. Also you have to be perfect." Teacher "be yourself and if people don't work with you than just do it all." Other adults; "don't be yourself you're young and stupid and I don't have the patiences for your garbage."

[Midget_Hug]

The most interesting thing about "Being Oneself" is that this is not a static thing. You choose to be the person you are everyday and thus if you dislike it so much, this "exploitation", then simply stop pandering to it.

I will tell you that you are right, that is the worst advice ever, but that I also disagree with your assessment as to why it is the worst advice ever. You do not suffer actual banishment. There are worse states.

[HereComesDrTran111]

I totally understand where you're coming from. You are mentally suited for a better, more cooperative, less stab-your-fellow-countrymen-in-the-back world than this one. Unfortunately, in this place you must adapt to the insanity and self-destructive cultural psychosis or you will be marginalized. But don't you worry about a fucking thing. This is all just a game. :)

[GingerGuy]

I understand what you're saying and yes, you may not be everyone's "cup of tea" but ultimately YOU'RE not going to be truly happy if you're with someone that you can't be yourself around. In one way or another, eventually it will affect your relationship. At the very least, you aren't going to be totally happy.

[Poppykate]

Thank you @GingerGuy! Good Advice!

[HikerDude]

Very true. Most people don't wan the real you, they want whatever it is they want.

[abundantlyrich]

If you can't fake being other people, then stick to being the awkward self you have.

[Anonymous]

I disagree. Everyone else is already taken, so why shouldn't I be myself? I am who I am and if someone doesn't like me, then that's their problem. Take me as I am or watch me as I go.

[Abraham1231]

What if I am a complete douchebag, and insult any person who talks to me?
Should I stay the way I am?

[Anonymous]

Most people wouldn't be brave enough to admit that.
I'd like to know how you found the strength?

[John_Doesnt]

I shouldn't be myself because I'm usually naked. I get arrested for "being myself".

[player0696]

People do give theirs advices but it's up to me which advice to choose or which not

[Anonymous]

consider what they say to you but give your own decision

[Anonymous]

Being your genuine self-doesn't work in capitalistic world.