So today I want to talk about problem solving. Real problems by the way not perceived ones so if you came for how to fix your personality then take a hike because I don't pander to or support that bullshit. So as the title says there are four steps to this process and I shall go over them ... NOW!
Step One: Identify Your Problem
"Well, duh." Am I right? Well, you're wrong. This is actually the first step and just about everyone fails to actually do it correctly that I've helped in life. The reason is because of the fact that Occam's Razor works in reverse when problem solving as a rule. The simplest path is often not the best when identifying your problems and the reason why is because problems are multifaceted things. Let's say this is your room:
(Yes, that's you in the room, even if you're a girl)
So first things first what's the problem? Well, the room is dirty. So that was simple. Right? Well, is that really the problem? Mind you that when I said that the simplest path isn't the best is not a relationship between the obvious and fixable but the observable and solvable. "The room is dirty." is an observation not a problem. So you can't solve that. You can clean up the room but that doesn't solve the problem of a dirty room or disorganized space so much as it puts a bandage on it. So the first thing when identifying a problem to do is to not just identify the observation but to actually look for a question. In this case the question is as follows: "What allows the room to get taxingly dirty?"
So the first thing to note is the fact that this is a behavioral question. It is also an upkeep question. You've now transcended the observation and engaged the real problem. Congratulations. So in turn this means that most people do fail to get even this far because people are not taught to turn to questions as problems and instead are taught to turn to observations as problems. Anyway, tallyho and onward!
Step Two: Identify A Solution
"I know how to do this. I knew how to do step one. You don't even know me!" Well, alright, you do have me there at least; you, because you're a special snowflake who doesn't apparently fail at complex thinking tasks (and yes, the above first step is a complex, completely unnatural, task for the human brain) are ahead of the game. Can you keep up though? Well, since against most people don't get this far, but you did, let's see?
( You some years after your failure to keep your room clean; poor upbringing, parent's fault right?)
So, how do you fix this? Well, first let's turn into a question rather than observation. Now this is a really hard thing for most people to do because I bet you thought "How do I lose weight?" which isn't really a question. In fact it is an observation, that you have some form of tangible weight, perhaps you do not like the way you look and you want to change that. Well, why is "How do I lose weight?" not a question here? Because it has an answer outside of your problem. To ask the question is the same as "How do I spell the word 'cat'?" Note that this can be found in a dictionary, it is not a question that helps you actually learn how to spell or speak a language and solves only one immediate situation (the word 'cat') and the answer is not tailored to fit your needs because no one really cares how you think cat should be spelled.
The same thing is true here. The formula? Consume fewer calories than expend. That's it. That's the formula. So does that really help you? Well, no, not really, because that isn't actionable and it definitely isn't tailored to get you to do anything. By the way, "How do I get myself to lose weight?" is the same question and any variation, all aren't really actionable, and most of them are convoluted and require research that is functionally worthless because it doesn't help you do anything other than ask pointless questions and gather tons of knowledge you'll never use. So let's try a question that is a problem that will work:
"What can I do to control my environment and encourage a behavior?"
That's a tough question. It throws out two distinct things that do not work:
1. Willpower. It is a myth to think that if you ate cookies every day for two years that suddenly you can go to the grocery store, keep buying cookies and then suddenly just control yourself. Why is that? Well, think about it as active resistance. You have to constantly be vigilant of your own behavior to control it so when you're tired or emotional what are the odds you'll slip?
2. Self-Control. Do you want to know why this doesn't work? It is terribly obvious. You answer to you. So when you do slip guess who forgives you and gives you cuddles about it? Then slides another one of those cookies in your mouth as you calm yourself from being upset with yourself for eating the previous cookie.
^ The response I get every single time I say this. ^
So that means that now you're saying that you are both weak and know it and you aren't delusional about how much you strive to do good things for yourself. This means that you realize that you should not buy cookies anymore and actually stop bringing them home but also understand that when you're at the holiday party you are going to eat cookies and you won't feel guilty about it. Why won't you feel guilty? Because you also know that the mainstay of the problem is consistency which means that if you don't eat the sugar constantly and just have a little on the side when you're out and about you're not doomed.
This also means that you don't sign up for that gym that is halfway across town to workout with your friends. In fact you sign up for the gym that is less than a block away and on your way home. You know you drive by it naturally. This encourages you to actually go to the gym even on days when you're weary and tired because you don't have to go out of your way. This also keeps you from the inverse effects of friendship, you know, when your friends begin to slip too and everyone slides down the hill together! Contrary to popular belief your friends will only keep you as motivated as they are!
So these are prospective solutions to this problem. I'm certain that you, dear reader, already knew this and totally knew how to beat things like procrastination through organizing things in a manner that forces you to pass the objects of desired attention on your way to the objects of desired relaxation so you actually have to consciously decide to avoid them. I can't get anything by you. Well, I throw to you my third step!
Step Three: Classify The Problem
"You mean this is step two... or one." No. Sorry. Remember when I said you had prospective solutions? This is where they get put to the conceptual test before actually being tested. In my opinion there are three types of problems:
1. Immediate
These are problems that have single solutions and real end-terms. For instance saving money and time for a cruise is an immediate problem even if it doesn't have an immediate result. The term "immediate" in this case refers to the nature of the problems' outcome in which satisfaction of the goal is instantaneous. Once you're done, you're done, that's it.
2. Lifestyle
These are problems that have complex (and often evolving) solutions and no end-terms. An example is when you choose to start exercising. That's lifelong, sorry to say, and the commitment doesn't really end whether you're sick, well, rich, poor, single, married or otherwise. You're basically never done and unfortunately also can never rest on your haunches much like the fact that you need to constantly increase weight to stay healthy.
3. Not-A-F$#%ing-Problem
These are "problems" that actually just don't have solutions. This is stuff like "I wish I was a calmer person" as if you can solve your personality. Well, newsflash, you're you, you can't exactly just will yourself to not be you specifically because the exertion of will over yourself requires you to be you. If that didn't make much sense then good, that's why it isn't a problem, and also why you need to quit trying to fix it. Keep in mind that most of these are internal not external; the fact that people don't like you because you're a crazy asshole who thinks you're special and immune to the genuine criticism of others is a solvable problem and not "their problem".
So why classify? Well, because most of the time the solutions posed get mixed up with the wrong type of problem. For instance "I want to lose 40 pounds!" is an Immediate class solution to a Lifestyle problem, you don't aim to lose 40 pounds, you simply start an exercise regimen that's sustainable and vigorous enough and keep going on it. Keep in mind that losing 40 pounds in a Lifestyle class problem is a symptom and eventuality meanwhile if treated as an Immediate class problem the moment you lose 40 pounds you'll get to the goal and (surprise, surprise) go right back to what you were doing prior. Your brain, sadly, is kind of dumb and black and white so when you actually achieve the goal your brain says "All done" and then you go off to the next thing.
(This is your brain on frivolous weight loss goals. Isn't it cute?)
Oh, and guess what happens when you go the other way and change immediate class problems to lifestyle class problems? You get stressed out! Remember that trip you needed to save for? Well, it is an Immediate class problem but you decided that you needed to learn to invest and become a pro so as to make a sustainable vacation plan for the rest of your life! So you did, spending all of the money that you would have spent on vacation on stocks and bonds and watching the returns. Soon enough you're paying more attention to the market than to your short-term goal and now you're worried about retiring in 12 years and saving 75% of your income through bootstrapping because you read about some 35 year old who did that once.
And I don't even need to go into how Not-A-Problem class changes just don't work. You wish you were the strong, silent type but you're more like the extraverted talkative bubbly thing? Well guess what. Your attempt to change is based entirely on your experience as an extraverted talkative bubbly thing which means that basically you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater when you try to fix it rather than work with yourself. It turns out that you, being you, aren't good at negotiating your own traits as if they were interchangeable.
So here we are thus far:
1. Ask a strong question
2. Propose answers
3. Match answers to problem type
4. ???
5. Profit!
Well, onto the final step.
Step Four: Implementation
Just do it.
I know, doesn't that sound so easy? Well, what is really happening is actually the opposite of "Just do it". If you were smart you realized that you actually set up methods not for things to do but things to not do. You're creating habits or sustainable behaviors by specifically removing the roadblocks before they become roadblocks. So yes, you didn't stop all sugar, you just stopped bringing it home and lo' and behold you lost weight! Or you didn't lose your mind trying to solve procrastination instead just forcing yourself to make a conscious decision to do it (and then not) or making it easier for you to take the proper course of action. Whatever you solved you did so in the negative.
^ "In some Middle Eastern countries this is the middle finger. Now you know.
So now you just have to stay aware of yourself, for lifestyle changes, as you will change over time and need to refine your strategies. Otherwise, you've won, congratulations on achieving Self-Actualization!
So, just 3 tips to help you start on your journey:
1. Do NOT Google It.
You should try to tailor your solutions to meet your needs. When you get generic answers you can expect generic results. I assure you that if you Google "problem solving" you'll get methods that work ... some of the time. Why? Because they aren't tailored to anyone at all but everyone works differently. You are not a catch-all. Google is a mental pacifier and is not for well-mannered thinking adults.
2. Do NOT do too much research.
This is a bit different than Googling it. People often do that for an immediate copy of an answer. Meanwhile a lot of people have decided that the smart thing to do is to get "the answer" from a reputable source. The problem is that there is no "answer" to you; the more research you do in some cases the more you box yourself into really bad thinking. One such idea is the MBTI (Myers-Briggs) personality test where eventually you convince yourself that you work "X" way and thus "Y" solution is the solution. Congratulations; you just set yourself up to fail. Know only what you need to know and grow in that direction letting yourself experience ... well you.
3. Do NOT try too hard to get it right the first time.
With time you will discover who you are and how you work but only if you try things with yourself first. You will fail. YOU WILL FAIL! You will learn, among other things, that you do not know yourself like the back of your hand and that is completely fine. As you explore the depths of your inner self through the process of problem solving you'll also solve the ultimate puzzle: Who you are and how you work. So if you start out stumbling around drunk in your inner corridors do not worry! You're normal.
"I know how to solve my own problems kthx", said every unsuccessful person I've met ever.
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Thank you for sharing.