It Won't Be That Way Forever!

[LaFemmeFatale]

It's 28th November of 2017 in Tbilisi, pearl of the Caucasus. I am sitting by the window and looking at the city hidden in the fog. Yeah, living at the 13th floor has its good sides, I feel like I am on top of the my whole district, which ironically is called "sun zone". However I see everything but the sun in front of me.

Air is full with silence and that's weird because my home is usually noisy and It's even more noise outside. But right now everyone and everything is silent as if they hear my thoughts and try not to interrupt.

I love that moment. I feel like I am catching and remembering it forever, because I don't know what happens tomorrow, but I know that It will never be 28th November of 2017 again and I appreciate this moment, I love it as something that will soon disappear and never happen in my life again.

I don't even know when I learned to feel this way.

I felt so when I was heart broken for the first and probably the last time in my life. I was 10 or 11 and cried in my bed at the late night, after hearing that boy who I loved for 5 years (literally half of my life at that time) didn't have the same feelings to me anymore.

At the same year, my great grandfather died, the man who was my idol, the man who taught me how kind people can be, the WW2 veteran, with tens of rewards and medals, who could walk miles at 91 for getting favourite candies to his grandchildren.

I love my village, where I would visit him every summer.

But I don't remember the last time I met him, I thought he would live forever and I didn't guess how blessed I was for having him. When I heard about his death it was February and I hadn't seen him since Summer, but I can't forgive myself that I couldn't tell goodbye to him, that I don't even remember the last day I saw him.

And the day when It was his funeral, I had a concert. My parents decided I must have gone to the concert, since It was the huge step in my dancing "career" and plus, they didn't want me to remember my grandpa like that, they wanted me to remember him alive every time when I would think of him.

I went to the concert, danced in front of thousand people the last day when I could see my grandpa.

At the same year in Summer, Russo-Georgian war started. I had holidays in the village, the place that was supposed to be the safest for me. But every time when I went out in the garden and heard the sounds of bomber airplanes flying above us in the sky, I thought It was the last moment I looked at the sky. War epicentre was few miles away from our village. Russian soldiers raped people and robbed houses just few miles away from me. Roads were locked. But my home city, Tbilisi wasn't safe either, because according to the some reliable sources Russians planned to bomb Tbilisi and It was their main target. Russian soldiers stood around the Capital city. If Tbilisi fell Georgia would fall too. My parents were in Tbilisi, every time when I heard their voice at the phone I thought that It might have been the last time I heard them. My dad, as a hot blooded young man wanted to be a volunteer in the war, but the government didn't let him and they didn't give him weapons as he was the only provider for our family and the situation wasn't that critical to need volunteers. But I knew that he wouldn't stop and that they would let him fight and give him weapons if Russians hit Tbilisi. So the danger of losing all I loved would be very big. Probably that's when I learned to appreciate the moment I had, because at that time I guessed that there might not have been another moment again.

After some time, I already knew, that a person has nothing more valuable than another person who she/he loves. That houses will ruin, money might lose its cost just like in 90s in Georgia, but your love to the people is what makes you want to stay alive.

That's why you should always try to be kind and loving. You never know what happens, you never know when is the last time you meet someone you love. Maybe It's your last chance to tell them how much they mean to you.

Throughout the life, I learned to appreciate not only happy but also unhappy times.

The earliest I remember is when I and the last boy I loved parted. I felt like I had just lost the love of my life, that I just ruined the most beautiful thing I've felt. But It was a bittersweet feeling. I actually felt a bit happy that I was capable of such a strong love, that I felt something, even If It was a sadness, but I FELT and It made me feel alive.

The boys I loved also taught me that every time you fall in love is special. Your lover is not necessarily someone who makes it special, but It's you who lets someone else to be special and that's the beauty of love.

I never believed that love happens only once or that some lovers are more special than other ones, every time when I loved It felt special, It seemed like I was flying in the sky or floating in the waves of the sea, but all of them felt great. And when I remember these people that made me experience these great feeling, all I feel is - thankful. Not sad, not unhappy, not angry, not in love but thankful.

Everything ends after all, I learned it years ago, what matters the most is how It made you feel before it ended.

Every beautiful moment has an ending, someday you might feel BETTER, way better, you might feel worse, but you will never ever feel the same again and that's great.

I always try to enjoy the life at its fullest : hug with all my gentleness, kiss with all the passion I feel, laugh with all my light heartedness and love with all my heart - when I love.

Because I believe that whether I stay or go, people I met will remember me and I want them to remember me like that. I want them to smile at the thought of me.

Life goes on, so do I.

Everything I do, whether It's my studies, career or anything, every success I will achieve and every time I fall and stand up, is because of people I loved, love or will love.

I am even thankful to the people who didn't believe in me, to the people who hoped I would fall, to the people who were jealous of me or who hated me... These are the people who always gave me the power to stand up and go on, these are the people who made me want to fight and win. My future achievements are dedicated to all of them. Because everyone we meet teaches us something, gives us the part of them, helps us to become a better person, if we choose to.

Every time when I feel bad and when I feel happy, I know that It won't be like that forever.

If I'm hurt I know that pain will fade away eventually, I'll still learn how to live and how to love.

People I am with won't be here forever, so I need to grab the moment, love them right now, make them feel good right now and not to procrastinate to be happy.

Today is the 28th November of 2017, I look around foggy Tbilisi like It's mine and promise myself that I will make the best out of this day, because It will never come back again. I will have more beautiful days and the days when I'll want to die, but I will never be the same person , I will never be as powerful as I am now, having all control over my life, having people I love around. I need to spend this day effectively, I need to use all of it because today is my day but It won't be that way forever.

[Decentguy]

What the hell? why did she deactivated?