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My Experience with Therapy, So Far

My Experience with Therapy, So Far

Five months into not feeling good enough, crying every other weekend, anxiety attacks every week, and sometimes not eating, I had an epiphany when I was driving home from a stressful day at the hospital. My mom has mentioned she wanted me to try therapy and I swear, I will tell her I am in therapy. And my mom was right. I need therapy. I guess you could say I have a fair amount of stress in my life. I work on a neurosurgery unit of a large hospital. It is stressful and everything moves fast. But I do love my job. However stressful it may be. I find it to be extremely rewarding.

I think everyone can benefit one way or another from therapy. I decided to seek therapy because I have been overwhelmed so badly by current life events that I was having way more anxiety attacks. I usualy have no more than 1 a month and that increased to 2 -4 a month. I understand my coworkers know what I am going through. But I didn’t want to talk to them just yet. I would like to gain respect from them before I go crying to them. I am also a survivor of suicidal thoughts and I currently have anxiety.

My Experience with Therapy, So Far

I found my therapist on betterhelp.com I was able to request a non religious therapist and that was important to me. The last thing I wanted to hear during a session was, “you should get involved in a church.” Also I like that this is online. It’s hard for me to talk about my feelings in person. I really like that it is online because if I get upset, I am going to cry. I really do not like crying in font of people. Also, if my therapist asks a difficult question I don’t feel I have to answer it right away.

A big reason I like talking to a therapist is that she validates my feelings. Also, she actively wants to help and doesn’t change the subject. Every time I go to regular people for help, they say that it could be worse or something like, “well that sucks” and then change the subject. With a therapist, you talk about yourself for an hour and you work at your pace.

My Experience with Therapy, So Far

My therapist is using mindfulness techniques like meditation and helping me slowly accept my past traumas. Right now, we’re talking about my childhood. She tracked my deep need to be a perfectionist to when I was a child and felt overshadowed by my siblings, so I felt the need to make a name for myself. I was so overshadowed by my siblings that I could be in a grocery store, see a family friend, and they would ask how my siblings were doing and they would disregard me. I still remember being called “the basketball stars sister” and not by my name.

My Experience with Therapy, So Far

She is very honest when she says I am deeply insecure and that I constantly chase perfection. Not everyone appreciates honesty and bluntness, but I do. However therapy requires teamwork. The reason my therapist found out where my insecurities come from and why I am such a perfectionist was because she asked the right questions, and I answered them honestly.

Next to living with my anxiety symptoms, accepting my diagnosis was the next hardest thing. Just my mom saying that I had anxiety and that taking medication may become inevitable to me, was hard. I cried and cried when I was diagnosed because I felt broken or that I was going crazy.

My therapist mentioned taking medications but she first wants to try mindfulness techniques like breathing exercises and meditation. Meditation making that big of a difference seemed hokey to me until I actually tried it. I can honestly say that therapy, meditation, and breathing exercises have all changed my life for the better. It works for me and I already take enough medication for my migraines. So I am happy to not need more medication.

My Experience with Therapy, So Far
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