Things I Wish I Knew About Mental Illness and Suicide

* TRIGGER WARNING*

I am not a psychologist. Neither a psychiatrist. I can't help you with whatever problems that you are dealing with even if I want to. But I can talk to to you for my expiriences and warn you about some things, and this is what I am going to do.

*whoever wants to come talk sh*t in the comments section about it, they better keep it to themselves.*

Some of you here know me, some of you don't but for this take what you need to know about me is that I've been diagnosed since a really young age with bipolar and borderline personality disorders, and here I will tell you some things that might help you and that I wish I had known when my story started.

Pills do not work the way you think.

Things I Wish I Knew About Mental Illness and Suicide

When I reached a certain age and was able to take medication I was expecting much more. Maybe it was my fault, but I am sure that many of you when they first started medication thought like me. Well pills don't work the way you think AND don't work on their own, the combination of medication AND therapy is what actually gives results. And it needs time until you find the right medication for you.

You must have chemistry with your doctor.

Things I Wish I Knew About Mental Illness and Suicide

This is really important. Many people hate therapy because they just don't like their doctor for some reason. If you really want to work your problems out, it must be done with someone that you feel comfortable with and trust. If your first psychologist or whatever doesn't give you the feeling that you need, it isn't your fault, neither his. You just don't match. Before I found the right therapist for me I tried with 29 different people.

Cutting is addicting but doesn't help.

Things I Wish I Knew About Mental Illness and Suicide

I've cut myself many many many times. Some times deeper, sometimes more, sometimes less. It makes me feel alive at the moment and the pain distracts me from the reality that I just don't want to deal with. But it's something really temporary, self-harming doesn't help, it makes things even worse actually when it comes to life. The scars are visible and many people that will see them will ask you without caring if it reminds you of things that you don't want to remember. You get addicted to cutting, yes the addiction is REAL.

Never attempt suicide.

Things I Wish I Knew About Mental Illness and Suicide

Your doctors WILL know when you will be on the edge even if you don't tell them. They will have you under observation so they won't let you do anything to hurt yourself, and trying to do it will only hurt YOU. I've tried to commit suicide 7 times, 4 of them were with pills and 3 of them with cutting. I failed in all of them (clearly). I got into the hospital all 7 times, the pain was unbearable. I did lavage for the pills, my stomach hurt so much the same as my throat, I couldn't eat properly for days. When I tried to cut my veins they wrapped with bandages my wristes so tight that it hurt so badly. Plus EVERY TIME after my attempts I regretted it, because my "depression" phase isn't all the time.

Do not fake a smile

Things I Wish I Knew About Mental Illness and Suicide

Faking a smile seems easier than explaining why you are sad. But playing a role your whole day or your whole life expecting people never to find out will only hurt you, you will get tired of having to play the happy person when you aren't.

People will judge you.

Things I Wish I Knew About Mental Illness and Suicide

This is a really hard to one to understand and accept, but people WILL judge you because they do not understand your behavior and/or actions. You have to realize that this is YOU. This is your problem, your life and NO ONE has to understand or agree with what you do. When some people close to me learned that I have mental health issues they "attacked " me with questions. They thought that I have everything, and theoretically I do.

I come from a really wealthy family, I am intelligent, and I have more than a very good appearance so does this mean I am ungrateful? No, I am happy that I was born lucky enough to have these things but that doesn't mean that my life is perfect. They couldn't and can't understand my past, no one knew and will ever know how I feel when my bipolar or borderline disorder hits. People see what they want to see.

In my case it's the money and the photoshoots, in yours it may be is something else. Do not let them affect you, this is your battle and you are the only one that can choose how to fight or why you fight.

Accept and embrace your mental health issues, because it's just a heartbroken part of yourself.

-End.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Pills are a common way to want to commit suicide. Person thinking "well I'll just take a shitton of sleeping pills, doze off and die in my sleep".
    But apparently pills incur an INCREDIBLY painful death if its successful, and if not, which is the majority case, makes it incredibly painful too as a result from the stomach pumping you'll undergo plus all of the effects of your body fighting off the pill overdose.
    Cutting is somewhat similar, though there are places to cut where you will bleed out in minutes, you wanna cut pretty effing deep and long to make it lethal, otherwise you'll just have an incredibly painful time and you won't die.

    What you say about people only seeing what they want to see is very true. It can be incredibly difficult to talk about these issues because for someone who hasn't been through them or through something similar its very hard to relate to. They dont "get it" and its often not something that can be explained and understood merely rationally. If you understand it on an emotional level, by experience, you understand. And even then many people have very different problems. So you're very right, you can't always look to what other people say, do, judge, think. After all, none of them have walked a mile in your shoes.

    As for faking the smile. I agree and disagree. There's something to be said for faking the smile. When your problem is the same as it was yesterday and the day before, and you have talked about it. Rehashing it over and over can be more tiring that just faking the smile to avoid the concerned questions and comments (which are often really well meant). I fake the smile, and yes, it can be incredibly exhausting, so having some kind of private space can be very important, somewhere you don't need to fake. I found being open with people close to me was important, but not on a daily basis. A one time primer on what I was going through so they were aware and then back to normal to avoid rehashing things I've rehashed in my mind a thousand times already, that don't make me feel better. But of course, I imagine this can be very different according to the situation you're in and what you're going through.

    I hope you get through it OP.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I give you kuddos for posting this, for I am sure it was not easy to admit. I know quite a few people suffer from the wanting to commit sucide (my son as well from what he has told me).

    At least you know you still have a fighting chance, not only do you need a doctor you click with, you need that one friend who you click with that is your support person. Great post!

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What Guys Said 20

  • I hear you about the therapist thing. History of MDD here. One of the first things I told my therapist was that no one ever listened. She assured me that she was different and she was. She didn't interrupt, or shift the focus to herself. She just fell asleep after the first 15 minutes or so. Worst of it was she never knew it or at least never admitted to it. Worse than useless, and I didn't care enough to complain. I just paid and left.

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  • Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn Spectaculously beautifully wriiten take.
    I love each one of your take.
    Thanks a lot lot for sharing!

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  • I'm just sick of sociopaths. Suing you for defending yourself. And in the end it's considered "cute" when a guy gets stalked by a girl. Anyway, she doesn't get punished as severe as a guy. And what do I get from that? Opinions for and against asking girls out. Those who judge you for doing so, and those who judge you for not doing so. And they're "all different". Here's the news: To me, that's not different in any kind, if you just judge a guy in that, instead of just leaving him alone. Do I judge girls for not asking guys out? No. Do I judge a girl's excuse of "gender roles" of which feminists say they should be aborted? No. Please, whoever females reads this, do me and other guys the favor and NOT JUDGING US on whether we ask you out or not. It's not you, it's us. Quite some of you, if not all, are gorgeous. But we have a life of our own.

    I had struggled with suicidal thoughts, and a good friend told me that women "ain't worth it". Yes, some of you girls are alone for quite some time, and you might struggle with finding a guy. Not all of us guys are serious with you. But quite some are. These are the numerous chances for you to find a guy who will gladly accept you and never let you go again. Do yourself a favor and get rid of these gender roles, of which I personally believe that they hinder you from living life happily.

    I get told I shouldn't worry so much or fear every unknown situation. This is mainly because of you girls. Because there are some among you who sue guys just because they regret having had sex with the guy (or maybe only made out with him). And then there are judges who are as clueless as the guy who just don't know how to handle that weird situation. If he raped or abused or harassed you, and you're sure that you can prove it, sue him. If not, don't. You don't do anyone a favor by just suing someone based on doubts or a lack of confidence. I don't know what guy would do that with you, just because you rejected him, or he'd regret having asked you out. Simple as that.

    Thanks for reading.

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  • Thank you for sharing this. I have mainly seen things on this topic from scientific articles, which I suspect are overly optimistic. It is nice to get an understanding from a more human perspective, and see some of the challenges that people go through to find help that is effective for them. It is rather sad that people judge you for 'having everything' (I have always taken that view as being rather uninformed), and I suspect that in general this does not help people. I wish you the best of luck.

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  • Had depression since i was 10 years old been though pretty much this also have a personailty but i never told my doctor that i see that but he does know about my depression and i use take pills but they just made me get headachs for about 30mins so stopped taking them. Honstley i know nothing can help that why i just carry on with my mind hurting everyday i don't know if i am gonna kill myself tomarro or today or maybe never but i know i probably will one day

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  • https://i.imgur.com/YaX4OBq.jpg

    But I'd say to fake a smile, just to keep contact with people.' People see what they want to see.' Indeed, and they prefer a smiling face. Yes, they'll find out but they'll still prefer you when you're smiling.

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  • 'Your doctors WILL know when you will be on the edge'
    Not mine, They didn't know I tried to kill myself twice (really the only reason im alive is because i was to incompetent to kill myself properly) the only time i got hospitalized was because of a police wellness check. I doubt I'll live to be thirty to be frank

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  • You're brave to even write this whole thing out and you know yourself really well now. Sounds like whatever you're doing, you're improving.

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  • People indeed see what they want to see and I fucking hate it.
    I think our whole society needs to learn that everything isn't black and white.

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  • I sufferr from this stuff and have had sucidal thoughts in my head before and I would have to say people judge even if you are going throgh some shit

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  • Thanks for sharing

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  • That's really deep. Very introspective.

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  • Very intriguing myTake

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  • interesting mytake

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  • Interesting

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  • Nice Take !

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  • Triggered.

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  • This is a goodtake from a female point of view. Stay well.
    My own experience is somewhat different.

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  • Interesting mytake!

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  • I've been chronically depressed for a decade. I'm unemployed, got kicked by my ex (I still appreciate she taught me what a glimpse of hope means, at least), man, I'm your stereotype of hopeless, pathetic guy.

    I fake smiles because I'm so tired of people wanting to tell me what's wrong with me, what I did, where I was born, that I'm weak, irresponsible, have nobody to blame but myself for not exploiting myself at its highest standard, etc. Despite I broke my ass studying hard for 5 years (and without friends nor a functional family but just financial support, which is great yet not enough), to get a degree I'm being told is worthless because I don't have social skills I just can't develop given I'm asperger.

    I got fed up with therapy after concluding it's mostly a conversation with myself. I'm not saying I'd want something else; it's just that it's pretty pointless to assist there. I distrust pills and the way I was forced into taking them last time, so I'll never try those again.

    When I think it's just my battle it feels lonely, though. I sure feel like being less controlled but it's tremendously frustrating to feel there's always a huge distance between me and any others. I feel isolated, but I take it it's better than letting others humiliate me further without imagining the mental hell my head is every single day.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Great mytake, all of these things are true. Mental Illnesses and suicide are not a joke. That ending part I agree with the most, and I believe people are going to judge you no matter what, but you can't do anything about it.

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  • I hate talking about mental health and reading about them. But, more people are getting it and is worser. It is an important thing to give a message to people.

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  • I try to private message you and I can't. I need your help I have a friend that is bipolar. I feel like sometimes I don't understand her. I need you to explain to me how to deal with her.

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  • Damn. This hits hard.

    Mental illnesses is exhausting. WHat is even more exhausting is pretending like you don't have it.

    Depression isn't always like sittin in a dark room and crying. Its forgetting important things, like due dates and appointments. its living in a messy home, forgetting to brush your teeth, failing assignments you are 100% capable of finishing. its finding the negative in every situation. its questioning why everyone wants you. its not allowing yourself even one mistake. its being exhausted even if you haven't achieved anything that day.
    and its not just mf depression. its anxiety. its ptsd. its anorexia and bulimia and ocd and more.

    hey, if you feel the urge to self harm get an ice cube and hold it in your hand for a while. it relieves the compulsion in a less destructive way.

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  • This is pretty spot on.

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  • Funny myTake

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  • Beautifully written

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  • This is amazing.
    Thank you for posting.

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