* TRIGGER WARNING*
I am not a psychologist. Neither a psychiatrist. I can't help you with whatever problems that you are dealing with even if I want to. But I can talk to to you for my expiriences and warn you about some things, and this is what I am going to do.
*whoever wants to come talk sh*t in the comments section about it, they better keep it to themselves.*
Some of you here know me, some of you don't but for this take what you need to know about me is that I've been diagnosed since a really young age with bipolar and borderline personality disorders, and here I will tell you some things that might help you and that I wish I had known when my story started.
Pills do not work the way you think.
When I reached a certain age and was able to take medication I was expecting much more. Maybe it was my fault, but I am sure that many of you when they first started medication thought like me. Well pills don't work the way you think AND don't work on their own, the combination of medication AND therapy is what actually gives results. And it needs time until you find the right medication for you.
You must have chemistry with your doctor.
This is really important. Many people hate therapy because they just don't like their doctor for some reason. If you really want to work your problems out, it must be done with someone that you feel comfortable with and trust. If your first psychologist or whatever doesn't give you the feeling that you need, it isn't your fault, neither his. You just don't match. Before I found the right therapist for me I tried with 29 different people.
Cutting is addicting but doesn't help.
I've cut myself many many many times. Some times deeper, sometimes more, sometimes less. It makes me feel alive at the moment and the pain distracts me from the reality that I just don't want to deal with. But it's something really temporary, self-harming doesn't help, it makes things even worse actually when it comes to life. The scars are visible and many people that will see them will ask you without caring if it reminds you of things that you don't want to remember. You get addicted to cutting, yes the addiction is REAL.
Never attempt suicide.
Your doctors WILL know when you will be on the edge even if you don't tell them. They will have you under observation so they won't let you do anything to hurt yourself, and trying to do it will only hurt YOU. I've tried to commit suicide 7 times, 4 of them were with pills and 3 of them with cutting. I failed in all of them (clearly). I got into the hospital all 7 times, the pain was unbearable. I did lavage for the pills, my stomach hurt so much the same as my throat, I couldn't eat properly for days. When I tried to cut my veins they wrapped with bandages my wristes so tight that it hurt so badly. Plus EVERY TIME after my attempts I regretted it, because my "depression" phase isn't all the time.
Do not fake a smile
Faking a smile seems easier than explaining why you are sad. But playing a role your whole day or your whole life expecting people never to find out will only hurt you, you will get tired of having to play the happy person when you aren't.
People will judge you.
This is a really hard to one to understand and accept, but people WILL judge you because they do not understand your behavior and/or actions. You have to realize that this is YOU. This is your problem, your life and NO ONE has to understand or agree with what you do. When some people close to me learned that I have mental health issues they "attacked " me with questions. They thought that I have everything, and theoretically I do.
I come from a really wealthy family, I am intelligent, and I have more than a very good appearance so does this mean I am ungrateful? No, I am happy that I was born lucky enough to have these things but that doesn't mean that my life is perfect. They couldn't and can't understand my past, no one knew and will ever know how I feel when my bipolar or borderline disorder hits. People see what they want to see.
In my case it's the money and the photoshoots, in yours it may be is something else. Do not let them affect you, this is your battle and you are the only one that can choose how to fight or why you fight.
Accept and embrace your mental health issues, because it's just a heartbroken part of yourself.