Inspired by and in response to: https://www.girlsaskguys.com/other/a51632-the-struggles-of-an-introvert from @I_Do_Mind
Being an extrovert is a daily struggle in my book. I constantly want to say things in class and decide to do so because I can't convince myself not to. I end up embarrassing and humiliating myself due to all the stupidity I spew out of my disgusting mouth. Being an extrovert in my opinion is self-sabotage.
Almost every second of the day, I am filled with thoughts - as any other human being, gee being filled with thoughts is so astounding - that are often negative which is derived from my personality, not introversion or extroversion; personality mainly stems from pessimism and optimism. Introversion and extroversion have close to no affiliation with personality, experiences you gain from it, however, may dictate to some extent how pessimistic/optimistic you are, thus creating personality.
I see people who look great and instead of giving a compliment, I insult them because that's the way my personality is. For those of you who are pro anti-social and haven't the mental capacity to understand, even slightly, about human being cognitive thinking: being an extrovert does not automatically mean I'm some sort of optimism-filled, happy dude that always is cheerful.
Sharing your thoughts is what an extrovert has to deal with often. It is unfortunate, yet it's so natural to us that it is a hard habit to fight. I analyse nothing making me feel mentally lazy as I never get to use my brain to observe and deduct. I envy the introvert because they can converse their thoughts so easily and seem worry-free. I feel forbidden from entering my mind a lot of the time, like I am in a house but am not even allowed to use any of the utilities.
I am the weirdo; the autist and I am the spastic ****** who talks too much.
I wish to contain my personality, but it is often lost in my speech. I feel often like I am viewing the world through my body, not my mind and that my mind is but useless entity that stays and does nothing in my precious body that is the keeper of my penis. I walk on autopilot, not making eye contact because my thoughts are calmer when I look at nothingness. I have trouble focusing because I suck at focusing.
I always feel like nothing is wrong with me; my goal isn't self-improvement; my thoughts say that I can always improve. However, I know deep down that there is something wrong with me; my goal should, in actuality, be self-improvement; I know that I can never improve. When I found this website, I was able to vent and put out my narcissism, thank you https://www.girlsaskguys.com. I get to call out what is logical and illogical and challenge a lot of my non-existent self-doubts. My new mission, thanks to this website, is to branch out and hopefully ask a guy to be my boyfriend (I am currently a homoromantic homosexual).
Expression to me is solely talking, but I hope to get better at communicating outside of speech and the subconscious usage of my larynx. So, when you encounter one of us self-centred, arrogant and egotistical scummy pieces of **** (because we can be like this as we feel worth more than you introverts) individuals, please understand that we do not mean to be rude deliberately. We may be cynical or manipulative, but it is only because we have some sort of superiority-complex innately ingrained into us.
My goal is to find my asexuality again, it feels at times lost because it is constantly trying to adapt to the changing atmosphere that moves rapidly around my steadfast body and spirit.
Thank you for your time.
- an extrovert
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