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Things I, As a Carer, Want Service Users & Family Members To Know

Things I, As a Carer, Want Service Users & Family Members To Know

I am a British domiciliary carer which means I drive around the community, popping into people's homes and I care for them. Domiciliary carers generally help with personal care, meal preparation, giving medication and doing household chores, amongst many other things. Below are my thoughts that often cross my mind when I am in work, that I wish family members and those who receive our care, could understand. I am writing this in the hope that anyone reading this who has carers or has a family member who does, can take some time to think about our job role, what we can and can't do and to simply be considerate of these things. And to remember that we are only human and we always try our best.

We have more than one person to care for

I have had people seem genuinely surprised that I need to go to someone else after their call. We often do not have travel time, meaning a call may finish at 8:30am, but our next call starts at 8:30am. This can be the reason why we're late or why we leave slightly earlier if everything that is needed doing is done. We do not come out for just one or two calls and have gaps in between (unless calls are changed), we are constantly moving from one person to the next so, unfortunately, we cannot sit and have that cup of tea you've offered, or do something that takes us out of the designated time frame we've been given (unless it's urgent and cannot be skipped).

We are time limited

Following on from above, we may only have half an hour, sometimes even 15 minutes in that call before our next one starts. It is therefore extremely helpful that family members and users are aware of how much time we have been there and when we will be expected to leave, so activities of upmost importance are completed first and we can then focus on the smaller things. We cannot provide personal care and help someone get dressed, then cook them a full English breakfast in 30 minutes, so understanding just how much we can do in that time prevents you from feeling like we are not doing enough for someone, when we have such little time.

Things I, As a Carer, Want Service Users & Family Members To Know

What you can do, we can't do

We are trained in medication and manual handling and we must abide by our training for our own and the service user's safety. We cannot crush medication, but you can. We cannot inappropriately lift someone, but you can. It might be frustrating when we refuse something but it is always for good reason and it is unfair to force us into doing something we should not do. Think of it from our point of view; if I inappropriately lifted your family member and they got injured, I would be severely punished and I could even be prosecuted for abuse, which has happened in the past to other carers, resulting in a criminal record. If you lifted your family member and injured them, you are not under the same rules or training as we are and it would be deemed a familial accident - it would be argued that you are not trained in manual handling and did not know. We know what should and shouldn't be done and that is part of our responsibility.

This also relates to the time limitation point; some unsafe manoeuvres can be done that are quicker and save time compared to the techniques we use, but care should not be rushed just to fit in another minor task into the time frame we have. If we are rushed, we're more likely to make mistakes and could endanger the person we are caring for. By all means, do those unsafe manoeuvres with your own family member, but please do not force it onto the carers to save time.

We can only do what has been formally agreed

Everyone has a care plan, which is outlined by social services of what someone needs and is expected of us. A lot of the time, service users and family members ask more of us than is expected or service users ask us for something the family have said not to do. We are told what to do by our boss/manager, the family members, doctors, nurses and social services, so again, we are not refusing for the sake of it. As an example, one main issue is shopping. If social services have said that you need help with shopping, they will arrange for us to do that. However, many people who do not have shopping as part of their plan and have family members visit them daily who can easily get what they need, still ask us to get a few bits and bobs from the shop, even after we have informed them we cannot. If every person we went to wanted us to get a few things from the shop or do something small outside of the care plan, we'd not have much time to do anything else! If you or your family member need more help, that is something that needs to be discussed with social services, not added on by yourself.

Things I, As a Carer, Want Service Users & Family Members To Know

In a call, we are caring for the user, not the rest of the family

We are there to do everything for the person who needs care and everything that that involves. That does not include doing left over dishes of the family members or cooking a meal for a user's partner or family member. Social services are paying for one person to receive care, not the entire family and it is disrespectful to expect us to do so.

If one carer does something, it does not mean it is correct

As I've stated previously about us refusing certain tasks, some carers are too shy to refuse something they know they should not do or they may refuse, but they then receive abuse from the user or even the family member and coerced into doing it, which is obviously wrong. Other times, they may not be aware they're doing something they are not supposed to. We are a nation of people who always happily accept a request and do it without question and so it's easier for some than for others when it comes to refusing something and often confrontation. I have seen many people take advantage of this issue and will always ask that one carer to do everything they know they shouldn't be doing, despite other carers refusing and giving them reasons why. Lying to them and telling them other carers are doing something which they are not, is not fair and if your family member is saying those things, please ask them to stop.

Things I, As a Carer, Want Service Users & Family Members To Know

Not everyone can get the same times

Times change, we get new service users to care for, some pass away and others go into hospital and that means the time of calls can change quite regularly. There are peak times that people want certain calls and that means, we have a bunch of service users all trying to get the same or similar times. In this scenario, it is usually a case of first come first serve. If we have cared for someone for 10 years and someone new enters the rota, we won't change the original user's times for the new person. New people get squeezed in where it is possible and times change if it's requested and if everyone is happy with the change. It also depends on someone's needs - it is unfair to make an elderly person who gets tired early wait until much later when we can take them to bed, because someone who just wants a cup of tea made for them and doesn't need help to bed or goes to bed considerably later, wants their call earlier.

You need to work with us

Unfortunately, the people we care for can deteriorate in their condition. In those situations, it is a time where someone's situation and care is re-evaluated, for everyone's safety and happiness. It is understandably a sad time for the family and most families do listen to what we believe would be in the best interest for their family member in terms of equipment, more care, more involvement from the family etc. Sadly, some families seem to go into denial and work against us rather than with us and this can cause stress for us carers, who want to provide excellent care for someone and are only as good as the equipment we're provided with, and causes avoidable stress and potential harm to a family member. If a carer has expressed concern to you about your family member and have suggested an option to improve the issue, then please do take it up and start considering what you can do to make things better for everyone. It is important to note that our job is there to enable people to stay home and encourage independence, we do not ever suggest putting someone in a care home without considering all other options and I would like family members to remember that it is not our aim to put them in a home. It is only when all options have been put into place and they no longer help because their health deteriorates further, that it is ever considered and even then, it is not the carer's place to suggest it.

A thank-you means a lot

This job isn't easy and is generally thankless. Often times, we get verbally and sometimes physically abused by the people we care for which can make us feel terrible when we are doing all we can to make someone happy and comfortable. We (usually) do not care about abuse from those with dementia or those who have a disability as they often do not understand what they are doing and that can be excused, but there are plenty of people who are in their right state of mind and are simply mean people who treat us like dirt. It can knock our confidence and make us resent the work we do, but when someone says thank-you and they mean it, it reminds us that what we do is important and although not everyone appreciates it, we do make a difference to some people's lives every day.

Things I, As a Carer, Want Service Users & Family Members To Know
Things I, As a Carer, Want Service Users & Family Members To Know
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