I was talking with a girl on the bus. I was saying all of my woes of manhood. She tried to tell me and encourage me of all the things that men had and were capable of. But I kept on going, “it’s easier for a girl to get a man, it’s easier for a girl to be attractive, it’s easier for girl to just be able to stay at home. Men have to go to work, its ok if the girl stays home but the guy has to bring home the money. He needs to be strong, he is never supposed to be weak.” The girl kept trying to tell me “these were all stereotypes or myths that I was thinking, can be easier for man to get a girl, men can be just as attractive as girl, and men can stay at home while women work, all the roles are changing.”
I came back and said, “attractive! Guys have to pump iron, girls just have to do a little bit of dieting, heck they can have curves, extra weight and be attractive, guys can’t do that!” She looked at me knowing that I had made my mind up. She said “fine!” She looked me in the eyes and I felt my body jerk and she was gone. It kinda freaked me out. The ride back on the bus was strange. It seemed like the longer the bus drove the bigger the bus got. I was getting nervous and we were already close enough I stood up and rang the bell. Was I a foot shorter!? I looked at all the men standing by me and I was shorter than they were!
I got off the bus and started walking back. My clothes started to get really baggy. It was honestly hard to walk in them and my bag seemed to be getting heavier. I looked at my hands, they were hiding in my sleeves. I finally got to my apartment building, I got inside. I was so nervous. I did not check the mail I went straight up to my apartment. I tripped a bit on the way up the stairs. I quickly opened up the door and shut the door behind me. I took off my coat and I quickly caught my pants as they slid off me. Thankfully I was able to catch them even when I had my hands covered in shirt sleeves.
I looked at my hands, thankfully they still looked normal then I noticed, they started shrinking and becoming thinner. My class ring fell right off my finger. I was shocked. I let my pants drop. I pulled out my feet from my now very loose shoes and they were getting smaller and daintier too. What was happening to me! It was then that my arms started to gain shape, they were not as thin as they were before. I felt my shoulders swing back and some bones start to crack. My chest was now naturally pushed forward and my back a little more arched.
I started to groan in pain, I could not tell where it was coming from, but it felt like everywhere. I starting breathing heavy. I watched in shock as my nails grew long right before my eyes. My hair on my body slowly went back into my body and disappeared, even in my armpits. I felt my chest get heavier and two mounds of flesh grew on top of it. They were heavy but now supported by my new back. My body seemed to shrink in towards the middle and then my butt started to get bigger and wider. Pulling my underwear snuggly towards the front of my body. My hips also became more defined and complemented my now bigger softer butt.
My legs now started to also gain some weight and they seemed to close in comfortably close to each other. I had also noticed that my skin was now incredibly soft. I was so lost in everything that I forgot about what was happening. I really did not care, I was too lost in my thoughts to think about it. But I felt pushed to go to the bathroom sink. I looked at my face. My nose started to get smaller and more petite and my lips started to get fuller and thicker. My cheeks became more rounded and my eyes became slightly bigger. A rosiness came upon my cheeks. My eyebrows started to become thinner and my eyelashes started to stand out. My hair turned golden blonde and locks of it fell over and into my face.
The girl that was on the bus was now in my living room. I went out to meet her. “Is this what you wanted?” I now had my full mind back. “NO… I mean YES I mean…”
“You wanted before knowing the full cost. You thought that by gaining this life, you will fill in what your other life lacked, but you are just on the other side of the fence. There is no difference on this side, there are still many struggles and you will slowly start to discover them. I rarely like giving in to people’s desires of what they think. But I felt you might learn a lesson. Each gender that you are born into has a population of people that need you. Men also need support and help from other men and women need a good man that will take care of them. While you seen it as suffering, you really should have seen it as someone you were called to. You are called to a group of people to be an ambassador acting behalf of your gender. Look at the people around you, there are people that need you for the gender that you are. But you turned that down. I want you to stay in this form, so you can see the error of your thoughts and tell others and even help others to better accept who they can reach. Life does not always make sense sometimes but even in the small things you can find purpose”
She grabbed me by the cheek, warmly and gently and then disappeared. I watched as my apartment slowly changed, there was less clutter, more knick knacks, it was more organized and the pieces of furniture complemented each other by color. Piles of dvds and video games turned into piles of books. The apartment now had a fresher smell and everything just appeared cleaner. My shirt tightened around me and a pair of cute pajama bottoms grew over my legs and I felt my underwear change slightly to match my new body. I plopped down on the now nice looking and comfortable couch. My hair seemed to feel like I had just gotten out of the shower. I felt slightly refreshed.
I honestly felt the same, the pain of not having someone did not go away, it was still there. I also felt the years of looking and trying with no success. That girl had planted this in me. This was not the rosy colored dream I had pictured. I felt the stress from work overcome me and the stress from my family trying to control my life. As thoughts crept in, I noticed I was not that different from my male counterpart. But now I lost my identity of who I knew, for someone that I did not know. I was now stuck in this abyss and I was going to help others to see that the beauty of life comes from not wanting what you don’t have it is about wanting what you have and seeing the hidden gifts that life places right in front of you.
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