There is Hope for Those Who Want to Leave This World

[Dragonlover600]

I just want to take a moment and say to everyone who thinks they are better than me and treat me like dirt "because you can". I don't think you understand how what you say effects others. You have no right to do this, you don't know what they've been through. All my life, I've been called a disappointment, an accident, a screw up, by the ones I have been told to trust. I am told they are here for me and no matter what they love me. How sentimental, right? Yes at that point in time. Growing up, I thought there was something wrong with me. I didn't belong here, no one wanted me, my mom took me from my dad and told me all these lies about his family. I had trouble with my sexuality and when I found it, I was "shamed" for it. I was told that this oh so wonderful god, made Adam and Eve, boy and girl. That I was broken for liking girls and guys. I matured early so MY FAMILY and bullies and random guys I didn't know would point out that I had a big chest. I have amazing friends who try reminding me that I am a great person, but that doesn't stop the voices that say im a fuck up that doesn't belong. So yes to all those out there, YES i admit it you're better, I won't amount to you. To all those that hate their life and want to leave it YES I DO UNDERSTAND the struggles. I am still here. I had friends who threatened to commit suicide, I know people who have unfortunately seen people get killed or have friends who took their life. I have anxiety, I get scared that one day I will have no one. I am here for people but it seems when I need them they disappear. I have been abused Physically and verbally. I have been used in numerous ways. I've gone though many relationships female and male. I lost my virginity to someone who I didn't have feelings for, I've been forced to do things. I do panic, and flinch and cry and laugh out of fear, but I do have friends that tell me they would be lost without me. I have had these thoughts of taking my life, but I hate to see others in pain, everyone who did care for me would be hurt. Yes, times may seem rough, but I am here to say your not the only broken one in this world who is trying to make it through. If you dont want to stay living for yourself do it for those who care for you. I have seen the strongest people made of stone, fall and crumble unable to be put back because a loved one took their life. Yes to you this may be the answer, you won't hurt anymore. But what about those who do care and who are there, once you leave they will no longer have you. A piece of them will be forever missing. You may think leaving this world fixes everything, but in reality it will break all those who loved you. Please for those who care, and love you. Believe me It will get better, it does get better.

[inlovesince092111]

You are just a beautiful soul. Your post brought me to tears. This is just what I needed to read right now. Thank you for posting and stay safe.

[Dragonlover600]

Same for you

[inlovesince092111]

Thank you.

[courtney06]

“Growing up, I thought there was something wrong with me.” Same here.

Thank you for being so open about this. I relate to a lot of what your saying. It’s not easy to open up about suicide and there’s a lot of stigma with it as well as depression and anxiety. People tend to be very dismissive and tell people to “snap out it” or “suck it up” or accuse them of being selfish for not wanting to be here which doesn’t really help either.

I don’t know anyone personally who died by suicide, but the passing Chester Bennington from Linkin Park still hits me pretty hard.

I have the bad thoughts too. It’s terrifying because they can get so heavy and I am worried one day they will win, especially when I get older and have more responsibilities. It’s bad enough already. Depression sucks and even worse since I am having a problem with health insurance. I do always make sure I have someone I trust to talk to. I hope things get better for me and I try to remember to be grateful for what I have. I also like helping people on here and other places. It helps with my depression and hopefully I can find a place to volunteer in real life too.

I matured early too and I remember this girl in 5th grade asked me what those two bumps were on my chest as if they weren’t supposed to be there 😂 I don’t remember what I said after but I remember telling my mom to buy me sports bras to make my chest look flatter.

[sugarchateau]

Everyone has the freedom to do what they want. It doesn’t mean what they say is right or wrong, it’s just providing experience for all parties involved. It’s how people are able to learn lessons.
You give those words power when you choose to believe what they say about you. Otherwise, they are just words that say more about them and how they feel about themselves. Your bullies are responding to how they’ve been treated terribly. They choose to handle their pain by acting out to hurt others, you choose to deal with your pain by acting in and hurting yourself. You became your worst bully. If you want your life to change, you gotta change your perception about yourself.

[Purple_Babe14]

I feel for you girl. This is beautiful and I can relate, that unwanted feeling, I've felt that. I've constantly felt that I wasn't enough and all I could ever do was disappoint but is isn't true.

[Purple_Babe14]

This brought me to tears because I finally feel like someone understands my pain.

[Dragonlover600]

If you ever need someone to talk to, I listen to everyone.

[Purple_Babe14]

Ok thanks :D

[Johnjohnny]

Well said I've lost loved ones! You sure went through a lot of shit girl: for some time one so young! Xoxo

[Nada_Brahma]

My comment below is copied from one of my responses to another question

[Nada_Brahma]

I would say it is hard to love yourself only when you think about the reasons not to. You compare yourself to things you see as better than you. This can be happening unconsciously as well. So you may not even know you're comparing yourself to external factors. We do this all the time in so many ways. Try comparing yourself in the complete opposite way. See how good you have it. Know how much worse it can actually be. Be happy with what you have. That you can speak. That you aren't in pain every day. That you can make the conscious decision to speak or to stay quiet. To voice your own opinion or to be able to use your own two legs.

[Nada_Brahma]

Think of how complex the human anatomy is. How each and every cell in your body lives, reproduces, and dies just for us to have this human experience. The things to love yourself for are truly infinite. And so are the things that you chose to look down at yourself for. Try living up to your own standards. Compete with no one but yourself. If you aren't loving yourself, you aren't being true to yourself. Don't think about what you don't have or what you can't experience. Think about what you want. Every day. Live it out through your mind. Draw it out. Do this consistently and you will be astounded how quickly you and your environment will change.

[Nada_Brahma]

But listen CLOSELY. We live in an age saturated with information but barely a drop of wisdom. You can attain all the knowledge in the world. All at your finger tips. But yet here we are. Scratching our heads pondering simple questions that we so desperately crave. And even if there was one answer to explain it all, it wouldn't be the intellectual answer we want it to be. It all comes down to you. The individual. They say knowing is half the battle. Because you could know everything in the world but if you want to see results, you have to start applying it. Stop seeking and start doing. When you feel you've achieved your goal, set a higher one.

[Anonymous]

I love you... stop being like this

[Dragonlover600]

Wdym

[WhoDatGuy]

Thought this was a linken Park song

[ChocolateCheesecake]

Nice

[Secretgardenblood]

Good take

[Anonymous]

Give hope.