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End of the road

I don’t think I can do this anymore. Everywhere I go, it all feels so grey. I’d often try to make myself upset, because at least it was a feeling in and of itself.
I’ve had nothing short of an amazing, loving, and dedicated family. So why do I feel so empty inside? Why is it that I can clearly remember the last time I felt true happiness? A random fleeting moment outside in 2017, it was but a fleeting moment, but I felt as if a warm cascade blanketed my soul, I felt a feeling of positive emotion radiate through me. It may have only lasted seconds, but it was sobering. It showed me what I lacked, no matter how hard I tried, that feeling never came back. It would be appropriate to say I’ve thought about suicide for quite a long time. The cold sinking feeling that stands your hair on end, the feeling of being sucked into a bottomless void of negative emotion. It felt comforting, because I felt something. My life isn’t a prototypical tragedy, its just devoid of a fundamental element of what a life should consist of. I’d probably be more satisfied if I had a better reason to do this, sometimes I long for a tragic life as a justification for my suffering.

I truly am defective.

I know I was loved, and for that, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry I couldn’t stick around any longer, I just can’t imagine decades more of this.


Thank you for the life you’ve given me, im sorry I couldn’t stick around much longer.

End of the road
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