I don't want to pass my genes down, help?

[Anonymous]

Me and my husband have been together for many years now and he wants to start having children. I'm very worried and I keep saying no but he nudges me and tries anyhow. I'm worried because my genes aren't worth passing over and they're dominant. I don't want to ruin his with mine. I don't know what to do. He's a very handsome sweet man and I'm so eww. He's very tall, fair, blue eyes and sandy hair and great amazing facial structure and metabolism and I'm short, dark hair and eyes and tan easily but was born light skinned. I'm working that farmers tan you see and I'm pretty sure I am a carrier to premature balding as unfortunately this is happening to my brother. He keeps trying to get me in the mood and he is just laughing this off but I am very worried. What can I do?

[chocolatedragon]

Short genes are not dominant.
Your baby can still get blue eyes if you have the recessive gene for blue eyes.
The hair will vary from super wavy to curly.

From your explanation, I'm led to believe that you and your husband are of different races, correct?

Well I hope you know that average people of different races have a much higher potential to give birth to an exotic/pretty baby than average looking couples of the same race.

Take her for example:

img3.wikia.nocookie.net/.../Zendaya-34.jpg

She looks decently pretty.

Now look at her parents:

www.quizz.biz/uploads/quizz/370614/6_i707w.jpg

Her parents are average looking.

So believe me, you're fine.
If you don't want babies, gonna need a better reason than genes.

[Asker]

Awww this made me feel so much better. Yes, we are different races. He' a New Zealand born Caucasian and I am hispanic. I don't think I carry any trait with light anything besides skin. My mother's father had amber eyes, and my father had dark eyes. My mother's mother's father was blonde and blue eyed but our whole family besides them has always been brown eyes and dark hair. I really doubt I carry anything interesting. I am obsessed with the idea of having a child that looks like a character I have in my games. I really want this but I don't think I can.

[chocolatedragon]

Usually in mixed, incomplete dominance occurs between the allèles.

Your child will probably be lighter than you, but darker than your husband. The eyes could also be lighter than yours, but darker than the father's.

And because you're Hispanic, you already have some white in you so your native genes won't be as strong as you think. Heck, you're light because your white genes are mixing with the native genes.

[chocolatedragon]

In mixed babies*

[Asker]

Oh okay, thank you :)
Yeah I understand, thank you so much :)

[Illusive_Man]

I will be lying if sometimes I don't blame my parents for some of the traits I have BUT while some are bad , also some are good.
www.melissasbargains.com/.../...lia_43494759_L.jpg

CONFIDENCE , you need it , and I do too.

[BelleGirl21]

You have bad traits? Are you sure you're not delusional man? ;)

[Illusive_Man]

@BelleGirl21
Oh sure I do lol, I'm still just a man , an illusive one but still just a man

[Asker]

I am plenty confident just not in this field.

[Illusive_Man]

Well then why not create a blank template and educate your young in that field then?

[Asker]

In the field of child bearing? I'm afraid I don't follow.

[Illusive_Man]

In the field you're confident in...
Teach them then. I thought you said you're confident in another field , so if you're confident in that field why not enterprise on the half empty glass?

[Asker]

I don't worry about what I can and can't teach them, giving birth scares me and I feel being a mom is a bad thing, it seems so insignificant and demeaning.

[Illusive_Man]

Oh... so it's not just your genes you don't like then... there's another factor.
It's your body , no one can persuade you to do what you wish not to do.

[Asker]

Yes, I don't like anything about it.

[Illusive_Man]

Well there you go lassie.
No kids for you.
You can't raise kids if you don't like kids to start with lol , it's like someone who doesn't like dogs owning dogs.

[Asker]

I love kids just hate the idea of giving birth and being called a mother.

[Illusive_Man]

OHhhhhh, so wait... you like kids but you don't like the idea of giving birth and being called a mother...

Why not be a foster parent then?
or maybe sponsor a child in a 3rd world nation so he/she won't have to go to war as a child soldier and instead will have the chance for a proper or at least sufficient childhood?
https://www.worldvision.org/

[Asker]

Foster children? Hmm. Oh thank you for the link, I do donate to a lot of charities but yes thank you this is something I want to look into :)

[Illusive_Man]

Remember to talk to them often eh?
It's a hard world where they are living in.

[Asker]

Yeah, it takes years to do the paperwork I think.

[Illusive_Man]

Well you don't have to be a foster parent lol
You can just sponsor them and have them stay in their home country under World Vision if you wanna

[Asker]

yeah, that's less complicated.

[Anonymous]

I don't mean to be harsh, but you really need to get some perspective on this. There are people who have way more extreme concerns about genes then you do, people who don't want to pass down genes like breast cancer or mental illnesses and you're worried that your child may possibly be short or bald easily? You've got to be kidding me. Stop being so insecure about these petty things that don't even matter! Because they DON'T EVEN MATTER! And you're lucky if you are even blessed enough to be able to conceive! Some women are infertile and don't have the ability to create their own children! This isn't about insecurity, this is about you being ungrateful for what you have!

[Asker]

Listen, that's like saying how can I be happy if there are others who have been happier. I'm sorry if that's your case but I am not going to live my life in accordance to your problems. If other people can't conceive, that does not mean I should have 20 children, your philosophy is severely flawed at best.

[Opinion Owner]

That's the thing though, I would never tell someone they couldn't be happy. As I would never tell someone they couldn't be sad. But if I can make a sad person happier by showing them sadder things around them, then I've done something good. I'm not trying to belittle your problems and say that you need to produce a million kids because you can. That would be idiotic. I was trying to give you perspective to make you feel better about your situation, that's all. I'm sure you kids will be beautiful and even if they have your "bad genes" (as you say) won't you just be happy they exist? That they're alive?

[Asker]

The only thing that is idiotic is your proposition. How can anyone be happier by seeing the misery others go through, it'd be better to help those in need rather than feeling better about yourself. I already donate part of my earnings to many charities so I don't need someone telling me how bad others have it. No, people are people, it's the things we do that define us, I'm not delusional thinking any child is a miracle, children are born everyday. I don't buy into that. The only reason I'd consider having a child is to inherit my money, but even that, they will be raised properly and work hard for what they get.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Oh gosh, I'm gonna sound so mean and horrible. BUT REALLY? Do you know how many couples are desperate to have kids but worried about passing down illness or inheriting other medically harmful things to their kids? And you're afraid of having an "ugly" kid? Why? Will you love the kid less?
Also, there's a saying that at least one ugly parent produces kids, the kids will be cute. So even if you are "ugly", the kid will probably come out cute.

Of all the problems I've heard of parents about pregnancy, looks. Really?

I have oh so many reasons for not wanting kids. Looks never crossed my mind. Ugly or cute kid, I wouldn't care cuz it'd be my little critter.

[Asker]

I never said anything about "ugly" so don't put words in m y mouth. Second, so by what you're saying, I'm suppose to live my life in accordance to everyone else's problems? I don't thinks so. So I'm going to have 40 kids because there are people who can't have children? Don't make me laugh. That's ridiculous. And it's not if they are good looking or not, I want my kid to have a SPECIFIC look, I want them to look like character I designed but my looks will ruin that.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Ugh. Ok.
Well even if you are as ugly as you say, you're kids will have a chance of coming out cute. At least one ugly parent will produce a cute kid, and two ugly parents will produce a really cute baby.

[nert73]

Don't worry about it. Your genes are nothing to worry about. Think of it this way: if you're so worried about your child getting your "bad" genes, remember how much of those genes will come from your husband. People like me have health problems in their genes that no child should ever have, so you have nothing to worry about here. It doesn't sound like you'll give them a heredity disease or anything. Don't worry about it.

[Asker]

I do have a number of things that I can be carrying, they seem to have skipped me but I have a lot colon problems in my family and ulcers.

[nert73]

Ok, then

[Asker]

I'm not too worried about that.

[nert73]

Sure seems like you are

[Asker]

Many of the things that run in my family as far as disease and such can be prevented, so I don't give it too much thought.

[nert73]

Sure seems like it...

[Asker]

Now you're getting me worried, I assure you they can be prevented just not the balding maybe.

[nert73]

There are things you can do about that. You should talk to a doctor who specializes in this stuff and they'll tell you everything you should do to prepare for having kids in order for those kids to be healthy and it may even save them from some/most of the things that could be passed to them.

[Aud_Queen]

I don’t know if this helps, but i don't look like either of my parents. Instead, I resemble my grandparents. Grandfather on my mom's side and grandmother on my father's. Genetics don't always turn out like you'd expect?

Also, not to sound demeaning/rude, but did you tell him you didn't want kids when you got married? It seems like he really wants to be a dad...

[Asker]

It's not rude at all and especially not demeaning. I did stress the importance of this at several points in our relationship and he has always expressed not wanting kids either.

[Aud_Queen]

Oh, so he changed his mind. That's unfortunate and not your fault at all. Things don't always happen as planned. I'm afraid there isn't much advice to I can offer... one of you will have to give in if this continues. These are the kind of things that can break relationships. Are you open to adoption?

[Asker]

Yes I am extremely open to it and have even asked him if he wants the child to be his, we can look into getting a surrogate mother but he says he wants me to so yeah.

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

hahaha, my goodness. Your genes sound fine ;)

Perhaps you're simply afraid taking the big step of becoming a mother? If that's the case, it's something you should embrace. I have a few nieces and a nephew now, and my sisters were terrified of motherhood. But seeing them now, you'd never think so--they've really taken to it, and they adore their kids.

Relax, talk to your husband, try to get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do. My gut instinct tells me that your genes aren't the problem ;)

[Asker]

A number of things are the problem, I worked hard to get where I am today especially in this industry, I don't want to be called a mom, that makes me feel weak, I don't want to give birth, it's gross, and I don't feel some divine necessity to reproduce and spread my bloodline. I am also 24, too young and still have so much to do in work projects. I can rest now and settle. I am talking to him but he just thinks I'm joking and keeps cosseting me.

[XNicholeMariex3]

... If that is the only reason why you don't want children with your husband, then I feel sorry for your husband.
See, he married you for who you are... and he clearly doesn't seem to give a shit about how "ugly" (I doubt you are ugly) you are.

If you want a child, just have a child and stop being so hard on yourself.

[nert73]

Listen to this girl, @Asker

[Asker]

I don't think I am ugly but I do think my genes will make others ugly. Yeah, I feel sorry for him too.

[Misterjay02]

Why would you be worried about such a thing? You two would have perfect babies, because they would be your creations. That is what would make them special.

[Asker]

Then by that, everyone's kids are special, I don't buy into that but he does. The whole thing makes me sick, I'm scarred of pregnancy, I don't want to be called "mom", it seems so degrading. I've tried convincing him to adopt or get a surrogate mother but he laughs it off.

[kain7th]

why would being called 'mom' be degrading?

[Asker]

I had a terrible mother growing up and she always told me "watch one day you'll be a mom too" and I don't want to prove her right.

[been_waiting]

Everyone has some somewhat less favorable genes in their DNA. Will you still love your child even if he goes on to bald early? I would hope so. Would his life still be worth living? Of course. Make a baby with your husband.

by the way what's wrong with being short and tan? And dark hair?

[Asker]

I never said anything about not loving a child if he did not look a certain way, I just want him to look like my husband rather than me, I don't know, I feel like they'd struggle more if they looked like me.

[demonology]

if you love your husband, and see him as beautiful, he loves you and sees you as beautiful. the "eww" is just an illusion; if you live around the same painting your whole life, it will appear plain to you in comparison to others.

i personally think thats so selfish
billions of years go into making specifically you, and you want to end it there.

if youve made your mind up, you can get a "beautiful person" to rent out their womb and have his child for you.

[Asker]

Billions of years went into making everyone, it's nothing special. I've tried but he says he wants it to be from us, personally I'd rather adopt children and give them a good life but he has that desire to continue his family, I'm fine stopping it at me. Besides, I have other siblings.

[demonology]

everything changes if you have siblings.
in that case, go ahead and adopt.

[blondfrog]

Look at it this way there are people who have no balding gene from their family genes and they still can have a baby who grows up with male pattern baldness or female pattern baldness. Balding isn't that bad and they have made a big break through in science now in how to treat it they have certain drugs going under clinical trial right now you never know the future could have a cure for baldness one day.

[GutterGarbage]

Work with a doctor with the new gene therapy. It uses 3 people DNA 2 females and 1 male for the new super babies.

[Metlahead]

I think your reasons are pretty pathetic, but if you don't want kids then you don't want kids. I don't want them either, but my reasons are more humanitarian.

[Asker]

Get off your pedestal. I don't want children for a number of reasons but this is the one that bothers me most.

[Metlahead]

No, you get onto yours.

[Asker]

I don't fall into the supremacist mentality.

[Metlahead]

There is a healthy medium between "worthless" and "supremacy," can we aim for that?

[Asker]

I don't think I'm worthless and I know I'm not better than any other person here. You said my reasoning was pathetic then put yourself up by telling me that your reasons are humanitarian, that seems pretty douche like to me so excuse my behavior for I am just responding to your condescension.

[Metlahead]

Your own words: "my genes aren't worth passing over," then you go on to list superficial insecurities. Sorry, that sounds pathetic. It wasn't a long history of poor health, or retardation, or malformations, it was what if I make ugly children...

Yeah, I don't feel bad calling you out on it, but I still stand by your choice because it is your choice to make. I mentioned humanitarian reasons because I feel it is a morally irresponsible time on earth to have children, when we are over populated and so many are available for adoption. Not only to make myself look good, when no one even knows who the fuck I am here.

[Metlahead]

So, I will support anyone's decision to not have kids, no matter how bad they are.

[Asker]

Wow, I am a bad person because my reasons are pathetic? I hope you're not a gamer because I do not want someone like you playing my games. Go ahead and think you're amazing, you're not.

[Metlahead]

I didn't say you are a bad person, I said your reasons for not having kids make me pity you.

And no. I don't play any videos games, lucky you.

[Asker]

Oh please, I don't need pity from someone like you. Oh that's amazing, simply excellent.

[Metlahead]

I didn't give you pity, I gave you criticism. You are welcome.

[Asker]

You just told me you give me pity but whatever.

[FistSlaminElite]

Oooo okay! So what so can do is have him ARTIFICIALLY impregnate a girl who you like her genes and then you carry the egg, its 100% like its your kid BUT he jizzed in a cup not you and it doesn't look like you , it has his and her genes

[Asker]

I've already talked to him about this, he doesn't like it, he wants it to from both of us. I think I'll keep talking to him, he's very stubborn.

[Asker]

I really love this idea, what I originally proposed, I just have to convince him. Any advice on how? He get's overly sensitive and feels like I am rejecting him even though I express why I am against it. But I love this idea, thank you :)

[FistSlaminElite]

I really dont know how you could convince him, cause since he loves you to him you are the most beautiful person, and when he sees the kid he wants to be reminded of you, not some random lady, I saw both your points, on one hand I too hate my genes but on the other for me that plan wouldn't be the same as a kid from my plus my future wife, so I just feel like , I mean, ugh I'm split too evenly sorry about not being helpful

[Asker]

No, it was very helpful, thank you.

[ThatGuy98]

Don't worry about it, if he wants to have children with YOU it means that he loves you for who you are and that is so sweet in my opinion. Every child is beautiful in it's own way and you will love it no matter how it looks^^

[Greece1990]

Adopt or get some self confidence, those are your options.

[Asker]

Hmm.

[Coolguy1928]

You should just do it. :\
Or, you could just adopt a baby, if you really don't want to give birth.

[Asker]

I don't want them to look like me..
and my traits are dominant..
is there anyone that understands genetics here?

[Coolguy1928]

I'm pretty sure they'd look fine! :)
And having dominant traits can be good too! Just teach your future child the right thing to do, and everything would work out.

[Asker]

I want them to have a specific look, with my dominant alleles, that's impossible.

[Coolguy1928]

Nothing's impossible if you strive hard (except for being a god). :)

[Asker]

You can't outplay genetics by thinking "yes you can"?

[Coolguy1928]

Sheesh who cares, if you keep on denying it your husband would eventually leave you. -__-

[Asker]

He can leave, I won't care much. When you love someone, you want them to be happy, if they're happier elsewhere, then that should make one happy. Besides, I'd have more time to focus on my career.

[Coolguy1928]

Wow I've never seen someone this stubborn other than me. :\
Alright, but don't leave him just yet though, maybe he'll change his mind. :)

I wish you good luck with your family.

[Asker]

I am extremely but EXTREMELY stubborn :)
I wouldn't leave him but he's welcome to anytime as I have told him at the beginning. Yeah, thank you.

[COCOCHANEL]

it's hard to say with genetics, your offspring could be more gorgeous than the both of you. intelligent and other things too. you never know.

[Asker]

Life isn't a fairy tale so I doubt this but thank you.

[COCOCHANEL]

sometimes it is ♡

[Asker]

I only got to where I am with hard work and perseverance. Oh and a lot of ambition.

[Anonymous]

If you're 24 at oldest, just hold off a bit before deciding forever.

[Asker]

Yeah that's also an issue, I have a very good job and the pay is great, I am very lucky, the money is not an issue.

[Opinion Owner]

If you aren't ready, everything will look like a reason not to. When/if you are ready, those worries may still be questions, but not deal breakers. It's ok to not be ready, making a human being is a big choice.

[Asker]

The only reason I'd have a child is to have someone to inherit my money.

[JackKerouac77]

Adopt a kid instead