Why should I/we approach you girls?

Question

Umm this is a question that most girl can't answer. All of the girls that I've talked to/asked that question, have NEVER GIVEN me a answer that could suffice. They Usually give me the generic "it's the man's job/tradition." COOL MAKES SENSE for the 1950's that is. Just like how times have changed, shouldn't our approaches/traditions change right along with it?

In today's world, both genders are pretty much equal. So shouldn't the approaching ratio be close to 50/50 and not 80/20. I have no stats to back that up, but speaking from real life experience that "80/20" usually seems/seemed to hold true. You'll usually see a guy trying to sweet-talk a girl OR gas her head up with puppy love. 

As guys, we're usually the 1's leading the conversation, doing the approaching, shooting the right compliments, at the right time ETC. But In the end, most of us will get no play AND not only that, we have just wasted our time because the moment that, that girl saw us she thought "he's not my type" YAY US ^^ (sarcasm)

With the way that things work now, Girls have way to much power IMHO when it comes to dating, marriage, babies (rightfully so since it's their body, now while I don't completely agree with that logic, I know why it is that way ^^) 

I find most girls to be either arrogant OR just purely self-entitled since they seem to think that, just because they are girls that they are owed something or that the world revolves around them. Nuh uh it don't work that way LOL

So girls this is my question to y'all "what makes you so special OR why should I/we approach yall?

Girls approaching guys = number easily usually
 
Guys to girls = 45-50% chance of getting it maybe

TLDR it's not the 1950's anymore so TAKE charge and if you can't. Don't worry SIR MISTY has plenty of cats for you ^^ MEOW MF   that could be you, if you keep playing around that is LMAO

OpenClose · Accepted Answer

Generally, I don't date a girl who demands she be approached, or wined and dined. Yes, this automatically excludes @pr3ttybr0wn.

A few more things:
-If a man must approach to show he isn't chicken, then by the same hand, that makes these women chicken.
-If a man must pay for things to show he isn't cheap, then by the same hand, these women are particularly cheap for expecting to be paid for. It's also demanding that men make more than women. Wage gap anyone?

My experience has been something like 50/50. Half I initiated, half she initiated, and most of the time it was pretty vague who started it. And when I initiated, we were already friends and I could tell she liked me. I think if guys can learn to form more relationships this way, it helps out both men and women. It takes the pressure off men and women get less unwanted attention.

Most (lasting) relationships don't start off by approaching a complete stranger. And I would say that to a large extent, sexual harassment is caused when men feel they have to actively approach total strangers for this purpose. The girls who want this are directly contributing to this dynamic.

Also, I notice girls do things differently. If you're around a girl who likes you, she'll likely show it in some way. She might get flirty, in which case she technically initiated, and her "waiting for you to ask her out" is her waiting to see if you reciprocate, because guys tend to be fairly stoic about these feelings.

Of course, I've met girls who are flirty all the time and it's a mess trying to figure it out. Generally I just went ahead and asked them out. They were generally more laid back anyway, so they seemed to understand if I got the wrong idea. If a girl is flirty but gets upset when people think she is interested, that is a problem with her, not with you.

But another thing I like to think about that helps me chill out a bit about it: If you're the one initiating things, you are technically the one who has the most choice.

SomeoneImportant · Accepted Answer

"what makes you so special OR why should I/we approach yall?"

Well, we want to get laid don't we lol? That's pretty much what it boils down to, sex.

Try and put yourself in a girls shoes for a second. Since the day you hit puberty, all guys have wanted (for the lack of a better word) pussy from you. Guys were always approaching you and starting conversation, always trying to charm you and what not. So for majority of your life, you have always been wanted and desired, you have never had to charm a guy, or get him to want you, because you already have something he wants.

So going majority of your life like this, why would you feel the need to be the one who approaches and pursues?

Guys don't know what's it like to have something the opposite gender absolutely needs and/or wants.

Anyway, that's how I see it. This is generally speaking (typing) of course, there's always exceptions. So please no "Well that's not how it was for me, blah blah blah blah..."

udolipixie · Accepted Answer

Why should I/we approach you girls?
Possibly because you/guys often aren't attractive and/or appealing enough to have gals approaching you in the quantity and quality were you have enough desired options.

Just like how times have changed, shouldn't our approaches/traditions change right along with it?
I find approaches/traditions rarely change. Gals have equal rights however that doesn't mean most still aren't stuck doing all/most of the household/childcare duties or the slut/stud double standard is nonexistent.

"In today's world, both genders are pretty much equal."
Legally yes. Socially no. It's a commonplace norm to use a derogatory insult like b*tch interchangeably for the general female population. I see no such equal for males.

So while equality is reasonably expected in legal matters it's a bit dubious for me that a guy asks such in social matters when guys are seemingly higher up socially. Outside of assault and harassment dating is a social matter.

"With the way that things work now, Girls have way to much power IMHO when it comes to dating, marriage, babies (rightfully so since it's their body, now while I don't completely agree with that logic, I know why it is that way ^^) "
That's partly false.
1. Dating is a mutual decision both genders have equal power.
I think what you mean is gals have more options as they are generally approached and options doesn't necessarily mean power.

2. Marriage is a mutual decision both genders have equal power.
I think what you mean is gals have more power in divorce thanks to biased courts. That's not power in marriage but power in divorce.

BuchitaBuchys · Accepted Answer

I think guys should stop asking every girl out. Why? Cuz we don't feel special anymore. If you're asking every girl out, you obviously don't want me, you just want a girlfriend, you don't care who it is.
Also, lots of girls who are not the best looking and have shitty personalities are picky as fuck. Why? Cuz even the most ugly girl with the worst personality will probably still have a line of guys trying to fuck her. Yea, maybe they only want her for sex. But she will still take it as she's desired.

I think guys should chill out with the thirst/desperation of trying to land any girl. Then it will make things easier for guys to get girls.

Also, I must have really bad luck. Cuz all the guys I approached rejected me lol
So my rate is actually:
Buchita approaching guys: 0% chance of getting his number lol
Most guys have better odds than me.

Yea, rejection sucks. So I don't even wanna ask guys out anymore cuz I just know he's gonna say no.
Some guys are real dicks about it too. I guess they're happy they finally have the "power" to reject a girl. And you can tell by their tone.

Of course I'm gonna try still, but it's easier to know if someone likes you if they approach you first.
Shouldn't be the guys or girls job, but I know at least I reject guys nicely. Can't say all the guys who rejected me spared my feelings.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

You could approach us if you feel chemistry, find us hot, get along with us or whatever and would like to get to know us better. Likewise for women, of course.

I used to be of the mind-set that 'it's the man's job' while us girls just sit there, look pretty and wait. Though I'm not in any way a modern-day 'feminist', but eventually I realized that's a ridiculous idea. I think it's much easier to approach a guy on your own, worst case scenario get turned down, then sit there waiting like a damsel in distress which in reality makes you feel like an idiot.

Of course it's great to be free of the pressure and potential for rejection, but that should go both ways. With higher amounts of women getting post-secondary educations, as well as becoming equally employed and self-sufficient, there's no longer a valid reason for men to take the reins at all times.

(Fun fact, but I actually asked my boyfriend out. True, he asked me initially which I turned down. But once I become 100% sure of how I felt, I realized the ball was now in my court. No regrets. :) )

YourFutureEx · Answer

Why should I/we approach you girls?
-Nobody asked you to approach them. If you are interested then approach them & if you are not, then don't

Why are you interested but not them?
-They are interested in you as well but think about a queen who could get the meat without leaving the throne unlike a hunter who has to sacrifice the seat and need to go inside jungle. Why would she leave her comfort zone? There is no value for a thing that you could get at free. I case of guys, we all know, we can't control our sex drive. It's more intense. We won't get it by sitting at home, on demand
We won't care if some girl came in our life and F-ed us and the dumped. But they do. So it's a tradition

Why it's a tradition?
-We MADE it. In some cultures (past days), girls have to approach warriors. But now, there are no such things so the procedure changed. Girls are getting hundreds of proposals because they can feed them. How could she find the one who really loves her? They are surrounded by jerks. So basically, we both know, guys approach in order to get laid. But if girls can get laid without approaching guys then why do they approach guys and risking her life for slut shaming? She would be labeled as a bitch just because she approached a guy whom she was interested in

In my life I barely approached any girl. I received more proposals than I give. YES, THEY DO APPROACH US TOO. If she feels secure and pretty much confirmed that you are not targeting her pants, she would (first) throw every signs indicating "oh boy come on, say something" and (finally) would approach you if she's not that shy

Why that question arose?
-Because we guys are exhausted of simultaneous rejection. But these girls fear rejection too

Bottomline: A silent girl would follow the tradition of "why would I ask him, he should better ask me" (even if she loves him)
A (so-called bitch) bold girl would ask you. Fucking all the traditions
A desperate single would criticise it
A jerk would find it a privilege.

meowcow · Answer

Haha, you're in a world of your own if you thing that men and women are treated equally today. I can name hundreds of examples, even in Western society where males are disproportionately favored.

The answer to why men should ask out women is simple, and it's the same answer for why a woman should ask out a man.

If there is someone that you want in your life, you have to ask them out. Simple as that.

The difference in gender only affects the result. Men are more likely to get rejected than women. This is seen throughout nature, where women are much more selective because they bear the responsibility of carrying the child. Men can basically dump their sperm and run off, which is what we see a lot of in today's society.

If you feel like you're above asking someone out, then prepare for a life of loneliness. Both men and women who don't ask others out, or avoid showing any affection towards someone they actually like, will spend their lives sitting idly by as everyone the like gets swooped up by someone who acted upon their feelings. The rewards or consequences of action/inaction are yours, and yours alone.

sugarchateau · Answer

It's similar to business, 9 out of 10 customers are going to decline your offer upfront... especially for men.

Men produce a lot of sperm daily/hourly and have a lot more testosterone than woman. Woman drop one egg monthly and have higher estrogen levels.

Women don't want just any man, they have to be selective. Be it another man begging for booty or a man that we know will remain in the annoyingly nice friend zone, men will be declined more because those are typically the categories the men land in. UNLESS, the girl is just as horny or looking for a man to spend $$ on her.

Personally, I approach guys with a compliment (as I notice they dont recieve as many without it ending in sex) and whatever happens.. happens. I approach, but I let them decide if they want my number. If i want it, I'll ask.

In general, if you are asking someone for their number without chatting a little.. you will most likely be denied or won't get a text/call. Again, unless you're at a club or bar where you both will most likely be down for a one night stand.

lovingme27 · Answer

Everything is changing and look at how our community is changing for the bad. The changes aren't good if you ask me. Men should approach because you all are the conqueres. You are the head of the house. When you date your dating to find a partner to complete your kingdom. Instinctively men will go after what they want. Real men anyway. I never approach a man because of this. If you do while you are perusing you will soon come across the girl he is trying to get because If he really wants you in his life you never have to persue him first. Ladies if he's not going after you courting you he doesn't want you. Most men get turned down but guess what you should never stop trying. We like to be chased it means your interested and she possibly could give in. My 2 longest relationships came from men that I shot down but kept coming back. Those were the men who actually ended up caring about me also and wanted to marry me still with one. Just keep trying you will find someone who sees your efforts. If you don't you will also be the one at home alone with a cat.

xgirsrevengex · Answer

I will agree with your statement, , "we have just wasted our time because the moment that, that girl saw us she thought "he's not my type"". I know for a fact I am guilty of that and I don't want to speak out of term but I'm sure most other girls do too. That goes both ways though, boys see a girl and I assume decide whether they like her appearance or not. There is nothing wrong with this it's just human nature we look at everything like this.
I agree that girls should approach boys it is no longer just their responsibility and it can be quite intimidating for both sides. I have had plenty of guys come up to me and start a conversation and it is so uplifting and just makes my life worth living. So I take that and think " Why can't I do that for someone?". On a few occasions I have pushed my deathly fear aside and walked up to a guy. Nothing came from any of this but I could see the utter shock in their faces.
I say to fellow ladies it'sok to go up to that cute boy you have been secretly glancing at. All you really need to do is look at them find something you like and go up to them and compliment them. That's a nice easy way to start up a conversation with someone. Even giving someone a give five can do the trick it worked for me! Anything to get you over to them and get a dialog going.
I hope I didn't ramble on too much and hope this answered some questions. :)

MichelleJustAsking · Answer

Personally, I don't think it's about tradition as much as it is about our genetic makeup and the way we are wired. Males typically like to be the ones to pursue, and females typically like to be pursued.

Just because we may exist in a world where we have equal rights and opportunities, doesn't mean men and women should have everything equal. We are created in such a way that our differences compliment each other and make us a single strong unit. When you have each male and female competing for the same thing, instead of working together and focusing on his/her role, it can sometimes leave grounds for confusion.

I don't think it makes a girl more special than a guy and that's why men should approach us; I think it shows that you are a man who has the confidence and courage to go after a woman you find valuable in some way. Women appreciate that feeling of being wanted.

That being said, once the man has made his move and his intentions clearly known, it takes 2 from there on out. The woman has just as much responsibility to let the man know she appreciates him and is flattered by his pursuing of her, and start to respond and pursue him right back.

Hidden_P · Answer

Well I'm for women going after the man too. Both of my relationships it was me who asked them out, just fyi.

It's the tradition. The thrill of the chase and all that. But really, women do like confidence, and if you have the confidence to go over and say hi (not let's date) but just make that first move, that's really flattering. A lot of women today have self esteem issues, and believe me, it's extremely flattering to be told you're attractive enough to approach.

I still believe men should do the pursuing in general. If they don't then the woman looks easy and he knows that he can just get away with anything. Whereas, if the woman chases, partly because we overthink, it looks really creepy. If a man has earnt his chase and is rewarded with the girl at the end. The adrenaline adds to the excitement.

Plus. I think it's less bruising to be rejected for a man than a woman. Because women will go home and analyse why she was rejected - too fat, too thin, too loud, too blah blah blah. Men just go "screw her, she ain't worth ma d anywayz" and carry on :) (Generalising...)

Watermelonoma · Answer

i think approaching girls can be worthwhile just for the moments that end up working out really well. I already posted this on lumos's answer, but one of the best approaches i did was with this beautiful girl working at the mall, and her response to it made me feel so awesome for doing it, because she seemed so genuinely flattered, as if i was the first guy to ever approach her in that way.

Rejection hurts, and i don't really care what any self entitled girl says, but men are hurt by rejection just as bad as women are, except we can't use the same excuses girls use as a reason not to approach (even though those same excuses tend to apply for men as well). But you just have to grow a tolerance for it. Personally, I've gone through a lot of rejection myself... so much so that the number of rejections escapes my memory. I was never the guy who made girls wet, if you know what i mean. Most of the time, im not on a girls radar unless she really needs something from me, but in terms of the kind of guy that women value sexually and romantically, I haven't really experienced much of that in my real life. So I'm familiar with the feelings some guys have of feeling kinda inadequate and not good enough for dating but I still think that continuing to approach and make the first moves can be a good thing.

You should approach girls because it allows you to be somewhat selective, and it trains you to be a more outgoing person. So even though girls don't find me appealing, I'm still at least developing skills that are of benefit to me as a person

Anonymous · Answer

Because that's not how sex and science works. If a girl hits on a guy, the guy can easily use her and exploit her because He wasn't worth the chase. If the guy doesn't chase and work for her then he won't value her and the relationship is doomed from the start. If a man is not sexually interested, good fucking luck making that work ----- and if he is sexually interested and he likes her then he will do anything in his power to make it work between them. Guys also have a different psychology. When they are rejected they either keep trying or they move on very easily. Girls dwell we are not made for rejection, or at least scientifically we take it WAY worse and we go a tad insane.

It's ok for a girl to suggest but if she straight up asks a guy out any guy could easily be like "haha this bitch likes me" and that's why WE DNT.

I feel like it's such a lazy argument to say "why can't the girl initiate" men only bring out feminism when it's convenient for them. If you are a hunter you chase, don't suppress your instinct.

Anonymous · Answer

I got screamed at for tapping a girl on the shoulder - this was a girl I've talked with several times, and in fact, she's not someone I'm interested in. I played it off, but why am I made to feel guilty when I'm not even trying to get freaky with a girl? And I know that's their issue, but I get really tired of getting screamed at for trying ANYTHING with a girl, even if that stuff is fairly innocent. If I get screamed at and publicly humiliated for complimenting a girl on her glasses, and that's most of the responses I get, why would I ever try for anything else? (I do ask out women, but it's rare)

And I've had this question, not in the context of "prove yourself, lady" but in a context of... "if I get 1000 mean responses before a kind one (not even a yes, but a kind answer, whether no or yes), and it takes me years to ask out 1000 women, what makes a woman think I'd want to repeat that situation in the slight chance she's not going to try to go for a personal attack? How do I tell if she's "kind" for favors vs really genuinely kind? It looks the same to me.

strawbererishake · Answer

Girls are scared of rejection. A lot more scared than you may think. If a girl is rejected, she will lose self confidence and that will break her down. Girls sometimes build up confidence to make the first move, but when they do (and they are rejected) that built up confidence goes tumbling down. No matter how arrogant a girl seems, she is always insecure about something because nobody is perfect. A girl would feel that if she made the first move, it may be too soon because of you didn't know, guys are just as hard to read as girls are. We never know when would be the right time to make a move. Girls feel that they have an even less chance of getting together with a guy if they make the first move. I don't know what types of girls you know, but if that is your image on all girls, then you really missed the target. When guy makes the first move, it makes the girl feel more comfortable and secure, knowing that the guy is interested in her. I hate to sound cliché, but a guy should do everything he can to make the girl feel more comfortable. It is just something everyone should know. It is more gentleman-like and that is how a guy should act, like a gentleman.

madispute · Answer

If someone wants me to approach them, it most likely won't happen. It's not because I'm arrogant, but because I'm shy and awkward and I hate any sort of confrontation.

I also feel that the person who wants to initiate anything should be the one to approach the other, regardless of gender.

"As guys, we're usually the 1's leading the conversation, doing the approaching, shooting the right compliments, at the right time ETC. But In the end, most of us will get no play AND not only that, we have just wasted our time because the moment that, that girl saw us she thought "he's not my type" YAY US ^^ (sarcasm)"

I don't think you should approach someone expecting to get what you want. Of course, you shouldn't just assume it won't work out either. But, you should have a "they might not want what I do" mentality, not a "I deserve this and I should get it" attitude.

If someone decides that you're not their type just by looking at you, it's pretty much because they're not physically attracted to you. And, why would you want anything with someone not physically attracted to you?

Anonymous · Answer

I think women should approach men and let the guy decide if he wants to go out with her instead of the other way around. It's how I've always done things.

It lets the guy know off the bat he's not going to be expected or permitted to be " leading "me. guys more often than woman need to be disabused of the idea that they control other people. Women also tend to rape way less. It's safer for women to be discerning and scout out the talent and approach instead of being at the mercy of whatever the guy chooses.

And guys have been approaching for centuries. They deserve a break and everyone need to experience things from a different vantage point so they can see the world doesn't fall apart and they can stop coming up with idiotic sexist to maintain Status quo despite tremendous change to the contrary. It's better if women do the approaching.

I don't find it unattractive if a guy doesn't approach. I prefer things not taking off until I'm ready to approach anyhow. However I won't reject him for it well just have to go slower than if I was the one to approach bc I'm caught off guard if he approaches before I do.

I DO find it a turn off if he can't handle my approaching him. And I'm not going to sit back and wait , so he can feel like he's in charge.. I'll just move on.

I don't get the fascination so many women have with guys " taking charge" when Just as many women complain guys are controlling assholes. And they don't seem to make the connection.

Anonymous · Answer

There's no real reason, it's just old fashioned gender roles and their impact on society. Even though we are very equal, gender roles are still pretty prevalent (because there's no real way to law them) and advocated by the media. A lot of girls think guys would be turned off if they did the approaching or would feel less like men etc, because women are supposed to be more emotional and also more passive according to the stereotype.
but it would be incorrect to suggest that women make no effort. Effort is made in attracting, it's just that again with the stereotypes we are told men are very visual creatures. So our methods are more about appearing a certain way, spending hours getting ready to look "hot", wearing tight fitting or revealing clothing, perfume, and often spending hours in high heels that hurt our feet so bad. (Guys don't really do any of these things, that's not a bad thing it just means they don't feel the same scrutiny to visually attract, instead they focus on conversation and humor)
Obviously this isn't everyone, but i think a lot of people work this way and it is so old fashioned.
Personally i prefer to wear flats and be funny:)

CHARismatic110 · Answer

You should approach me because I'm cooler than the other side of the pillow. Duh.

But no, I don't feel like guys have to approach girls. Not in today's world anyway. I feel like if you want to talk to someone then you should just do it. It's easier said then done tho. And I feel like sometimes guys get the wrong impressions when girls approach them. Guys tend to get intimidated by that type of stuff it seems. Guys say that want confident girls until that confident walks up to them and asks them out. Then she becomes too aggressive or some shit.

MaskedSanity · Answer

It's not a question of whether guys should. You don't HAVE to approach women, but then you won't be able to get a chance with the one you fancy.

Many women are simply scared. Scared of the same rejection they dish out to guys that approach them.
Others are indeed entitled and think it's the man's "job", but that should ring alarm bells for you, because chances are this same type of woman is very likely to believe it's your "job" to pay for everything too.

I've had success with approaching men, but I've been bitterly rejected as well - made fun of for it, even. Rejection sucks.

While the times have changed, it's gonna take a few generations to weed out the expectation of being asked out all the time. Today's girls that expect to be asked out will teach their daughters the same.

Some daughters will listen, others will think that's bullshit and pursue the men they want. It's only a matter of time.

shynessisntnice · Answer

In my town it's 80-20, but the 80% are girls approachung guys, cause guys are to afraid to approach a girl. I'm a really shy girl so this is extremely hard for me. I just can't approach a guy, even though all the girls around me are approaching the guys they like. If a guy approaches me I'm not arrogant, actually I'm very nice even if I don't like him. But I know a lot of girls that if a guy approaches them they would laugh at their face if they don't find them attractive. On the other side all the guys I know even ifthey don't find a girl attractive they are nice and never make fun of her. So I understand why guys don't want to approach girls, but not all girls are like that. If a guy sees that a girl is shy, like myself, he should approach her. Because I would never approach a guy, I always fear they will laugh at me or embarrass me or something..

samhradh_leannan · Answer

In this day and age, it's not exclusively the man's responsibility to make the first move- but that doesn't mean men are no longer at all responsible for approaching women. Both genders are free to initiate, and both genders should go ahead and do it when they want to or feel that it's appropriate. Should women challenge themselves to initiate more often? Yes, absolutely. Should men STOP initiating? No way. Changing times don't get you off the hook. If you decide to stop initiating, you risk missing out. The girl you're interested in might be too shy to approach you, or she might not have noticed you at all- the exact same reasons why it benefits girls to make the first move, too.

bluehairgirl21 · Answer

I approach guys, I have gotten rejected, one called me a fat cow while I was walking away and others said yes and we have gone on dates. Win some lose some. I can't complain I have asked guys out and vice versa but I find it so much more appealing when a guy does it, why? Because asking someone out is scary stuff and well if he had the balls to ask how could I refuse.

Ps I'm about to ask a guy at work for drinks tonight so wish me luck guys and girls hopefully he won't turn me down
Fingers crossed

Octavion · Answer

No one demands you ask them out. But do you look at a girl that you like and think "Why isn't she asking me out?" because even if you like her it doesn't mean she likes you back. Most people who ask a girl out the girl wasn't constantly thinking about the guy before he asked her out. They are usually surprised that the dude liked them and they make a decision on whether they'll go out with them and see if they like the guy back. Girls have the same problem you do. They see a guy they like and nothing ever happens because of it because they were afraid to ask the guy out and the guy never was aware that there was any attraction between them. For all you know some girl felt that way about you. So go easy on girls. They have it hard enough being harassed by potential rapists as it is.

Why should I/we approach you girls?

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