Is it normal that I got punished by my husband?

[Anonymous]

He turns into a demon if he's angry and there's always cons and pros to any decision i take and i always get punished if i did something wrong or let me say because he's afraid of losing me and that i will love someone else around my age and i will just dump him. He's jealous and if he caught a guy looking at me he loses his mind and that day will turn to a hell for me. On the other hand he's really kind and loving and amazing person when he's in a good mood and will do anything to make me happy. I'm just confused and sometimes i don't know why he's acting like this.

[Anonymous]

He seems like he has an inferiority complex. None the less, if he is jealous, then he should argue with you... ask you who the other person is. But to lock you in the room, that's going too far. then next thing you know, you'll be deprived of food and not allowed to talk to anyone or even phsyical abuse. I would just let go of this guy, he seems mental.
Tbh, my ex was very possessive and jealous too, but he would never go to this extent. He trusted me. Even if he didn't trust the guy, and that alone made me want to make him feel at ease and I myself wouldn't meet with those guys alone. Just to make him at ease.

[Rocket_Queen]

This is just my opinion coming from the sliver or story provided: he's a controlling manipulative boyfriend and you justify his wrong doings (the anger and punishment) by saying on the other hand he is really kind, loving, and amazing. That's what people like that do. They treat you like crap and give you just enough "kind, loving, amazing" to stay. My recommendation: get out. It only gets worse.

[Asker]

What do you mean by worse?

[Rocket_Queen]

Well I can only speak from my experience, and other friends I've had in that similar boat. But I had a boyfriend like that at 17 and gave just enough for me to stay and treated me how you described. He tried isolating me from friends and family, he got verbally abusive, then physically abusive. That was all a slow process that started like the story you provided and took a few years.

[Asker]

Except my parents already kicked me out of their life cause i choose him. how did you leave him?

[Rocket_Queen]

Well he would get it in his head to hit me and so we would fight. Once he would put his hands on me we would be fighting and I realized one of us was going to end up killing the other one night when it got really bad. I packed up and went home and my parents had kinda done the same. They did not approve of him at all. Thankfully they supported me and helped me get back on my feet. I worked full time and went to school and met my husband.

[Asker]

You're lucky that your parents supported you and i'm happy that you're strong enough to stand on your feet again.

[Rocket_Queen]

Thank you, you're strong enough too. Sometimes it just takes us walking away before we realize how strong we can be. When we absolutely have to be. Good luck to you!

[beccaboo2]

You need to escape this marriage. Check to see if there are any women's shelters in your area. He may not be beating you now but that doesn't mean he won't in the near future. This will only escalate. You deserve better. This website will help you come up with a plan of action. Don't be afraid to call the number they provide.
https://www.thehotline.org

[MissHope]

No it's not! 😮😮😮 You should talk to him about it 😐😐 you're his wife not a child to punish you 😕😕😕

[MissHope]

Thanks for MHG ❤️❤️❤️😃😃😃

[bluenose1872]

You answered your own question. he's insecure. If there is an age gap he will have an inferiority complex compared to guys your own age. Men need their confidence boosted too. Men brood and react in anger when they get hurt emotionally. Why not stop thinking he's there to support you and make you feel good and actively try and make him feel good

[Asker]

How?

[jacquesvol]

He's immature, a big kid copying what his dad did to him: control and punishment.
He knows he's doing it wrong and it makes him insecure , thus jealous.
But does he have the brains to adjust his behavior? I'm not sure about that.

Draw your conclusions.

[Asker]

I don't know anymore

[bama_girl89]

Reading the comments, you BETTER GET THE F* OUT of this relationship!! What is wrong with you to let a guy lock you in a room for hours? If you decide to stay and it gets worse, you have no reason to complain!

[Asker]

But what do you want me to do? I'm trying to fix things between us and no one will support me since i choose to get married pretty young in the first place because i loved him and he was always right and others wrong in my eyes. Can't change the past tho.

[simplyadorable]

you can't change the past but you can still fix the present. Decide on what you want to do. You can't stay or leave. You can leave, seriously. It might be scary but you gotta do it, for your own good and for your future

[simplyadorable]

*can

[_Gone_]

Does it matter why he's acting that way? Whatever it is, it doesn't excuse his behavior. Besides, it's likely just the way he is. And you really shouldn't stand for it, unless you like living in constant fear.

[Asker]

It is because i know that he's kind but when he got some weird thoughts about me leaving him for someone else he can't control himself.

[_Gone_]

So, he's kind when it suits him.

That's not good enough.

[Rachel_1099]

It only gets worse. It will turn from mental/verbal abuse to physical abuse after some time. Not a healthy relationship to pursue although it's very hard to get away from. Personal experience

[Asker]

You've been through something like this?

[Rachel_1099]

Yes actually the exact same thing. I was with him for 3 years. It was a constant back & forth between safety, friendship, & love then on the negative spectrum it was fear, confusion, and feeling almost like you deserve the punishment because you get so used to it. But as you've already stated, if nothing has upset him the relationship seemed more than fine. So much happiness, actually. But it's not healthy & I've just recently accepted that & am in the process of moving on with someone new. It was very hard to even come this far though

[Asker]

I'm happy for you that you moved on and i wish that i can be as brave as you one day.

[Rachel_1099]

Thank you, & I wish the same for you as well

[datgirl]

I never understand why women like you put up with this shit and think its love and bla bla bla like fucking dump him clearly this isn't healthy.

[Asker]

And where do i go if i did this?

[datgirl]

I don't know. Get a job and get your own place or move in with your parents.

[Asker]

Unfortunately i can't and this has nothing to do with him... I just take some decisions two years ago and it effected my life now.

[bama_girl89]

Call the police and report that behavior... then figure out what you need to do. Simple as that

[tenchu11]

Go to couples counseling. All I can really say do you guys communicate often?

[Asker]

Yes we do

[Becky01]

this is a huge red flag for me. this is how a domestic violent relationship starts. if he ever threatens you or hits you leave and don't go back

[Asker]

But if he's thinking of being violence he would have done it long time ago. I'm not saying that i want him to be or something

[apple24]

One reason I don't trust guys! Also tell him to get lost and that you fuck that guy! If he mad so what? Your just gonna let him hit you. Weak ass man!

[Asker]

You don't trust guys? At all?

[AhGojira]

What are you doing to get him mad? What exactly do you mean by punishment?

[Asker]

because he thinks that I will love someone else and leave him "this is his biggest fear, nightmare" or when i go out without telling him and i'm not allowed to meet new guy friends if they're not his friends. He punish me if i did other things. I'm not talking about physical punishment.

[AhGojira]

So he's jealous and controlling... But again I have to ask, what is he doing to punish you?

[Asker]

1. Lock the door and just leave me in the room for hours and sometimes for a day
2. He treats me with silence for days and even pretend that i'm not even there
3. He take anything i love from me to make re think again of what i did
These are little examples of his punishment

[AhGojira]

In locks you in a room and steals your shit? Yeah he's fucked in the head... I can understand someone being moody, maybe giving someone the silent treatment, if they're mad at their partner for a few days, but eventually you have to talk about things. That other nonsense is ridiculous...

[AhGojira]

*He...

[Asker]

Talk to someone else? Like my parents? My parents kicked me out of their life for choosing him and for leaving school to get married. Talk to him? As long as I'm not doing anything wrong or talk to guys he's a good with me and will treat me like a queen. So that's why i thought that maybe i can fix it or make things better.

[AhGojira]

I was saying that if he's mad about something and gets moody eventually he need to talk things out with you... He's not that sort of person though... He's nut. He's isolating you and hard core controlling. It will likely lead to physical abuse late on.

[Asker]

:( so tired

[AhGojira]

lol, you ok?

[Asker]

I'll live :(

[AhGojira]

*rubs head* *pats on back*

[Asker]

Thanks :( <3

[AhGojira]

Yep. Anytime. :)

[Anonymous]

Girl you need to get out fast. If you don't it's only gonna get worse over time. Locks you in a room for hours? Silent treatment? There's no reason to stay with him. He's not going to be 100% happy until you're isolated from everyone compeletly. Since you can't move back in with your parents, do you have a friend, sibling, or a relative you can move in with?

[BradA]

Maybe he has been cheated on before and she crushed his heart?

[Asker]

I don't know but I'm not her

[Anonymous]

tell him if you do something wrong he needs to punish you in the bedroom, say i'm sorry sir maybe you should spank me so I learn my lesson

[YOussefElAdl]

why dont she suck it too

[Opinion Owner]

@YOussefElAdl look him in the eyes as you do it

[YOussefElAdl]

u do it bitch

[Opinion Owner]

@YOussefElAdl ok sir

[YOussefElAdl]

u like it dont u

[Opinion Owner]

@YOussefElAdl wait are u black

[Asker]

Is this a joke?

[Opinion Owner]

no i like bm

[YOussefElAdl]

no im not black
but im African tho.
egyptian
i have dark skin
and no its not a joke what do u mean?

[Opinion Owner]

@YOussefElAdl wait whats your name

[YOussefElAdl]

youssef

[Anonymous]

The younger you are at marriage, the more likely you are to cheat, or fall for someone else

[Asker]

Yes I'm young but it doesn't mean that i will fall for someone else and will cheat on him

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just sayin'

[zorro8888]

Sounds like a dysfunctional relationship.

[Asker]

How?

[zorro8888]

Because in a normal relationship people talk out their problems, they don't result to abusing their partner through punishment (whether it be physical or not)

[Asker]

Can i just fix it?

[zorro8888]

What's there for you to fix?
He's the problem. If he wanted to change he would have done so a long time ago.

Don't know why you put up with it, just makes him think it's okay.

[sweettckae]

how does he punish you?

[YOussefElAdl]

he punish her hard :D

[Asker]

@YOussefElAdl Stop being dirty! This is serious

[YOussefElAdl]

i didn't mean it dirty u have dirty mind tho i didn't mean anything dirty
in fact this is the first time in here i wasn't dirty

[Asker]

@YOussefElAdl Please if you want to have a chat with someone go and message them don't do it here because this is serious and i hope you respect that.

[anonman32]

how does he punish you?

[Asker]

Lock the room and keep me inside for hours and sometimes for a day and sometimes he use silent treatment and pretend that I'm not even there for days and sometimes he take my stuff to make rethink of what i did and then give it back when the punishment is over and sometimes he's an angel and very kind and loving. These are some examples

[anonman32]

thats sounds like he's your dad?

[Asker]

He's not my dad

[anonman32]

well it seems like it. takes your stuff away, locks you up, uses silent treatment. all as punishment? thats a little bit weird to me.

[Asker]

These are *some* of his ways and i guess because he doesn't want to use any physical punishment

[simplyadorable]

not good. seek for help. It could get worse in the future.

[Melcart23]

Not exactly the ideal marriage

[Asker]

Yeah i know :(

[sixnineanon]

No it's not normal

[Asker]

It's confusing

[Jxpxtxr]

Define "punished"..

[Anonymous]

Physical punishment?

[Asker]

Not physical