Do you like dark humour? Whats your darkest joke?

[Pac-Man]

Dark humour to me is like a child with cancer, it never gets old.

[Klara-Hitler]

Sahih Muslim Book 041, Number 6985: Also in the Hamas Charter.
Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:

"The last hour would not come unless the Muslims will fight against the Jews and the Muslims would kill them until the Jews would hide themselves behind a stone or a tree and a stone or a tree would say: Muslim, or the servant of Allah, there is a Jew behind me; come and kill him; but the tree of Gharqad would not say, for it is the tree of the Jews."

Haha haha ahahahahahahahahahaha

[Pac-Man]

I dont get it xD

[Pac-Man]

Oh I saw your username and now I get it lol

[Klara-Hitler]

I am a Jew. get it?

[rgb008]

"My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car."

[Puppylove94]

Lmaoooo

[Mustachekitteh]

I love dark humor and one of my favorite comedians that does it is Jimmy Carr. ^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuBlbMmjBrg

[Pac-Man]

That guy is amazing haha

[Mustachekitteh]

I want to see one of his live shows one day. :)

[fauchelevent]

Have you watched some of Frankie Boyle's stuff?

[Mustachekitteh]

Yes and he's awesome. :)

[Smmyskittles]

This made me laugh and yet go "awww" at the same time..

https://i.imgur.com/7aFulED.png

[Pac-Man]

I must be orphan then lol

[Puppylove94]

lol that's good

[DrTruth]

A cruise ship is sinking and all havoc is breaking loose. Everybody scrambles to the lifeboats. Before loading the lifeboats, a teacher yells, "Children first!". Cop says to the teacher, "Fuck the children!" A priest walks up to the teacher and cop and says, "Do we have enough time?"

[Dim_121]

While on a hike one of the guys asks what happens if we see a mountain lion. I joke that we throw his chawawa at it and run. That is why he brought that tiny dog with him in the first place right?

[Pac-Man]

Did that really happen?

[Dim_121]

Yes I really teased him about his tiny dog tagging along.

[Dim_121]

The darn thing would not be quiet and it has bitten me a few times before so of course I teased him about it that way.

[Pac-Man]

oh god xD probably the only thing that "dog" is good for in the wild is attracting predators

[Dim_121]

Now your talking that tiny thing is a pain. That dog makes a better football than a companion. Some of those dogs are nice dogs but not that one.

[Shorty1991]

The hating of breast feeding in public needs to stop. I can raise my cat anyway I want to.

[Shorty1991]

What do you say when you see your TV floating in the middle of the night?
Drop it n***a!

[Shorty1991]

What do you call a rabbit with a wonky dick?
Fucks funny

[Pac-Man]

bahahaha xD you crack me up

[Shorty1991]

Why could miss piggy not count to up to 70?
Because she had a frog in her throat at 69.

[Shorty1991]

So a dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

[Shorty1991]

What's the difference between E. T and an illegal immigrant?
E. T eventually went home.

[Pac-Man]

Wait, you lost me at 69 cause I started imagining me and Ms Piggy getting it on.

[Shorty1991]

Miss piggy and Angelo? :O Omfg! Yer worse than David cameron!

[Shorty1991]

Why did raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?
She sat on Pinocchio's face and told him to lie to her.

[Pac-Man]

hahaha

huckcdn.lwlies.com/.../...ountain-Huck-958x559.jpg

would you vote for me though?

[Shorty1991]

https://youtu.be/oRPcnpD7ycw

[Shorty1991]

https://youtu.be/IQydrPu6XVA

[Shorty1991]

https://youtu.be/HRPbdBETTCE

[Shorty1991]

I know this question is closed, but I'm bored and another joke just came to mind.
What did the sanitary towel say to the fart?
You are the wind beneath my wings.

[Pac-Man]

I don't know where I stand on abortion. I like killing babies, but I don't like giving women a choice.

[Shorty1991]

Well I only like killing spiders, coz I hate the f**ckers. I feel awkward around babies and probably will do unless I change my mind and have one of my own. I need to make absolutely sure i want one, its not like i can put it back in the condom vending machine and ask for a refund. Lol. I'm a woman and I'm having my choice whither you like it or not. ;P

[Pac-Man]

That was a dark joke lol probably should have specified that

[Shorty1991]

Lol, I know. Did you not get the refund from the vending machine part? Lmfao. Nevermind, I'm serious about killing spiders though.

[Pac-Man]

Do you also have big spiders like that in Scotland?

https://www.uksafari.com/jpeg3/sphouse4.jpg

I keep finding those big bastards in my ceiling.

[Shorty1991]

Aye, they seem to be getting bigger and bigger all the time. Nasty bastards so they are. The only place fur them is in the hoover.

[Whaaaaa]

Why are Iranian women always so high?
Because they are always getting stoned! Bahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhhahhhahhahhhhahaahahahahahahhhahahhhhhha!
I made that one up

[Pac-Man]

Good job hahah

[fauchelevent]

I do like dark humour :P Uh... My favourite dark humour joke isn't mine so I can't take any credit for it but it's something like:

What was the last thing to go through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their feet.

[Waffles731]

A seal walks into a Bar.
He sits down and the bartender asks, "what can I get you?"
The Seal replies, "Anything but a Canadian Club on the Rocks."

[Pac-Man]

ouch lol

[wolfie12]

Are you sure? I might get banned xD

[CisScum]

i.ytimg.com/vi/yOznBl_gLxA/maxresdefault.jpg

[Puppylove94]

Lmfao I don't think it gets much darker than joking about your child's death

[Pac-Man]

Lol it does get darker. Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Yeah, neither have the Ethiopians.

[Puppylove94]

Cannibalism? Lol the first one was still way darker

[Intraluminal]

What's the best weight-loss diet in the world? The Ethiopian diet.

Grab the skin of your neck on both sides and pull it outward. Now ask someone, What's this? Answer: An Ethiopian with a grain of rice stuck in his throat.

[Pac-Man]

@Intraluminal haha those are good ones

What's the fastest land animal? An Ethiopian chicken.

[Puppylove94]

lol I didn't get it until now... okay fine that's worse.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it's dark humor or just insensitive, but:

If we had more nets in Africa, we could save millions of mosquito lives by preventing them from getting AIDS.

[Pac-Man]

Yup, thats dark humour alright lol

cause its about black people

[TonyRyanAgain]

I'm a fan, it's like that time Stephen Hawking walked into a bar... just kidding.

[Pac-Man]

lmao!

[wolfie12]

Wow, my darkest joke would offend at least 1/3 of population here.

[Pac-Man]

Try us lol

[wolfie12]

Are you sure? I might get banned.

[Pac-Man]

You can't get banned for joke ;P

[wolfie12]

Well then "how do you babysit a nigglet? Put Velcro on the ceiling and tell him to jump.

How do you get him down?
invite the spics over, blindfold them and tell them it's pinata party".

[TonyRyanAgain]

I'm highly offended.

... wasn't even invIted, smh...

[Intraluminal]

That's not dark, it's just racist. Dark humor involves death or injury usually of the innocent.

[wolfie12]

@Intraluminal well the kid was injured at the end though... by the way I told you I'd offend somebody (sorry people, wasn't intentional).

[TonyRyanAgain]

I was kidding, I'm Mexican and didn't get invited to the piñata party! Haha.

[wolfie12]

@TonyRyanAgain I was talking about intraluminal xD by the way sorry you werent invited :(

[Saoirse_Nua]

How do all ethnic jokes start? - With a look over your shoulder

[akadatank44]

Haha I love it. Mine are usually racist to my black friend at night. Like dude where did you go? All I see is floating white teeth haha I'm terrible.

[Anonymous]

How do you get a hundred dead babies into a bathtub? With a blender.
How do you get them out again? With a straw.

[Waffles731]

I've never seen the humor in those, they are just soo boring

[Waffles731]

Dead Baby Jokes aren't funny

[Opinion Owner]

@Waffles731
How about Helen Keller jokes?

[TonyRyanAgain]

What has four legs and an arm?

A Doberman on a playground.

[Anonymous]

It can be quite offensive at times though, it's just like English humor, it may not be funny to others that are not familiar with the subject or culture

[_sarcasticmermaid_]

Yes XD