Dump my girlfriend over smoking?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriends is a smoker. I am not. I have had family members die from the effects of smoking. My Dad was just diagnosed with COPD and he stopped smoking when he was 30. My girlfriend is 30 right now.

Basically, the assumption is that we are supposed to stay together and get old together, but I having a lot of trouble committing because she is slowly killing herself now. They just found pre-cancerous lensions in her uterus (not saying that's related to smoking) but it doesn't even give her a pause to stop smoking. Am I an asshole for thinking I should dump her for someone who will actually be around when I'm older?

[2doves4me]

well, my story is kind of different.

When I met my boyfriend he was a smoker.

I told him to quit the first night we re-met (we knew each other since we were 12, but we remet at age 24).

He quit for me because he wanted me to like him. He wanted me to to know that he loved me more than cigarettes. So he quit for me. Those are the reasons why he quit for me. Help her to understand some of those things. but your girlfriend might be different from my bf! they may not view the world the same way. You know her best, and you know what she is like.

I asked my boyfriend why he smoked and he usually says it's because his parents did, and it's when he is stressed. But he realizes that his dad is getting a disease from it, and that it makes his teeth yellow. Plus yeah, it smells and he knows I don't like that smell. So he quit since we've been together (together 10 months now). He's also realizing that the smell is bad now that he quit. Hope this helps... I'm not sure it helps but wish you luck man!

[ilyurbella]

I have almost the same thing. My boyfriend smokes, and I'm totally against it thanks for my lovely family and all the lovely side effects that they were getting from him. When we first met, I didn't know he smoked, but later on in our relationship, I found out. He quit for me a few times, but always went back to it. Now today he said he's quitting tomorrow *which honestly I don't believe because I've heard it all before* but he's doing it because I want him to and because he knows it's either smoking or me.

And you're not an asshole at all. I understand completely way you feel that way. You want to be with them, without the smell or without the fact that they will have cancer or anything else. You need to tell her the reasons why you want her to stop. But try to make it a clear fact that you love her enough to break up with her because you can't see her putting herself in deaths way with her own choice.

[exitseven]

I dated a girl that smoked. It was a long time ago when more people did it. She used to make it look like the most enjoyable thing in the world. She was sort of hot when she smoked.
It never bothered me when I used to go outside with her so she could have a cigarette. Kissing her was never a problem with me either. I got used to it pretty quick. When I was with her I tried it a few times to see what the attraction was but I never really liked it all that much. The only thing that was gross was when I would get in my car the next morning after we had been out in my car the night before.

[vmw2008]

Well I think you should talk to her about it first since she is under the assumption that you're staying together forever. After all, you knew she was a smoker when she became your girlfriend, so the issue isn't new. Tell her how important it is that she quit smoking for the reasons you listed. She may decide to quit. Although, I have a feeling you may not be that much in love with her if your first instinct is to dump her for smoking instead of talking to her and working it out. Good luck!

[Asker]

Well, it's kind of complicated. Anytime I bring up something that's bothering me, my girlfriend gets really upset and flips it so she's the victim. I'm mad about her smoking becomes she mad because I'm judging her. I don't know. Maybe some time apart would help us both gain some perspective.

[vmw2008]

Well she probably does feel judged because you got into a relationship with her knowing she was a smoker. She's probably thinking that you're looking for reasons to call her out, because if it had been a dealbreaker you wouldn't have dated her to begin with. Just giving some perspective to the other side. But if it is that big of a deal, despite her getting angry, you need to tell her how big of a deal it is to you.

[bubblebursted1]

I think you need to dump her, think about it. She won't be there for you someday, and you will die lonely. Now you could still remain friends with her, but you can't do this to yourseflf