I don't know what guilt and remorse feels like, is this normal?

[Anonymous]

Over the years, I had to teach myself not to hurt other people's feelings. I had to tell myself not to do it because then I'll get caught, lose friendships and have a bad reputation but not really out of guilt. It's basically me just following the rules, imitating known speeches and trying to live a normal life.

However, I have no idea what it really feels to have guilt and/or remorse. They are like complicated concepts to me. Is this normal? To never know what that feels like?

Updates

+1 y

For example, if I were stepping on someone's toes, make someone cry and still nothing registers in my mind. I feel nothing but indifference at the whole situation. I still won't understand why I'm suppose to feel bad.
There are days where I wish I knew how those feelings feel like.

[FlirtWithMeeee]

Interesting... So you lack empathy. I would say that is not healthy but not necessarily abnormal. Have you always been like this or did this start happening after an event in your life? I think many children are this way at first. They have to learn to see from another's point of view and learn to feel how they would feel themselves if this bad thing, whatever it was happened to them.

[Asker]

I've always been this way even as a child. I used to be a bit of a school bully and would push a couple classmates off their swings and laugh. The older I got, the less direct I was and eventually I learned how to control myself and adapt to social norms.

Though I was told by my mother of these two incidents I still have no recollection at all:
- Witnessing (I was a couple days shy of my 5th b-day) my playmate getting ran over by a van and all the blood. Supposedly I was crying for days and my parents tried to get me to forget about it, deleting her memory, pictures, everything that was a trigger. Eventually I forgot it and don't remember it.
- Age 5 years and 9 months:
I was with my two older cousins playing around when suddenly an accident happened. I fell down the stairs hard and had stitches required on my forehead. It was then that after that incident, I started changing and got more distant and not emotional anymore. I don't remember this also but do have the scars.

[FlirtWithMeeee]

This is why I asked if you've always have been like this. I went through a period of losing someone not long ago and the the circumstances hurt bad. I was numb for over a year. During that time I really didn't feel any emotions. I had to tell myself your supposed to feel this way or that at particular. Moments. During this time when my grandma passed away, I felt nothing. It was weird. It honestly sounds like you have some repressed issues and if you really want to feel empathy again, because of the triggering events so long ago, you may need to talk to someone.

[codycccccccccc]

You on the spectrum of anti social personality disorder

[Asker]

I scored a 28/40 on a long psychopathy online assessment. I guess I'll just live with accepting I'm different and continue living a normal life. Well close to normalcy.

[codycccccccccc]

1% of people including myself are psychopaths and 5% are sociopaths so your in good company

[Taylor_C]

That is typical of a psychopat. Some of those can learn to behave in a socially acceptable manner, and maybe you´re one of those.

[Asker]

Yeah pretty much. I scored a 28/40 on the psychopathy exam. I'll accept I'm different then and focus on living close to normalcy.

[sjoes006]

Sounds normal. Doesn’t meet criteria for Anti-Social PD, Sociopath or Psychopathy.

[itsthatgurl]

Registered psychopath lol jk

[Asker]

Ok. I don't know. I'm going to test myself online.

[J3nny]

have you seen a therapist? it’s not normal.

[Asker]

Never seen one but I suppose it might be helpful.

[Harmseygrace]

I got upset seeing a random lady cry 😂

[Asker]

I feel indifference when I see people cry.

[Harmseygrace]

Geez Louise

[Anonymous]

Yep you’re basically a serial killer at this point

[Asker]

I have no urges to commit crimes though.

[Anonymous]

Yikes

[Asker]

Well some days I have wonder what feeling guilt and remorse is like so I can't be that bad just different from others.