I don’t understand why I feel guilty?

[Anonymous]

I’ll make a long story short. I’ve been with my partner for 3yrs (married for 1yr). At the almost 2yr mark, I caught him drunk calling his ex, cheating on me with multiple prostit***, the Asian massage parlor next door to his business and he admitted he went to a person from his pasts house and had s** with her (I think it’s his ex that he knows I don’t like at all but he won’t tell me who til this day. Mind you his ex is the only person on his block lists.)

I also didn’t find out he cheated and then he kept cheating. I found out only 1 time and that 1 time showed me everything of all the times he had cheated if that makes sense. I left for a few days and he kept crying and begging for me back and told his family what he did to me in front of me and asked for forgiveness and took accountability and said he realized he truly loved me and wanted to show me.

Bought me a ring and we got married 3 months later. Now it’s been 1yr married and I just can’t let the pain go. I can’t stop thinking about how he cheated on me and wonder too if it was with the ex he knows I hated (I have my reasons).

Those 2yrs, I was always helping take care of his 2 kids on top of my own child. Picking them up from school, watching them when he was working, taking them to soccer, paying half the rent, cooking everyday, cleaning our 4 bedroom house, doing all the laundry.

I feel like I didn’t deserve any of that. All that I did and he was fuck*** people behind my back and coming home to cooked meals and bringing me flowers. I’m just so hurt. I’m stupid for marrying him I know. I’ve left again and it’s been 2 weeks. He keeps begging for me and showed up to my family’s house crying to me last night. He keeps guilt tripping me and holding it against me that I got married to him and we need to work on our marriage and save it.

I hate him so much for what he did to me. I hate him for that. Thinking of him sleeping with other women hurts me so bad… but why do I feel so guilty for leaving?

[madhatters4]

you feel guilty because you got married to him and then broke your marriage vows.

i agree you shouldn't have married him but it is really murky to get married to a guy and then leave him over stuff he did prior to the marriage THAT you knew about before you married him... know what i mean?

Now i don't know that you should be with him but i'm explaining why you may feel guilty. Basically he came forth with the truth, you apparently forgave him enough to accept his proposal. you went through all the effort both tangible and intangible of getting married and now you want to break it off

it's a very tough situation because i also wouldn't want to be with him. i wouldn't trust him. i would guess that, considering the amount of cheating he was doing, that he's still or is going to cheat on you. i would have an impossible time trusting him.

but your guilt is probably in the fact that you forgave but are now penalizing him for something you had forgiven, either explicitly or implicitly by agreeing to get married

[RavVid]

Infidelity might be nominally forgiven but never really is and certainly not forgotten. It just can't be forgotten.

From what you are saying there has been multiple infidelity. So I think it is better for you to walk.

As to why you feel guilty I can only assume you take marriage seriously and guilt at ending it. But you shouldn't.

[RavVid]

Thanks for a mho

[Nikki1989]

You should never have been with that trash in the first place. Live and learn. Many men are garbage no woman needs.

[Master_Debator]

"next door to his business" -I'm not going to judge him harshly until I judge you. You picked this man and you obviously see issues, but... why are you really with him?

You don't like the situation, but you like something about it don't you? That's the reason you're there. Check yourself... that's all I got to say.

[Asker]

I left 2 weeks and I’m not going back and filing for divorce. I’m starting to finally not feel guilty anymore. I stayed because I felt stuck because I moved and adjusted my whole life for him and besides the cheating, he was your typical “good man” on the outside and in everyone else’s eyes. But it’s okay. You live and you learn and I learned my lesson when it comes to liars and what love truly is.

[Master_Debator]

Perhaps you could teach other women what his pickup game was and what the wolf was like behind sheeps clothing. Like expose exactly how you got pulled into that situation.

[Shy-boy53]

You didn’t deserve any of that! You sound like a very genuine person. You have every right to feel the way you do

[slatyb]

I don't understand why you are still with him.