You need to seek help for your mental illness
I already am. It doesn't work.
Well at least you tried
I’m so sorry you had to see your mom like that. It’s damn hard
I'm glad I was there to say goodby in private. But yeah, I was torn up. I loved my mom dearly.
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When I was five years old I watched as a little kid my age fell into freshly laid asphalt and a steam roller backed over him. I had been watching the construction from three doors down through binoculars. They couldn't hear my screams. My Mom ran upstairs to my room to find out what I was screaming about and by then I was catatonic and stayed that way for almost two days. I just completely shut down mentally and emotionally for those two days. No matter how loudly I screamed the driver of that steam roller couldn't hear me. They didn't notice until they had backed all the way to the other side and saw him laying there completely flattened unrecognizable as ever having been human. It took about a minute for them to roll over him and for him to come out the other side and that's how long it took for my mother to get upstairs and yank the binoculars out of my hand and then look at what I was looking at then she started screaming. I've seen too many dead people. What really made me numb to it was working at a crematorium in my 40's. But when I was 27 a woman jumped to her death from about 20 stories and landed about 20 feet in front of me. People always talk about bodies going splat but they don't they go BANG! like you described a sack of potatoes but from really high up. Funny she didn't scream coming down. But she made a very loud outcry the moment she hit the pavement but was dead I am sure before she was done making that sound. She might not have been conscious as she did. She landed all twisted up with bones sticking out and her head was pretty smashed. I had nightmares for weeks after that.